


Champagne Kisses

by AgentExile



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (Mild Slow Burn?), Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, CEO Lucas, M/M, PA Jungwoo, Romance, Secret Relationship, Self-Acceptance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-27 11:59:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 104,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15024125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentExile/pseuds/AgentExile
Summary: Wong Yukhei seems to have the perfect life: he’s the CEO of a multinational corporation, owner of a handsome collection of sports cars, and the tabloids’ poster-boy for excess. He plays hard, drinks heavy, and he hasn’t dated since… ever.The fact is he’s so deep in the closet that he can’t even admit the truth to himself.That is, until he hires the down-and-out but unswervingly kind-hearted homebody, Kim Jungwoo, as his new Personal Assistant.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello lovelies!  
> This fic takes place in the same universe as my story Living Costs, though it’s a couple of years before those events and stands alone, so there’s no need to have read (or indeed ever read) LC to follow.  
> As a C/W, this will include themes of internalised homophobia and struggles for self-acceptance, but it’s not a heavy-heavy angst fic, there are just... angst moments <3  
> Characters are age-swapped – Yukhei is two years older. Ages are never canon in my fics, sorry…  
> xx

_‘You’re qualified, Jungwoo, over-qualified. Don’t sweat it. Just be yourself.’_

   Jungwoo took a deep breath, nodding before remembering that his friend couldn’t see him. ‘Thanks, Kun,’ he murmured down the phone. It was four years since he’d finished college, since he’d moved out of the dorm room they’d shared from the first day of freshman year, but he still called him every time he was nervous. ‘I just really need this job.’

   It was true.

   He’d been two weeks into a new lease on the apartment he couldn’t quite afford when the company he’d worked for had plummeted under in a wave of scandal. Four years he’d spent working his way up, and twenty-one days after being promoted to his dream-job, it had been snatched away from him.

   And now no one was hiring from the firm that shot itself in the face.

   He’d considered taking it off his résumé altogether. Four years unemployed seemed a better history than _that place_.

   ‘ _You’ll get it, hun, just think positive. No one can resist your smile.’_

   Jungwoo looked down. He thought about telling Kun that he didn’t think that was going to work this time – that he’d seen the photos of the guy he was interviewing for in the magazines… that he suspected Wong Yukhei was far more likely to want a Personal Assistant who was young, pretty, and distinctly _female_. But he bit it all back, because he didn’t even want to think about it when he _really needed this job_. Besides, he did his very best never to pre-judge people.

   ‘ _Call me after_ ,’ said Kun, ‘ _promise_?’

   ‘I’ll call,’ Jungwoo assured him.

   He’d spent most of the morning changing his outfit. He’d tried five different suits before settling on this one, and every time he walked to the door, anxious to get to his interview _very_ early, he kept turning around to change again. His wardrobe, thankfully, was full of business-wear – years at Arizon had guaranteed that – though he had the distinct hunch that Wong Yukhei would probably be wearing a more expensive fit than him.

   In the end, he had gone for something that he hoped would make him stand out in the right ways. He had more statement jackets – Jungwoo liked colour, bold cuts, interesting fabrics – but he wanted to look professional in the sense of… deference. If he was going to get this job, he knew that he’d spend his life slightly to the _side_ of his boss – Yukhei would always need to be the centre of attention. So he had chosen a plain black suit, with just the right lines to draw attention to his looks.

   Jungwoo had always been handsome, after all. Even when he was a little kid, strangers had stopped his mother to marvel at the child with the face of an angel. So he’d learned to highlight this. _He_ would never hire someone based on the way they looked – he couldn’t care less about that kind of thing – but he knew that in a fickle job market, it was a strength he should play on.

   The drive to the headquarters of Neo Culture Technology, Wong Yukhei’s outrageously successful domain, was short. One of the reasons his apartment was draining his funds was because he’d moved so deep into the city. According to the recruitment specialist he’d been dialoguing with, he’d be able to park in the building’s basement lot, though, which was a plus – he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to stretch to the vulgar cost of parking in central Seoul.

   Ten minutes later, as he stared at himself in his rear-view-mirror, he was just about ready to turn back.

   He couldn’t do it.

   He wasn’t built to be a PA.

   He was shy – everyone called him sensitive – he wasn’t sure he’d be able to deal with being yelled at by some millionaire. Not when he still welled up at the slightest glimpse of confrontation.

   But he really needed the paycheque.

   And maybe it would be fun. It was a change, after all.

   ‘You can do it,’ he said to himself, nodding at his own reflection. ‘You just have to get through these few months. Just think positive.’

   _Just think positive._

He’d been thinking positive his entire life, and it had landed him with no job and a lease he couldn’t afford.

   God, he needed this job.

   As he walked towards the underground entrance to the building, he _almost_ turned back again. Right beside the entrance, there were three cordoned off parking spaces. On the left, a very clean-cut, sleek, black _Aston Martin_ , the space marked with a number 10. On the right, a midnight blue saloon _Bentley_ with blacked-out windows, clearly chauffeur driven because the driver was leant against the pillar beside it, enjoying a cigarette. That space was marked KDY. And in the middle?

   It was a flashy thing, not to Jungwoo’s liking.

   _Everyone is entitled to their own tastes, Jungwoo,_ he reminded himself.

   Yellow, with chrome plated wheels. Signature _Lamborghini._ Space marked CEO. Jungwoo tried not to dwell on the fact that he was the only one who had marked himself by his title.

   He forced himself to keep walking.

   ‘Kim Jungwoo? Do follow me.’

   The receptionist from the main desk led him to a private elevator, and up into a wide, modern-designed waiting room that was housing a small collection of people who could only be his competitors.

   As he’d expected… they were all women.

   And all attractive.

   ‘Sumi, can you call the Shanghai office and ask them to conference in at… 12:20? That gives me exactly thirteen minutes for lunch.’

   Jungwoo looked over at the man speaking. He was leant across the long, white reception desk talking to one of the secretaries, one leg crooked so that he could tap absentmindedly on the floor with the toe of his boot. This was… _Ten_. Jungwoo had done his research, never knowing what he might be asked at interview. The CFO. He knew, too, that Kim Dongyoung wouldn’t be far away, the third and final puzzle piece in the creation of Korea’s fastest growing company.

   To his surprise, Ten glanced over his shoulder and gave him an appraising look before turning and settling his elbows back against the counter. ‘Can I help you?’ he asked, face inquisitive.

   ‘I’m… I’m here to interview for the position,’ said Jungwoo. His mouth suddenly seemed very dry. It was intimidating, to be under the gaze of someone quite so… extraordinary. Because all of them were extraordinary – that much was fact. To have achieved what they had at this age… it was unbelievable.

   ‘Yukhei’s position?’ Ten said, raising his eyebrows in mild surprise, before looking back at the twelve or so women that had also been shortlisted. ‘Interesting.’

   ‘Is it?’ he said, anxiety riddling his voice.

   Ten smiled. ‘When you look at the same four walls fourteen hours a day, any new face is interesting.’

   Jungwoo knew that wasn’t what he’d meant, but he was thankful for the falsehood.

   ’12:20,’ Ten said, looking back at the lady he’d been talking to before walking over to one of the offices and closing the door firmly behind him.

   Jungwoo dropped nervously down into his seat, fiddling with the cuffs of his shirt.

   He watched the women disappear for their interviews one by one, taken into the office with the biggest _door_. None of them seemed to be in there very long – one left after less than a _minute_. Jungwoo smiled politely whenever anyone spoke to him – whenever he was offered coffee, whenever he was asked his name for the third or fourth time. It wasn’t a strategy, he just liked people. He’d never seen the point in being anything other than affable.

   When all of the other candidates had gone, he sat nervously, trying not to fidget.

   ‘Kim Jungwoo?’

   ‘Yes,’ he confirmed for about the tenth time, standing up.

   ‘Go on in,’ the lady from behind the desk said to him, giving him a reassuring smile.

   He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second to steady himself, giving a light knock on the door before entering.

   He was assaulted immediately by an excess of things to look at, but he tried very hard not to look around. He needed to concentrate on the man in front of him. Still, he caught about a thousand different things at first glance.

   Wong Yukhei’s office was less of an office, and more of a… a what? An astonishingly ostentatious junk shop?

   He had so much _stuff._

There was a desk – oversized and at a lopsided angle that looked unintentional. It was mahogany, though you’d have to look closely to notice, such was the abundance of material strewn across the surface. There was everything you’d expect – a huge computer with two monitors, stacks of folders and files tumbling over one another, and at least seven coffee mugs crammed in amongst the chaos. But there was also a model of a plane hanging from the ceiling like a child’s bedroom, that Jungwoo had to duck to avoid, and several collectible model cars in glass cases propped on every free surface. In the waste-paper basket, there were empty beer cans. Two pizza boxes were leant against one wall, clearly too large for the trash, and up above them there were posters of sport-stars and musicians, like you’d find in a college dorm room.

   For a moment, Jungwoo was thrown completely off-kilter.

   He’d known Yukhei was notorious, but he hadn’t realised that it was because he was quite so… eccentric.

   Was this really where he met business associates?

   All of this shot through his mind in a split second before he forced himself to look at the man behind the chaos.

   Wong Yukhei.

   He was housed in a massive, brown-leather chair, feet crossed on the desk as he lounged back, looking at his phone.

   He was… handsome.

   Very handsome.

   So handsome that Jungwoo had to swallow and remind himself that this was a job interview.

   The photos didn’t do him justice.

   He had very large, very dark eyes, framed by a strong brow, and such perfect lips that Jungwoo had to try very hard not to stare. His hair was floppy, boyish, dyed light brown, and the bangs fell forwards into his eyes when he looked up from his phone. ‘Hello?’

   Jungwoo stared again. ‘Kim Jungwoo,’ he announced himself, bowing low.

   ‘Jung… Jung…’ the man murmured, looking down at one of the crumpled pieces of paper on his desk.

   ‘I’m here about the job,’ he supplied.

   ‘Oh, _oh_! I thought we were done.’ To Jungwoo’s surprise, his face broke into a broad smile. It was one of the most magnetic, generous, _contagious_ smiles that he’d ever seen. The photos didn’t do that justice either. ‘Well I hope you’re more engaging than the rest of them. Take a seat.’

   Jungwoo stepped over to the smaller chair opposite the desk. A jacket, tweed and no doubt grossly expensive, was hooked over the back. He imagined that it belonged to the man in front of him.

   ‘You’re a boy.’

   Jungwoo paused, unsure what to say to that. It had also been a while since someone had last called him a _boy_ , but there was such a playful edge in this guy’s eyes that the diminutive didn’t actually surprise him. ‘When I last checked, yes,’ he said, smiling.

   ‘Interesting.’

   The second time someone had said that to him today.

   ‘Mr Wong,’ he began, ‘I - ’

   He waved his hand quickly, interrupting. ‘Don’t call me that. My name is Yukhei.’

   ‘Y-Yukhei,’ he said, finding it strange to use his given name. ‘Your recruitment director told me to bring a copy of my résumé.’ He held out the folder.

   ‘Oh yeah,’ said Yukhei, leaning over and taking it from him. ‘Bless him, he knows me too well. I’d have lost it by now if he’d sent it straight to me.’ He flicked open the first page, eyes scanning very quickly. ‘You worked for Arizon?’

   Always the catch. Jungwoo nodded anxiously.

   Yukhei, though, didn’t seem to make much of it. ‘Administrative Co-ordinator. You’re over-qualified,’ he said, ‘what the hell made you apply for a job as a PA?’

   Jungwoo shifted in his seat. ‘I… I fancied a change…’ he trailed off.

   He watched as Yukhei read the rest of the document, eyes unreadable. ‘Graduated summa cum laude… You studied Literature?’

   ‘Mm, I - ’

   ‘So did I,’ Yukhei mused, ‘for a semester. I changed my major more times than I changed my clothes at college.’

   Jungwoo found himself strangely drawn to a smile. He could tell immediately that Wong Yukhei was the sort of company with whom it was difficult to get a word in edgeways. Not that it would be a problem – Jungwoo had always been quiet.

   Yukhei looked up, eyes searching over him, as though analysing every feature. Jungwoo had the distinct impression that he was being… evaluated. Yukhei might be eccentric, loud, known for his raucous parties, but he hadn’t made it onto the _Forbes_ rich-list for nothing. 

   ‘Why are you here, Kim Jungwoo?’

   ‘I - ’ As their eyes met, Jungwoo found it… impossible, to lie to him. There was just something about him. Maybe it was the candidness, the aggressive openness of Yukhei’s personality. He just couldn’t hide from it. ‘I lost everything when Arizon went under. They were the only firm I’d ever worked for. And no one wants to hire the chief administrator from a company caught stealing their employees’ pensions.’

   Yukhei narrowed his eyes. ‘ _No one_?’

   ‘It’s a pretty big screw up,’ Jungwoo sighed.

   ‘Did you know?’

   ‘About the embezzlement?’

   ‘No, about the fairies in the basement. _Of course_ about the embezzlement,’ Yukhei rolled his eyes, but he was smiling openly, fumbling around the table for a coffee cup that still had some contents.

   ‘No,’ said Jungwoo, in complete honesty.

   ‘Did you miss something obvious?’

   ‘No,’ he said again, ‘I didn’t even have access to those accounts.’

   ‘Then what’s the problem?’ Yukhei said, as though the notion that everyone else had rejected him for this terrible association was completely confuddling.

   This was… not how he’d predicted this would go. He didn’t know what to say. The combination of not having interviewed for a job in four years, with the bizarre setting, with the fact that he was very, _very_ attracted to the interviewer, had left him lost for words.

   ‘Do you like football, Jungwoo?’

   ‘I… what?’

   ‘Football. Soccer. Do you like it?’

   ‘Uh, yes,’ he said nervously, ‘I’m a City fan.’

   ‘What about cars?’

   ‘I don’t know much about them, but I can… learn.’

   ‘Video games?

   ‘Love them.’

   ‘Do you keep strict hours?’

   Jungwoo raised his eyebrows, dumbfounded.

   ‘I mean do you have to eat and sleep and shower at specific times or what?’

   ‘I… not particularly.’

   ‘Good. Pizza?’

   ‘I… it’s great, I guess.’

   ‘Drinking? Don’t tell me you’re teetotal?’

   He laughed softly, shaking his head. ‘No, I’m not. Look, Mr Wong - ’ He really needed to shift this conversation back to business.

   ‘Yukhei.’

   ‘Look, Yukhei, I… I’m here because I _really_ need this job. I - ’

   ‘Oh you’ve got the job,’ said Yukhei, waving away his words with a lazy hand. ‘I like you. You’re in. What was your salary at Arizon?’

   Jungwoo stared at him, breath catching in his throat. He couldn’t believe it. Surely it hadn’t been that… easy? His heart pounded against his chest, relief flooding down to his fingertips. He hadn’t even thought about salary… anything was better than nothing right now. Still, he pulled out the figure, praying upon praying that this might be able to match it.

   ‘Alright, double it,’ said Yukhei.

   Jungwoo almost choked on the breath he’d been holding.

   ‘I don’t want you to be tempted away, after all. You’ll have to sign an NDA. You know what that is?’

   He nodded quickly.

   ‘And you’ll need to start… round about…’ Yukhei checked his watch. ‘Can you do tonight?’

   Jungwoo nodded again, trying to keep his heart rate under control.

   ‘Excellent,’ Yukhei beamed. ‘Come back here at six o’clock. I’d print up your contract, but I suppose that’s your job now… being my PA and all.’

   Jungwoo laughed – he felt more… relaxed… than he had in weeks. It was as though a terrible weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

   ‘You must excuse me, I have an appointment at 1.’

   ‘Oh yeah, yes,’ Jungwoo stammered. ‘Thank you… thank you so much.’ He knew that it was evident in his voice how desperate he’d been, but he didn’t care. His life had just all but resolved itself in front of his eyes and he couldn’t help it. ‘Thank you.’

   ‘See you tonight, Kim Jungwoo,’ said Yukhei, pulling his phone back out of his pocket, propping his feet back up on the desk, and not even looking at him again.

   Jungwoo, figuring that this was his (albeit strange) cue to leave, stood up, giving another quick bow before exiting the room.

   Anxious to look professional, he managed to wait until he got to the elevator before pulling out his phone. His friend picked up on the first ring. ‘Kun, Kun, you’re never going to believe what happened!’

*

   Yukhei looked up, not used to someone knocking on his door when he wasn’t due an appointment. He had a clear afternoon, though he’d invented a meeting to bring an end to his conversation with Kim Jungwoo… Jungwoo… He’d never done this job, but he’d do. Yukhei liked him. He hadn’t liked any of the others. It was simple. Nothing weird about it.

   But he’d still wanted a moment to breathe by himself.

   Which was why he pulled a face at Ten when he opened the door. ‘What?’ he said, chucking his phone down on the desk.

   Ten closed the door behind him, leaning back against it.

   They’d been friends for so many years that Yukhei had little difficulty reading Ten’s facial expressions. Sometimes it was a frustration: starting a company with your two best friends made it very hard to keep anything to yourself.

   Right now, there was a smirk playing around his lips.

   ‘Given the amount of time he just spent in your office, I’m guessing you’re hiring the boy?’ said Ten.

   ‘Yep,’ Yukhei shrugged. ‘What of it?’

   ‘Nothing. He just wasn’t what I imagined when you said you wanted a PA.’

   ‘The others were clout-chasers,’ said Yukhei, ‘desperate to rise up the ladder. They’d have left after a year. This one seems loyal.’

   ‘What’s his name?’

   ‘Jungwoo.’

   ‘He’s very handsome, isn’t he?’ Ten said, voice quiet – even… experimental.

   They both jumped as one of Yukhei’s feet slipped off his desk with a crash. ‘Oh, _oh_ ,’ he said quickly, ‘is he? I wouldn’t… I didn’t notice. I mean that’s more… your area, after all.’

   Ten smiled, something hovering around his eyes that, for once, Yukhei couldn’t quite read. Then again, Ten had always been the slightly more impenetrable of his friends. ‘Yes, I suppose it is.’

   ‘Did you need something, Tennie? I have a bunch of calls to make and I need to arrange my flight to Tokyo next week.’

   ‘Don’t you have a PA to be doing all that now?’

   Yukhei looked at him, very aware of _all the questions_. ‘Well yeah, yeah I guess so.’

   Ten was right.

   But Yukhei thought that it might just take a while to get used to having Jungwoo around.

   When Ten left, he looked back to his phone, musing over his words. 

   ‘Handsome?’ he murmured aloud. ‘I suppose...’ He shook his head, quite hard, as though trying to rid himself of the thought. He shouldn’t be thinking about a new employee like that. Especially not when that employee was… was a _guy_.

   Jungwoo was the best man for the job.

   That was why he’d hired him.

   The only reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	2. Chapter 2

  ‘Stay calm, it’s just a job. Stay calm…’ Jungwoo gave himself a renewed pep talk as he walked through the car park for the second time in one day. Over the course of the afternoon he’d grown more and more nervous about the evening, suddenly wondering exactly what his new boss would need so specifically that same night when he hadn’t even signed a contract yet.

   The man in question was sat back against the bonnet of his car, talking to someone who was stood with his back turned.

   ‘Alright, well make sure you don’t go too hard, Yukhei,’ the man said, weight angled on one leg in a pointed stance, ‘we’ve got Elius coming in at ten, remember?’

   ‘Yeah, yeah, I’ll be back. Have I ever missed a meeting, Doyoung?’

   ‘Not yet.’

   Jungwoo cleared his throat, not wanting to seem like he was eavesdropping.

   Kim Dongyoung, bona fide genius and world-class developer, turned to look with raised eyebrows. Yukhei’s face, on the other hand, lit up dramatically at the sight of him.

   ‘Alright, Jungwoo!’

   ‘Hello Mr Wong,’ he said nervously.

   ‘ _Please_ don’t call me that oh my _God_! This is Jungwoo, bro, my new PA,’ he said to Doyoung.

   ‘You’ve got a PA now?’

   ‘I’ve been interviewing all day, mate, who did you _think_ all those people were in the office?’

   ‘I thought maybe they were auditioning for a date,’ Doyoung shrugged, but he gave Jungwoo a genuine, welcoming smile. ‘Welcome to the family, Jungwoo. I’m sure you’ll find working under Yukhei most… exhilarating.’

   Yukhei shoved him on the shoulder, but he was grinning. ‘You sure I can’t convince you to come? You haven’t seen them in _years_ , and Ten’s already bailed on me.’

   ‘Jae’s making samgyeopsal,’ said Doyoung.

   ‘Tell him to come too!’

   ‘Hmm,’ Doyoung feigned pondering, ‘date night with the love of my life… his cooking, probably our favourite movie, sex on the couch… _or_ … about ten hours of your diabolical driving, and an apocalyptic hangover to match?’

   ‘Suit yourself,’ Yukhei shrugged. ‘Enjoy the sex.’

   ‘Oh I will,’ said Doyoung, lips twitching to a smile.

   ‘Come on, Woo,’ said Yukhei happily, apparently completely unphased. He looked him up and down. ‘Jacket off.’

   ‘What?’ Jungwoo squeaked.

   Yukhei walked over to him, muscling his jacket off one shoulder. Stunned, Jungwoo quickly obliged, pulling the blazer off and staring at him. ‘You won’t be needing it.’

   ‘Oh… oh okay.’

   ‘Have fun, boys,’ Doyoung smirked, giving them a light wave before walking to his own car.

   ‘You a good driver?’

   ‘I think so.’ Jungwoo was a _safe_ driver. A stickler for the rules. And he didn’t like going fast. He wasn’t sure how that was going to fly with Wong Yukhei.

   ‘Good, because you’re gonna need to drive me home later,’ Yukhei said, tone business-like.

   ‘In _this_?’ Jungwoo stammered, looking at the yellow flash of grandeur in front of him.

   ‘No, in a wheelbarrow,’ he rolled his eyes. It was amazing how he could bring out the sarcasm and yet never seem to offend. He always just looked like he was playing – perhaps it was the contagious smile he wore full-time.

   ‘Where are we going?’

   ‘Gwangju.’

   ‘ _Gwangju?’_ Jungwoo choked. They were _driving_ to the other side of the _country?_

‘It’s about 3 hours. Less when I’m driving,’ Yukhei smiled. ‘We’ll get there just when the party’s kicking off.’

   Jungwoo stared, then gulped. He had the feeling that life with Yukhei wasn’t going be like anything he’d ever experienced before.

*

   Somewhere along an extraordinarily long stretch of road, Jungwoo finally dared to voice the anxiety that had been playing on his mind the whole drive.

   ‘Mr – _Yukhei_ ,’ Jungwoo corrected quickly. ‘I was just wondering… what exactly is my job description?’

   Yukhei looked over, and instantly he wished that he hadn’t asked because all of a sudden his new boss didn’t seem very interested in paying attention to the _road_. ‘Oh I don’t know,’ he shrugged, ‘I haven’t really thought about it. I just figured since I’m so super important these days that I should have one – everyone else in my industry does. I’ve just never got around to it.’

   Jungwoo felt himself start to smile. There was something so loveably childlike about Yukhei, the way that he seemed to cruise through life in his _Lamborghini_ worrying about nothing.

   ‘What do _you_ think your job description should be?’

   ‘Oh… I… I don’t know. I’ve never done this either,’ Jungwoo mumbled.

   ‘Excellent,’ Yukhei beamed. ‘Then we’ll embark on this journey _recklessly_ together.’

   Despite his reticence, all of his anxieties about what doing this job might entail before showing up to the interview, Jungwoo couldn’t help but feel strangely excited now. Despite his _very_ fast driving, and his apparent cluelessness about everything in the world except his business, Yukhei made him feel strangely… safe – as though nothing bad could happen in the presence of someone so infectiously optimistic.

   ‘Duties _could_ include…’ Yukhei continued, ‘… driving me home from parties; getting me drinks – and I’m selective, so you’ll need to learn my coffee orders; taking my phone calls, _especially_ if they’re from DY and Ten because I’ve spoken to them quite enough over the years. That’s a joke, by the way, I love those boys, put them straight through. Oh and _please_ make my dinner reservations for me because I’m far too indecisive, I can never choose between Chinese or Japanese or Korean for dinner and - ’

   ‘Chinese,’ Jungwoo said softly.

   ‘Huh?’

   ‘I like Chinese food.’ He didn’t even know what made him say it. If it wouldn’t have been even more embarrassing, he would have clapped a hand over his mouth. It had just slipped out. Slipped out as though he was recommending his boss where to take him on a _date_.

   Yukhei looked at him, eyes widened slightly in surprise, then smiled. ‘Me too. Chinese it is, for the next one.’

   Jungwoo blushed, then resumed his looking out at the scenery because he really did want Yukhei to concentrate on the road.

*

   Yukhei wasn’t wrong about his driving.

   They did get there in less than three hours.

   ‘Oh my God!’ Yukhei shouted, as soon as he burst through the doors of the club.

   They’d skipped straight past the block-long queue outside, Jungwoo scurrying along in Yukhei’s well-versed wake, the latter crashing into the venue with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. Jungwoo figured that this was how Yukhei travelled everywhere.

   ‘Lucas!’ A voice bellowed back, over the pounding of the music.

   Jungwoo looked over his shoulder, as though expecting someone else to appear, but to his surprise the man who approached them threw his arms around Yukhei.

   ‘ _Hyung_ ,’ Yukhei beamed, hugging the guy very tightly. ‘What’s up?’

   ‘I didn’t think you’d make it!’

   ‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world, bro.’

   ‘Who’s this?’ said the stranger, clapping his hands down on Yukhei’s shoulders as they pulled apart before turning to Jungwoo.

   Jungwoo stared, trying to get a proper look at the guy as the strobes flashed. He seemed to be about his height, definitely smaller than Yukhei, attractive and dressed very sharply, and very _boldly_. He was wearing a full royal blue suit with a flamboyant corsage sticking out of his chest pocket.

   ‘This is Jungwoo,’ Yukhei shouted, leaning in close to his ear, ‘he’s my new PA.’

   ‘You got a PA? Good boy,’ said his friend, ‘I always said you have too much on your plate!’

   ‘Jungwoo, this is Kang Daesung,’ said Yukhei, now leaning in to him instead.

   ‘Nice to meet you,’ Jungwoo said politely, wondering whether _all_ of Yukhei’s friends were as loud as him. Maybe he sought out kindred spirits.

   ‘Where’s the birthday boy?’ yelled Yukhei.

   ‘Upstairs – we’re gonna go to Ji’s in a bit. You up for it?’

   ‘I just drove three hours, hyung, of course I’m up for it! That okay with you, Jungwoo?’ he said, turning to him with sweet eyes that almost suggested he could say _no_.

   Jungwoo had no idea who _Ji_ was, or indeed whose birthday they were celebrating, but he nodded, conjuring a smile.

   They were led up a set of spiralling stairs to a cordoned off area of the club, with its own bouncer checking names before letting people through.

   ‘He’s with me!’ Yukhei yelled, throwing an arm around Jungwoo’s shoulder and pushing him through the velvet ropes in front of him.

   Yukhei’s friends were…

   The sort of people that Jungwoo had never expected to meet.

   In his life.

   Yukhei and Daesung handed Jungwoo around the room, introducing him to everyone from the bodyguards dotted amongst the revellers, to the one person in the room that really didn’t need introducing.

   Kwon Jiyong.

   No one in Korea needed introducing to him.

   He was just about the most famous songwriter in the country.

   Jungwoo swallowed, bowing low and rapidly, but the man just smiled gently at him before looking back to his phone, feet tucked on his chair.

   There were a couple of other businessmen, but they were very much like Yukhei – loud, confident, and reeking of entrepreneurship. There was the man of the hour, Youngbae, who seemed to be celebrating his birthday by getting everyone _else_ drinks. And there were eight hundred hangers-on who seemed to spend their whole time looking at the others in awe.

   It was like a different world.

   Jungwoo supposed that it was _his_ world now.

   He’d better get used to it.

   The party didn’t really get started until they moved to Jiyong’s house. Or rather, as Yukhei described it, his _Gwangju Residence._

The place was massive, all on one level but strewn across a remarkable amount of land. Yukhei took Jungwoo’s hand and dragged him immediately to the pool. Indoor, mood-lit, heated and rippling and everything that Jungwoo had only ever seen on television.

   ‘Here!’ Yukhei shouted, taking a drink from the assembled bar and holding it out to him.

   ‘I’m driving, remember?’ Jungwoo yelled back. It was the third time he’d said this so far tonight. It was so engaging to him that Yukhei had one of the world’s best business minds, and yet he forgot things he’d said within five minutes.

   ‘Oh, oh yeah,’ Yukhei smiled, ‘cool!’

   ‘I’ll get him something dry,’ said Daesung, disappearing.

   Jungwoo was almost glad that he wasn’t drinking, because it gave him the opportunity to watch as everyone else unravelled. He’d always liked to sit back and watch people – if he had the time he could sit on a park bench all day and just watch the world go by. And this was certainly the most interesting episode he’d ever seen.

   Yukhei drank heavily, though, he noticed, not as much as some of his friends. He seemed to get even louder when drunk, occupying more space, but never obnoxiously. If anything, the loss of his few inhibitions seemed to make him even more charming.  

   As the night went on, the music got bassier, and the people more outlandish. He understood, as he watched, why they did this kind of thing in someone’s house. With the number of famous faces at this party, a moment like this at a club would’ve meant a thousand headlines.

   ‘Fuck, Jungwoo,’ Yukhei slurred, late into the night, throwing an arm loosely around his shoulders. Jungwoo wobbled a little – Yukhei was very strong, and very heavy. ‘It’s really late.’

   ‘I know, boss,’ he smiled, half-holding him up.

   ‘We should… we should go,’ he said precisely, as though taking specific care over every word.

   Jungwoo looked at him in surprise. He hadn’t expected Yukhei to call for an end to the party… at all.

   ‘Can you drive me home now?’ he said, looking very queasy all of a sudden.

   ‘I don’t know if we should drive right now – you don’t want to throw up in the car,’ Jungwoo said gently, though he figured Yukhei could probably afford to have it cleaned. ‘Youngbae-hyung, do you think Yukhei would be able to stay here?’

   ‘Oh yeah,’ Youngbae shrugged, ‘I’ll go find Ji, but he won’t mind.’

   ‘ _No_ ,’ Yukhei groaned, ‘I have a meeting at ten. We need to get back tonight.’

   ‘I’ll drive you back in the morning,’ said Jungwoo, surprised by how firm his own voice was now.

   But then again, he’d always been good at dealing with people when they were like this. He’d never been averse to alcohol, but he wasn’t a _drinker,_ either. He liked a nice glass of wine in front of the television, or a beer out with his friends, but on nights out? He’d been the designated driver since college. Over the course of four years, he’d probably helped every single person in his dorm back from a party at least once.

   He was naturally caring. He’d always been that way – his mom had raised him to treat everyone else how he’d like to be treated, and he knew that if he was drunk, he wouldn’t want his friend bundling him into a claustrophobic sports car for three hours.

   _His friend_.

   He reminded himself that he was pretty sure they weren’t _there_ yet.

   ‘Hey, hyung, can Lucas and Woo stay here?’ Youngbae shouted, when Jiyong wandered into the room.

   He looked up from his phone. ‘Oh yeah,’ he said, ‘I’m flying to Thailand tomorrow, though. What time do you reckon you’ll be out?’

   ‘We’ll probably leave about six,’ Jungwoo answered, because Yukhei seemed to have given up on speech altogether.

   ‘No problem then,’ Jiyong smiled, ‘my flight is at eight.’

   Eight.

   It was already almost three a.m.

   Yukhei had a meeting in the morning in a city on the other side of the country – Jiyong had a flight to Thailand – Youngbae and the rest of them no doubt had somewhere extremely important that they needed to be in a matter of hours… It seemed that no one in Yukhei’s world needed _sleep_.

   Jungwoo did.

   His eyes were stinging, head starting to ache from the combination of the late hour with the music that had been driving all night. None of this seemed to affect the others – maybe over time you built up an immunity.

   ‘Okay, Yukhei, we’re going to stay here, alright?’ Jungwoo said very slowly. ‘And I’ll drive you home in time for your meeting, I promise.’

   ‘Whatever you say, Woo,’ Yukhei yawned, ‘you’re the boss.’

   ‘Actually…’ Jungwoo stopped himself, shaking his head instead with a smile.

   It was another twenty minutes before Jungwoo managed to tumble _his_ boss into the bed in one of Jiyong’s spare rooms. Every time they walked another few steps, someone appeared who apparently hadn’t seen Yukhei in _months_ and wanted him to go and have a drink with them.

   But Jungwoo stood strong.

   He might be quiet, prone to tears, shy even, but it was just a personality trait - he wasn’t a pushover.

   ‘Thanks, Woo,’ Yukhei mumbled when Jungwoo turned him slightly onto his side.

   ‘Make sure you stay like this,’ he said, ‘you should always sleep on your side if you’re drunk.’

   ‘Really?’ The word sounded three syllables longer than usual.

   ‘No one ever told you that?’ Jungwoo said softly. ‘Well now you know. You want some water before you sleep?’

   ‘Nah.’

   ‘You should hydrate,’ said Jungwoo, ignoring him. He knew that he should probably be doing what his boss told him, but he just couldn’t help himself once his caring instincts took over. He bustled around, wandering back out into the corridor quickly and finding a half full cup that one inhale told him was as neutral as he was going to find. ‘Here - ’ he said when he re-entered the room, but Yukhei was already snoring.

   Jungwoo watched him, for a moment, then smiled to himself, putting the drink down on the nightstand and walking over to the couch opposite the bed.

   He’d thought that this job would involve an awful lot of time on the computer, making phone-calls to obnoxious recipients, maybe picking up the odd piece of dry-cleaning, but if this was more how things were going to go, he’d be okay with it. In fact, it would play far more to his strengths.

   ‘Night, boss,’ he murmured, sitting down and tucking his feet up onto the seat.

   He checked his phone, listening to the thrum of the bass from a distance. Luckily, Jiyong’s house had a large enough footprint to place the bedrooms well away from the noise.

   He stood up once more though, only to pull the sheet a little further over Yukhei’s form.

   **Jungwoo (03:16):** These people are crazy. You wouldn’t even believe.

   He knew that Kun would be asleep, but he sent the message anyway.

   If the Jungwoo of twenty-four hours ago had predicted that he’d be sleeping on the couch of a mega-celebrity, in the room with a snoring drunken multi-millionaire, wondering how on earth he was going to keep a suped-up _Lamborghini_ under control for the three hour drive home in the morning, he would have thought himself insane.

   And yet here he was.

*

   ‘Oh _fuck_ ,’ Yukhei groaned, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.

   His mouth tasted of fucking… acetone, or something, and he felt grossly nauseated. The hangover hadn’t really hit – he obviously hadn’t been asleep long enough for the headache to find a hold, and when he sat up, the whole room span. _Yes_ , definitely still drunk.

   But drunk _where_?

   He looked around, squinting because the motion lamp on the nightstand had lit up in a glow when he’d moved.

   On the couch, there was a form curled up so small that it could have belonged to a child.

   Jungwoo.

   Why didn’t it surprise him that he slept with his knees tucked up to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around himself? It seemed like a very _Jungwoo_ way to sleep.

   ‘What you doing on the couch, Woo?’ Yukhei said out loud, stumbling over an ornamental sculpture on the ground with a considerable commotion.

   Oh, that explained where he was.

   Ji’s place was full of weird art.

   _Youngbae’s birthday._

   ‘Woo,’ he said, nudging his shoulder. ‘Woo, wake up.’

   Jungwoo opened one eye. ‘It’s not time to get up yet, boss,’ he yawned.

   ‘What you doing sleeping here?’

   ‘What do you mean?’

   Yukhei grabbed his arm, wobbling as he pulled him upright on the couch. ‘Come on, get in the bed. You can’t sleep on the couch.’

   ‘But you’re in the bed,’ said Jungwoo, as though Yukhei was some kind of giant who took up the entirety of one of Ji’s massively oversized mattresses.

   ‘So? I’m not sick, I promise,’ he said, rolling his eyes and tugging on his arm.

   Jungwoo allowed himself to be dragged over to the bed without any more protest, where Yukhei pushed him down, tucking the sheet very tightly around him.

   He himself collapsed back down on top of it. ‘Woo?’

   ‘Yes, Yukhei?’

   ‘Don’t I have a meeting in the morning?’

   ‘Yes, Yukhei.’

   ‘Don’t let me be late,’ he said, closing his eyes and listening to the rush of blood that had overtaken his ears since he’d started moving. It was as though he’d disturbed all of the settled alcohol in his bloodstream.

   ‘I won’t.’

   ‘Thanks, Jungwoo. Whatever did I do without you?’

   ‘Get some sleep, boss.’

   Yukhei lay awake for a while, though, staring up at the ceiling. His vision was slightly hazy, clouded by drink, but he was very aware of the moment that Jungwoo finally settled beside him, breath turning steady and calm. He was asleep.

   He glanced left, watching him.

   Jungwoo looked very small when he was sleeping, hair falling across his closed eyes, face relaxed and happy looking.

   Had Yukhei really only met him fifteen or so hours ago?

   He was impressed. Most people wouldn’t have survived such a baptism of fire. But then again, Yukhei knew his own life. Half the reason that he’d invited him along was to check he wouldn’t bail at the first sign of chaos. He knew that he was unpredictable, that his friends were unpredictable, that every day could take him anywhere. So he’d have to have learned sooner or later anyway. It was better to find out now whether he was made of the right stuff.

   Still, he was just glad now that he had apparently managed to find someone considerate and reliable but with a definite air of _spontaneity (_ a rare combination in his experience) to go with him wherever these crazy days led him.

   As his PA, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	3. Chapter 3

   Jungwoo jerked awake, the melodic tone of his phone right beside his ear.

   He fumbled around, grabbing the phone and switching the alarm off before it could wake Yukhei. To his relief, his boss just rolled over onto his back, shifting sleepily but not disrupting his breathing.

   Jungwoo checked the screen. It was 5:20am. He’d slept for two hours.

   He sat up carefully, extricating himself from the sheets, all twisted from where Yukhei had rolled about, and padded quietly over to the mirror.

   He looked like death.

   But he had a feeling that he probably felt better than Yukhei would when he woke up.

   The hallway outside was strewn with leftover party, but there was no one around. Jiyong must have kicked them out some time after they went to bed. The marble floors were covered in plastic cups, and even the furnishings housed empty bottles and the occasional abandoned jacket.

   Jungwoo felt like he’d woken up _28 Days Later,_ to an abandoned world, still dressed for life but empty of people.

   ‘Morning.’

   He half buckled, clutching his chest in shock as he heard the soft voice across the room when he walked into the kitchen.

   ‘Sorry, did I scare you?’

   ‘No, no, it’s fine,’ Jungwoo stammered quickly.

   Jiyong was sat at a bar table, chin rested forwards on his crossed arms.

   ‘Are you leaving this early for your flight?’ Jungwoo asked.

   The man shook his head, flicking green bangs out of his eyes. ‘Couldn’t sleep. Insomnia,’ he added, in explanation.

   It made sense. It didn’t come as much of a surprise that Kwon Jiyong might have longer waking hours than most people, what with the extraordinary opus of work that he had produced. He’d put out three lifetimes of work already.

   ‘You want me to make you a coffee?’

   Jiyong raised his eyebrows. ‘Where did Lucas pick you up?’ he asked curiously. ‘You’re very kind.’

   ‘It’s just a coffee,’ Jungwoo smiled, walking over to the complex espresso machine on the counter. ‘Why do you all call him Lucas?’ he asked.

   ‘Oh it was a nickname he picked up back at college,’ said Jiyong. ‘He likes to change his skin. You’ll find a hundred and one names if you know him long enough.’

   Jungwoo remembered what Yukhei had said about switching his major over and over at college. He did seem the type to leap from thing to thing, idea to idea – even when you were talking to him his mind always seemed to be ten minutes ahead.

   ‘Here,’ said Jungwoo, passing him one of the coffees he’d made. ‘Do you have any advil? I want to get some for him.’

   Jiyong looked at him again with that very distinct air of _curiosity._

   Was base kindness really that rare?

   ‘In that drawer.’

   ‘Thanks. Do you mind if I cook him something?’ Yukhei just seemed like the sort of person who’d want to eat through a hangover.

   ‘I don’t have much food at the minute, I’ve been travelling. But you can try,’ Jiyong shrugged. ‘Thank you for the coffee. I’m going to go and write. It was nice to meet you, Jungwoo.’

   ‘Yeah, yeah you too,’ he said, making a note to text Kun to tell him he’d made coffee for Korea’s biggest celebrity.

   Writing breakfast off as a mostly lost cause after one glance in the fridge, Jungwoo took the other coffee instead and walked back to the bedroom, finding that Yukhei had rolled onto his front.

   ‘Boss,’ he murmured, giving his shoulder a small shake. ‘Mr Wong.’

   Yukhei groaned.

   ‘Sir I brought you a coffee.’

   ‘ _Fuck_ ,’ Yukhei moaned, shoving his face into the pillow. ‘Fuck fuck _fuck_.’

   ‘I put an advil on the table.’

   ‘Fuck.’

   Jungwoo bit his lip, almost wanting to laugh. Drinking looked fun, but he was always glad when he was the one who woke up with a clear head the next day. ‘If you don’t want the coffee, I can get you water and you can sleep in the car. I’ve just got to get you there.’

   ‘Shower,’ Yukhei mumbled, voice muffled by the pillow. ‘I need to shower. Clients.’

   ‘Okay.’

   ‘There are clothes in my car.’

   ‘Okay.’

   He rolled over, eyes nudging gradually open. ‘Thanks for the painkillers.’

   ‘No problem, boss.’

*

   It was ten past six by the time they got into the car.

   And twenty past six by the time Jungwoo managed to get out of the gates without stalling.

   He’d never driven an engine like this.

   After a while though, he just about succeeded in getting the thing under control, and he started to realise why people like Yukhei drove cars like this. On the straight, when he didn’t have to think too hard, it was like a dream.

   Yukhei was quiet, one foot propped up against the high dashboard, reading through a stack of papers that he’d obviously left in the back of the car. He looked like a new man, fresh from the shower, hair neat enough, in a crisp white shirt, although his tie was currently loose over his collar.

   You’d have to look close to notice the crease in one half of his forehead where he was obviously feeling the pang of a headache.

   This clearly wasn’t his first rodeo.

   ‘Mr Wong, did you want me to sit in? Take your notes, or…?’

   Yukhei looked up. ‘If you call me Mr Wong one more time I’m going to grab the wheel and drive us off the overpass.’

   ‘Sorry, Yukhei.’

   ‘But don’t worry about the meeting. Go home,’ he yawned, ‘there’s no point in both of us being tired.’

   ‘Really?’

   ‘Yeah, it’s cool. I’ve lasted this far without help, I can handle one more day. Besides, you’re not technically on the clock yet. HR will send you a contract, by the way.’

   ‘Thanks boss.’

   ‘You’re thanking me? I should be thanking you for last night.’

   ‘Just doing my job.’

   ‘Above and beyond, Woo, above and beyond.’

*

   ‘You’ve got that gleam in your eye.’

   ‘What? No, no I haven’t,’ Jungwoo said quickly, looking down at his drink.

   He could feel Kun looking at him as they sat, both cross legged on the couch, and he couldn’t hide the flush that rose to his cheeks. He’d just finished giving a minute-by-minute description of his adventure with Wong Yukhei, including every detail from the specific champagne they’d ordered at the bar to the texture of the leather in Yukhei’s car.

   ‘You have, Jungwoo, don’t think I don’t know that look on you. Is he _very_ good-looking?’

   ‘ _Don’t_ , it’s embarrassing,’ Jungwoo mumbled. ‘Besides, you’ve seen pictures of him.’

   ‘But it’s different in the flesh,’ Kun said knowingly. ‘And I _know_ he’s your type.’

   ‘Yeah, I guess he’s… he’s handsome,’ he shrugged, trying to look nonchalant but knowing that his cheeks betrayed him. He was usually very good at concealing when he liked someone, particularly when he was talking to them, but Kun had this magical ability to get it out of him.

   ‘What’s he like? Boyfriend material?’

   ‘I know what you’re doing,’ Jungwoo rolled his eyes. Kun had been trying to set him up since college.

   ‘You deserve a nice man, Jungwoo, you’ve been living on your own for too long. I worry about you.’

   ‘He seems nice,’ Jungwoo sighed. ‘He’s a bit… I don’t know… flighty? No, that’s not the word. Whimsical?’

   ‘Oh no,’ Kun murmured, ‘you need someone reliable.’

   ‘It’s not that… I’m pretty sure he’s reliable – Doyoung said he’s never missed a meeting. And he was _adamant_ that I get him back in time. He’s just a free spirit. It’s very… appealing.’

   ‘So you _do_ like him?’

   ‘ _Kun_ ,’ Jungwoo whined, ‘I’ve only known him one day! Besides, he’s my boss.’

   Kun topped up his glass of wine. ‘Not a problem.’

   ‘And he’s _straight_.’

   ‘Oh _seriously_?’ said Kun, looking extraordinarily disappointed. ‘Are you sure?’

   ‘Yeah, yeah I am. So… so he’s very handsome, and he’s funny and charming, and he’s my straight boss, so can we move on because this is super embarrassing?’

   ‘You want me to cook you dinner?’ Kun asked. ‘You should nap again.’

   Jungwoo yawned, reaching around for the blanket he kept on the couch. He’d decided that he was going to start sleeping at every opportunity in case he got a spontaneous call from his new boss that left him wide awake on the other side of the country again. Not that he wasn’t looking forward to it.

*

   In fact, he didn’t hear from Yukhei for a while.

   He received a contract, which he signed, heart skipping a beat when he saw that Yukhei really had doubled his salary, _and_ rounded it up – and returned it to HR. The start date of his position was the next Monday, but he didn’t hear a word about where he was supposed to be or what he was supposed to do. On Sunday night, he actually laughed in the mirror at the thought that maybe Yukhei had forgotten him.

   In the morning, though, when he walked into the intimidating, otherwise empty waiting room at 8am, Yukhei was lounging back across one of the leather couches, playing a handheld videogame.

   ‘Wait, _wait_!’ he said, when he obviously caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye.    

   Jungwoo froze on the spot, watching as he grew more and more animated, his whole body angling with the game.

   He looked over at the sound of an opening door, and watched with wide eyes as Ten, familiar from his interview, walked straight across the room and swiped the console cleanly from Yukhei’s hands, cutting the power and throwing it back to land on his stomach.

   ‘ _Hey_!’ Yukhei jerked up. ‘Hey what the fuck, Tennie?’

   ‘Turn the sound off next time,’ Ten said darkly, ‘I’ve been listening to those explosions for an _hour_. Good morning, Jungwoo,’ he added, nodding over at him.

   ‘Good morning,’ Jungwoo said nervously.

   ‘Why are you such an asshole in the mornings?’ Yukhei threw one of the small couch cushions at Ten’s face.

   Ten avoided it easily. ‘Because _I’ve_ actually been working since six. Why do you even come in if you’re just going to play games? Can’t you do that on your own couch?’

   ‘No one makes me coffee in my house,’ Yukhei yawned. ‘Meanwhile your secretary is much nicer than _you_ and she always makes me one.’

   ‘Remind me why I started a company with you?’ muttered Ten, picking up a stack of papers from the reception desk.

   ‘Because you needed someone with _people skills_.’

   ‘People skills are overrated.’

   ‘Oh run off back to your bat cave,’ Yukhei rolled his eyes.

   ‘Gladly,’ Ten clipped him around the back of the head with his papers as he walked back to his office.

   ‘Sorry about that, Jungwoo,’ Yukhei said brightly, rounding on him and throwing his own game down carelessly now. ‘How are you?’

   ‘I’m… fine,’ he said, in a mild state of shock.

   ‘Don’t mind Tennie, he’s always a right drag in the mornings. I promise he’s the nicest person you could ever meet when he’s out of the office. He might act like he’s the ice king but his heart’s all soft. He’d die for me. I’d die for him,’ Yukhei added, picking up his coffee from the table. ‘How are you?’ he said again, as though he’d forgotten he’d already asked.

   ‘I’m good,’ Jungwoo said, concentrating on holding back a laugh.

   ‘You like games right? Wanna play?’

   ‘Shouldn’t we…?’

   Yukhei stared at him, then seemed to remember why he was there. ‘Oh, oh yeah. Right. Work. Um…’

   ‘I thought maybe I could put together a calendar for you,’ said Jungwoo, clearing his throat. He’d spent a lot of time thinking of things that he could do for Yukhei – he wanted to make himself indispensable. His worst nightmare would be finding a way out of his bind only for his new boss to decide he didn’t really need him after all and send him right back to where he started. ‘I’m guessing you don’t… do you have one?’

   ‘It’s all up here,’ said Yukhei, tapping his temple.

   Jungwoo smiled. ‘Well I was thinking, since I’m going to be making your appointments now, I’m gonna need to get a hold on your schedule. I thought that I could build a quick work-personal calendar between our computers. You could fill in your personal engagements, and they’d go through to me, and then I can cross-check anything that I book for you, and you’ll get your work schedule back on _your_ computer.’

   Yukhei blinked, then nodded. ‘Yeah, great.’

   ‘And I was _also_ thinking that I should probably copy up your contact book.’

   ‘Also up here,’ Yukhei said, almost apologetically.

   ‘You… you memorise all your phone numbers?’ Jungwoo asked in astonishment.

   Yukhei shrugged.

   ‘ _All_ of them? That’s… that’s impressive.’

   It shouldn’t be a surprise, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. He’d read all about Yukhei before his interview – he knew that he was intelligent. He knew that he’d passed all of the entrance exams for an extremely prestigious charter school with flying colours, and that it was there that he’d met Ten and Doyoung. He knew that he came from a long line of talented minds, with a CEO father and an aeronautical engineer mother. He knew that he’d crawled his way to the top from nothing after his father had cut him off when he’d rejected his seat at the family company.

   So why was he surprised that he could recall… a large amount of extensive number sequences?

   Jungwoo himself just about had Kun’s number memorised for an emergency.

   Not for the first time, he made a mental note to never, _ever_ underestimate Wong Yukhei.

*

   Had Ten been right?

   Yukhei cocked his head to the side, watching Jungwoo work.

   It had been two weeks, now, since Jungwoo had set up shop at the long desk in their private waiting room. He sat between Ten’s secretary, Sumi, and Doyoung’s PA, Chunja, talking happily to them while he worked. They both seemed, he thought, quite taken with him. He was quiet but funny, gentle but always ready with a witty comeback where needed. Everyone that Yukhei knew who’d met him so far seemed to fall in love with him.

   And so Ten was probably right.

   He was quite attractive.

   In an objective sort of way.

   Yukhei was sprawled on one of the couches – he never liked hanging out in his office, because he found it far too claustrophobic – playing with a handheld puzzle that he’d stolen from Ten’s desk. But his eyes kept flickering back over to Jungwoo.

   He had a very… perfect face. Like an idol. Only softer.  

   His features were neatly symmetrical, eyes deep with soul but still innocent-looking, lips full and pink and accented with the most classic Cupid’s bow that he might ever have seen. His hair was dark, but not dark enough to be natural, and parted very tidily. Yukhei couldn’t help but wonder how it would look a little messier. He really wanted to see Jungwoo let himself go for a minute – he always seemed so carefully put together.

   Yes, Ten was right.

   He was _definitely_ attractive.

   Yukhei didn’t tend to think about what guys looked like. He didn’t like to look too close. Ten and Doyoung always rolled their eyes at him, telling him that just because he didn’t want to fuck someone, didn’t mean that he couldn’t tell if they were good-looking or not, and _maybe_ he finally got what they meant with Jungwoo in the room.

   ‘Put your tongue back in your mouth,’ Ten himself remarked casually, making him swivel on the seat.  Yukhei hadn’t even heard him leave his office.

   ‘ _What_?’

   ‘Just a joke, Yukhei,’ he said, ‘don’t lose your mind.’

   He sat down next to him, pushing him onto the other seat, and reached over to take his own puzzle back.

   After a long pause, Yukhei’s curiosity got the better of him. ‘Ten, you know what you said about Woo?’

   ‘Which bit?’

   ‘You know, when you said that he was… that he was attractive…’

   Ten raised his eyebrows.

   ‘Do you fancy him?’ Yukhei asked awkwardly.

   One corner of Ten’s lips looked like it was erring towards a smile. ‘He’s not really my type.’

   ‘But you said he was handsome.’

   Ten laughed. ‘When will you get it through your skull that - ’

   ‘I know, I _know_ ,’ Yukhei said, before he could roll his eyes at him again. ‘You don’t have to want to fuck them and all that… but you like guys and he’s very attractive and - ’

   ‘Why are you so interested, Yukhei?’

   Yukhei ignored that. ‘Why isn’t he your type?’

   Ten shrugged with a bemused expression, as though he couldn’t quite believe that he was having this conversation. ‘I don’t know, Yukhei, I guess I just like my guys a bit more… _pretty_. Delicate. Cute. Jungwoo is very _handsome_ , a little too classic for me. And now why are you looking at me like I just insulted your boyfriend?’ he added, and Yukhei could see that he wanted to laugh.

   ‘I’m _not_ ,’ he said moodily, looking back at the desk. Then, after a minute, he snapped: ‘stop _looking_ at me like that.’

   ‘Alright, doll,’ said Ten, ‘no need to get so defensive.’

   _Doll_. Yukhei knew that there was absolutely no situation in which Ten would ever use the word unironically. He was doing it to prod at him. Ten had these _ways_ of making him unravel, and even though he could tell that he was poking around for information, he couldn’t stop himself. ‘He’s really good at his job, you know,’ he mumbled, looking back at Jungwoo.

   ‘Is he now?’

   ‘I’m so lucky I found him.’

   ‘I know you are, hun,’ Ten stood up, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

   ‘Ten?’

   ‘Yes, Yukhei?’ he turned around, and his expression had changed now, to something almost… sympathetic.

   He took a breath. ‘When did you know –’ he stopped, glancing back at the desk then down at his empty hands.

   Ten tilted his head a little to the side, inviting the question.

   ‘Never mind.’

   ‘Xuxi - ’

   ‘Do you wanna go to the new place down the road for lunch?’

   A gentle smile overtook Ten’s usually so cynical features. ‘Yeah, sure. I’ll go downstairs and find Doyoung. He’s with the development team.’

   ‘Cool,’ said Yukhei. He stood up briskly, not missing the way that Jungwoo glanced up from his computer, and smoothed out his shirt before crossing very swiftly to his office. He needed to sort his head out. Representatives from Nos were conferencing in later. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to keep his mind on business at the minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	4. Chapter 4

   ‘So, I can count on you _both_ for next week, right? And by the way this isn’t a request,’ Ten added darkly, ‘if either of you miss it, I’ll - ’

   ‘When have we _ever_ missed it, Ten?’ Yukhei rolled his eyes, swinging back on his chair. ‘This place is nice, isn’t it?’

   The new restaurant on their street was definitely still in the honeymoon hype, filled with customers and the long benches almost overflowing. The environment was so loud that Yukhei actually preferred it to the private rooms that they usually occupied – he felt less likely to be overheard or watched or even photographed when everyone else seemed to be busy with their own conversations.

   Ten ignored him. ‘Doyoung, are you bringing Jaehyun?’

   ‘Huh?’ Doyoung looked up as though he’d been a million miles away. ‘Where?’

   ‘The hospital benefit,’ Ten said with narrowed eyes. ‘Which you’ll be attending, _obviously_.’

   ‘Oh, oh yes. Yes, he’s coming.’

   ‘Good, because I want to ask him to invite some of the Seoul University donors.’

   ‘I’ll talk to him about it,’ Doyoung said, swirling his drink glumly, and Yukhei furrowed his brow.

   Something was wrong. The whiskey at midday should have been a giveaway of his mood.

   ‘Is everything alright?’ Ten asked, apparently not missing the drop in atmosphere either.

   ‘Everything’s fine.’

   ‘Yeah, right,’ said Yukhei. ‘Come on, Doyoungie, no secrets between us, remember?’

   It was a moment before he spoke. ‘Jae’s going away again,’ he said quietly.

   Yukhei’s face fell. ‘Oh bro, I’m sorry.’

   ‘How long?’ Ten asked.

   ‘Six month contract,’ said Doyoung, and his lips had taken the shape they always did when he was trying to keep his face steady, the corner of one folded ever so slightly back as his teeth worried with it.

   ‘Where?’

   ‘Harvard.’

   Jaehyun was a professor; the very best, in Yukhei’s opinion, even though he’d never sat in one of his classes. He just _knew_ , from how it was hanging out in a room with him, that he was a good teacher. He was so kind, so patient, so relaxed and funny, all while being an archetypal intellectual – Doyoung needed someone who could keep up with him, after all. Jaehyun was a little older than the three of them, but young enough that his presence in some of the world’s most esteemed colleges still made certain people raise their eyebrows. It wasn’t unusual for him to be offered residencies across the globe, with increasingly outrageous incentives as competition got hotter.

   Yukhei just wished that he would realise quite how much his travel affected Doyoung.

   In fact, he wished that his best friend would just _tell_ him not to go.

   ‘He’s going to miss our anniversary,’ Doyoung murmured, fiddling distractedly with his wedding ring. ‘Five years.’

   ‘Not if I have anything to do about it,’ Yukhei muttered in Ten’s ear. ‘I’ll send him my jet if I have to.’

   It was testament to Doyoung’s melancholy that he didn’t even seem to hear him.

   Doyoung and Jaehyun had eloped while visiting California, close to where Jaehyun had spent several years of his childhood. The lack of a big fairytale wedding was something that Yukhei still held against him – it had been his one chance to be a best-man, after all, since he was pretty certain that the likelihood of Ten ever opening himself up to love someone enough to _marry_ them was less than none. But still…a scheme was already brewing in his head. If he could get the two of them both back in the state at the same time…

   ‘Just tell him not to go,’ said Ten, interrupting his thoughts.

   _Again_. It was like he could read Yukhei’s _mind_.

   ‘I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair. I travel too.’

   ‘Not for months on end,’ Yukhei rolled his eyes.

   ‘He thinks I’m cool with it.’

   ‘Yes, because you’ve never told him you’re _not_ ,’ said Ten. ‘Just tell him that you spend every night he’s gone sleeping in his shirts because it makes you feel like he’s close to you – he’s not going to argue with that.’

   ‘Hey! I told you that in _confidence_ ,’ Doyoung snapped.

   ‘You didn’t tell _me_ ,’ started Yukhei, feeling insulted.

   ‘No, because I thought you were the one with the big mouth. Apparently, I was mistaken,’ Doyoung said, glaring at Ten.

   Yukhei was about to declare that he had never felt so offended, when his phone rang. He looked down at the table in surprise. He kept his phone on silent except for a few important contacts – it rang twenty-four-seven these days and the tone would drive him insane otherwise – and two of those few important people were already sat with him. Which meant…

   ‘I’ve gotta take this,’ he said, pushing his chair back and swiping across the screen.

   ‘I still can’t believe you just blabbed what I told you about those shirts,’ he heard Doyoung mutter to Ten as he walked away.

   Yukhei took a deep breath. ‘Hello, mother!’ he said with a mild attempt at cheer as he stepped out into the street.

   He settled back against the wall of the restaurant as he listened to the first phone call he’d had from his family in four or so weeks. It wasn’t that his relationship with his parents was _bad_ , it was just that it was… complicated.

   And… well, yes… bad.

   But he persevered desperately to keep it going, even if it was strained.

   It had been years since Yukhei had turned down the right-hand seat at his father’s company when he finished high school. They had cut him off financially – a gesture that had wound up insignificant given that Yukhei’s own company was worth far more these days – and come close to cutting him out altogether, their relationship hanging by a thread, especially for those first couple of years.

   Then they’d declared that he was bringing shame to his family name.

   That had hurt far more than the money.

   He loved his parents. He loved his parents so much that he would have done almost anything to impress them.

   He’d just chosen the wrong thing.

   In any other family, entrepreneurship might have been something to be proud of. In his house, it was interpreted as bad public image that he’d turned away from the family company. It was even worse for their esteem, they told him, whenever he was seen drunk or partying on the front covers of magazines.

   Yukhei came from old-money, a family with a legacy and an honoured standing and unquestionably conservative values.

   Recently, no matter how many times he tried to rebuff them, they’d resorted to desperate measures to try to fix what they viewed as his disastrous reputation. A good marriage to a respectable lady from a respectable family with good business links – apparently that was all he was good for now.

   ‘Yes mother,’ he sighed, closing his eyes, ‘I’m still single. No, mother, I’m not going to fly home for another dinner like last time.’

   He pulled the phone away from his ear as she snapped something about his _responsibilities_.

   ‘Our share prices are up,’ he said after a minute of diatribe, at the slightest whiff of a change in direction towards business. His mother, at the very least, tolerated discussion of Neo Culture Technology. His father, on the other hand, did not like the company to be mentioned at all under his roof. ‘We just signed a contract with _Sony_.’

   ‘ _That’s… that’s good, Yukhei._ _Now make sure you book a ticket home for the 17 th.’_

He sighed. ‘I don’t have to book tickets, mother, I have a plane.’

   ‘ _Just be there. Your father won’t be happy if you miss it._ ’

   By the time that he walked back into the restaurant, his shoulders had slumped almost as far as Doyoung’s.

   ‘Don’t tell me _you_ got bad news too?’ Ten announced. ‘I’m usually the killjoy and the one day I’m feeling like a nice lunch, the two of you look like a pair of those dogs you see in shelter ads.’

   ‘That was my mother,’ Yukhei sighed. ‘They want me to meet another girl. My father has arranged a dinner with her and _her_ parents. Very prominent in the construction industry, or so I’ve heard.’

   ‘Are you gonna go?’ Doyoung raised his eyebrows, with a look in his eyes that suggested he was glad that the conversation was no longer centred around _his_ love-life.

   ‘Nope.’

   ‘That’s my boy,’ Ten smiled.

   At that moment, one of the waiters walked over to clear some of their bowls. ‘I’ll have one of what he’s having,’ Yukhei gestured quickly at Doyoung’s empty tumbler.

   ‘And you’re _both_ drinking at lunch time,’ Ten shook his head. ‘I suppose I’ll be leading the conference call later, then?’

   ‘Make it double,’ Yukhei added, wondering to himself at what point during the next week he was going to have to concede and arrange a flight home to Hong Kong.

   Because he yielded every time.

   He had absolutely no intention of marrying any girl that his parents picked out for him, but he also couldn’t risk the fact that one more snub might break that last, shaky thread of a relationship between them.

   And he couldn’t bear to lose his family.

*

   ‘Would you be able to drive me tonight, Woo?’

   Life in the company of Wong Yukhei had started to settle into a cycle that Jungwoo was rather comfortable with.

   It turned out that not every day was horribly chaotic. In fact, a lot of the time he found himself sitting idle. Yukhei didn’t seem to be quite used to the PA thing yet, and regularly announced that he’d booked his entire schedule ahead for the next week, leaving Jungwoo with very little to do. He tried to keep himself busy, making him coffee, working the reception desk, tidying up the debris that Yukhei left behind in his office on the regular…

   But the prospect of going out somewhere actually gave him a flutter of excitement.

   ‘Sure,’ he smiled, ‘where are we going?’

   ‘Home,’ Yukhei yawned. ‘I had a couple of drinks earlier so I can’t drive.’

   ‘Oh, okay,’ Jungwoo said, and there was only a moment of disappointment before it was replaced by anticipation.

   Home.

   He was going to drive Yukhei _home_.

   The flutter of interest turned to a definite butterfly. He knew that Kun would want to know _all_ about what kind of house their only multi-millionaire associate occupied, and it would be a lie to say that he wasn’t a little curious himself.

   Very curious.

   Waiting for Yukhei meant staying late. Usually, his boss let him go home around the late afternoon, like any other nine-to-five worker, but he knew that Yukhei himself stayed much later most days, so it wasn’t a surprise when he was still toying around on the computer at 9:00pm, searching for something to do.

   The office block was almost entirely empty, the three of them left on the top floor perhaps the only life in the whole building.

   Ten’s office light was still on, but if the glow didn’t show in the glass panel above the door, Jungwoo might have forgotten that he was there. He made no noise, and hadn’t appeared for at least four hours since his secretary had left. He hadn’t even come out for coffee. Doyoung had left at six on the dot, as he did every day, and walked the way to the parking lot with his own PA, leaving the place feeling eerily empty.

   ‘Alright, let’s get it,’ Yukhei beamed as he threw his door open, pulling on a garish jacquard suit jacket as he crossed the room.

   Jungwoo felt a wave of relief. He liked being alone but he liked company more.

   He watched as Yukhei strolled over to Ten’s door and opened it without knocking. ‘Night night, Tennie,’ he said. ‘Don’t stay too late.’

   Like nine wasn’t already late.

   He didn’t hear Ten’s reply.

   ‘Let’s go,’ he said, waiting for Jungwoo to pull on his own jacket.

   Once they were down in the parking lot, Jungwoo asked nervously, ‘you want me to drive your car again?’

   ‘Where’s yours?’ Yukhei questioned, and Jungwoo had a feeling it was more out of nosiness than actual consideration.

   He turned a little red before nodding over at his battered, outdated _Hyundai_.

   Yukhei pulled a face. ‘I’ve doubled your salary, Woo – _please_ promise me you’ll buy a new car?’

   It was moments like these where Yukhei said things that might sound unkind coming from anyone else, but he said them with such candidness, such innocent honesty, that it was difficult to take offense. Jungwoo was used to him speaking without thinking by now, so he just nodded with a smile.

   He ended up driving Yukhei’s car again – a different one to last time, though.

   ‘I collect cars,’ Yukhei told him when they were out on the roads of Seoul. ‘You can drive one of mine around if you don’t wanna buy? Like a company car.’

   Jungwoo glanced across at him in surprise. It was another thing he was slowly getting used to – the way that Yukhei offered anything and everything to anyone and everyone. A week ago, he’d told Ten to _use-his-house-in-the-Hamptons_ for a holiday because apparently he worked too hard. Three days ago, he’d stopped at the fundraising stall for a children’s hospice during lunch and bought every single item on sale. Just yesterday, he’d given Jungwoo his jacket to wear home because he’d spilled coffee on his own and the weather was getting colder.

   Which reminded him, he needed to give it back.

   ‘I’m not sure I’m quite the _Lamborghini_ type,’ Jungwoo said shyly.

   ‘Oh no, no of course not,’ Yukhei shrugged. ‘You’re… something vintage. Something classy. Something _classic._ ’

   Vintage. Classy. _Classic_.

   Was that what Yukhei thought of him?

   He felt a happy rush at that, and had to work hard to stay focussed on the road.

   ‘Down here,’ Yukhei nodded at a turning off the street.

   It led down a long, winding route to a set of wrought iron gates and two security huts.

   Of course Yukhei lived in a gated community.

   Jungwoo swallowed. This wasn’t the sort of place he’d ever been in his life.

   The gates opened at the sight of the car, and Jungwoo had to stop himself looking around as they trailed around the clean, neat streets. Yukhei continued to talk, as he had the entire drive, about cars, only pausing in his spiel to give the occasional direction. Jungwoo didn’t know an awful lot about motoring, but he was careful to nod and hum his agreement in the right places.

   ‘This one,’ said Yukhei, pointing at a parking space in front of an apartment block.

   Jungwoo pulled in, then followed his boss up to the front doors.

   To his surprise, there weren’t any buzzers, or even any lights on.

   Then he realised.

   _Oh_.

   It wasn’t an apartment block at all. It was a _massive_ town-house. It was all his.

   Sometimes he forgot that Yukhei was, as he’d googled, sitting nice and comfortably at _fourteenth_ (and rising) on Korea’s rich list.

   ‘You coming in?’ Yukhei offered.

   Jungwoo glanced back at the car, wondering for a moment where he kept his collection, before remembering that he’d been asked a question. ‘Oh, oh yes. Sure. I… I don’t have my car, so…’

   ‘Oh yeah!’ Yukhei smacked his forehead in cartoonish fashion. ‘Don’t worry, you can stay here.’

   Stay at Yukhei’s… Jungwoo felt a buzz of excitement in his fingertips.

   _Stop it_ , he thought to himself. He needed to stop thinking like he was _dating_ him or something.

   However he couldn’t help but notice that it _felt_ like that. Before he’d gone for his interview, he hadn’t really thought much about what being a Personal Assistant might entail. Over the last couple of weeks, though, he’d come to realise that being Wong Yukhei’s PA really did feel like being Wong Yukhei’s _boyfriend_.

   He went out for lunches with him. He talked with him more than he talked to his own friends. He spent every waking minute with him, it seemed.

   _But you’re_ not _his boyfriend_ , he reminded himself, as he stepped over the threshold into the dark hallway.

   Yukhei kicked off his shoes without care, and played with a panel on the wall that launched what had to be all of the lights in the entire house.

   Yukhei’s place was very much like his office – chaotic.

   Jungwoo didn’t get to see much of it, because Yukhei was already walking, picking his way amongst assorted mismatching furniture and abandoned shoes, straight to a door at the end of the hall.

   ‘Sorry about the mess!’ he called out airily, with a tone that said he wasn’t that sorry at all. ‘I know it’s bad - Ten _hates_ visiting. He lives on this development too, but his apartment is like a show home. I keep telling him you’re supposed to actually _live_ where you _live_ on occasion.’

   ‘How about Mr Kim?’ Jungwoo asked, following him into the kitchen.

   ‘Doyoung? Oh he lives a little way out of town in this cute place with Jaehyun,’ Yukhei said, going straight over to the fridge. ‘You hungry? I am,’ he added, before Jungwoo had time to answer. He pulled out a plate with what seemed to be a half-finished cake atop it, and put it down on the breakfast bar.

   ‘Can I…’ Jungwoo looked around. He couldn’t shift the feeling that he was working, like he needed to do something. ‘Can I make you a drink?’

   ‘Huh? Oh, oh I can do it,’ Yukhei said, going to stand up, ‘it’s my house.’

   ‘It’s fine, I want to,’ Jungwoo smiled. ‘Coffee?’

   Yukhei nodded, and Jungwoo walked over to the elaborate coffee maker on the countertop.

   He prodded at the buttons, narrowing his eyes, and then searched around for a power lead. ‘How do you work this thing?’ he laughed, a little embarrassed, still fiddling with the dials.

   He heard Yukhei stand up, heard him cross the room, and then he jumped as he felt his body suddenly close behind him. ‘Sorry, there’s a knack,’ Yukhei said, reaching around him.

   Yukhei wasn’t much taller, a couple of inches at most, but he was much _bigger_. He seemed to frame around him, broad shoulders making it easy for him to reach over and press a couple of buttons on the machine. It sputtered into life, but Jungwoo was thinking about anything but the coffee-maker.

   He was very, _very_ conscious of the way that Yukhei’s chest was flush against his back. The way, in fact, that his whole body seemed very close against him.

   There was a pause. A moment caught in time.

   Maybe it just felt longer than it was, but he was suddenly sure that Yukhei should have stepped back by now; that most guys would have. Instead he seemed to linger there for seconds that dragged into _a_ _lot_ of seconds.

   Jungwoo was frozen, breath catching in his throat. It was like the simple act of breathing might disrupt the moment. And he really, really didn’t want to crash back to reality.

   Yukhei was so close that he could feel the heat of his skin – he was always very warm, Jungwoo had noticed. He even felt, though perhaps it was just his imagination, Yukhei’s head tilt slightly closer to him as though drawn by a magnetic pull, and then he _knew_ the incline was real when he heard Yukhei’s sharp inhale very close to his ear as he found words.

   ‘So – so yeah, you just like – you press that one,’ Yukhei said quickly, turning away and stepping back, and almost tripping over himself in his haste to move to the farthest corner of the kitchen and open a cabinet for cups.

   It took Jungwoo a moment to move himself, completely stunned.

   Yes, maybe he had a bit of a crush on his boss, but he wasn’t _stupid_. He hadn’t imagined it. He knew when something had happened. And something had just happened. Something had _definitely_ just happened.

   Something had passed between them.

   He just wished he knew what it meant.

   ‘You take sugar, right?’ Yukhei asked. His voice, Jungwoo thought, was a little shaky.

   ‘Yes, yes I do,’ he said softly, turning to look at Yukhei and surveying him as he fumbled his way around the kitchen.

   _Wong Yukhei..._ He furrowed his brow. Whenever he thought he had a read on him, it seemed, his boss found a new way to surprise him.

   And _this_ was surprising.

   Very surprising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m putting a C/W here for mild alcohol misuse because even if it’s champagne, it’s still bad for forgetting your anxieties, so safety first!  
> 

   ‘Sorry, Woo, I think I got a bit dizzy a minute ago,’ said Yukhei, leaning against the counter as he crushed a sugar cube between his fingers.

   He felt… strange. His heart was beating a little faster than usual, and hard enough that he could hear his pulse in a rush in his ears, and his palms had turned sweaty. He closed his eyes, focussing himself.

   ‘It’s alright,’ Jungwoo said, and Yukhei jumped as he settled a hand on his wrist.

   ‘I hope I’m not getting sick,’ he mumbled, wondering whether he should cough for good measure. He was suddenly very glad that Ten wasn’t here – he always laughed at him when he turned these molehills into mountains and created elaborate excuses for the simplest of misunderstandings.

   What the fuck was he doing?

   He needed to chill, or Jungwoo was going to think he was weird.

   Was he really this embarrassed because he’d got a bit too close to his PA?

   It was stupid. It was just an accident. Jungwoo wouldn’t care.

   ‘You’re probably tired,’ Jungwoo gave his wrist another reassuring squeeze. ‘It’s been a busy week, what with _Sony_ and everything.’

   ‘Yeah, yeah _Sony_ ,’ Yukhei latched onto that quickly. ‘I thought we were never gonna get that contract signed. On the surface we were so smooth and collected but I was fucking bricking it before that meeting. I found Ten in the bathroom pacing back and forth reciting his introduction over and over at six in the morning. I even caught Doyoung wearing mismatching socks. Did you notice?’

   ‘No, I didn’t,’ Jungwoo laughed, holding out his coffee.

   ‘Thanks,’ Yukhei smiled, relaxing a little. Maybe Jungwoo hadn’t even noticed his funny moment.

   ‘So you guys split your work pretty equally?’ Jungwoo asked. He walked through the arch of the kitchen to the wide, open-plan living space, without instruction, and Yukhei was suddenly glad to be following rather than leading.

   He skipped ahead only when Jungwoo got to one of the big armchairs he kept by the log fire. He caught the jackets stacked up on the arm in a bundle and hauled them out of the way.

   _Tidy up next time_ , he told himself. He didn’t want Jungwoo to think he was a slob.

   Jungwoo sat down, crossing one leg over the other, and Yukhei took a seat on the couch next to the chair so that he could talk to him.

   ‘Officially, I’m the CEO, Ten’s the CFO, and Doyoung’s Head of Development, but they’re just names on paper. We’re equal shareholders, we take equal earnings outside of our individual investments, and we split the executive duties pretty equally.’

   ‘So how did you become the CEO?’ Jungwoo leant forwards, flicking his hair out of his eyes as though it would help him concentrate more. ‘Did you draw the long straw or the _short_ straw? Or was it rock-paper-scissors?’

   Jungwoo had this remarkable ability to make anyone feel like they were the centre of his world when he was listening to them. It was impossible, Yukhei found, to ever feel like he was boring him. Even when he was talking about something that he _knew_ Jungwoo wasn’t interested in, Jungwoo always listened like it was the most valuable piece of information he would ever hear.

   ‘I’m the _people-person_ ,’ Yukhei shrugged, ‘so they figured they’d put me on the front of the brochure, so to say. Ten likes his numbers, and hiding away in his office, so we gave him the accounts. And Doyoung’s the tech king – I mean seriously, when we were eight he could already build a robot that would keep a lookout for teachers when we were up to something we shouldn’t be. Exploring, or sneaking down to the river, or building more robots...’

   ‘You’ve known each other that long?’ Jungwoo’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he tucked one foot up on the chair, sipping his coffee with a look of increased interest.

   ‘Hell yeah, me and Doyoung go way back. We met at the same preparatory school. It was boarding from age four. Doyoung’s parents picked him up at the end of every day. Mine didn’t. We didn’t meet our Tennie ‘til much later though, when we all got into the same charter school. He got in on scholarship, proper mathematical mind, he was, even then. Anyway, he was our final puzzle piece. We all boarded there, same dorm - the three of us were fucking inseparable. One of our first ventures as a trio was selling these games consoles at school that Doyoung modified, so that we could raise money.’

   Jungwoo looked fascinated. ‘Definitely young entrepreneurs...’

   ‘By the way,’ Yukhei remembered, ‘there’s gonna be a benefit at the company next week. Kind of like a charity auction for the local children’s hospital. You wanna come?’

   ‘For work?’ Jungwoo asked.

   ‘Nah, no one _works_ that night except the three of us. Always hustling. It’s really just an excuse to drink a _lot_ of free champagne, which isn’t actually free because it’s charged to the company and that makes it my money at the end of the day, but it tastes free. And a chance to spend some outrageous money.’

   ‘I don’t think I have outrageous money,’ Jungwoo said shyly.

   ‘I do, you can hold up my paddle.’

   Jungwoo laughed. He was cute when he laughed, eyes turning to little half-moons, smile occupying his whole face.

   Yukhei couldn’t help but notice.

   ‘Sure, I’ll be there.’

   ‘Great, it’s a date,’ Yukhei beamed, then his face fell. ‘I mean not like a _date_. Like… just a date. You know, like a turn of phrase. I didn’t mean - ’

   ‘I can’t wait,’ Jungwoo interrupted him, ‘for the free champagne, that is.’

   ‘Yes! Free champagne!’ Yukhei trailed off, wondering how on earth he’d wound up headfirst in the molehill again.

*

Starting the day with a freshly dry-cleaned suit and ending it with a bruise the size of his hand, a holiday to a private island, and the taste of someone else’s champagne on his lips, was just about the final nail in the coffin for Jungwoo’s grasp on reality.

   ‘I’m sure I’ll be home and in bed by midnight,’ he said, phone propped between his ear and his shoulder as he hurried around his kitchen.

   ‘ _Yeah right_ ,’ Kun laughed. ‘ _If you’re home by midnight, I’ll be very disappointed in you_.’

   Jungwoo hadn’t told his best friend about what had happened at Yukhei’s house, for a number of reasons.

   Number 1: He still wasn’t entirely sure what _had_ happened at Yukhei’s house, and he didn’t want to make something out of nothing.

   Number 2: There was no way to have the _I-think-my-straight-boss-isn’t-straight_ conversation over the phone, and he hadn’t seen Kun in person since that night.

   Number 3: If something had happened, _and_ Yukhei wasn’t straight, Jungwoo wasn’t going to go around outing him anyway. He’d never do something so cruel, so thoughtless.

   Thus, he hadn’t told Kun anything.

   Which meant that his mind was a cacophony of thoughts and confusion and questions that he had no outlet for, because one thing was for sure, given the way Yukhei had panicked after what had happened, Jungwoo absolutely wasn’t going to bring it up to _him_ either.

   Subsequently, he started work on the day of the hospital benefit the way that he had started every day for the last week – quiet, polite, diligent, just with an extra suit bag behind the reception desk.

   ‘Morning, Woo,’ Yukhei said brightly.

   ‘Morning, boss. Hot or iced?’ he asked.

   ‘Hot, with extra hot. I want all the energy in the world for today.’

   ‘Sure thing,’ Jungwoo smiled. ‘You want me to go to the place down the road?’

   ‘Nah, nah, machine is fine,’ Yukhei waved his hand, ‘it’s getting really cold out.’

   ‘I can wrap up warm,’ said Jungwoo. It was true – even just edging towards winter, he’d already started to wear one of his huge woollen scarves to work in the morning, and he was wondering whether or not mittens would look silly walking into the office. ‘I brought that jacket in for you, by the way, the one I borrowed.’

   ‘Jacket… jacket…’ Yukhei leant on the counter, looking deep in thought.

   ‘You gave it to me after I spilled that coffee…’ Jungwoo trailed off. He reached under the desk, taking the blazer out. It had a bright, paisley pattern, in blues and greens and a light shade of gold, and one glance at the designer on the label had left Jungwoo gulping and thanking the heavens that he hadn’t spilled coffee on _that_ jacket.

   Yukhei looked at it in surprise. ‘Oh _yeah_ , sorry, I forgot.’ Then with a shrug: ‘you can keep it, it looks better on you anyway.’

   ‘I… really?’ his mouth dropped open in surprise.

   ‘Yeah, it fits you nicer. It was always a bit tight over my shoulders. And the cut’s too traditional, I’m better with tailored shaping. Your frame’s proportionate enough to pull off the straight line, lucky thing. And the gold really matches that highlight in your hair. Do you do that by yourself, by the way? Or do you go somewhere?’

   Jungwoo stared at him. He’d _meant_ could he really keep it, not did it really look better on him. But he actually preferred this answer. ‘My friend Kun comes around to do it for me. He’s a stylist…’

   ‘No _way_?’ Yukhei said excitedly. ‘Would he do mine? I don’t like how the place I go to did it last time, it’s way too… floppy.’

   ‘I think it’s nice,’ said Jungwoo, then Yukhei blushed, and then _he_ blushed. ‘It… it suits you. It makes you look young.’

   ‘I – thanks…’ Yukhei mumbled. ‘Where does your friend work? Can I go to his salon?’

   ‘He’s working on a TV show at the moment – hair and make-up – but I can give you his number. He does house calls.’

   ‘Great,’ Yukhei beamed. ‘Thanks Woo.’

   ‘I’ll get your coffee,’ he said, standing up. ‘You’ve got a conference call at eleven, don’t forget. And your mom called, told me to remind you about the _seventeenth_. She didn’t say why.’

   ‘Oh, oh _fuck_ ,’ Yukhei muttered, ‘I forgot that too.’

   ‘Mr Choi had to reschedule lunch, so you’ve got your hour free. You want me to order for you?’

   ‘Yeah, yeah order whatever you’re in the mood for.’

   It hadn’t escaped Jungwoo’s notice that Yukhei always thought about himself last. ‘I went through your in-tray – this pile needs your attention,’ he held out a stack of papers, ‘and I’ll handle the rest.’

   ‘Thanks,’ Yukhei flicked through the top few pages, pulling a face. ‘You still on for tonight?’

   ‘Yep, I’ll be there,’ he smiled.

*

   Jungwoo could tell that this hospital fundraiser was a Big Deal, because Ten actually left work before six o’clock. In fact, he went downstairs somewhere around three, announcing that he had organising to do, and that he wouldn’t be back until much later, to change into his evening suit.

   ‘This night is really important to him,’ Yukhei explained, a little later, as he changed his shirt in his office. The event was being held downstairs, across the first two floors of the building. ‘Like, _really_ important. He’s organised it like five years in a row now.’

   ‘Really?’ Jungwoo asked, resolutely concentrating on Yukhei’s schedule even though he’d already read it twelve times. Still, even in his periphery he caught a glimpse of the way that Yukhei’s back muscles worked, the way his broad shoulders shrugged their way into the shirt, the way he turned while still buttoning it up and exposed enough chest that Jungwoo flushed again.

   ‘Yeah, so if he tries to weasel you out of half your salary for a donation, remind him that you’re there as my guest, and that I’ll write him a cheque at the end of the night.’

   ‘Will he try?’ Jungwoo laughed.

   ‘Trust me, he’ll try. And he’ll most likely succeed so don’t let him hook you. Ten’s _very_ persuasive. Alarmingly persuasive. He could talk a king into giving up their crown if you gave him five minutes.’

   ‘I’ll try to stay unhooked,’ said Jungwoo.

   Yukhei was distracted again now, fiddling with his bow-tie and gritting his teeth. ‘I’ve never been any good at these things,’ he muttered.

   ‘Allow me,’ Jungwoo offered, stepping forwards.

   As he wound the velvet around his fingers, he suddenly realised that this was the closest he’d been to Yukhei since _that moment_ a week ago. Only this time they were face to face. He could actually feel Yukhei’s breath, hear the sound as he swallowed, feel the shift in his whole body as he turned his face a little away.

   Jungwoo finished up quickly. His hands were shaking.

   ‘Alright, are you ready?’ Yukhei asked, and Jungwoo was sure that he sounded a little… dazed.

   ‘Let’s go,’ Jungwoo smiled.

   The event downstairs was already in full swing by the time they made their entrance – Yukhei had told him that as the boss, he ought to arrive neither first nor last. The entire ground floor of the building had been transformed, presumably under Ten’s instruction, to the point that it was unrecognisable. It was tasteful, refined in its decoration, but clearly dressed for a party.

   Everywhere Jungwoo looked, there was wealth – diamond necklaces against the throats of the ladies, _Rolex_ watches on the wrists of the men.

   He felt… underdressed, even in the best suit he owned.

   ‘Ah, Yukhei!’

   Jungwoo turned around, spotting Doyoung working his way through the crowd towards them.

   ‘Good evening, Jungwoo.’

   ‘Hello.’

   ‘Jungwoo, this is my husband,’ Doyoung said, and it was only then that Jungwoo realised he was attached at the hand to the man stood a little behind him.

   He was slightly taller than Doyoung, and much broader – in fact, when they stood side by side, they reminded Jungwoo of Yukhei and himself. Except these two were married. Obviously.

   ‘Jaehyun,’ the man said, with a lovely smile and a particularly respectful bow.

   ‘Jae, this is Jungwoo, Yukhei’s PA.’

   ‘How nice to meet you. Not bringing another girl from legal, then, this year?’ Jaehyun asked Yukhei. ‘That must be a first.’

   Yukhei coughed a bit of a splutter. ‘Oh - oh no. I don’t want to end up on a magazine cover again,’ he laughed nervously. ‘They want me to find a girlfriend even more than my _mother_ does. Besides, Jungwoo’s new around here and it seemed like a good chance to meet the family. Business family, I mean. Like… obviously he wouldn’t need to meet my actual family.’

   Jaehyun smiled, but Jungwoo saw the way that he raised his eyebrows almost imperceptibly to Doyoung, who returned his look with a small shrug.

   ‘I need a drink,’ Yukhei announced shakily, turning on his heel.

   ‘Enjoy the night.’

   ‘You guys too,’ Jungwoo smiled to the couple.

   He pondered whether or not to follow Yukhei, but then he remembered that he wasn’t supposed to be working, so he wandered the other way instead.

   Jungwoo was a sociable person. He always had been. He loved meeting people, even if he sometimes got shy. He liked learning other people’s stories and seeing how their minds worked. It wasn’t difficult for him to slot his way into a conversation, make a new friend, make someone smile.

   By the time that Yukhei found him again, he’d found himself part of a large group of nurses from the hospital. Of everyone he’d spoken to, they were the people he wanted to spend the evening with – they were the only ones who didn’t look down their noses at him when they found out he was only the boss’s PA.

   ‘Hey, Woo, the auction’s gonna start!’

   Jungwoo noticed, as Yukhei slung an arm around his shoulder, that he seemed slightly wobbly already. ‘Are you alright, boss?’ he asked.

   ‘I told you, this night’s about the champagne,’ Yukhei said breezily. ‘Here, pick something for me to buy.’

   Jungwoo took the leaflet that Yukhei handed him with a confused expression. He flicked it open, and found that it was a list of all of the items on auction for the charity. There were jewels, two sports cars, tickets to the Super Bowl, lots of wine… Every item made Jungwoo’s eyes widen further. ‘I don’t - ’

   ‘I don’t want any of it. Just pick something. It’s about the money, not the prize.’

   ‘I… okay… I…’ Jungwoo scanned the paper. ‘How about this – a week’s stay on this guy’s private island? It could be really nice for you to have a holiday.’

   Yukhei took back the leaflet and crumpled it up in his hand. ‘Great choice. I’ll win it for you.’

   ‘Wait, wait what? For me? No, Yukhei, it’s for _you_!’ Jungwoo chased after him, because his boss had already started to walk briskly to the function room.

   The evening unravelled with increasing absurdity.

   Jungwoo had his policy never to judge people, but it was getting harder.

   There had been some rich people at Arizon. Some very rich people. But this was ostentation on a new level.

   Yukhei won his island trip. Ten won a piece of art that made Jungwoo’s eyes water at the cost. Doyoung won a vintage computer that looked like little more than a box to Jungwoo, but apparently was worth more than his car.

   Back out in the foyer, where people were taking out their chequebooks for donations, Jungwoo watched Yukhei somewhat anxiously. He was drinking. Drinking a lot. Glass after glass of champagne at such a pace that Jungwoo wondered whether he should stop him. Only a few hours earlier, Yukhei had said that he didn’t want to be on the front cover of a magazine again, and there were reporters lurking everywhere.

   To his surprise, though, Yukhei’s friends got there first.

   ‘Hey, hey Xuxi, slow it down,’ Ten murmured, stepping close to him as Jungwoo watched from a short distance. ‘What’s gotten into you?’

   ‘What?’ Yukhei actually swayed as he turned.

   ‘Come on, mate, not here,’ Doyoung said softly, taking the glass from his hand.

   Yukhei protested. _Loudly._

‘Look, if you want to get wasted to forget what’s bothering you, do it later at a club,’ Ten said, right in his ear. ‘ _Please_ just don’t do it here.’

   ‘Bother – what – nothing’s bothering me.’

   ‘Why don’t you go and sit in your office for a bit? Chill out, splash your face with some water, sober up a little – a _lot_ ,’ Doyoung adjusted. ‘And come back down for the speeches.’

   ‘No, I’m fine,’ Yukhei started, but Ten interrupted him.

   ‘Go upstairs, Xuxi.’

   Jungwoo swallowed. Very occasionally, he’d noticed even in the office, Ten got this tone to his voice that could not be argued with.

   ‘ _Fine_ ,’ Yukhei muttered, reaching out to take a new glass from a passing waiter and stalking away, as best he could when his balance obviously wasn’t as its best.

   As they watched him go, Doyoung whispered something in Ten’s ear that Jungwoo couldn’t quite hear, but he heard Ten’s response. ‘Yes, I know, but he won’t talk to me. What am I supposed to do? Force it out of him?’

   ‘You could try.’

   Ten shook his head. ‘No, it wouldn’t be fair. He has to figure it out himself. He just needs time.’

   As he spoke, he glanced up, and spotted Jungwoo looking before he could turn away.

   ‘Alright, Jungwoo?’ he said, voice making it clear that he knew he’d been watching. ‘Enjoying the evening?’

   ‘Yeah, it’s – it’s great. I’m gonna go and… go and see if Yukhei is okay.’

   ‘He’s fine,’ Doyoung said, ‘he just needs a moment. Too much champagne.’

   ‘Yes, well, I’m supposed to take care of him,’ said Jungwoo, and to his own surprise, he stood up a little straighter. ‘I’m his PA, after all.’

   Ten exchanged a look with Doyoung, and then he smiled. ‘Of course, you’re right. You’re just the person he needs right now.’

   There was a weight in the words, like Ten had loaded something behind them, but Jungwoo just nodded, crossing his own way to the elevator.

   When he finally stepped out onto the top floor, Jungwoo was surprised to find everywhere dark.

   Very dark.

   ‘Yukhei?’ he called out, assuming he’d gone into his own office. ‘Mr Wong?’

   As he crossed the room, too fast, he felt his shin collide with the sharp corner of the low table in the waiting room.

   ‘ _Fuck_!’

   He didn’t swear an awful lot, but this was an exception. The pain shot through his bone like a gunshot, making tears spring to his eyes automatically, and he keeled sideways onto the nearest couch, clutching his shin in his hand. His eyes squeezed closed, feeling the pulsations that emanated from the skin.

   ‘Ow, _ow_ ,’ he whimpered.

   ‘Woo, is that you?’

   ‘I’m okay!’ he called, clenching his teeth.

   Yukhei’s door flew open, and for a second he was framed in silhouette, every bit the superhero, but then the illusion was shattered when he stumbled his way over, still drunk. ‘Shit, Woo, what did you do?’

   ‘Leg. Table.’

   Yukhei dropped onto the couch beside him. His hand went straight to Jungwoo’s shin, without any of the hesitation he’d had whenever he’d had to touch him even for a second over the last week. He pulled up the leg of Jungwoo’s dress pants, even when he moaned in protest, and pulled out his phone for a light. ‘Okay, you’re not bleeding,’ he said, ‘but you’re gonna have a massive fucking bruise. What were you doing up here in the dark?’

   ‘What were _you_ doing? Why didn’t you turn a bloody light on?’

   ‘Sorry,’ Yukhei mumbled. 

   As the pain settled, bringing Jungwoo back to a level head, he realised that Yukhei’s hand was still rested on his knee.

   ‘Are you okay, boss?’ Jungwoo asked quietly. ‘I came up to check on you.’

   ‘I just had too much to drink. I’m… I’m…’ Yukhei looked down, and then to Jungwoo’s absolute astonishment, he tilted forwards, forehead dropping down onto his shoulder. ‘I’m fine.’

   He froze for a moment. Yukhei seemed far from fine. After an internal battle that felt like an hour but could only have been ten seconds, Jungwoo lifted a hand to rub gently at his back. They stayed there for a while, long enough that Yukhei’s body relaxed, losing its rigid tension.

   ‘Do you want - ’ Jungwoo started, thinking he could get him some water or something, but his words seemed to wake Yukhei from his stupor. Yukhei put his other hand down automatically on Jungwoo’s thigh to support himself as he pulled back, but as he went, his cheek brushed against his face.

   It happened so fast that Jungwoo barely had time to angle himself better as Yukhei leant in to kiss him.

   It might have been the least romantic kiss Jungwoo had felt since high school, but his eyes fell closed nonetheless, breath caught in a vice in his throat. Yukhei didn’t move, didn’t even try to kiss him properly, his lips just pressed against the corner of Jungwoo’s mouth.

   Then –

   ‘ _Fuck_ ,’ Yukhei pulled back, and Jungwoo’s eyes flew open. ‘Oh fuck, oh fuck Jungwoo I’m so sorry.’

   ‘It’s - ’ he was so breathless, so stunned, that he didn’t know what to say.

   ‘Shit, shit, shit. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened, I - ’ Yukhei clapped his hand over his own mouth and backed off the couch with a look of complete horror on his face. ‘I’m sorry.’

    ‘Yukhei, it’s okay,’ he said, heart pounding. ‘It’s _okay_ , I - ’

   ‘I have to go and give my speech,’ Yukhei choked, stumbling on the same table as he sped to the door. ‘I’m sorry.’

   Jungwoo stood up, but he was gone in a second, before he’d even caught his breath.

   He stared after him, a hollow feeling replacing the moment of exhilaration.

   Slowly, as though weighed down by the world, he dragged himself over to the reception desk, to his own chair, as though there he could find some understanding. He dropped into it, heart a drum against his ribcage.

   He looked at the door that Yukhei had taken, as if the spectre of him might offer meaning. As he watched nothing, his tongue touched out absentmindedly over his lips as it always did when he was in thought, and when it swiped over the corner of his lip, right where Yukhei’s kiss seemed to be lingering like burning embers, he closed his mouth.

   Champagne.

   His lips tasted like champagne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	6. Chapter 6

   He’d drunk so much.

   He actually wished that he had drunk more.

   Enough that he wouldn’t have to remember.

   ‘ _Fuck_ ,’ Yukhei said aloud, to nobody but the feathers in his pillow. It was a miracle, he thought for a second, that he’d managed to breathe all night, because his face was pressed so hard into the pillow that his nose felt squashed out of line.

   The room was filled with his ringtone. The tone he kept exclusively for Ten and Doyoung.

   He opened one eye, shifting sideways and fumbling around the sheets for his phone. He’d forgotten to plug it in, so there was only seven percent battery. Still, it was sufficient time for Ten to have a go at him for getting drunk at his event.

   To his surprise, though, Ten’s voice wasn’t angry. If anything, it was… full of relief. ‘ _Yukhei_ \- ’

   ‘What?’ he mumbled, sitting up, then collapsing back down when his head throbbed.

   ‘ _Are you okay_?’

   ‘Yeah, yeah I’m fine.’ He clapped a hand over his eyes. He’d also forgotten to close the curtains, and sunlight was streaming into his bedroom. ‘Why?’

   ‘ _Because it’s nearly midday and you’re not in the office._ ’

   ‘Oh _shit_!’ Yukhei properly sat up this time, fingers moving to run through his hair instead. A wave of nausea rippled through his stomach, and his hand shot out to his nightstand for the glass of water he’d left there. Jungwoo had told him last time he’d got drunk that it was important to have water around. Apparently the Yukhei of last night had been more sensible than he’d given himself credit for.

   ‘ _Hey, hey, don’t worry, Xuxi. Lay back down. Take a breath.’_

He flopped back, wondering if Ten heard his groan down the phone. ‘I’m sorry.’

   ‘ _Doyoung took your ten o’clock meeting. I’ll meet TST for you.’_

‘God, Ten, I screwed up,’ he mumbled. He’d never missed a day of work. Not _ever_. No wonder Ten had called him.

   In all of the years that they’d run the company already, in all of the years that he’d spent partying, he’d never once missed work. It was as if his brain hadn’t wanted him to wake up – as if it didn’t want to have to deal with the reality of the day.

   ‘ _It’s not a big deal. You want me to come around later? You want to… talk?’_

‘No, no,’ he kneaded his eyes with his palms. ‘I’m just hungover. I’ll be fine tomorrow.’

   He heard Ten sigh. ‘ _Alright, well get some rest, won’t you?’_

‘Yeah, I will. See you tomorrow.’

   He threw his phone down a little too ferociously, enough that it skidded from the bed and clattered to the floor. Then he regretted it because it wasn’t the phone’s fault, and launched himself across the tangle of sheets, hanging over the side of the bed, and picking it back up.

   One look at his lock-screen was enough to churn his stomach even more.

   He’d slept through fifteen missed calls. Amongst them, there were two from Ten, two from Doyoung, and one from…

   One from him.

   Oh _fuck_.

   ‘I kissed Jungwoo,’ he moaned aloud.

   Saying it made it real. Very real. For the first two minutes of consciousness, he’d managed to bury the thought down amongst the nausea and the pain in his head and the sound of Ten’s voice, but now it was unavoidable.

   He’d kissed Jungwoo.

   ‘I’m never drinking again. Never.’

   _Ha_.

   He’d kissed Jungwoo and the alcohol wasn’t a good enough excuse.

   It wasn’t like he’d ever accidentally kissed a guy while drunk before. What was the alcohol supposed to have done? Made Jungwoo look mildly more like a girl? No. Made him forget that he himself was a guy? No. Made it _just not matter_? Perhaps slightly more likely.

   Like it could ever _just not matter_.

   Ten liked guys. Doyoung had married one. But Yukhei liked girls.

   That was how things went. How life had always been. How it had to be, especially now, because if the last tenuous connection that Yukhei had to his family was the prospect of him marrying the right girl, there was absolutely no place in his reality for one more bombshell.

   No, it was just unthinkable.

   But that didn’t stop him thinking it.

   Did he _like_ Jungwoo?

   _No._

‘Yes.’

   Fuck, even his voice was betraying him.  

   He stood up, because it would be easier to get wrapped up in his thoughts if he stayed in bed. Anything to do… anything that would distract him. He was still wearing his suit from last night, the shirt uncomfortable now, his belt digging into his stomach.

   _Shower_. _Get dressed. Have a coffee. Have breakfast._

He needed to follow his routine. He needed to do normal things.

   Because he needed to make today normal. He’d fucked up before – he’d done things he regretted while drunk more times than he could count – and he dealt with it. He dealt with everything head on, that was just his way.

   Except this.

   How was he supposed to deal with this head on when he didn’t even know what _this_ was?

   Jungwoo had called him. Maybe that meant he wasn’t mad at him. Or maybe it meant that he _was_ mad at him. What if he’d called to resign? Yukhei wouldn’t blame him. And yet, amongst all the chaos rattling around his brain, one thing was crystal clear in his mind: he couldn’t bear for Jungwoo to leave. Seeing him was the highlight of his day these days – listening to him talk in his soft, melodic voice; watching him laugh behind the reception desk; dragging him around the city to every coffee shop and every restaurant he liked and talking his ear off because Jungwoo never complained, not ever.

   He knew what Ten would say if he told him all that – _sounds like you_ do _like him, Xuxi._

But Ten, or at least the version of him in Yukhei’s head, didn’t know what it was like inside his mind right now. He didn’t know that if Yukhei let this thought take root in his reality, it would ruin everything.

   That was why he had never let it take root before. Not even the tiniest seedlings of thought. Too many looks, maybe, at a boy back at school with prettier eyes than the girls who he just couldn’t stop looking at, or the captain of the football team at college who’d given him his number at the bar on the back of a ticket that Yukhei _maybe_ had never torn up no matter how many times he’d thought about it.

   Seedlings of thought.

   Easily ignored.

   But Jungwoo wasn’t a seedling. He was a tree. A blooming, beautiful cherry blossom who was putting roots right where he couldn’t dig them out.

   _Unavoidable_.

   ‘God you really did it this time Yukhei,’ he whispered to himself, closing his eyes. ‘You really fucked it _right_ up.’

   There had been one line left between them that he couldn’t cross, and he’d gone right ahead and crashed over it.

   Why could he never stay calm and collected and conduct himself like a normal person?

   ‘Because you’re Wong Yukhei,’ he muttered to himself as he switched on the water.

*

   Jungwoo’s hands had just about stopped shaking, his heart had just about stopped pounding, and his mind had settled into a cycle of forced normalcy. He went about his work calmly, exchanging soft words with his co-workers every once in a while, and trying desperately to ignore the holes that Ten’s staring eyes were boring into the top of his head.

   Doyoung, at least, was subtle about it.

   Ten just kept looking at him, as though he could deduce everything that had happened that night at the benefit via telepathy.

   Jungwoo wouldn’t put it past him.

   This second morning, he was starting to feel anxious again. The clock was ticking closer to nine, and Yukhei still hadn’t shown up. He was determined not to let his hands start shaking again, but he couldn’t shift the feeling that he was going to get fired. He’d tried calling Yukhei twice, but he wouldn’t pick up, and he didn’t want to push him anymore, but he really, _really_ , desperately needed to know where they stood. He didn’t want to lose this job. And more importantly he didn’t want to lose whatever he… _had_ with Yukhei because of this. A friendship?

   Then, at the eleventh hour, the elevator dinged, and Yukhei bounded through the doors with perhaps even more energy than normal, and Jungwoo’s hands just froze on their papers.

   ‘Morning, morning! Morning Ten, morning Doyoung!’ Yukhei skipped straight over to where they were stood, discussing the folder held open in Doyoung’s arms, and muscled his way in between the two of them. He threw an arm over both of their shoulders. ‘Thanks for covering me yesterday.’

   They both looked at him with as much surprise as Jungwoo knew would be painted across his own face.

   He angled his gaze down, cheeks turning red. Yukhei wasn’t looking at him. He was very specifically _not_ looking at him.

   Which could only be a bad sign.

   Especially when he loped with equal enthusiasm over to the desk, with a _‘good morning, Sumi! Good morning, Chunja!’_ and still didn’t look at him. Until…

   ‘Hey.’

   His eyes snapped up. His heart seemed to stop. ‘Good morning, Yukhei,’ he exhaled, with all of the stored breath in his lungs. He wasn’t sure when he’d be able to refill them, because he appeared to have forgotten how to breathe.

   ‘Jungwoo, can I have a word in my office?’

   He forced a breath, because he didn’t actually want to faint at his desk. ‘Okay, yes, yes of course,’ he choked, standing up quickly. He knew that Ten and Doyoung were looking at him again, but he kept his head low, wringing his hands together as he followed Yukhei to his office.

   He went to the seat he’d occupied during his first interview, heart in his mouth.

   He wondered whether he should speak first, but he couldn’t find the courage.

   Yukhei sat down, slipping his jacket from around his shoulders and throwing it carelessly over half of his desk. He inhaled deeply, and Jungwoo knew he was trying to make it sound steady, and then said, ‘Jungwoo, I – I like to tackle things head-on. I don’t like leaving things to simmer, because it makes them worse, and we’re not teenagers, so I feel like I should just say it.’

   Jungwoo nodded automatically.

   ‘I’m sorry for the other night. I shouldn’t have… done what I did… in the first place. And running out like that was immature and stupid and I… I shouldn’t have done that either.’

   Jungwoo opened his mouth, but Yukhei kept talking.

   ‘I was drunk. Really drunk. And I just… I don’t know, I forgot myself for a second. It was an accident, and completely my fault, and I’m so sorry if I made you uncomfortable.’

   ‘I wasn’t uncomfortable,’ Jungwoo said softly, a lump in his throat. ‘Why would I be?’

   Yukhei’s mouth fell slightly open. ‘Well because I’m your boss,’ he said, with the air that suggested that part was easy. ‘And because I’m… because I’m a guy,’ he said, with the air that suggested that part was difficult.

   ‘Yukhei -’ Jungwoo swallowed before changing tack. ‘So you’re my boss? It’s cool, like you said, we’re adults, a kiss isn’t a big deal. It happens. And I’m gay, so I’m not exactly going to hold the _guy_ part against you.’ Then he laughed gently. He actually laughed.

   He didn’t feel like it, but he made it happen. He made himself throw out the _I’m gay_ part with a carefree tone, because if Yukhei was struggling with his sexuality, the last thing he wanted to do was make _that_ seem like something that should be stuttered over – as if it was something to be ashamed of. He laughed from his throat because he couldn’t find the feeling further down, but he’d do whatever it took to make his boss feel at ease.

   ‘You – you are?’ Yukhei looked surprised.

   Had he really not noticed? _Oh wow_ , Jungwoo thought, _and there I was thinking my crush had been showing_. ‘Yeah, I am. So don’t worry, I’m not uncomfortable or pissed or anything else.’ He paused, before daring to venture. ‘If you want to forget it ever happened and just carry on like before, that’s fine, I won’t even think on it. And if you want to… if you want to do it again… then that’s fine too.’

   Yukhei stared at him. His cheeks flushed slightly pink.

   ‘Do you want me to call Mr Kwak and rearrange a meeting with him?’ he asked, voice casual and business-like. He figured that it was better to give Yukhei some time to think by himself, rather than turning this into some sort of dramatic ultimatum.

   ‘Yeah,’ Yukhei nodded, looking somewhat dazed. ‘Thanks.’

   ‘I’ll bring you your mail,’ he said with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

   ‘Woo - ’ Yukhei started before he got to the door. ‘Thanks for not… for not making a big deal out of it.’

   ‘No problem. Coffee hot or iced?’

   ‘Iced.’

   ‘Coming right up.’

   ‘Oh and Woo - ’

   Jungwoo made a mental note that he was very glad to be back to _Woo_. Being called to his office as _Jungwoo_ earlier had made him even more anxious. _Woo_ meant they were still friends.

   ‘Would you call about getting my plane booked for the seventeenth? I have to go to Hong Kong.’

   ‘Sure,’ he nodded, brow furrowing as he tried to remember where he recognised the date from, ‘any specific time?’

   ‘Early,’ he sighed.

   ‘Do you need a hotel?’

   ‘Uh, no, no, I’m actually going to see my family. Just a car from the airport.’

   Jungwoo was mildly surprised. Yukhei didn’t really talk about his family – Jungwoo just figured that he was private – but of course _that_ was where he remembered the date from. His mom had called a couple of days ago about it.

   ‘Okay, I’ll deal with it,’ he smiled.

   ‘ _Woo -_ ’

   He turned around with his hand on the door handle for the third time.

   ‘Do you wanna come with me?’

   ‘Where?’ he asked, thinking that he was probably talking about lunch now.

   ‘Hong Kong. I mean it’s not technically business and so you don’t have to but… you know I get a lot of calls and I’m not going to be able to take them all while I’m with my family and it could be really helpful if - ’

   ‘Sure, I’ll come with you,’ he said, not unaware of the fact that he was fairly sure he would be perfectly able to take Yukhei’s calls from his desk right here in Seoul.

   ‘Great,’ Yukhei beamed, and all of a sudden it was like the last couple of days hadn’t happened. He sat back, propped his feet up onto an open drawer, and grabbed the top file from the pile on his desk, flicking it open.

   Jungwoo closed the door quietly behind him, then settled back against it, his whole body relaxing for the first time in two days. Then he remembered that he was in the office in full view of any prying eyes and he stepped away quickly, hurrying back to his desk.

   It was okay. Things were okay. They would figure themselves out.

   Yukhei would figure himself out.

   And Jungwoo would be waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	7. Chapter 7

Jungwoo had been to Hong Kong twice before in his life: once, with his school, and once, as a child, with his parents. On neither occasion had he ever set foot in a corner that resembled the one in which Yukhei’s parents resided.

   Their house was situated overlooking a small bay, some way out from the city. House, he thought on reflection, was a cheap term.

   Yukhei’s family lived in a mansion.

   A grotesquely oversized mansion given the unmissable lack of available space.

   ‘You grew up here?’ Jungwoo raised his eyebrows, peering out the window of the car. They were sat together in the back seat. Here, apparently, Yukhei let a stranger drive. It seemed to be making him mildly restless; or perhaps that was just the knowledge of his impending reunion with his parents. Jungwoo had the impression, informed partly by things he’d seen in the press, that Yukhei wasn’t exactly their favourite son.

   ‘Not really,’ Yukhei shrugged, sinking a little further back into his seat. ‘I told you, right? That I was at boarding school from four?’

   ‘ _Four_?’ Jungwoo murmured, half to himself and half to him. He couldn’t think of anything that would make parents want to send away a four-year-old.

   ‘In the summers I didn’t have to see anyone much. My parents were never home, anyway. I was closer with our staff.’

   Jungwoo narrowed his eyes. It wasn’t like he’d never imagined being rich. He’d grown up in what he considered to be a very _normal_ family – they were never wealthy, but they weren’t poor either. He hadn’t had the latest gadgets or a big allowance to spend, but he’d always had food on the table and his parents had even saved up for a holiday, still in Korea, to the mountains every year. Above all, they’d always made sure that he had _enough_.

   Sometimes he’d been envious, of other children that he met – the kids that brought in the new handheld games console to school, or who went home to huge apartments, or got picked up from school in nicer cars. Yes, he’d imagined himself with money. He’d even imagined himself lording over a mansion like this, when he was a kid.

   Now, though, as he tried to imagine a four-year-old Yukhei landing alone in Korea, isolated and immaterial to his parents likely until he was old enough to inherit their business – to be _useful_ – he decided that he far preferred his own story.

   ‘What industry is your father in, Yukhei?’ he asked.

   ‘Land development,’ Yukhei said darkly, looking at the house.

   ‘You… you weren’t interested in land?’ he inquired with a small smile, hoping to distract him.

   ‘Not in the slightest. They blame Neo Culture Technology. Fuck, they blame Doyoung and Ten,’ he laughed, and Jungwoo was very relieved to hear that sound. ‘They think I was led astray. But I wouldn’t have taken over this business even if I’d wound up with nothing.’

   ‘Really?’

   Yukhei pulled a face. ‘Do you know what land development involves? It means buying up land for less than it’s worth from desperate people who’ll accept anything. It means getting government permits to push people who _won’t_ sell right out of their homes anyway. It means putting together unsafe, below standard, unliveable apartments little larger than a cage, and selling them for twenty times the price of the land you put them on.’

   Jungwoo stared at him.

   ‘Dirty money,’ he muttered. ‘I love my parents, but going into business with them? No. It was never going to happen. Besides, my younger brother is much more… that way inclined.’

   Jungwoo took a very deep breath, debating whether he should dare to do something so provocative, before reaching across the backseat and taking Yukhei’s hand. Yukhei flinched, but he didn’t pull away. After a second, he relaxed. Jungwoo gave his fingers a gentle squeeze, and directed a reassuring smile to his face. ‘You’re doing so much good, Yukhei. Every day the company is in the news. I saw it on the front cover literally two days ago. That filtration system that you invested in? It’s going to bring clean water to forty-thousand more people.’

   To his surprise, Yukhei sighed. ‘And every day I feel like we’re drifting further from that. We invest in something good, like we always wanted to, and then the next day we’re signing a mega-deal with a company like _Sony_.’

   ‘That’s business though, isn’t it?’ he said, though he was fairly sure that his boss should _know_ this. ‘That’s what you’ve got to do to pay for the good stuff, right?’

   ‘Yeah,’ Yukhei nodded, as the car pulled around the fountain outside the house, drawing up in front of imposing double doors. ‘Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I get all antsy when I’m back here.’

   He noticed, as Yukhei put a hand on the handle of his car door, a flash of silver. It was the wide band that he wore on his ring finger, engraved in black.

   ‘Yukhei? What do those rings mean?’ he asked. ‘I’ve noticed Ten and Doyoung wear them too.’

   ‘Oh, these?’ he smiled. ‘We got them made at school. Obviously they’ve been enlarged, since then, maybe a little upgraded. It means we’re married to the company.’

   ‘That’s sweet,’ Jungwoo grinned.

   ‘ _Doyoung_ had to go and ruin it, of course. You know, by _actually_ getting married. He wears his on the other hand now. Ten and I are alright, though. Ten will be an eternal bachelor – I’d bet my fortune on it – and I’m… well I don’t know what I am.’

   ‘You don’t think you’ll get married?’ Jungwoo asked, over the top of the car as he climbed out the other side.

   ‘I’m not sure,’ Yukhei mused. ‘I don’t know if I’d make a good husband.’

   That surprised him. He knew, of course, all about Yukhei’s whimsical side, but he was also, Jungwoo thought, the sort of person who’d make a _very_ good husband. What was it Kun had called it when he’d asked? Boyfriend material? Yukhei was kind, dedicated, extraordinarily committed, loyal, funny, handsome…

   _Wait_ , what had they been saying?

   ‘I think you would,’ he mumbled, as though he wasn’t sure he wanted him to hear. ‘Haven’t you ever thought about it? Pictured your wedding?’

   They stopped by the doors. ‘I guess I’ve just never… been sure what it would look like,’ Yukhei shrugged.

   Before Jungwoo could ask anything else, the left-hand door had opened.

   ‘Yutung!’ Yukhei beamed, throwing himself on the man who opened the door.

   The change of mood was almost enough to give Jungwoo whiplash.

   He spoke for a few moments in extremely rapid Cantonese, pulling back and surveying the elderly man. He said something else, which made the stranger reach out and ruffle his hair. Yukhei twisted away, laughing as broadly as he did when he was with his friends.

   ‘Jungwoo, this is Yutung,’ he said, switching back to Korean. ‘Our butler.’

   Jungwoo knew a very small amount of Cantonese, enough to introduce himself, but little more. Luckily, as usual, he didn’t have to do much talking. After all, Yukhei always did most of the work.

   His boss chatted away, finding his characteristic booming laugh, straightening up with an air of greater confidence than he’d had since they’d departed from Incheon International.

   Jungwoo took the opportunity to peer around as Yutung led them through the house, trying to take in as much as possible. It was most… un-Yukhei. Everything was shaped in clean but slightly curved lines. In the entrance hall, there were vases atop columns, two of them behind glass. It certainly wasn’t Jungwoo’s taste. He liked a home to look like people lived there, not like it was a museum. He preferred Yukhei’s house.

   ‘You can stay in the room opposite mine,’ Yukhei craned over his shoulder at where Jungwoo was following them. ‘Hopefully we can go home tomorrow.’

   _Home_. Jungwoo always thought of his parents’ house as home, and his apartment as… just that, his apartment. For Yukhei, though, it seemed, this house was very far from home. A thousand miles, he supposed.

   Jungwoo walked into the room that they showed him, glancing around. It was simple, clearly a guest room, but there was a grossly expensive looking rug, and an intricate tapestry on the far wall.

   He jumped as he felt Yukhei move up behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder. ‘I have to go and find my mother,’ he sighed, ‘let her know that the prodigal son has returned. We’re going out for dinner later, but you don’t have to come. My parents have a cook, so you can go to the kitchen any time.’

   ‘Okay,’ Jungwoo nodded. He’d assumed that something like dinner would be a family affair anyway. ‘Is there anything you want me to do?’

   ‘Actually,’ Yukhei fumbled around with his travel bag, ‘if you could go through my presentation for the conference in New York? Make me sound better? You’re a Lit grad after all.’

   ‘Of course,’ Jungwoo took the slide print-outs he handed him. They were already strewn with Yukhei’s messy handwriting. ‘Have fun with your family,’ he gave Yukhei a smile that he didn’t return.

   ‘Yeah, can’t wait,’ he muttered.

*

Afternoon stretched into evening for Jungwoo with almost no interruption at all. It felt rather like staying in a hotel. There were little to no personal touches to the room, it was completely quiet, and there was little to do. He’d put the TV on, fixed to the wall opposite the bed, volume turned low, as he concentrated on work, sat at the dressing table.

   He didn’t have to go to find food, because at one point, Yutung showed up at his door with a steaming platter and a friendly, toothy grin.

   Jungwoo liked Yutung.

   He didn’t know if he would be so inclined towards anyone else in the house. But then again, he wondered whether he would even get to meet any of them. From what he’d heard, combined with what he’d deduced, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to.

   He still didn’t know why Yukhei had even brought him here.

   There wasn’t any business reason – he could be doing this work back home.

   The answer, really, was obvious.

   For all Yukhei’s talk about loving his parents, Jungwoo could tell how hard this was for him. He couldn’t help but think that from their end, making their son feel like this didn’t sound an awful lot like love to him.

    Clearly, Yukhei wanted the support.

    Someone there who was in his corner.

   And sure enough, the clock had just ticked past eleven when Jungwoo heard a knock on the door.

   He’d got changed into sweatpants and an oversized grey hoodie, and he’d already showered in the en-suite bathroom, hair fluffy and skin a little pink. He jumped up from the dresser, opened the door quickly, and found Yukhei leant against the frame.

   ‘Can I… can I hang out in here?’ he asked with a weak smile.

   ‘Yeah, yeah of course,’ said Jungwoo, face falling into lines of concern. He’d never seen Yukhei look so… defeated. His posture was curved in, arms crossed in front of himself, eyes tired and not at all affected by the smile he’d forced. ‘Are you okay?’

   ‘Mm,’ Yukhei sighed. He flopped down onto the bed as soon as Jungwoo closed the door, eyes falling shut. ‘They are… hard work.’

   ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

   Yukhei shook his head, ‘nah, it’s just family stuff.’

   What _family-stuff_ meant was still a mystery to Jungwoo. He’d always been very close with his parents, so close that dinners with them usually meant he left with his head held _higher_ , not with his shoulders slumped and face wearied like Yukhei’s right now. ‘You want me to get you anything?’

   ‘No, no I’m cool. I’ve already had a ton of food and half a bottle of red wine.’

   ‘Only half?’ Jungwoo smiled, hoping it would make him laugh.

   ‘It might have been the final straw for my father if I’d got drunk at dinner,’ Yukhei yawned. ‘It’s easier when my brother’s here – he can distract them, being all perfect and everything. But he’s away looking at land over in the States. I fucking hate being the centre of their attention.’

   It was hard to imagine Yukhei hating being the centre of attention. Usually, that was exactly what he thrived on.

   Yukhei lay there, flat on his back, for so long that Jungwoo thought he might have fallen asleep. He went to sit back down but then Yukhei mumbled –

   ‘You look really different.’

   ‘I… huh?’ he turned around, looking at where Yukhei had propped himself up on his elbows.

   ‘I’ve always wanted to see you without your parting,’ Yukhei smiled. ‘You always look so tidy.’

   Jungwoo’s hands shot up self-consciously to his hair, flattening it down on the top. He hadn’t even thought about the fact that Yukhei hadn’t really seen him like this before. The times Jungwoo had fallen asleep near him had always been spontaneous, usually still dressed, and never after his skincare routine.

   ‘You look nice,’ he said softly.

   Jungwoo felt himself turn pink.

   ‘Woo… can we… could we do… could we do the thing?’

   It took Jungwoo a moment to process his words. ‘I… the thing?’

   ‘You know… you said… you said maybe we could do it again.’

   Oh. _Oh._

‘It’s okay if you don’t want - ’ Yukhei started, but Jungwoo had already walked back over to the bed.

   He definitely wasn’t _un_ happy that Yukhei had chosen that option. He’d told himself that it was okay either way – that he was perfectly content with being Yukhei’s PA if he wanted to forget all about that night at the benefit – but his heart gave a flutter at the prospect of this choice. The truth was, he’d sort of wanted Yukhei to kiss him properly ever since the first time he’d met him, let alone since that fumbling in the dark office.

   ‘Are you sure?’ he whispered.

   Yukhei nodded, but he didn’t move.

   ‘Well?’ Jungwoo said playfully, climbing onto the bed and sitting very close to him. ‘Do you want to kiss me or not?’

   ‘Oh, oh yeah,’ Yukhei gave a shy laugh. ‘I really do.’

   It was so lovely, to hear him like that. To see him like that. He was always so loud, so confident, but in _this_ , Jungwoo was the confident one. Seeing Yukhei get a little shy was charming, in its own way.

   He leant in as Yukhei laced his fingers into his hair, the side of his hand resting at the nape of his neck. It seemed to take him only a few split seconds of thought before Yukhei drew him down the rest of the way, bringing their lips together.

   There were a million lightyears of difference between this and their previous kiss.

   This time, Yukhei was under control, calm, and _trying_. Jungwoo let his eyes fall closed, concentrating on the feeling of Yukhei’s fingers taking a steadier hold as he grew more confident, his other hand finding a place to settle on Jungwoo’s waist.

   Jungwoo let himself _be kissed_ , rather than doing the kissing. He didn’t want to risk pushing Yukhei too far, too fast. He parted his lips only for a little breath when Yukhei pulled back, returning to brush lightly at Jungwoo’s lower lip.

   That, and one more chaste kiss right on his mouth, and then Yukhei stopped, resting his forehead against Jungwoo’s.

   Their breath married into one, warm between them.

   ‘You’ve got me all… I don’t know, Woo,’ Yukhei whispered, and the swallow he took was audible. ‘All I’ve been able to think about is… is doing that again.’

   ‘Well it’s a good thing I enjoy _that_ , then,’ Jungwoo gave him what he hoped was his most charming smile. He’d rested, he noticed now, both arms over Yukhei’s shoulders, at some point during the kiss. He tightened them a little in a hug, moving his head so that he could plant his chin on his shoulder instead, inhaling his aftershave – strong, citrussy.

   They stayed still for a while, but then Yukhei pulled away. ‘I should go,’ he murmured.  

   ‘You can stay in here? Just… just sleeping,’ he added quickly.

   Yukhei laughed, looking down. ‘If someone catches me coming out of here in the morning, I’ll be in the sort of trouble you wouldn’t even imagine.’

   ‘Okay,’ Jungwoo said sadly. Not because it meant Yukhei was going to leave, but because of the reason why. ‘Are we going home tomorrow?’

   ‘No,’ Yukhei gave a heavy sigh. ‘It _transpires_ that I have to attend another dinner tomorrow. But then it’s back to Korea, I promise. Not a day too soon,’ he added.

   ‘Goodnight, then,’ Jungwoo angled in to kiss his cheek lightly. ‘You know where to find me, if you want to do… the thing, again.’

   Yukhei flushed. ‘ _If_?’

   ‘I’m glad to see I’m so addictive,’ Jungwoo smiled again. ‘I want to do it again too.’

   ‘Maybe we should start making it a date,’ Yukhei beamed, and he didn’t backtrack on the word _date_ this time. He stood up and paused at the dresser, picking up the papers. ‘You know… you know I don’t really have any actual work for you, right? I just… I just really wanted you here with me.’

   ‘I _kind_ of figured,’ said Jungwoo, settling back on his elbows as Yukhei had a little earlier.

   ‘Sleep well,’ Yukhei told him, and he put on his _boss-voice_. It was exactly the same as his normal voice, but with a jaunty sort of command to it. ‘Don’t get up early. I’ve kept you up late, after all.’

   ‘Yeah, can you come around half an hour earlier next time?’ Jungwoo teased.

   ‘If I can even wait that long,’ Yukhei answered, the humour automatic, with a small wave.

   Jungwoo rolled onto his side as soon as he was gone. He closed his eyes, nudging his hands up into his sleeves for warmth. It had been a big step – he knew that it was greedy to hope for more – but he really wished that Yukhei could have stayed. If he concentrated, he could already imagine the feeling of falling asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	8. Chapter 8

   Returning to his childhood bedroom again was always an unsettling experience for Yukhei.

   For one, it bore very little sign that _he’d_ ever lived there. His school dormitory had held more character. His office held more character. Hell, the front seat of his car held more character than this place.

   He sat down at the desk on the morning of his second, and hopefully _final_ , day in Hong Kong. Everything was neatly organised, no doubt attacked by the housekeeper in his absence. All of the papers he’d had stuck to the pin-board behind the desk were gone, and for a moment he panicked, wrenching open the top drawer and only relaxing when he found them stuffed at the very back.

   He took the pages into his hands, thumbing through them.

   There were important things there – things left behind from when he’d still had to return _every_ summer (a cycle that had lasted until he’d graduated college and finally had to put his foot down about not taking six weeks out of the country every year – another step that had not had a friendly effect on his relationship with his parents). Amongst them, a handwritten draft of the opening speech he’d given at his first conference, while still at college; a diagram of Doyoung’s, picturing a solar panel design, on the back of a piece of his Geography homework, aged thirteen; a handwritten note, in Ten’s impeccable handwriting, shoved into his hand during a society meeting at college, letting him know that he’d just received confirmation of their biggest ever investment.

   These papers were the scrapbook of his life.

   Of NCT’s life.

   He took the pile and shoved the entire wad into the side of his travel bag. There was no way he could risk them going missing.

   It didn’t escape his notice that the frame on his windowsill, that had once held a photo of him with Doyoung and Ten, had been replaced by a photograph of him with his parents and brother. He found the original photo tucked away in the same drawer.

   It was as though his life had been erased from the room.

   Or edited, rather. Edited to make a _better_ him.

   Perhaps an engagement with the girl he was meeting in the evening would be the final step in his transformation.

   His parents’ own, personal renovation project.

   He stood up, clenching his fists for a second to relieve the tension in his upper body, from his jaw to his biceps, then turned on his heel and headed to the door.

   He wanted to see Jungwoo.

   He didn’t head straight to his room though, instead sneaking down to the kitchen like he was ten years old again, and returned with an armful of breakfast. His hands were so crammed with food that he ended up knocking on the door with the side of his head, almost falling when Jungwoo opened it.

   ‘I brought food!’ he beamed.

   The smile was half-convincing.

   He felt guilty, already, about the way that he’d acted the previous night. It wasn’t Jungwoo’s responsibility to have to deal with him when he was like that – he never liked _anyone_ having to deal with him when he was like that. In his own eyes, Yukhei was an adult, a strong man, a grown-up who should be able to handle seeing his family without having a meltdown, who should have the grace to offer a smile whether he was happy or not.

   He’d never been very good at… the other thing.

   Doyoung had his moods – his sharp tongue, his sadness, even tears when he was feeling overwhelmed. Ten had _his_ moods – an even sharper tongue, complete detachment, and/or a ferocious argument.

   Yukhei always just… smiled.

   Jungwoo deserved the same courtesy that he paid everyone else, however much he wanted to curl up against him and let out some of the pain in his heart that this repeated trip invariably left him with, because something about Jungwoo made him want to pour out his soul.

   But that was his problem, not Jungwoo’s. He shouldn’t have to deal with that.

   So Yukhei half-smiled.

   It wasn’t as difficult as he thought it might be; the sight of Jungwoo’s face in the morning provided him with the half that was real. The other, he tugged from somewhere deep inside, and prayed that it matched well enough to get away with it.

   ‘You brought a _lot_ of food,’ Jungwoo said shyly, letting him in.

   ‘Oh, yeah, well I really like to eat,’ he said, dropping the bundle unceremoniously down on the dresser, and turning for a better look at Jungwoo.

   He looked smarter this morning – perhaps he’d anticipated his arrival. He had that appearance of someone who had dressed up to dress down, with jeans and a shirt that could have been thrown together but on closer inspection were a little too precisely matched. His hair was parted properly, back to normal.

   _Fuck_ , Yukhei wanted to run his hands through it.

   There were all sorts of things that he wanted to do with Jungwoo.

   Most of them were soft.

   Some of them… were less so.

   Most of all, though, he wanted to kiss him again. Whenever he kissed him, it felt like his world had fallen into place. Even amongst all the chaos in his head, Jungwoo’s touch made him feel grounded – secure – even though he was the very _cause_ of his confusion.

   The problem and the solution.

   Not that Jungwoo could ever be called a problem.

   ‘Shouldn’t you be having breakfast with your parents?’ Jungwoo asked quietly, picking carefully at a pastry.

   ‘Probably,’ Yukhei shrugged, ‘but I’d rather be with you. I’ve gotta see them later anyway.’

   Jungwoo crossed his legs on the bed. He even looked cute eating. ‘Your dinner… did you want me to… come with you? If you’re worried about it…’

   Yukhei shook his head so quickly that he was lucky to avoid a neck injury. ‘No. No, fuck no. I don’t want you to have to – no.’

   ‘It’s a little weird, staying in your parents’ house without even meeting them.’

   ‘The truth is they’re making me meet this girl tonight.’ He bit his own tongue in his haste to swallow back the words, but it was too late. _God_ why couldn’t he keep himself under control? Another thing he’d never been good at. ‘I… there’s no way I’m going to make you sit through that…’

   Jungwoo stared at him, eyes widening as he figured out what he’d said. ‘Oh.’

   The sound was so soft that it tugged on his heartstrings.

   ‘ _Oh_. Like… like meet a girl…’ Jungwoo whispered.

   ‘Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. Why can’t I keep my stupid mouth shut?’

   ‘That’s why you brought me here,’ Jungwoo murmured. ‘Your parents want to find you a - a wife? And you wanted me here to… what, again?’

   He sounded hurt.

   _Shit_ he sounded hurt.

   Yukhei’s brain flitted through a hundred different ideas for how to make it better but they all involved travelling back in time and stopping himself from saying _that_. ‘Like I said yesterday… it’s like… it’s like I just wanted you _with_ me, and - ’

   ‘You could have told me.’ The quietness to his voice made it worse; Yukhei knew that there was probably nothing in the world that could make Jungwoo sound angry, but he sounded _wounded_.

   ‘Woo, I – oh Jungwoo I’m _sorry_ ,’ he stumbled over the words in his haste to express them.

   Jungwoo looked down, poking at crumbs now. ‘It’s fine,’ he mumbled, but it didn’t sound fine. ‘I just wish you had… let me know. You know, that the whole reason we’re here is for a… a date.’

   ‘It’s not a date,’ Yukhei said quickly. ‘Our families are going to be there. It’s - ’

   ‘I can see what it is, Yukhei. I know you’re struggling right now and this is hard for you, and I’m trying to help, trying to make it easier. But please… just _please_ remember that I have feelings too. We can kiss and I’ll keep it secret for you and I’ll come with you to this place so you have someone to lean on or cry on or whatever it is you need, but please keep me in the loop. I’m a person, n-not a toy. You can’t pick me up and take me wherever without an explanation. As your PA for a business trip? Fine. But not when… not when the explanation is you getting set up with a girl five minutes after kissing _me_. That’s something I need to know, first.’

   Yukhei stared at him, heart pounding. ‘God, I fucked up,’ he buried his face in his hands. ‘ _Fuck_ , Woo, it doesn’t mean anything. I’m not going to marry any girl that they set me up with. It’s not like that, I promise. I’m not expecting you to… to _that_.’ He knew he wasn’t making any sense, but he couldn’t stop. ‘I just have to show up every few months and do these dinners so I can go home and be free again, and I only want to be with you, not a girl, I _swear_.’

   To his surprise, Jungwoo took his hands in his, thumbs grazing lightly over the bluish veins. ‘Hey, hey it’s okay,’ he murmured. ‘I know that this is hard. I know that your head is all over the place, but I just need you to remember a little bit that I’m in this relationship too.’

   Yukhei looked down, hating himself for a moment. A long moment.

   The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind that this might be… hard for Jungwoo. _God,_ when did he get so self-centred? He’d kept thinking that he was the one with all the problems and he’d got so wrapped up in that he hadn’t even considered what it would be like for Jungwoo – that all these problems were his problems now too.

   Because they were in a –

   ‘We’re in a relationship?’ he asked, looking back up.

   Jungwoo squeezed his hands. ‘You just said you only want to be with me.’

   ‘Oh… oh I did,’ Yukhei said blankly.

   It was true.

   He’d always been impulsive.

   Sometimes his mouth said things before his brain had decided on them.

   But they were usually true.

   ‘You’re not… gonna like… hate me, now?’

    Jungwoo frowned. ‘Of _course_ not, Yukhei. How could you even think that? It’s not like I didn’t know what I was getting in to after you kissed me the first time and sprinted out of the _room_. I still came back for more, didn’t I? I know this isn’t simple, I’m just trying to open some sort of channel of communication so that we try to… move forwards? Because from what I can see you’re in a bad place in a lot of ways right now and I really don’t want you to have to stay there.’

   Yukhei blinked, unsure why the gentle touch of Jungwoo’s hands was making his eyes water. ‘What do I do?’ he whispered.

   ‘That’s not my place to say,’ Jungwoo said softly. ‘But you said you have to do these dates every few months? How long are you going to keep doing it? Another ten years? I know _you_ have to think about your parents, I know that you care about them and what they think about you, but all _I_ have to think about is you. I want _you_ to be happy and healthy and anyone could see this isn’t good for you.’

   ‘I can’t tell them, Woo,’ he choked.

   ‘You don’t have to,’ Jungwoo moved a hand to his face instead, brushing over his cheek. ‘You never, ever have to tell anyone until you’re ready.’

   ‘So…’ Yukhei thought over what he was saying. ‘So what do I do?’

   Jungwoo gave him a sympathetic look at the repeated question. ‘Just…’ he paused in thought, ‘just do one thing for me? Think about yourself, first. Not them.’

   Yukhei focussed on the hand that was still holding his.

   The third thing he wasn’t very good at: thinking about himself, first.

*

   ‘Sir - father – _dad_ – I’m trying to - ’ Yukhei looked down, giving up.

   He’d been halfway through his third attempt at saying it before his father had taken another call, standing up from lunch and prowling around behind the seats. The dining table was unnecessarily long, with seating for fifteen at least, but Yukhei was stuck opposite his parents, framed on either side by empty seats, with nowhere to hide.

   When he had finally decided what he was going to say, and spent the entire morning psyching himself up for it, Jungwoo had offered to come with him. He’d said no. It was between him and his parents, after all, and the last thing he wanted was for them to start asking questions about Jungwoo. So he was alone.

   ‘What is it, Yukhei?’ his mother asked.

   He looked up.

   He’d always been better at talking to his mom. She didn’t look at him the same way his father did. There was disappointment, maybe, but not… contempt. Not dislike. Because it had taken probably five or so years of adulthood for Yukhei to admit to himself, somewhere deep inside, that his own father didn’t _like_ him.

   ‘Mother,’ he swallowed, thinking maybe it would be easier to say it to her first. ‘Mom, I don’t want to meet with girls like this. I don’t want you guys setting me up, anymore. I want to marry someone who I fall in love with.’ He was very careful to keep the _someone_ vague. Unspecified in all the important ways.

   She stared at him. She was a beautiful woman, and a far more inspiring role model than his father had ever been to him. An engineer. Or she had been. She didn’t have that career, these days. Yukhei wished that she still did, after all the work that she’d done for it. ‘Yukhei, don’t be silly,’ she said quietly, glancing over at her husband. ‘Of course you can fall in love, you just need to fall in love with one of the… right people.’

   He took a deep, _deep_ breath, concentrating in his mind’s eye on the fact that Jungwoo was back upstairs waiting for him.

   _Jungwoo_.

   This was the first step to making it work with him.

   That gave him courage.

   ‘No, mom. I’m not doing it anymore. I’ll go tonight because it’s all organised and I don’t want anyone to think our family is rude, but after that, please don’t arrange anything else like this because -’ Another inhale. ‘– because I’m not going to go.’

   ‘Not going to go where?’

   His eyes shot up to his father, who had placed his phone down on the table, surveying him from the elevated height of his standing position.

   His courage almost entirely abandoned him.

   ‘Yukhei?’

   He glanced fleetingly at his mother, looking for support in her eyes, but she looked as lost as he felt. He gulped, trying to think about Jungwoo again. ‘I’m not going to any more of these dinners. After tonight.’

   ‘No, you’re not.’

   He looked up in surprise.

   ‘Because you’re going to grow up, accept your responsibilities to this family at last, and make _this_ one work. Laiwa is a perfect match for you.’

   ‘ _No_.’ His voice came out harder than he planned it to. Louder.

   ‘Don’t you _dare_ snap at me like that, Yukhei.’

   ‘I’m sorry, father, but I can’t. I’m going to date and I’m going to fall in love and I promise I’m not going to disgrace the family name and whatever else it is you’re scared of, but I’m not going to marry someone you set me up with. I don’t want to.’

   His father seemed, for a moment, completely stunned. Then, after an agonisingly long silence: ‘Go to your room.’

   Yukhei’s mouth fell open in disbelief. ‘Father, I’m a _grown_ _man_. You can’t send me to my bedroom like a kid just because you don’t agree with something I’m saying. I’m an adult, I’m the CEO of a multi-national company, I’m - ’

   ‘And you’re still my son, however _inconvenient_ that might be for both of us. So you’ll do as I say.’

   ‘Inconvenient?’ Yukhei said flatly. ‘It’s inconvenient, for you, to have me for a son? God, father, how many times do I have to apologise to you for being _such_ a disappointment until you stop reminding me?’

   He saw a vein bulging in his father’s neck, and he knew that he was one word away from getting properly yelled at, but he meant what he said. He was an adult. He wasn’t going to be chastised like a schoolboy. Not anymore.

   ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother?’ demanded his father, through clenched teeth.

   ‘Because I’m not him. I’m your older son, remember? The shitty one who drinks too much and almost got kicked out of school _twice_ and ends up on the front of the papers falling out of the _Lamborghini_ I bought with all the money I made from the billion-dollar company I created that you _still hate me for_.’

   ‘Get out.’

   ‘To my room? Or _out_? Just so I’m clear. I don’t want to disappoint you again, after all.’

   ‘Anywhere that isn’t here, Yukhei,’ he said, voice becoming steady enough to be unnerving. ‘I’m cancelling tonight. I don’t want you embarrassing us while you’re in this… _state_.’

   ‘Fine. Suits me. I’m sorry, mom,’ said Yukhei, ignoring his father completely and trying to keep his voice calm for those three words, before picking up his phone and sliding it into his pocket.

   ‘Yukhei - ’ she started, but he turned away.

   He wanted to slam every door behind him that he came across, but he couldn’t bear to give his father the satisfaction. He’d always been loud, whether he was happy or sad or angry. It was difficult to do things any other way.

   ‘Yukhei - ’

   This time, the voice made his heart flip over. His was the one voice that could alleviate all of the anger, the _hurt_ , that had just burst out of him.

   Jungwoo was halfway down the stairs.

   Maybe he’d heard the commotion.

   ‘We’re leaving,’ Yukhei said shakily.

   ‘Are you okay?’ Jungwoo caught his arm, but Yukhei pulled it free like he’d been burned, eyes flying around the stairs in case someone had seen them. ‘ _Yukhei_ ,’ Jungwoo said again, unperturbed, so gentle that Yukhei couldn’t stay angry.

   ‘Please, let’s just go.’

   ‘Okay,’ Jungwoo nodded, taking a step back up the stairs. ‘Okay, of course.’

   ‘We can sit in the airport for twelve hours. I just need to get out of here.’

   On the upstairs landing, and into Yukhei’s bedroom, Jungwoo stopped him. ‘What happened?’

   ‘They didn’t take it well. My father didn’t take it well.’

   ‘Oh, Yukhei, I’m sorry,’ Jungwoo whispered.

   Yukhei swallowed, absolutely determined to stay calm. He never wanted to snap at Jungwoo. ‘It’s alright. It’s not the first time. We fight all the time. Every other visit I end up storming out. In two months they’ll call me for something else and pretend this never happened, trust me.’

   Jungwoo stroked a hand down his face, then stood on the tips of his toes to press a kiss to his cheek. ‘I’m proud of you for standing up to them, Xuxi.’

   At this, finally, Yukhei felt the last of his anger fade away. ‘W-where did you get that from?’ he asked, a butterfly in his heart.

   ‘I heard Ten call you that,’ said Jungwoo, and his cheeks turned a little pink as he said it. ‘Is it okay?’

   He smiled. Genuinely smiled. In spite of everything. ‘Oh God, Woo, that’s the only nice thing I’ve heard all day.’

   ‘Let’s go home,’ Jungwoo said, then he added, ‘ _Xuxi_.’

   _God_ Yukhei wanted to kiss him. But he had a house to leave first.

   He didn’t even care all that much about getting back to Korea.

   Compared to this, after all, the airport would feel like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	9. Chapter 9

  If Jungwoo hadn’t witnessed the entire journey with him, he might have believed that the Yukhei in Hong Kong and the Yukhei who strolled off the plane at Incheon Airport were two different people. It was as though the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. In a second, he straightened up, jovial smile returning to his face, spring re-entering his step.

   Jungwoo wasn’t entirely sure that it was healthy.

   It seemed like he was keeping an awful lot… bottled up.

   ‘Do you - ’ Jungwoo took a breath. ‘Do you want to come home to mine?’

   He didn’t like the idea of Yukhei going home alone to his huge house after the couple of days he’d just had.

   ‘Just to hang out. We can watch TV and have some dinner and just wind down.’

   Yukhei looked at him with something close to relief. Jungwoo had the impression that he wasn’t the sort of person who liked to be alone even at the best of times. ‘Yeah,’ he beamed, ‘yeah that would be great. I wanna see your place!’

   A smile crept its way onto Jungwoo’s face right back at him. This sort of thing always reminded Jungwoo of how far they had come from Yukhei running away after standing too close to him back in his kitchen.

   One of the NCT company drivers picked them up from the airport, and Jungwoo directed him towards his apartment instead. As the car trailed into his part of town, Jungwoo shifted in his seat. It wasn’t like it was the bad part of town – in fact it was quite a nice part of town – but he couldn’t help but be anxious that Yukhei wouldn’t… like his apartment.

   It was irrational. He reminded himself that ten times. But sometimes Yukhei said things without thinking – a criticism of his _car,_ for example – and Jungwoo wasn’t sure he could bear it if he made a throwaway comment about his home. His apartment was special to him, something he’d worked so hard for – that he’d thought he was going to lose at one point. His special sanctuary.

   ‘This is my block,’ he said, a little nervously. 

   It was a nondescript building – not attractive, but not ugly. The lobby was simple, unmanned and dominated by two walls of small mailboxes. But it was light and clean and Jungwoo straightened up, determined to be proud of the place he’d worked his whole career for.

   Still, when they reached the fourth floor, he couldn’t help but mumble: ‘It’s um… it’s a little smaller than your place,’ as he fiddled with the lock. He knew he shouldn’t feel the need to apologise for his apartment, but having seen Yukhei’s friends’ and family’s homes as well as Yukhei’s himself, he felt strangely insecure about it.

   ‘Oh this is _great_ ,’ Yukhei grinned, bounding over the threshold as soon as the door opened. ‘Shit are these real?’

   ‘The plants?’ Jungwoo gave a soft laugh, anxiety vanishing. ‘Yes, they’re real.’

   His apartment _was_ small in the sense that it didn’t have _extra_ rooms – just a hallway, one bedroom, a bathroom, and an open plan kitchen-living room. But it wasn’t _small_ in terms of space. He never felt closed in. The ceilings were high and the rooms well sized, and even the addition of the hallway was a rare find in central Seoul. For most of his early twenties until his promotion, he’d lived in a one room studio.

   This place had been a huge indulgence. Even on the good salary he’d made at Arizon, it had been a dramatic stretch to afford it. That wasn’t a problem anymore, not with the money Yukhei was paying him.

   It was a lovely apartment.

   So why was he feeling shy?

   ‘Oh my God even this one?’ Yukhei crashed into the small table on which a particularly flashy palm was balanced, grabbing the pot quickly before it fell. ‘Sorry.’

   ‘Even that one,’ Jungwoo laughed.

   His hallway was lined with plants. Plants were the one living thing he filled his home with because the building management didn’t allow pets. In his mind, he pictured himself in the future with lots of pets: a beagle, called Snoopy, cats named Lucy, Sally and Patty, maybe even a bird called Woodstock. A whole _Peanuts_ family because he’d spent hundreds of hours reading every collection of those strips from start to finish when he was younger. It was silly, he knew, but the idea always made him smile.

   For now, though, the plants would do.

   ‘This place feels like you, Woo,’ said Yukhei when they entered the living room. His eyes flitted around from the couch to the TV to the neatly organised kitchen. ‘It’s not scary tidy like Ten’s but it’s not chaos like my house.’

   ‘I haven’t lived here very long,’ Jungwoo murmured, crossing to the couch to smooth out the multi-coloured throw he kept strewn across it that his mom had knitted him. ‘I moved in only a little while before I started working for you.’

   ‘How long is it? Since we started working together?’

   Jungwoo had noticed, more than once, that Yukhei very rarely referred to him as working _for_ him, no matter how many times Jungwoo called him _boss_. It was always _working together._ To him it seemed more like they were partners. _Business_ partners.

   ‘Oh only a few weeks.’

   ‘ _Weeks_? I feel like I’ve known you a year at least.’

   ‘I know.’

   ‘Let’s eat something!’

   Yukhei changed direction so quickly in conversations that it had initially left him scrambling to keep up, but these days Jungwoo was more used to it. Being around Yukhei was a fluid experience, one that required seamless adaptability. 

   ‘I’m not sure I have much,’ Jungwoo warned as Yukhei skipped over to the kitchen, opening the fridge without invitation and sticking his head inside. ‘I didn’t buy fresh because I knew we were going away for a couple of days.’

   ‘Wanna order?’ Yukhei looked over his shoulder.

   ‘Sure.’

   ‘What do you want?’

   ‘We always get what I want when we order. Every lunch at work. We should have what _you_ want some time, Yukhei,’ Jungwoo said gently. He was determined to train Yukhei to start putting himself first occasionally.

   Yukhei stared at him in surprise, then – ‘Pizza.’

   ‘Pizza at six a.m? I can respect that,’ Jungwoo smiled.   

   Their schedule was well out of whack, but Jungwoo was getting used to that too. He was getting used to not sleeping at normal hours, not eating when everyone else was. It was strangely… freeing. He’d never seen the attraction of that sort of life until he’d met Yukhei, but already he was growing addicted to the unpredictability, the spontaneity of a life with regulation.

   ‘Are you tired?’ Yukhei asked.

   ‘I slept for a couple of hours on the plane,’ answered Jungwoo, but his words seemed to have triggered a yawn. ‘Are _you_ tired?’ He was still worried about how hard the confrontation with his parents must have been for him.

   Yukhei paused for a second, then nodded. ‘I’m fucking shattered.’

   ‘Let’s put the TV on,’ Jungwoo said warmly. He wasn’t sure that Yukhei was ready for him to suggest going to sleep together in _his_ bed, yet. Somehow, that seemed different to falling asleep in a bed at Jiyong’s, for example.

   The second half of a football match was showing, the sort that Jungwoo never usually caught because of the time difference, so he turned the volume low and settled down onto the couch. Yukhei collapsed down beside him rather more theatrically, but also encouragingly close, taking out his phone to order food.

   When he was done, there was a moment of silence before Yukhei spoke next. ‘Thanks for coming to Hong Kong with me,’ he said, voice uncharacteristically quiet. ‘I don’t think I would’ve survived another trip like that without you.’

   Jungwoo, full of daring now that Yukhei was getting more comfortable with him, lifted a hand to stroke his fingers into his hair. Yukhei leant into the touch, turning his cheek so that his palm brushed against the warm skin of his face. Yukhei’s body temperature was always _hot_ , like a human radiator. ‘No problem. You know you can tell me things in future, right? Just let me know how I can support you.’

   ‘You’re too good, Jungwoo,’ Yukhei sighed, shifting his weight to one side so that he could lean against him, head falling onto his shoulder. ‘You don’t meet many selfless people in the circles I move in. You’re like the local angel.’

   Jungwoo laughed. ‘What does that make you?’

   ‘The human in need of salvation.’ It was Yukhei’s turn to yawn. ‘You have a _lot_ of books.’

   Another change of direction.

   ‘Oh yeah,’ Jungwoo looked up from the TV. The screen was surrounded by a huge unit, crammed almost to breaking point with all of his books. Well, not quite all of them – there were piles in his bedroom too, and two flat boxes slotted under the couch. ‘I studied Literature, remember?’

   ‘What’s your favourite book ever?’

   ‘You know that’s a cruel question to ask a Lit grad, right?’

   ‘Go on!’

   Jungwoo narrowed his eyes, flickering his gaze across the weathered spines. ‘I couldn’t choose,’ he said honestly. ‘The whole thrill of reading for me is the knowledge that I can slip into _any_ world, a story for every feeling, every mood, every moment.’

   ‘There’s always _one_ , though, right?’ Yukhei said slyly. ‘I love all of my cars equally but there’s one I love a _little_ bit more.’

   Jungwoo rolled his eyes. ‘That’s not equal, then, is it Xuxi?’ He paused for a moment, and then, almost to his own surprise, he conceded: ‘The Hobbit.’

   ‘Oh _man_ , I haven’t read it but I fucking love those movies. Lord of the Rings, too.’

   ‘When I was a little kid, my parents both worked. My mom is a high-school teacher. I had this day off my elementary school, but my babysitter called in sick at the last minute, so my mom decided to just take me to work with her. In the car, on the way, she stopped us at this tiny second-hand bookstore and took me inside, telling me to pick something to read so that I’d have something to do all day. I found this Korean translation of The Hobbit stuffed right at the back of a shelf, and I took it to my mom. She laughed, telling me _gently_ that it was way too hard for me to read yet. It’s not a long book, but I was super young, at the time it seemed giant. I was only tiny, I could barely hold the pages in my little hands. But I wanted it so badly, so she bought it for me, and I sat in the corner of her classroom reading it all day.’

   Yukhei beamed.

   ‘And I read it all day the next day. And the next day. And the next day. I can’t even remember how long it took me to get through it, but I did it. Now whenever I open it again I remember being that age where I first fell in _love_ with reading. I remember how it felt to achieve something, to get to the end of something I _swore_ I’d finish.’

   ‘See, I told you there’s always _one_ ,’ Yukhei said with an air of smugness. ‘I should read it.’

   ‘I still have that copy. You can borrow it if you want?’

   ‘Oh _God_ no,’ Yukhei said quickly. ‘It’s precious to you. I’d probably spill coffee on it.’

   Jungwoo laughed, but he knew inside that while Yukhei was clumsy, he’d probably guard something beloved with his _life_. ‘You spent some time at college studying Lit, right? What did you end up with?’

   ‘Officially? Liberal Arts,’ he grinned. ‘Honestly, though, I only kept going for the sake of my parents. Doyoung and Ten have always been the academic ones. Like I was decent enough, pretty smart, but I was only really interested in the company. It was my one dream. I spent all the hours I should have been working on essays, working on presentations and proposals and business plans.’

   ‘Well you created something amazing,’ Jungwoo slotted his arm around his shoulders, and Yukhei settled into him.

   There was a moment of quiet, before Yukhei asked: ‘Can I do the thing?’

   ‘You don’t have to ask every time,’ Jungwoo said gently. No matter _how_ many times – a lot of times, Jungwoo hoped – that they would kiss, he was sure that it would forever be “the thing” to them.

   Yukhei tilted his head up to look at him, and then sat up straighter, hand going to Jungwoo’s waist, as he pressed his lips against his.

   The more that Yukhei kissed him, the more than Jungwoo felt weak at the feeling. Now that he wasn’t shy, wasn’t worried, wasn’t pulling back and running away, Yukhei was a very good kisser. Memorably good. Good enough that Jungwoo felt himself lose his hold on reality for a second, no longer aware of the low sound of the television, or the feel of the couch cushions against his back.

   All he could feel was Yukhei’s hand tightening on his waist, firm now, _confident_. He let his lips part, a silent encouragement for Yukhei to push things further, and he felt his body flush with excitement when Yukhei’s tongue stroked carefully past his lips – maybe still a little tentative, but not according to the grip he had on him that was starting to impel Jungwoo steadily towards his lap.

   Jungwoo did the rest of the work for him, shifting up onto his knees, letting Yukhei pull him over him until suddenly there was nothing but hot air between them. Until suddenly, their breathing was very laboured. Until suddenly, Yukhei’s hands had slid down lower, fingers gripping at the waistband of his jeans, pulling Jungwoo’s _body_ flush against him as well as his mouth.

   ‘Fuck, Woo,’ he breathed, voice like Jungwoo had never heard it, with a gravelly tint that suggested to Jungwoo that _this_ was doing a lot for him. He kissed at his jaw, then a little lower at his throat, making Jungwoo’s eyes fall closed in a wave of feeling.

   Then his eyes flew back open at the sound of the door buzzer.

   Yukhei pulled back, face pink, hair messy from where Jungwoo had run his hands through it, looking completely confused. It was as though he had completely forgotten where he was for a moment.

   ‘That’ll be the pizza,’ Jungwoo whispered.

   ‘Oh, oh _fuck_!’ Yukhei used his hold on Jungwoo’s hips to lift him off him as if he were completely weightless, planting him gently down on the couch again. ‘I’ll get it.’

   Jungwoo watched him stumble out to the hall, almost having to stifle a laugh. His breathing was still heavy, but the moment had gone, sound and sensation returning.

   He stood up to go to the kitchen as Yukhei returned, still red in the face.

   ‘Food,’ he said weakly.

   Jungwoo took the box from him, wondering if his own flush was as evident as Yukhei’s. ‘I forgot.’

   ‘Yeah, that was kind of… distracting.’

   ‘I sort of imagined us taking it slow,’ said Jungwoo, voice shaky. ‘Until five minutes ago.’

   ‘Me too.’

   ‘I guess that went out the window.’

   Yukhei half-smiled. ‘Who really has time for slow anyway?’

   ‘I don’t want to… rush you, Xuxi,’ Jungwoo confessed.

   Yukhei took out a slice of pizza, adding a slightly comical edge to the serious segment in their conversation, because there was absolutely no moment in which he didn’t find a way to defuse the tension. ‘I’m like a runaway train, sometimes. I’ve been out of control before, I’ve done my fair share of crashing a _warpath_ through my twenties. But when I’m with you, Woo, that’s like the only time I feel like I’m at the _right_ pace; like I’m going in the right direction.’

   ‘What direction is that?’ Jungwoo murmured.

   ‘Towards you, of course,’ Yukhei held out the box. ‘Want a slice?’

   Jungwoo took the box from him with a smile as they went back to the couch. He placed it between them, tucking his legs up under him into a cross-legged position.

   ‘Oh shit they’re replaying that drama!’ Yukhei announced as the TV transitioned from adverts to a new program. ‘Have you seen it? I missed the last episode. Turn it up!’

   Jungwoo handed him the remote, shaking his head at the question before checking the clock and seeing that night had well and truly moved into morning. He supposed that made it pizza for _breakfast_ with Yukhei. Which was really only one step away from breakfast in _bed_ with Yukhei. A nice thought.

   But he liked things this way, too. He liked that Yukhei could go from kissing him to rambling about the latest drama in nought-point-something seconds, romance forgotten and replaced by gossip and pizza and, _certainly_ in Yukhei’s case, wild gesticulation.

   Bringing Yukhei into his world was like having a new boss, a new friend, and a new boyfriend, all rolled up into one slightly chaotic parcel.

   Jungwoo had never been happier to invite chaos into his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	10. Chapter 10

   ‘Ten? Can I talk to you?’

   Two weeks. Two weeks after he’d got back from Hong Kong, Yukhei finally found the courage to do it.

   He needed his friends.

   He could do without their counsel no longer.

   It was late, late enough that Doyoung and Jungwoo had both already gone home for the day. It was also fucking sub-zero, because Ten had these ridiculous rules about keeping his workspace freezing cold since apparently that helped him focus. Winter had settled well and truly over Seoul, the first snowfall already a week in the past.

   ‘What about?’ Ten asked automatically, not looking up from his desk.

   ‘Tennie…’

   Ten’s eyes snapped up at that. On the surface, Ten looked cold. Most people who met him thought that was just how he was. But he was also the kindest, most reliable, most understanding person that Yukhei had probably ever met. He just happened to reserve that treatment exclusively for the few people who mattered to him. ‘What’s wrong?’ he said, with a tone of immediacy, clearly having read the anxiety in his voice.

   ‘Ten I don’t know what to do,’ Yukhei mumbled.

   Ten stood up, crossed over to him, shut the door, and then pulled him into a hug. Hugs with Ten were amazing. He was only small, enough that Yukhei could actually prop his chin on his head if he extended his neck, but he somehow always made Yukhei feel like _he_ was the one getting held.

   ‘Alright, alright,’ Ten murmured, squeezing him tightly. ‘We’ll figure it out, Xuxi, don’t worry.

   Yukhei buried his face into Ten’s hair, eyes closed, breath shaky. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ he repeated.

   ‘Talk to me.’

   Yukhei hadn’t grown up in a house where people talked about things.

   Not like Doyoung, who still called his mom about big decisions, and even managed to have a good relationship with the father who’d have preferred his son to be a sportsman than a techie. Because they loved him, no matter what.

   Not like Ten, who’d been paralysed with fear when he’d been outed in the press, only to discover that his parents loved him regardless. His parents who made the one or two weekends he took off a year to go home to Bangkok feel like a month-long vacation thanks to all the warmth they showered upon him. Because they loved him, no matter what.

   Not like _Jungwoo_ , even, who’d told him a couple of days ago, when Yukhei had ventured to ask when he’d realised he was gay, that his parents had raised him with such understanding, such openness, that Jungwoo couldn’t even remember really. There wasn’t one moment. He’d never had to _come out,_ either. Everyone sort of knew from the start, and he just brought his first boyfriend home one day. Because they loved him, no matter what.

   In Yukhei’s house, they didn’t talk about anything. Not about feelings. Certainly not about sexuality. Until Ten and Doyoung had mentioned it one time in his first couple of years of high school, Yukhei hadn’t even known you could date boys as well as girls. In his house, if you had a problem, an anxiety, whatever the origin, you were expected to withdraw, involve no one, and deal with it yourself. Those years of conditioning stuck with him. He’d never learned how to talk about problems. Oh, and there was less than zero percent chance of _unconditional_ love. That, he had learned to accept a long time ago.

   ‘Talk to me, hun,’ Ten said again, rubbing gently up and down his back.

   He took a deep breath, reminding himself that those lessons he’d ingrained weren’t _normal_ – that it was okay to talk – and then he released in a garble: ‘Ten I want to be with Jungwoo and my parents are gonna fucking kill me when they find out and I don’t know what to do because how the hell do I choose between the guy I’ve fallen for and my _family_? I’m – I’m -’

   Ten pulled back, moving his hand to massage at his arm instead. His eyes were serious. ‘Okay, Yukhei, take a couple of steps back for me, alright? When you say you want to be with Jungwoo, you mean… _with_ Jungwoo, right? By which I mean you want to be romantically involved with Jungwoo? Just so we’re clear.’

   Yukhei met his eyes, feeling that his own were watery, and then he nodded.

   Ten didn’t look surprised. Perceptive Ten who he knew had probably figured it out before _he_ did. ‘And when you say “fallen for”, you mean that this is already in motion, right? I mean Jungwoo knows this?’

   ‘We’ve been… I don’t know… we’ve been… for weeks…’

   Ten raised his eyebrows. ‘Right, sit down,’ he instructed.

   This was why he’d had to tell him. Ten was always so calm, so in control, so level-headed. He’d know what to do.

   ‘You… you want me to call Doyoung too?’ Ten asked, pushing him down into a seat on his meeting couches.

   Yukhei shook his head quickly. ‘No, no don’t. Jaehyun’s flight to Boston is in five days. I can’t… I can’t take up any of the time he has with him. I don’t want to stress him out with my problems. I’ll tell him in… in a while. But you’re – you’re - ’

   ‘Perpetually alone,’ Ten nodded, lips twitching in an almost-smile. ‘And therefore the perfect person to offer dating advice to others.’

   ‘Well yes. I mean _no_. Ten you’re not -’

   ‘Have you guys… kissed?’ Ten interrupted.

   Yukhei nodded. ‘A bunch of times.’

   ‘Okay. Have you slept together?’

   ‘What? _No_!’

   ‘Just asking. But you’d like to?’

   ‘This isn’t what I came here to talk about Ten!’ he said, voice a little whiny.

   ‘I’ll take that as a yes. I’m just trying to get a read on where your head’s at, Yukhei.’

   ‘You don’t seem surprised by any of this,’ Yukhei mumbled, looking down and burying his face in his hands.

   Ten opened his mouth, then closed it. ‘I’m… not.’

   ‘How did you know before I did?’ he choked out. ‘You knew the day I fucking hired him. You with your ‘ _oh he’s very handsome isn’t he?’_ bullshit.’ His impression of Ten was so well executed that Ten actually seemed knocked off track for a second, before he recomposed himself.

   ‘Well I’d sort of figured the fundamentals before that. Let’s call it intuition. Jungwoo is just… the catalyst.’

   ‘Ten I really like him. I like him so much I feel like my heart’s going to explode. I’ve never felt like this before. You know me, I’m like a virtuoso in the art of the one-night-stand, but fuck knows I’ve never wanted to date anyone! I’ve never wanted to buy flowers and play stupid love songs and walk off into the sunset with someone! That’s not me! That’s not you! We’re the bachelors! Doyoung is the loved-up one! That’s the way the world spins.’

   ‘Nah, you’ve always had it in you,’ Ten smiled. ‘You just needed to meet the right person.’

   ‘Then why couldn’t it have been a goddamn girl? It’s not like I haven’t had a great _time_ with girls! I find them just as _hot_ as guys! But I’ve never been able to make myself feel the way I do with Jungwoo. All warm and soft and – and what the fuck is _wrong_ with me? My stupid brain just wants to make my life more difficult,’ he muttered into his palms.

   Ten sighed. ‘Look, Yukhei, I don’t have all the answers, but just let me tell you that… that romantic and sexual attraction aren’t necessarily the same thing. They don’t always coordinate. It looks like Jungwoo’s just the first person who’s hit both bases. That’s fine. And at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with _whatever_ feels right for you, okay?’

   Finally, Yukhei looked up, mind processing his words. That sounded… that made _sense_. _Shit_ Ten was always out there making sense. ‘ _You_ only like boys though?’

   Ten gave a soft laugh. ‘Yes, I do. But you’re not me. You’re you. And you can be attracted to whoever, however, you want. What matters is that you’re _happy_.’

   Happy. Happy meant Jungwoo. That was the one thing of which he was absolutely certain.

   ‘Wong Yukhei, there is _nothing_ wrong with you,’ Ten took his hands, stressing the words this time. ‘Please, _please_ know that.’

   ‘My parents will never speak to me again,’ Yukhei said hollowly, remembering the reason he’d sought his counsel in the first place. ‘I’m serious. If they find out about this, that’ll be it. I know them. _You_ know them. So how do I choose? Woo or my _family_?’

   Ten didn’t seem to want to leave that particular silence to settle for too long, because Yukhei could almost hear his brain whirring to come up with a fast answer. ‘It’s not about prioritising Jungwoo or your family, Yukhei. Neither should come first. _You_ come first. What do _you_ want?’

   Yukhei stared at him.

   He hadn’t even… thought about that.

   That was what Jungwoo was always saying to him – to put himself first.

   What _did_ he want?

   He wanted to be happy.

   And he’d literally just told himself that happy meant Jungwoo.

   ‘I want to be with Woo,’ he said.

   Ten smiled. ‘Then with _Woo_ you shall be. And we’ll deal with everything else when it happens. I know how hard you’ve tried with your parents, Xuxi. God knows you’ve tried a _damn_ sight harder than they have. But you know that you’ll always have your family here, too? Doyoung and I, we aren’t going anywhere. Ever.’

   Yukhei’s heart settled, maybe for the first time that day.

   His family. _His_ family who loved him no matter what.

   ‘Thanks, Ten,’ he whispered.

   Ten shrugged, dragging back his airy persona. ‘Here to help.’ Then he relaxed again, and said, ‘but I’m really glad you talked to me. I hoped you would.’

   ‘Sorry it took me so long.’

   ‘You’re moving at your pace, Yukhei. And your pace, whatever it may be, is the right pace.’

   ‘Thanks,’ he said again. ‘I should… I should get home. We’ve got a meeting in the morning. _We_ should get home.’

   ‘Oh I’ve just got a few more things to sort out,’ said Ten, gesturing loosely back at his desk.

   Yukhei sighed. He knew there was no way to convince Ten to leave his work. He’d tried enough times before. He stood up, walked to the door, and then turned back. ‘Tennie - ’

   ‘Hmm?’ he looked up.

   ‘What you said earlier… about how you’re _perpetually alone…_ I don’t think that’s true.’

   Ten looked awkward at that. As he’d said, he was very good at giving advice, but Yukhei had learned over the years that he didn’t like it when the conversation turned back around in his direction.

   ‘There’s someone out there for you, and when you find him, you’re gonna be so fucking happy. I promise.’

   Ten gave him a sad smile. ‘We’ll see.’

   ‘And he’ll be a really, _really_ lucky guy. The luckiest.’

   ‘Alright, give over,’ Ten rolled his eyes, but the casual air didn’t quite reach the wavering in his voice. ‘Go call Jungwoo or something.’

   Yukhei smiled. ‘Yes, I think I will.’

*

   ‘What’s all this about?’ Jungwoo asked, heart skipping along.

   Yukhei had taken him for dinner. Not lunch, not take-out, but _dinner_. A real dinner.

   ‘This is a relationship,’ said Yukhei, ‘so I’m taking you on a date.’

   Jungwoo stared at him in surprise. He’d thought that dating was… off the cards. This kind of dating, anyway. Secrecy was so important to Yukhei that he’d thought they’d be condemned to hidden kisses and the occasional office flirtation. Yukhei taking him out? That was unexpected.

   Jungwoo was thrilled. ‘Well consider me excited.’

   ‘The truth is, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Woo, and – and I want us to start over.’

   More surprise. And this time he wasn’t sure if it was in a good way.

   ‘Not like _us_ start over. But like this. This relationship. I’ve been a mess, I reckon I’ve given you whiplash with how I’ve treated you. Hot and cold, kissing you then running away…’

   ‘There’s been a little turbulence,’ Jungwoo nodded, but he was very careful to keep his voice gentle.

   ‘I want to draw a line under all of that. I want to be a real… a real boyfriend to you, from now on. No matter what’s going on in my head, with all my chaos, with my family, I’m not ever going to push you away again. You’re… you’re the one thing I’m sure of right now, Woo.’

   Jungwoo exhaled a breath he’d been holding during this dialogue. ‘Okay.’

   ‘When I first kissed you, all I could think of was what my family would think. My mind reeled like the recoil of a gun, but my heart was already racing ahead with the bullet. I felt so stuck in the middle. But now I know I have to follow my heart.’

   ‘So far you’ve compared yourself to a runaway train, and now a gun, Yukhei,’ Jungwoo gave him a wide smile.

   Yukhei turned pink. ‘Rubbish metaphors, sorry. I’m not used to romance.’

   ‘Romance? Is that what we’re going to do now?’

   ‘Yes,’ Yukhei said firmly. ‘I’m going to be the best boyfriend ever. I’m going to take you to dinner and buy you roses and whisper little things to you at work about how lovely you look every morning.’

   Jungwoo’s heart fluttered. ‘Spoilers, Xuxi.’

   There was one unspoken detail, of course. The fact that they were in a private room in a restaurant that Yukhei _owned_ as a ‘side-investment.’ Which meant it was somewhere he could trust. Because this still had to be… secret.

   ‘I’ve told Ten,’ said Yukhei.

   ‘You have?’ Jungwoo gasped, feeling a rush of pride for Yukhei.

   ‘Mmhm,’ he took a drink from the glass of iced water in front of him. ‘I’m going to tell Doyoung next, just as soon as… as soon as he’s recovered from Jae leaving again.’

   Jungwoo bit his lip. ‘Is it really that bad? Every time?’

   ‘Oh yes,’ Yukhei sighed. ‘Doyoung wasn’t built for long-distance. I can’t count how many times Ten and I have told him to just _tell_ Jae that it hurts him, but he won’t do it. He doesn’t want to hold him back.’

   ‘Promise me you’ll tell me if something in our relationship ever hurts _you_ , okay?’ Jungwoo said earnestly.

   ‘I will,’ Yukhei nodded. ‘I’m learning to talk more about stuff thanks to you.’

   Jungwoo took a breath, slightly nervous about broaching a subject he’d been dwelling on. ‘Yukhei, can I tell Kun? It’s just I’d really like to have someone to talk to about you who isn’t… you know, _you_.’

   ‘Oh, oh of course!’ Yukhei answered immediately, though Jungwoo noticed a flash of nerves across his eyes. ‘Just… would you ask him not to tell anyone else yet? I don’t want us to live in secret forever but I need to be the one to tell my parents. I don’t want it ending up in the press or something. They should hear it from me first.’

   ‘Of course,’ Jungwoo took his hand on the table, ‘Kun is the most discreet, kind, trustworthy person ever. He’d never tell a soul.’

   ‘Okay great,’ Yukhei beamed. ‘Can we - ’ He stopped.

   Jungwoo ran his thumb over his knuckles, watching him carefully. Yukhei inhaled slowly, and then leant across the narrow table, cupping a hand around the back of his neck to pull him closer for a kiss.

   Slow. Gentle. Romantic.

   Yukhei pressed his lips to his forehead afterwards, holding them there for a moment, then finally he sat back.

   It had been so calm, so familiar, and yet Jungwoo’s heart still raced.

   ‘I… um… I didn’t ask this time,’ Yukhei eyes were happy. ‘I’m getting better, right?’

   ‘You’re doing great, Xuxi.’ He wondered whether to voice what was on his mind, pondering for a moment, before saying, ‘you know that’s the first time you’ve kissed me sober?’

   Yukhei furrowed his brow. ‘It is?’

   ‘The first time was at the hospital benefit. The second time was after that dinner at your parents’ house.’

   ‘I hadn’t been drinking before the time at your apartment!’ Yukhei interjected.

   ‘Actually, you’d had two Old Fashioned cocktails on the plane.’

   Yukhei stared, then slapped a hand to his forehead, ‘shit, yeah, I did!’

   Jungwoo looked down, playing with his spoon. ‘I was worried that maybe you needed to drink to kiss me.’

   For a moment, there was silence.

   Then –

   ‘No.’ Yukhei said it very firmly. ‘Maybe you’re right, maybe it helped… the first time… maybe even the second time. But not after that. Definitely not at your apartment. I didn’t even remember I’d had a drink. I’m not in denial any more. I don’t need a cloudy head to put blame on. I’m kissing you because I want to and I _know_ I want to and I’m not ashamed to want to.’

   Jungwoo relaxed. It was the strangest thing, but it had weighed on him a little, recently.

   ‘Actually, I’m drinking less these days,’ Yukhei nodded at his glass of water. ‘I haven’t staggered out of a club _once_ in the last few weeks. I’ve been too preoccupied. Shit, I keep worrying that my parents will think our relationship will _ruin_ the family reputation, but in fact, I reckon my looking-like-a-good-son points are probably on the _rise_!’

   Jungwoo laughed. ‘Have you heard from them? Since Hong Kong?’

   Yukhei shook his head. ‘No, no I haven’t.’

   ‘Are you… okay, about it?’

   A non-committal noise made its way out of his throat. ‘There’s not much I can do,’ he sighed. ‘I’m not going to phone and apologise. Not this time. I meant what I said to them. I can’t keep doing it. This cycle I’ve been living in, it’s been killing me.’

   Jungwoo gave his hand a squeeze.

   ‘So we’ll see what happens. I mean this is nothing compared to the shitstorm that’ll hit when I tell them about us, so I’m just gonna call it practice.’

   ‘You know I’ll be right there with you, right?’ Jungwoo promised. ‘And we can wait, as long as you need.’

   ‘Thanks, Woo,’ Yukhei said, suddenly looking very emotional. The expression vanished as soon as it had appeared, though. He never stayed in one place for very long. ‘I’ve been thinking, about all the dates we should go on. And you know, you’ve still got that holiday to take?’

   Jungwoo gave him a questioning look, completely taken aback.

   ‘The one on the private island. You won it at the benefit.’

   ‘ _What_? No, Yukhei, that’s your holiday! _You_ won it!’

   A loose wave of the hand, and Yukhei continued. ‘Our holiday. I was thinking, maybe early next year, when the weather’s good but not too hot… we could go. Together. I mean it’s a _private_ island, right? We wouldn’t… we wouldn’t have to hide, for a few days.’

   All of a sudden, Jungwoo felt completely breathless. Clearly, Yukhei was imagining the same scene as what was in his head, because he went straight into describing it.

   ‘We could walk around holding hands, fall asleep under the stars together, not worry about anyone… watching us.’

   ‘Next year,’ Jungwoo nodded, wishing they could go right now. ‘Let’s do it. I’m going to start counting down the days.’

   Yukhei’s face spread into his broad, Cheshire Cat-like grin. ‘I’m gonna start counting the _hours_.’

   For the first time since he’d started whatever he’d started with Yukhei, Jungwoo felt truly, completely relaxed. He knew the road would be rocky, but he knew that the most important bridge had been crossed now. _Yukhei_ was comfortable. Everything else would just have to fall into place around that.

   For the first time, he felt like he knew exactly where they were going.

   The route was just yet to be confirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	11. Chapter 11

   Kun’s face turned from curious, to investigative, to completely stunned, at such pace that Jungwoo thought he might pull a muscle.

   ‘Yukhei? Wong Yukhei? As in _Wong Yukhei_ who’s your straight boss? Your handsome-charming-whimsical-straight-boss?’

   Jungwoo nodded, turning red, and looked back to his hands.

   ‘Jungwoo… when you said you had news, I wasn’t expecting that one.’

   ‘I wasn’t expecting it either,’ he mumbled.

   ‘ _How_?’

   ‘Kun you mustn’t tell anyone,’ he said earnestly, ‘it’s… Yukhei’s not _out_.’

   His best friend’s face softened. ‘Ah.’

   Jungwoo was curled up on Kun’s couch, holding two pillows in his lap. The lighting was low, soothing, like everything about Kun. The only sound other than their talking was the constant, quiet gurgling of the large aquarium in the corner of the living room. It was a space that _tempted_ the sharing of feelings.

   ‘I had this crush on him and I thought it was just me but then he started acting all jumpy around me, like he was scared to touch me too much, and then one day, back at the charity benefit, he _kissed_ me. And it happened again. And now we’ve been kind of seeing each other, and a couple of weeks ago we sort of made it official.’

   ‘But it’s a secret?’ Kun asked.

   ‘His parents aren’t… they wouldn’t be okay with it,’ Jungwoo fiddled with the top cushion. He didn’t want to look up, because he knew how Kun would be looking at him. It was the same reason he’d waited days and days before finally telling him – he wasn’t sure Kun would… approve. He was a protective friend, a sensible friend, and Jungwoo knew that he’d worry about all the things that Jungwoo himself had pushed to the back of his mind.

   ‘And are you okay with that?’ Kun asked quietly, taking his hand.

   ‘What do you mean?’ _Like he really needed to ask_.

   Kun sighed. ‘Jungwoo, that’s a lot to think through. Right now, maybe, it might seem easy, because you’re still in the early stages. But later? Have you thought about how you’re going to feel about this after another six months? A year? Two years? What about when you want to move in together? Settle down? I know you sweetie, and I know you want the storybook happy ending. But it sounds like that’s… that’s not going to be easy.’

   Jungwoo swallowed. He’d been very purposefully not thinking about any of this because he didn’t like the problem it posed him. ‘He’s going to tell them.’

   ‘Has he… given you a timeline?’

   Jungwoo gave him a faltering look. ‘I can’t rush him, Kun! That’s going to be so hard for him! He shouldn’t have to have a _timeline_!’

   ‘I know, I know,’ Kun said quickly, ‘but you’re my friend, Jungwoo, not him, and I have to worry about you. You’ve been out and open and proud for a very long time, I’m… I’m worried about you feeling like you have to _hide_. Your life is going to change a _lot_.’

   Jungwoo met his eyes, Kun’s as soft and caring as they ever were. ‘He’s worth it.’

   That seemed to shift something. ‘You really like him? That much?’

   ‘He’s special, Kun. Really special. I’ve never felt this way about someone before – like… _butterflies,_ every time we’re together. I don’t want to pull out because it’s hard, settle for something easy. I do want my happy ending but love stories can be complicated, right? Getting through it together… that’s what makes it real.’

   ‘Come here,’ Kun pulled him across the couch and gave him a warm, tight hug. ‘Oh Jungwoo, you never do pick the easy option, do you?’

   Jungwoo shook his head with a sigh.

   ‘You’re the strongest person I know, sweetie. And he’s very lucky to have someone like you with him if this _is_ the journey you’re going to go on.’

   ‘He’s getting so much better, Kun. He’s talking about it. He’s told his friends. I really think that he just needs a little more time.’

   Jungwoo meant it. Two weeks ago, Yukhei had told Ten. Two days ago, Yukhei had told Doyoung. Now, Jungwoo was telling _Kun_. It was a secret, but it wasn’t _so_ secret anymore.

   Kun drew back, holding both of his hands instead. ‘Then…then I’m happy for you. You know I’ve always wanted you to find a nice guy.’

   ‘Kun he’s _so_ nice,’ Jungwoo said, relieved that he could finally share this part. ‘He’s the sweetest person. When I first met him, I thought he was going to be this… this stuck-up rich guy, because he drives flashy cars and has flashy friends, but he’s _not_. He’s selfless and charitable and compassionate. I worry about him because he always puts himself last – he’d do anything for anyone. He wants to do some good in the world and he _hates_ when he feels like he’s not doing enough. He’s funny and gentle and – and _clumsy_ , so clumsy, and he always makes me laugh.’

   Kun gave him a warm, almost _proud_ smile.

   ‘He gives me all these compliments but then he blushes after and runs away back to his office. When we kiss it’s like… it’s like fireworks, Kun. Like what they say in romance books. It’s like I _feel_ it in my heart.’

   ‘Sounds beautiful, sweetie.’

   ‘It is,’ Jungwoo squashed his pillow into his chest, wishing that he had Yukhei right there to hug. ‘It really is.’

*

The seasons progressed with remarkable haste, as though the world was determined to rush them.

   Christmas passed in a blur. Yukhei hadn’t heard from his family, so he cancelled his flight to Hong Kong. Jungwoo begged him to let him spend Christmas with him – he didn’t want him to be alone – but Yukhei insisted that Jungwoo not miss the traditional annual ski trip with his family. He promised that he’d spend the holidays with Ten, Doyoung, and Jaehyun, who was taking a week back from the States. He promised that he’d be _fine_. So Jungwoo conceded, disappearing up into the Taebaek mountains, making do with the crackling phone connection on Christmas morning, and a colossal delivery of winter flowers to the chalet in which they were staying, that he had to work very hard to explain away to his parents.

   For the first time in his life, though, Jungwoo was not sad for the holidays to be over.

   When his three weeks of leave, which Yukhei resolutely refused to reduce, ended, and he made his way back into the NCT offices, he felt more of a buzz than he had any time out on the slopes.

   He could finally see Yukhei again.

   When he walked inside, his boyfriend’s smile was so broad, so beaming, so completely radiant, that he wondered whether it had always been so luminous, or whether the separation had made it stronger.

   Yukhei pulled him by the hand, wordlessly, into his office, slamming the door behind him, and then without a moment’s pause, his lips were on his.

   Jungwoo melted straight in against him, relief flooding his veins. It was like every edgy part of him settled, all the tension that had hovered in his muscles since they’d said goodbye, fading. He felt his back hit the door, felt Yukhei’s hands push up his sweater, untucking his shirt, as though they just needed to feel his skin, not his clothes. He thumbed over the line of his waist, fingers holding his hips, and Jungwoo actually _felt_ the reconnection through their touch.

   ‘I missed you,’ Yukhei exhaled, hot breath fanning over Jungwoo’s lips when they broke apart.

   ‘I can tell,’ Jungwoo swallowed, as Yukhei leant in for a softer kiss, nuzzling their noses together for a moment. ‘I missed you too.’

   ‘How was the skiing?’

   ‘You remember I called you every day, right?’ Jungwoo laughed.

   ‘Yeah but I wanna hear it in person. Fuck I missed you so much.’

   ‘It was very cold,’ Jungwoo murmured, unravelling his heavy scarf as he spoke and sweeping a little of the frost away that had settled on the wool. ‘I wished I had your arms to sleep in. You’re always so warm.’

   Yukhei stared at him, cheeks turning a little pink, and then he helped him out of his coat, throwing it carelessly at his desk, before pulling him into a huge bear hug.

   Jungwoo rested his face into the crook of his neck, almost drunk on the closeness as he breathed in his sharp, citrus-like aftershave. Sometimes he could still hardly believe that Yukhei let him so close to him these days without hesitation.

   There was a rap on the door, and Jungwoo went to jump away automatically, but Yukhei kept his arms around him.

  ‘Who is it?’

   ‘Ten.’

   ‘Alright, get in,’ Yukhei muttered, clearly disappointed for the moment to be over.

   Jungwoo turned in his hold, smile turning to a laugh as Ten crept over the threshold, hand across his eyes dramatically, peeking between two fingers.

   Yukhei rolled his eyes, as Ten let the hand fall away and gave a theatrical sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him. ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I was worried you two would be… you know…’

   ‘Asshole,’ Yukhei muttered, looking around for something, Jungwoo knew from observation, to throw at him.

   Ten smirked. ‘You can never be too careful.’

   ‘Can I help you?’ Yukhei sniffed. Jungwoo looked down, muffling his laugh behind a shy hand. 

   ‘No,’ Ten said curtly. ‘ _Actually_ , I was hoping I could borrow your boyfriend.’

   ‘What do you want Woo for?’ Yukhei asked in surprise, dropping his act.

   Jungwoo looked back up, equally taken aback.

   ‘Sumi’s _very_ busy and I don’t know how to work my own copier. I’ll give him back, I promise,’ he said, grabbing Jungwoo’s arm and tugging him out of the room before either of them could protest.

   ‘I can teach you how to work your copier if you want,’ Jungwoo said in surprise, but Ten had already pushed him into his own office. The door closed with a loud clack.

   Ten rounded on him, clearly ready for what he’d really been planning to say.

   ‘It’s Yukhei’s birthday in two weeks,’ he announced.

   Jungwoo stared at him. ‘I – I know,’ he said automatically. He was Yukhei’s _PA_ , he knew when his birthday was.

   ‘Doyoung and I have got the party covered, so don’t worry about that. Yukhei has a _massive_ surprise party every year. And I’m talking the biggest party you can imagine. It’s not really a surprise, because he expects it and trust me he’d have a few choice words for us if we didn’t plan it one year, but _this_ time it’s different.’

   ‘Why?’ asked Jungwoo, still dazed by the sudden change in direction.

   ‘Because of you, naturally. Yukhei’s never _had_ a partner before. We need to organise something special for him. Doyoung suggested that we have the two of you meet, somewhere nice and private, when the clock strikes midnight. It’s a little on the nose for my taste, but Doyoung is the one with the wedding ring, and ergo the authority on romance, so I’m deferring to him on this one. What do you think?’

   ‘I – it sounds great.’

   ‘Excellent,’ Ten smiled.

   ‘Um… Ten… do you want me to call maintenance to get your heater fixed? Because it’s like a refrigerator in here.’

   ‘It’s not broken,’ Ten said as he sat down behind his desk. ‘I just like it cool.’

   Everything about Ten’s office was _cool_. The walls were stark white, the only colour contributed by the abstract art he had hanging behind his desk. Everything was alarmingly tidy, the very opposite of Yukhei’s office, in clean, sharp lines.

   ‘How was he? Over Christmas?’ Jungwoo asked, before he could stop himself. He needed to know.

   Ten sighed. ‘He was fine,’ he said eventually with a forlorn sort of shrug. ‘He’s been worse. I know that you’re… _new_ , to Yukhei’s family, but they’ve been the way they are for a very long time. It’s not the first Christmas that he’s spent with us, rather than in Hong Kong.’

   Jungwoo knew how long the three of them had been friends. He knew that Yukhei and Doyoung had met at five years old. He knew that they’d both met Ten at eleven. He knew that eighteen years of loyalty as a trio was some serious friendship. Now that he was the one supporting Yukhei, he often forgot how much _more_ the two of them must know about him. Everything that was so new to him, Ten and Doyoung barely batted an eyelid at.

    ‘The truth is, they gave up on that relationship a long time ago. He’s the one trying to hold it together, but it’s…’

   ‘Beyond repair?’ Jungwoo said softly.

   Ten looked down at his open notebook, toying with the silver pen set upon its pages. ‘I think… I think he’s starting to understand. I think he needed something that he cared enough about to put things into perspective. The company, he loves, but it was never quite enough to truly lose them for. You, though? I think he’d put you above anything, Kim Jungwoo.’

   Jungwoo didn’t quite know what to say.

   ‘I think you’ve helped him realise what he really _wants_. For himself.’

   This time, he was going to say something, but Ten put a hand up to stop him.

   ‘Don’t ever hurt him, Jungwoo. Please. I’m… trusting you, with my best friend.’

   ‘I won’t, I _promise_ ,’ Jungwoo whispered. ‘I’m not that sort of person.’

   Ten smiled. ‘I know, I know. It’s not personal. Yukhei and Doyoung just mean more to me than anything. I gave Jaehyun the same speech about a _decade_ ago. Don’t tell Yukhei, mind, because Doyoung nearly bit my head off for interfering.’

   ‘Cross my heart,’ Jungwoo smiled back. ‘So did you _really_ need any help with your copier?’

   Ten laughed. That was a rare thing to witness. ‘I think you’re off the hook.’

   Jungwoo was relieved to be able to go and find his boyfriend again. Ten’s cold office reminded him rather of being sent to the Principal. Or at least, that was how he imagined that to be like. He’d been far too well-behaved at school to ever find out.

   He bumped into Doyoung out in the waiting room.

   He was texting, a glum expression on his face. Jungwoo wondered whether he looked that way _all_ the time that he was apart from his husband. It had been several days now, Jungwoo knew, since Jaehyun had left again.

   ‘Morning, Mr Kim,’ he said politely.

   Doyoung didn’t look up as he replied. ‘Good morning, Jungwoo.’

   He kept walking, not wanting to interrupt his messaging, but Doyoung eventually glanced up when he was almost at Yukhei’s door.

   ‘You don’t have to call me that,’ he said quietly. ‘Doyoung, Dongyoung, hyung, whatever works. It’s fine.’  

   ‘Thanks hyung.’

   Finally, then, he was able to get back to Yukhei. He slipped back inside his office, finding Yukhei sprawled back on his desk chair now with papers in his hand. He looked up immediately, beaming at his return.

   ‘How was the copier?’

   ‘Oh… fine…’

   ‘Did Ten tell you about my surprise party?’

   Jungwoo laughed, looking down at his shoes. ‘It wouldn’t be a surprise if I answered that question.’

   ‘I’m so excited,’ Yukhei was positively buoyant as he stood up and crossed over to him. ‘I… I was thinking… thinking maybe you could come back to mine afterwards.’

   Jungwoo’s head snapped back up.

   ‘We could er… have a bottle of champagne… toast my terribly rapid aging… and maybe um… you know…’

   ‘Do… a thing?’ Jungwoo said softly, pulse jumping ahead at the thought of a night with Yukhei.

   A _night_ with Yukhei.

   Not falling asleep drunk in the same bed. Not Yukhei sleeping on his couch. A night _together_.

   Yukhei swallowed, then nodded. He lifted a hand to stroke down Jungwoo’s cheek, the tender touch setting his skin alight with tingles. ‘I’ve been thinking about it a lot,’ he said, ‘like… _a lot_.’

   Jungwoo felt himself redden. He’d thought it was just him. ‘Me too.’

   ‘Plus I’ve heard it’s a really good way to keep warm in the winter.’ One side of Yukhei’s mouth curved up into a cocky smile. ‘And January is the coldest month, after all.’

   _That_ was the Yukhei he knew best.

   His Yukhei was warm and loving and gentle and charmingly funny, in the slapstick sort of way but also the clever wit sort of way. He was so very selfless, but just swaggering enough that Jungwoo could still roll his eyes at him sometimes. He was shy beneath the surface and blushed until his ears turned red, but also provocative, inclined to innuendo, and flirtatious when he wanted to be.

   His Yukhei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)
> 
> This fic is part of a trilogy! If you’re interested in the other parts, feel free to check out:
> 
> [Living Costs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14150934/chapters/32614455) for Ten’s story.
> 
> [Life Letters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931070/chapters/37144667) for Doyoung’s story.


	12. Chapter 12

   When Ten had warned that Yukhei’s party was the biggest night around, he hadn’t been exaggerating. Jungwoo wasn’t sure he’d _ever_ seen such a massive occasion.

   The whole event was housed in a very old, very beautiful music venue, with delicate architecture and fine ornamentation that Jungwoo couldn’t help but think deserved some kind of protection against the pounding music. He was growing so used to the sweet, sensitive side of Yukhei, that he often forgot that this was the world he’d occupied for so long – that he _remained_ loyal to. Loud music, drink, so many people that Jungwoo was sure Yukhei couldn’t know them all.

   He was also thrown, very suddenly, back into the reality of his relationship.

   Which was spending his boyfriend’s birthday maintaining a one-foot gap between the two of them at all times.

   ‘Is that a _soda_?’ Ten asked incredulously, when Yukhei danced over to them at the bar late into the night.

   While Yukhei was out being a social butterfly, Jungwoo was glad to find that he hadn’t been left by himself. Ten came to every event without a date – Doyoung announced that he couldn’t even _recall_ the last time he’d had one. And Doyoung himself was alone too, his husband seven thousand miles away.

   So Jungwoo had company.

   He couldn’t help but be a little _sad_. For all their success, all of their fortune, he was becoming more and more acutely aware that it seemed horribly difficult for these three men to be… happy.

   He wanted Ten to have a boyfriend, someone to drag him home from work, force him to take a holiday every once in a while.

   He wanted Doyoung to be able to tell Jaehyun the truth, tell him that he needed him there by his side, so that they could go to all these places _together_.

   And above all, he wanted Yukhei, his Yukhei, to be free. Free from stress and secrets.

   But money, for all its worth, couldn’t buy those things.

   ‘Yes, it’s soda,’ said Yukhei, mock haughtily. ‘Tonight is a very important night, and I want to remember it.’ He winked at Jungwoo.

   ‘You’ve never bothered remembering any of your other birthdays,’ Doyoung raised his eyebrows.

   ‘This is the most important,’ Yukhei shrugged. ‘Tennie, that hot guy from accounting is here. You should go and ask him to dance.’

   ‘No.’

   ‘Right.’

   ‘Maybe Jungwoo should ask him to dance,’ Ten added airily, earning himself a particularly rough _shove_ to the shoulder from his best friend. ‘Just a suggestion,’ he smiled.

   ‘Doyoungie,’ Yukhei said, voice suddenly more serious, ‘can I… er… can you help me out with something for a minute?’

   At that, Doyoung looked completely stunned, but he followed him automatically, leaving Jungwoo alone with Ten.

   ‘ _Excellent_ ,’ said Ten, with a glance at his watch. ‘Let’s get you into position.’

   Jungwoo allowed himself to be steered, much like Doyoung, away into the depths of the party. Ten took him through the crowd, all of whom were now very deep in champagne, and then, to his surprise, into a service corridor. He pulled him along past several members of waiting staff, all of whom seemed bemused by the arrival of two tuxedos, and into a small, rickety elevator.

   ‘Alright,’ Ten exhaled, turning to look at him.

   ‘Where am I meeting him?’

   ‘Balcony,’ he smiled, ‘Doyoung will get him there.’

   Ten’s fingers extended, pressing down his collar. He straightened his tie, hands flitting across his lapels and smoothing any creases. From an inside pocket of his own tux, he pulled out a flower, a beautiful orchid boutonnière, and pinned it to the front of Jungwoo’s jacket.

   ‘You look nice,’ he said, making Jungwoo jump as he reached up to sweep a hand through his hair, mussing it up slightly. ‘Yukhei likes it messy,’ he mused, ‘he says that when he talks about you.’

   Jungwoo felt his face heat up, wondering what else Yukhei had said to his friends about him.

   ‘Here we go,’ Ten nudged him out when the elevator stopped, propelling him through a key-coded door, down a corridor to a set of double doors, swathed in stunning red silk hangings. ‘I put your present for him out there like you told me to, and Doyoung will bring him up.’

   ‘Thanks, Ten,’ he whispered.

   ‘Have a good night,’ he smiled, pushing one of the doors open and prodding Jungwoo outside before closing it back with a snap.

   It was freezing. January really was the coldest month. The night air was dry, crisp, and inescapably cold.

  Jungwoo looked out over the cityscape, rubbing his hands together for warmth, and waited.

*

   ‘I’m going to sleep with Jungwoo.’

   Doyoung stopped in his tracks, eyes falling closed as though he needed all of his self-control not to run away from this conversation. ‘I need to know this why?’ he asked dryly, finally meeting Yukhei’s wide eyes.

   ‘Because I need your _help_!’ Yukhei said earnestly. Doyoung had managed to take the lead, tugging him down into an abandoned stairwell. Yukhei wasn’t entirely sure why, but it wasn’t… unhelpful, given what he’d wanted to say.

   ‘What’s the quickest way out of this conversation?’

   ‘Having it!’

   ‘Oh _God_ you’re not after sex-lessons, are you?’ Doyoung looked somewhere between absolutely horrified, and completely world-wearied.

   ‘No, _no_!’ Yukhei answered quickly, then he laughed. ‘Doyoungie, you’ve slept with one person in your whole life. I reckon I’m probably more versed on - ’

   ‘Well mine is a man,’ Doyoung said coolly. ‘Thus, I think I’m rather more experienced in the _current_ topic of conversation. Can’t you talk to _Ten_ , though?’

   ‘I’ve done my research,’ Yukhei muttered, ‘I don’t need a tutorial. Trust me, I’ll be fine. That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m… Look, I couldn’t talk to Ten because he’d take the piss out of me for the rest of time, and besides I need _you_. I need…’ he took a deep breath, ‘Doyoung, I’ve never been with someone I actually… you know… _care_ about, before. I’ve had a shitload of sex but I’ve never… like… _made love_ … to someone. You’re the expert. You’re the romantic.’

   Doyoung sighed, running a hand through his hair. ‘Yukhei, I really don’t think there’s… much of a difference. Not as much as people make there out to be.’

   ‘It feels different,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve never been… nervous, before.’

   Finally, Doyoung’s face softened. ‘Xuxi, just… _be_ there. With him. Connecting. It’s an emotional experience, not just physical. Listen to him, listen to the things he’s not saying out loud, too. You’re _sharing_ something, and you need to make him feel like – like he’s the centre of your world, in that moment.’

   ‘He’s the centre of my world all the time,’ Yukhei said, in a small voice.

   Doyoung stared at him. ‘Then just let him know. Make him feel special. And for _God’s_ sake, relax. It’s supposed to be fun, remember?’

   ‘Right, yeah,’ Yukhei nodded shakily. ‘Thanks.’

   ‘Thank God that’s over,’ Doyoung muttered. ‘Now, do you want your surprise or not?’

   ‘Huh?’ Yukhei followed him up the stairs.

   Doyoung pulled back a curtain, hand on the door, and then smiled. ‘Happy birthday, Yukhei.’

   ‘Thanks, bro,’ he nodded.

   Doyoung pushed him straight through the gap, out onto a balcony, and then shut the door right behind him.

   ‘ _Fuck_!’ Yukhei yelped. It was like the fucking Arctic Circle.

   Then he forgot all about the cold, because Jungwoo turned around. His Jungwoo. Waiting for him.

   ‘Woo,’ he exhaled, heart skipping a beat.

   ‘Xuxi,’ he beamed. His smile was so fucking beautiful.

   ‘Thank _fuck_ ,’ Yukhei dived forwards, pulling him to his chest. He wanted to squeeze him as tightly as he could, but he always concentrated hard on being careful with him. He knew he could be a little… over-zealous. ‘I was going _crazy_ down there. I kept wanting to just take you in my arms and kiss you right in front of all those people.’

   ‘I missed you,’ Jungwoo nodded against his shoulder. ‘Even though you were right there.’

   Yukhei nudged him back to look at him. He took in the flower on his jacket that hadn’t been there earlier, the slightly messy hair that he immediately ran his fingers through, the pink nose from the cold because _shit_ how long had Woo been waiting here?

   ‘Here,’ he said immediately, slipping his jacket from around his shoulders.

   ‘Hey, don’t, you’ll be cold!’ Jungwoo said shyly.

   ‘Human radiator, remember?’ Yukhei grinned, even though in all honesty the cold was enough even to get into _his_ bones.

   He placed his jacket over Jungwoo’s, making sure to tuck it all the way over his arms, and then rested his warm hands on his neck, thumbs stroking over his jaw.

   ‘You look so beautiful,’ he breathed. He leant in and pressed a kiss to his lips. His eyes fell closed, as his mind focussed on nothing but the feeling of Jungwoo settling against him, his hands between them finding a grip on Yukhei’s shirt, lips cool but soft as ever and parting in breath as he kissed him.

   ‘Happy birthday, Xuxi,’ said Jungwoo, when they pulled apart.

   ‘Best surprise ever!’

   ‘I got you a present,’ Jungwoo held out a small, soft parcel.

   ‘You didn’t have to,’ said Yukhei, but he took it nonetheless.

   ‘You’re my boyfriend, Yukhei, of course I got you a present for your birthday.’

   Yukhei pulled the paper off immediately, never one for patience, and freed the soft material inside. The scarf unfurled in his hands, long and plush and black and white.

   ‘Technically I… um… _made_ you a present.’

   ‘You made this?’

   ‘Knitting is a very therapeutic activity,’ Jungwoo smiled, ‘I like it. And I didn’t know what to get you because I couldn’t exactly afford a _car_ or something, but - ’

   Yukhei silenced the potential for any more words with another kiss. His heart was pounding, thudding with love. His hands were full of something that Jungwoo had _made_ for him.

   ‘This is the best thing anyone’s ever given me,’ he said eventually, _honestly_. He wound the scarf around his neck, warm and soft against his throat.

   ‘I’m glad you like it,’ Jungwoo’s eyes crinkled.

   Somewhere in the distance, a clock chimed. It wasn’t outside – it was an accessory of the party – and the sound was muffled by the doors between them and the real world.

   ‘Midnight,’ Jungwoo said quietly.

   ‘I love you.’

   Jungwoo stared at him.

   Yukhei stared back. _Fuck_ it was true. He didn’t know if they’d been together long enough for him to be allowed to say it – _shit_ it had only been a few months. Maybe he should have waited. Maybe he should have let Jungwoo say it first. All these thoughts streamed through his head, but it was too late for that, because he’d never been very good at filtering his words _in advance._

‘I love you too,’ Jungwoo whispered.

   His world realigned itself, settled into place.

   Yukhei pulled him back into a hug. His heart felt like it might just burst from his chest. He kissed his cheek, but then he just held him so close that their faces squashed together. He wanted to keep him warm. He wanted to hold him forever.

   ‘Best night ever,’ he choked out, throat feeling suddenly very heavy with feeling.

   _Best surprise ever. Best present ever. Best night ever_.

   ‘Good,’ Jungwoo mumbled, still squished in against him.

   ‘Shall we get out of here?’

   ‘Your party’s barely started,’ Jungwoo said in surprise.

   Yukhei made a dismissive sound. ‘I reckon they can get by without me. I kind of just wanna be with you.’

   At this, Jungwoo nodded. ‘Yours or mine?’

   ‘Mine,’ Yukhei said immediately. ‘I… planned stuff.’

   Jungwoo took his hand, guiding him back to the door, for those few precious moments in privacy where they could still hold one another.

*

   By the time that Yukhei walked him into his house, hands on his waist, laughing into his ear about something said in the car, Jungwoo wasn’t sure he’d ever felt happier.

   Yukhei had said he _loved_ him.

   As soon as they were through the door, Yukhei swept him back up for a long, _long_ kiss, before setting him back down and sliding off _both_ of his jackets for him.

   ‘I’m gonna boost the heat,’ he said as he headed to the panel on the wall, unlooping the scarf that Jungwoo had made him. ‘You want a hot drink?’

   ‘I’m fine,’ Jungwoo smiled. ‘The car was warm.’

   ‘Good, because there’s champagne in the fridge.’

   ‘On it!’ Jungwoo beamed. He felt light. Completely weightless.

   He skipped to the kitchen, taking out the bottle and popping the cork quickly. Yukhei went past, equally buoyant, into the living room, and threw himself back onto his couch, face awash with a smile.  

   Jungwoo walked over to him, glasses in one hand, bottle in the other, and took a steadying breath. Then, feeling as bold as he ever had, he swung a leg over Yukhei’s, and straddled right down on his lap, their faces so close that all their space became shared. They’d done this once before, but he felt a shiver of… _intent_ , this time.

   Yukhei put his hands straight on his hips, pulling him as close as he could go. Their navels touched together, but Jungwoo arched his back slightly to allow the space to navigate a bottle.

   He put Yukhei’s glass in his hand, pouring the champagne so fast that the bubbles spilled over the top in their haste, specks hitting Yukhei’s hand. His boyfriend laughed, angling his fingers to catch some of the drops in his mouth, but Jungwoo caught his hand instead. He lifted it slowly to his lips, then swiped his tongue out lightly over Yukhei’s skin, tongue buzzing with the fizz of the alcohol but heart buzzing as he realised exactly what he was doing.

   Yukhei exhaled, throat bobbing with a swallow.

   ‘Sorry,’ Jungwoo said softly. ‘I couldn’t wait.’

   ‘You’re hot.’

   ‘Thanks.’

   ‘Like… seriously,’ added Yukhei, adoration in his eyes. ‘It’s confusing because you’re… so quiet, usually. But then when we’re alone you’re like… just so fucking hot.’

   Jungwoo felt himself turn red. Not for the first time. But it wasn’t shyness so much as… heat. ‘Which one do you like more?’

   ‘All of you,’ Yukhei breathed. ‘Everything about you, Woo, it’s so addictive. You’re addictive.’

   Jungwoo took a drink, a _long_ drink of champagne, and then kissed him, knowing that the taste would be fresh on his lips. Yukhei slid his hands down, fingers past his waistband and palming over bare skin, letting out a soft moan into his mouth as Jungwoo grinded down against his crotch for the first time, suddenly very, _very_ eager for touch. Their tongues played together, an uninhibited sort of kiss they hadn’t embarked on before, an awful lot of heat and touch and the _race_ of a pulse as Yukhei pulled back and kissed down his jaw, to his throat, down to his clavicle when he lifted one hand to pull his collar aside.

   Jungwoo rolled his hips down again, and this time, sensuality was replaced with urgency.

   ‘Fuck, Jungwoo, I feel like we’ve waited a lifetime.’ Yukhei’s fingers were at the buttons of his shirt, working it open, hands finding a new place to search at now as he stroked over his skin – quickly, unrestrainedly, like he wanted to touch all of him at once. But then he paused. Yukhei _never_ stayed in one place, after all. ‘We should go to my bedroom. I got it all nice for you.’

   ‘I noticed you’d tidied up here, too,’ Jungwoo laughed throatily, tension broken for a moment. He was getting better at keeping up with Yukhei’s changes in mood.

   Yukhei’s house definitely seemed more organised than usual, though with enough mess that it still felt like _him_. Clearly, his version of tidy was somewhere _between_ total chaos and order. ‘Well I figured since I’m going have company more and more often, I should keep things a little more under control.’

   ‘More and more? This isn’t a one time thing?’ Jungwoo said in a teasing voice, but the effect was laboured by his heavy breathing, their closeness.

   ‘I hope not. I think I could get used to this.’

   ‘Let’s go,’ Jungwoo climbed off him, taking care to grab the champagne bottle.

   Yukhei took his outstretched hand, letting him pull him to the stairs.

   Jungwoo had never seen Yukhei’s bedroom before. The last time he’d stayed here, it had been in a spare room.

   Yukhei’s bedroom was _huge_. At least three times the size of his, back home.

   ‘I was gonna light candles… But would that be too much?’ Yukhei winced. ‘It would be too much, wouldn’t it?’

   ‘It would be lovely, Xuxi,’ Jungwoo squeezed his hand. His skin was hot, his body wanting to reach out to him in need, and this wasn’t the moment for sweetness, but he couldn’t help it when Yukhei looked at him like that, wide-eyed and almost _naïve_ despite his reputation. ‘Really. It’s already lovely. This night couldn’t be any better.’

   ‘O-okay.’

   Jungwoo’s heart ached with affection. For all his charm, for all his quick wit and smooth talk when he was relaxed, Yukhei could be cute as _hell_ when he was nervous, when he was trying to impress him. He tried so hard, with _everything_ , almost like he thought he had to work to be romantic enough for Jungwoo to love him. Yes, it was over the top, but it was sweet.

   Yukhei could have done nothing at all, and Jungwoo would have been just as excited as he was.

   ‘I never knew you were such a gentleman,’ Jungwoo said gently, calming his own heartrate for a moment.

   ‘You make me wanna be.’

   ‘Well there’s definitely a _romantic_ in you somewhere,’ Jungwoo pressed his hand against Yukhei’s chest, relishing in the slightly accelerated pulse of his heartbeat. ‘But you know you don’t have to impress me, right? You’ve already got me, head over heels. Completely. I’m… yours.’

   ‘I just want everything to perfect for you. For us.’

   ‘You’re here. I’m here. It’s already perfect.’

   ‘Love you, Woo.’

   Jungwoo was so happy, so relieved, that those words could play between them now. ‘Love you too, Xuxi.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	13. Chapter 13

   Yukhei already knew that Jungwoo was unlike anyone he’d ever met before.

   He’d never known someone to be so quiet and gentle and caring, but also so confident and proud and just so… _unashamed_ of everything that he was. Yukhei wanted to be like him.

   Right now, though, he mainly just wanted to be _with_ him.

   Because he’d already known that Jungwoo was unique, but _perfect_? He certainly looked that way right now.

   Yukhei settled his hands gently on his waist, pulling him close enough that their foreheads touched. He didn’t want to kiss him yet – he just wanted… a moment. A moment to catch his breath. Jungwoo left him, always, utterly breathless.

   He stroked over his bare skin, shirt already open from the moment of passion downstairs. Jungwoo was so very _holdable_ (a word constructed just for him). He was slender but not _hard_ with muscle like Yukhei himself, but rather soft, seeming smaller in his hands.

   Jungwoo also had a little less patience than him.

   He shrugged his shirt the rest of the way off, and Yukhei’s heart raced at the sight of him properly exposed. Immediately, he stroked a trail down the smooth curve of his back, fingers sliding into the back pockets of his dress pants to pull their bodies flush together. Finally, he deigned to give in to his need to kiss him again, and their lips found each other.

   Jungwoo teased his tongue a little insistently, and Yukhei smiled into the kiss, parting his lips, letting it turn to something deeper. Steadily, with the reassuring touch of Jungwoo’s body against his, he found his balance.

   Suddenly, he didn’t know what he’d been so scared of.

   This moment was the most natural thing in the world.

   Jungwoo navigated loose the buttons of Yukhei’s shirt with deft fingers, pushing it straight down from his shoulders while they were still joined at the mouth, but he was caught in a gasp when Yukhei broke to lift him, hands strong on the backs of his thighs, and carried him to the bed. Jungwoo wrapped his legs around his waist automatically, impatiently restarting the kiss, but Yukhei could feel that he’d liked that moment. His skin was a lot hotter, his breathing a lot less stable, breath itself enticingly hot whenever he pulled back for a second to meet his eyes.

   When Yukhei placed him down on the bed, Jungwoo pulled him straight down with him, until Yukhei was stretched all the way over his smaller form, eyes searching appraisingly over him, arms framed either side of his shoulders.

   ‘Happy birthday, Yukhei.’

   Yukhei didn’t find time for words, just crooking his arms enough to allow him to place a kiss to his forehead, then his lips again. His knee nudged up between Jungwoo’s legs, pressing against his clothed crotch, and when Jungwoo gave a small whine, breath catching, Yukhei made sure to do that again, and _again_. Jungwoo started to rock down, searching for friction, and soon enough, his breaths were coming quicker, head rolling back a little to expose his throat.

   Yukhei took advantage of that, kissing at the vulnerable skin, grazing his tongue there.

   ‘Tight,’ Jungwoo whined, and Yukhei met his eyes. For a moment, he lost his cool, and then he realised what he meant.

   ‘Fuck, sorry,’ he muttered, and his fingers went straight to Jungwoo’s belt. They shook slightly on the buckle, but he managed it. He loosened the belt, Jungwoo lifting his hips to help as he pulled it free with a snap that rang loud in the quiet room.

   Suddenly, Yukhei was aware of every sound. Their breathing was loud, laboured, heavy. There was a shift of sheets as Jungwoo spread his legs a little, offering more space between them. Yukhei’s pulse was audible in his own ears.

   Jungwoo gave him a look that was so fierce with love that his hands stopped shaking. Yukhei, emboldened, stroked an exploratory hand down over the swell of his increasing arousal, face falling into a smile when Jungwoo’s eyes squeezed closed.

   He remembered what Jungwoo had said, so he loosened the button of his pants next, then he took a very grounding breath before pulling them down far enough to allow his hand the access he’d wanted. As he took Jungwoo into his hand, stroking him through the thin cotton of his briefs, he concentrated harder than he ever had before.

   He’d never done this for someone else.

   Not for a guy.

   But he’d thought about it. He’d thought about it with Jungwoo in his imagination, and he focussed on that.

   It didn’t take much for Jungwoo to get properly hard, teeth catching his lip, and Yukhei felt a rush of satisfaction when he felt a dampening of arousal under his fingertips. He could do this. He could make Jungwoo feel good and that was all that mattered.

   ‘Mm Xuxi,’ Jungwoo hummed, eyes still closed.

   Every little sound of encouragement made Yukhei’s confidence grow. His fingers found their way past his waistband, and he took Jungwoo’s length into his palm. Jungwoo squirmed under him as he thumbed gently over his crease for the first time, working a little wetness to his fingers. He sat back, his supporting arm starting to strain, and made quickly work of tugging his briefs fully away instead. Suddenly, they were nothing but a hindrance, a frustration.

   He wanted all of Jungwoo. He wanted to _see_ him.

   Jungwoo obliged his unspoken need, kicking away his pants and propping up on his elbows as their gaze met again.

   ‘You’re… so hot,’ Yukhei choked.

   ‘You already told me that tonight,’ Jungwoo whispered.

   Yukhei rolled his eyes down over his chest, down his navel, right down to his cock in his hand because _oh fuck he was going to have sex with Jungwoo._

   Jungwoo, apparently noticing the moment that his expression turned from calm to utterly stunned, half-smiled. He pressed a hand to Yukhei’s shoulder, and then he pushed him gently from his position. When Yukhei didn’t move immediately, Jungwoo pushed harder, until he ceded and rolled off him onto his back in one smooth motion, heart skipping a beat. Jungwoo straddled over him, settling his weight back onto his thighs, and ran his hands down Yukhei’s chest.

    He wound a path over every muscle, every line that Yukhei had worked so hard on, practically _loving_ him just with his eyes. Then, he made far quicker work of removing the last layers between them than Yukhei had. He kissed a line down his chest and when his lips turned to his tongue, Yukhei was a second from fucking losing control.

   When he took him into his mouth, it was like nothing he’d ever felt before.

   It was _different_.

   It was different because it was Jungwoo.

   ‘ _Fuck_ ,’ he exhaled through his teeth, throwing his head back.

   Jungwoo moved further down the bed for a better angle, one hand closing around Yukhei’s thigh, the other working a fucking miracle where his mouth couldn’t quite reach.

   Yukhei was torn between two needs. Fuck he wanted to just close his eyes, collapse into the feeling, the utter euphoria of Jungwoo’s tongue dragging over every sparking nerve-ending he had. But at the same time, he wanted to _watch_ him. He wanted to see his favourite face in the world like he’d never seen it before, unabashed and erotic and completely self-aware of the way that he was making his boyfriend fall apart.

   Because that was exactly what was happening to Yukhei.

   His walls tumbled down, every year that he’d spent locking this part of himself away in _fear_. In that moment he had no fear at all, the world beyond this house no longer mattered. Consequences, reality, every anxiety he had, all vanished.

   He locked a hand into Jungwoo’s hair, but he made no effort to guide him. He didn’t need to. Jungwoo knew exactly what he was doing.

  He was starting to feel a heat, an overwhelming sort of heat right where it mattered, when Jungwoo pulled off him.

   For a moment, he almost whined in disappointment, but then he remembered what they were doing.

   For the third time, they shared in a _look_.

   ‘ _Now_ ,’ said Jungwoo. ‘I want you, Xuxi.’

   In a rush, the nerves returned. Yukhei sat up, heart pounding. ‘Fuck, I gotta like… get a condom…’ he muttered, throwing himself sideways to his nightstand.

   Jungwoo’s face broke into an affectionate laugh. ‘You’re a real wordsmith, you know that right?’

   Yukhei swallowed. ‘I can’t help it, Woo, you get me all fucked up.’

   ‘I try,’ Jungwoo smiled.

   ‘Which way do you wanna… like… do this?’ Yukhei stammered.

   Jungwoo raised his eyebrows.

   ‘You know…’ Fuck, he’d had a lot of sex in his life, but something about Jungwoo made him feel like a fumbling first-timer.

   ‘Well I was kind of hoping you’d fuck me, so…’

   At the sound of Jungwoo cursing like that, Yukhei’s mouth fell into a comical _o._ He’d only ever heard Jungwoo curse once before – on that night at Ten’s charity gala, when he’d crashed into that stupid table.

   The sound was… well it was hot, like just about everything Jungwoo did.

   He nodded rapidly, scrambling his fingers around his drawer for what he needed.

   ‘You’re nervous?’ Jungwoo asked gently.

   ‘I’ve never…’

   ‘Here,’ Jungwoo took the small bottle of lube from his hands with a smile. ‘I’ll do it.’

   ‘Seriously?’

   ‘Sit back,’ Jungwoo breathed, pressing a hand to his chest until he settled into the pillows.

   He might as well have said _and-enjoy-the-show_ , because that was exactly where Yukhei was at. His eyes flitted over every detail of Jungwoo’s body all over again, unable to concentrate on one spot because he wanted to enjoy all of him at once.

   Mainly, though, his gaze flickered from his fingers, half hidden, working into himself, and his _face_ as he gasped at the little shockwaves his touch was giving his body. Oh, and the way that his hardness seemed to _beg_ with every second of progress.

   Next time.

   Next time, Yukhei would be the one to do this for him.

   It wasn’t long before Jungwoo crawled forwards, back arching beautifully, and settled his way to Yukhei’s lap, snatching a kiss while he was weak with need. Yukhei moaned into his mouth, as Jungwoo’s tongue stroked over his with calm confidence. At the same time, his hand worked slick over Yukhei’s cock, methodical and experienced and unfaltering.

   ‘Is it enough?’ Yukhei whispered as they broke apart. ‘I don’t wanna hurt you.’

   Jungwoo nodded, lifting his hips to position himself. He planted both hands on Yukhei’s shoulders, thumbs brushing at his clavicles. ‘I got this, baby,’ Jungwoo exhaled, then he paused as Yukhei stared at him. ‘Sorry, it slipped out.’

   Yukhei stared a little longer. ‘It’s… it’s cool.’

   ‘You like it?’ Jungwoo breathed.

   ‘Yeah,’ Yukhei’s mouth was still somewhere in the first letter when Jungwoo sank down around him, slowly, steadily, but without hesitation. His word turned to a groan, a moan really, a sound a little higher than what he’d have made with anyone else.

   Jungwoo was so warm, so tight around him.

   ‘ _Fuck_.’ He wanted to say something more than that, but syllables jumbled into a chaotic mess in his head. His mind was preoccupied, first with memorising every _detail_ of this feeling because it was utterly unique and already he could barely _imagine_ repeating it, and second with concentrating on moving his body ever so slightly, enough to make Jungwoo relax, sigh, let out a contented breath.

   A moment, and Yukhei found one more word.

   ‘Okay?’ he checked.

   Jungwoo nodded, latching a kiss onto his neck, head buried into his shoulder, as he lifted slightly, rolling his hips back down all the way this time. Yukhei angled up to meet him. His fingers found a grip on his waist.

   Before long, they settled into a rhythm. Finding it was natural, innate, a symptom of all the time they’d spent together. They knew each other’s pace, and even though they’d never done this before, they both knew exactly what the other needed.

   The heat in the room was heady with passion, every breath invigorating the blood in Yukhei’s veins.

   With experience, so grew Yukhei’s confidence. He turned Jungwoo onto his back, just like his boyfriend had for him earlier, and he found a new claim on his mouth. He’d never tire of kissing Jungwoo. The first time, he’d ran away. Now, every second that they were locked at the lips was a moment to be treasured.

   He thrust into him, knowing he’d hit the right spot when Jungwoo gasped his way out of the kiss, turning his head to one side as he moaned loudly. Yukhei ran a hand into his hair, wet from sweat, finally _truly_ messy like he’d always wanted to see it.

   When Jungwoo’s gasps reached a pitch that he knew meant all the best things, he took that hand and wrapped it around his neglected arousal instead, pumping with his rhythm. His own ripples of pleasure had him dizzied, but he wanted Jungwoo to get there first. With the added sensation, Jungwoo’s head rolled back, throat gulping for air, eyelashes fluttering.

   With a particularly precise fuck forwards, Yukhei finally got to watch Jungwoo fall apart.

   He looked beautiful. Beautiful like always.

   ‘Xuxi – _ah_!’

   The sound of that gasp for his name would resonate in Yukhei’s memory forever.

   As sensitivity overwhelmed Jungwoo, his muscles tensed, and Yukhei felt himself knocked past his limit before he’d even caught his breath. The image of Jungwoo’s face seconds earlier was so vivid in his mind. Yukhei came hard, body shaking, arms struggling to keep him stable, every curse under the sun tripping from his lips.

   ‘Fuck, _fuck_ , Woo, I - ’

   Stars. His vision became stars. But all too soon, he crashed down to earth. He wanted that moment to last forever.

   _Next time_ , he reminded himself again. _There are going to be so many next times._

He fell to the side, aware even in his haze that he was bigger than Jungwoo and he didn’t want to collapse over him. He rolled onto his back, panting, eyes finding a clearer image of the ceiling.

   Jungwoo shifted straight over to him on his side, hot breath against his neck as he tucked in against him.

   Yukhei threw an arm around his shoulders. His heart was beyond repair, the beating wings of a seabird against his chest.

   Something like _‘birthday’_ was mumbled against his neck, but he couldn’t really hear it.

   He twisted so that he could look at Jungwoo.

   ‘Love you,’ he whispered.

   Jungwoo angled in for a kiss. When they split apart, he smiled. ‘An upgrade on _the thing_ , right?’

   Finally, the spell was broken.

   That was how Yukhei liked it best. Fun, sweet, a little awkward. There were no… airs and graces. In that, he was comfortable.

   With Jungwoo, he was comfortable.

*

   Jungwoo didn’t have clothes at Yukhei’s house. Not yet.

   He didn’t want to put on anything from the previous night, so he found his way to the walk-in closet, eyes wandering around.

   It wasn’t like the walk-in closets he’d seen on TV – precise, organised, clean and white. In fact, if was the very opposite. It was _Yukhei_ ’s closet. Almost all of the doors were open. There were shoes on the floor, hangers jammed on handles, watch drawer open and exposing a mess of _Rolex_ that made Jungwoo’s eyes pop.

   He found the biggest sweater he could find, and pulled it on.

   It must have already been oversized on Yukhei, because it brushed down past Jungwoo’s thighs.

   That would do.

   He edged downstairs quietly, wondering where he’d find his boyfriend. Yukhei had been gone when he’d woken up, but his side of the bed had still been warm.

   He peered around into the kitchen, and his face broke into a smile.

   ‘Ten, it can’t be that hard. Pancakes. Just give me somewhere to start.’

   Yukhei was clattering around the kitchen. His phone was propped against the window-ledge. Ten was on speaker.

   ‘ _I don’t know, Yukhei. You’re calling_ me _for cooking advice? Do you know when the last time I cooked something was?_ ’

   ‘Dunno, college?’

   ‘ _I ate ramen at college, Yukhei. For four years. Call Doyoung._ ’

   ‘Doyoung’s probably still reeling from the conversation I had with him last night. _Fuck_ I just want everything to be perfect for Jungwoo.’

   ‘ _Well from what I’ve heard, flour and milk are involved._ ’

   ‘Egg and sugar help too,’ Jungwoo whispered.

   Yukhei span around. His face lit up. Then it fell, quickly. ‘Woo, you’re awake! But you were supposed to be asleep! I was supposed to surprise you!’

   ‘Couldn’t wait,’ Jungwoo said shyly. His self-assurance from the previous night had been replaced by the quietness of day.

   ‘ _Alright, that’s my cue to leave.’_ Ten hung up before Yukhei had even opened his mouth.

   They shared a sheepish look, a blush finding its way to _both_ of their faces, and then they relaxed simultaneously.

   ‘Good morning,’ Yukhei said softly, opening his arms.

   Jungwoo walked forwards for a hug. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt happier.

   ‘I wanted to make you pancakes. Like American ones.’

   ‘I’ve never asked you if you can cook?’ Jungwoo beamed. ‘If you can’t, it’s cute, but if you can, it’s hot.’

   ‘Then I’m _very_ hot,’ Yukhei grinned. ‘I can cook up a storm. But I’m more into dinners than all this sweet stuff.’

   ‘It’s okay, I’m good at the sweet stuff,’ Jungwoo kissed his cheek. ‘But you’d better cook me a dinner some time soon.’

   ‘How’s tonight?’

   ‘I don’t know, I’ll have to ask my boss if I can get the time off.’

   Yukhei wrapped his arms around his waist, making his sweater ride up in his hands. ‘You know, your boss might really enjoy having dinner with you?’

   ‘I’ll remember to invite him.’

   ‘He’s not better looking than me, is he?’ Yukhei murmured, words intermittent because Jungwoo had taken the initiative to kiss him.

   ‘He’s… on a par.’

   Yukhei pulled a face of mock horror. Then he beamed. ‘I’m so glad you applied for that job, Woo. I can’t even imagine what my life would look like if I hadn’t met you.’

   ‘Careful, Yukhei, any more praise and I’ll be angling for a pay rise.’

   ‘I can offer… coffee?’ Yukhei suggested.

   ‘With an extra shot, please. We had a very late night.’

   ‘Damn right we did.’

   That smile was probably the most vitalising piece of art Jungwoo had ever seen in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	14. Chapter 14

   From the moment that Jungwoo walked into his kitchen the morning after his birthday, Yukhei’s world… changed. If he closed his eyes and didn’t think too hard about things, he could almost convince himself that everything was perfect.

   His relationship with Jungwoo became everything that the dramas had ever promised it would be.

   Clichés. Clichés everywhere. And he fucking loved them.

   He loved the pancakes, and the look on Jungwoo’s face when he found the flowers he’d hidden for him all around the office on his birthday, and the sleepy sex they’d had in the morning two days earlier because Yukhei finally had something worth making him late to work for.

   The fact that he couldn’t touch him once they were out the front door faded into insignificance. It was fine. Because he _could_ touch him when the door closed.

   It didn’t even _feel_ like a secret when Ten and Doyoung knew. When they asked him how his day had been, he could talk about the conversations he and Jungwoo had shared. When they asked what he was doing later, he could tell them smugly that Jungwoo was coming around to his again.

   It didn’t feel like a secret. Which probably lulled him into a grossly overestimated sense of security, but he wasn’t going to think too hard about the reality when the fantasy was so much nicer.

   He bounded into the office one morning in late winter, _filled_ with optimism.

   Jungwoo wouldn’t be far behind him, but they always made an effort to stagger their arrivals, just in case.

   He skipped straight to Ten’s office to greet him – Ten _always_ arrived first – but when he knocked (fairly loudly, he thought) there was no answer.

   Without hesitation, he opened the door, frowning.

   Ten was there, alright. For a moment that nearly _killed_ him, Yukhei thought that he might have had a fucking heart attack or something, because he was slumped over his desk. Then, though, he shifted slightly, and Yukhei realised that he was asleep.

   He closed the door quietly behind him, smile dropping into something more neutral.

   It wasn’t the first time that Ten had slept at the office. But usually he’d appear at 7am or earlier, showered in the good bathroom and dressed in a spare clean suit, wide awake and sarcastic and prowling around the office with armfuls of papers.

   Not today. 

   Yukhei’s eyes travelled to the meeting couches, wondering how he could manhandle Ten over there without waking him up. _Impossible_.

   ‘Ten? Tennie?’ he murmured instead, shaking his shoulder gently.

   Ten jerked awake, flinching away. ‘Yukhei?’ he mumbled. His palms went straight to his eyes, only half open as they struggled to avoid the bright morning light. ‘Shit… shit it’s work, I’m…’

   ‘Hey, hey, it’s not time to work yet,’ Yukhei lied quickly, quietly. ‘I just want to get you somewhere comfortable.’

   Ten mumbled something else, but it wasn’t even audible.   

   ‘Did you fall asleep working?’ Yukhei asked. Straight away, he worked his fingers to Ten’s neck, loosening his tie and pulling it free before his friend could protest, reactions slowed by his lack of wakefulness. Yukhei undid the top button of his shirt, then the second, freeing some space to breathe.

   It was a pointless question, because he knew the answer. Ten’s fixation on work had taken on a new fervency recently, one that worried Yukhei more and more every day. Evidently, Ten thought the question didn’t need answering either.

   ‘ _Stop it_ ,’ Ten whined, pushing his hands away.

   That almost made Yukhei smile. Ten was different when sleep weighed around him. Less… scary.

   He ignored him, wrestling his jacket from his shoulders next.

   ‘Alright, come on, get on the couch.’

   ‘Leave me alone,’ Ten groaned.

   Yukhei ignored that too, dragging Ten over to the couches and pushing him down on his side. He laid his jacket back over him as he prepared another lie. ‘You’ve got ages before work. Hours. I’ll wake you up later.’

   It was testament, he thought, to Ten’s sleep deprivation, that he didn’t argue.

   He closed his eyes, exhaling heavily, arms wrapped around himself.

   Yukhei walked over to the window, drawing the blinds so that the room fell into semi darkness. He glanced at Ten’s desk, and picked up the two workbooks he’d been writing in, eyes flitting over the text. It was something Yukhei could finish. He’d find time. Then, to the ferociously guarded thermostat by the door. He turned up the temperature a couple of degrees, enough that he hoped would keep Ten just a _little_ warmer without him noticing.

   ‘Sleep, Tennie,’ he murmured. ‘ _Please_ sleep.’

   He slipped out of the door, and then crossed to the reception desk.

   Jungwoo had arrived.

   There was a split second in which Yukhei lost all of his train of thought as their eyes met.

   But it was only a second. If it was one thing that Yukhei couldn’t shift, even as he shared a moment of unspoken love with his boyfriend, it was anxiety for his friend’s wellbeing.

   ‘Sumi?’ he tore his eyes away. ‘Can you make sure no one disturbs Ten this morning? Not at all.’

   ‘Is he sleeping?’ she asked quietly.

   ‘Yeah, I reckon he’s pretty knocked out. I’ll take his meetings. Jungwoo, can you - ’ his voice faltered as he looked back at him, the same _wave_ that took out his train of thought hitting him all over again.

   ‘I’ll sort out your schedule,’ Jungwoo smiled.

   ‘Great. Thank you.’ He turned, ready to try and cram Ten’s work in before he started his own, and almost walked headlong into Doyoung.

   Doyoung barely seemed to notice that he’d been an inch away from being knocked over. One look at his face sent Yukhei’s mood plummeting even further.

   His eyes were rimmed red. Furiously red. The sort of red that a few eyedrops couldn’t fight.

   ‘Doyoungie?’ Yukhei caught his arm when he went to walk away, but Doyoung recoiled like he’d been burned. ‘Shit, sorry,’ he said quickly. It had only been on impulse, but he couldn’t kick the thought that he should’ve known better. He’d been best friends with Doyoung practically his whole life, by now he should’ve known not to touch him when he was upset.

   Doyoung pulled away, looking down.

   ‘Doyoung, what’s wrong?’

   ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ He picked up a handful of letters from his in-tray. His hands were shaking.

   ‘Bro, come on,’ Yukhei fought the urge to grab him again to stop him walking away. ‘What’s happened?’

   ‘What do you _think_ , Yukhei?’ he snapped.

   ‘Did Jae - ’

   ‘I’m. Not. Talking. About. It.’

   Doyoung stalked to his office, and slammed the door so loudly behind him that Yukhei jumped. That wasn’t Doyoung’s usual style.

   Yukhei stared after him, mouth slightly open. For the last few days, Doyoung had been in good spirits. Jaehyun was coming back to Korea in a week. It didn’t take a genius to work out that _something_ had changed.

   Yukhei’s good mood from the morning was a distant fucking memory.

   He squared his shoulders, and followed Doyoung. He’d never been very good at leaving things alone. Not when they involved his friends. When he opened the door, Doyoung ignored him, puffy red eyes concentrated on his computer screen. They weren’t moving.

   ‘Spit it out, Doyoung. I’m not leaving.’

   ‘Why can’t you ever just -’, he started, resolutely not looking over at him, but Yukhei wasn’t going to let him finish that sentence.

   ‘Because I’ve got one best friend passed out in his office, and the other _crying_ in his, and you two have dragged me from the gutter, sometimes literally, more times than I can remember, so forgive me for trying to return the favour for five minutes! Let me help for once, _please_.’

   Finally, Doyoung looked up. ‘What’s wrong with Ten?’

   ‘Dunno, Doyoung, you tell me? You’re the genius. He didn’t go home again last night. I just found him passed out over his desk.’

   ‘He doesn’t have anything to go home for,’ Doyoung said quietly. ‘He thinks he can fill the hole in his heart with work. But he can’t. He’s lonely.’

   ‘Yeah, yeah he is. And so are you, so tell me what the fuck’s going on.’

   He wasn’t sure whether Doyoung really wanted to share, or whether he was willing to do so just to get rid of him, but it worked out either way. ‘Jae’s not coming home.’

   ‘He _what_?’

   ‘Apparently some _friends_ from Boston suggested they go on a road-trip now his contract’s ending. Like teenagers. So he’s not coming back for another three weeks. And – and I was dealing, and I was okay these last couple of weeks because I had a deadline. I had plans. I was ready and I could count down and it was fine and now I don’t – I don’t - ’ He looked like he was going to start to cry again.

   Yukhei shook his head. ‘No, no _way_ are you waiting another three weeks! Did you tell him it’s not cool?’

   ‘Of course I didn’t.’

   ‘For fuck’s _sake_ , Doyoung!’ Yukhei was on the verge of losing it. ‘Just tell him! Call him. Right now. I’m serious. Call him, or _I will_.’

   ‘You _wouldn’t_!’ Doyoung’s face was painted with betrayal.

   ‘I can’t watch you live like this anymore. _Please_.’

   ‘It’s late in Boston.’

   ‘Maybe don’t try that one when there’s a clock right there,’ Yukhei jerked his head at the panel of world clocks over his desk. ‘Doyoung, _call him_. You’ve been together long enough, it’s time to deal with this.’

   ‘What if he hates me?’ Doyoung whispered.

   Yukhei’s mouth fell open. ‘Doyoung… Jaehyun loves you more than anything in the entire world. You’re his fucking _universe_. But despite all the fancy letters after his name, he’s also a complete idiot and he believes your bad acting when you say you’re fine. He believes whatever you tell him because that’s how much he loves you. And he’s going to be fucking devastated if this goes on for the next ten years and then he finds out what it’s done to you. So _call him_. Now.’

   Doyoung’s hand trembled towards the phone. ‘Can you… can I have a little privacy?’

   ‘Yeah, fine. But you tell him everything, or I swear to God - ’

   ‘I will.’

   Yukhei straightened up, and gave him a curt nod. ‘Well _good_.’ As he turned to walk away, he took the pile of letters that Doyoung had collected from his in-tray. ‘And don’t worry about this, I’ll deal with it. Take all the time you need.’

   ‘Thank you, Xuxi,’ Doyoung mumbled.

   Yukhei gave him a small wave to suggest airiness, then closed the door.

   ‘Fucking _hell_ ,’ he exhaled, leaning back against it. He took a few shaky but steadying breaths, and then he walked back to the front desk. ‘Chunja, can you make sure that no one bothers Doyoung today? I’ll take his meetings.’

   Chunja exchanged a glance with Sumi, perhaps caught in a moment of déjà vu.

   ‘Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. Important calls, forward to my office. Any meeting clashes, and you prioritise. Cancel anything that’s not vital. Ten and Doyoung are off limits. I’m gonna finish up Ten’s paperwork, and then I’m gonna go and meet Doyoung’s development team at 9:30. Someone keep the coffee on tap, because I’m gonna need it.’

   They nodded.

   ‘Right. I’m the CEO of this place. I can run this shit for one day,’ he took another breath. ‘I got this.’

   ‘You want me to go and get you some breakfast from the cafeteria?’ Jungwoo asked softly. They’d been planning to skip out some time in the mid-morning for a proper breakfast, but that idea was dead in the water.

   Yukhei nodded, even though he really just wanted to pull Jungwoo into his arms for a moment of relief.

   But he couldn’t.

   Because no matter how much time he spent pretending their relationship was _perfect_ , it wasn’t. He still couldn’t hold him here. Not out of the house.

   He tore his eyes away from him and walked back to his own office, wondering how on earth he’d felt on top of the world twenty minutes earlier.

   Inside, he collapsed down behind his desk, throwing his head back.

   He’d always been the one in pieces. He’d always been the one dealing with chaos in his personal life, with his family, with parts of himself that he’d kept hidden so long that they’d begun to tear him apart from the inside out. He’d always been the one passed out drunk, or in some other kind of state. And Doyoung and Ten had always been there to take care of him.

   Now, it was his turn to step up.

*

   By the time that the afternoon was drawing to a close, Jungwoo had run out of things to do. He wished that he could help Yukhei with his _real_ work, but one glance at the sheets and sheets of accounts from Ten’s desk, or the pages of complex diagrams from Doyoung’s, left him completely confounded.

   He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen his boyfriend work like this. Yukhei was the type of person who left their essay to the last hour, shoved something together, and still managed to get a top grade. He spent an awful lot of time in the office playing games, or watching something on his tablet, or gossiping on the work phone with one of his old college friends, but miraculously at the end of the day, everything was always done. Today, though, he was more like the kid who spent ten hours a day in the library, face buried in files, frown permanently etched on his forehead.

   Jungwoo was shuffling around his office, humming to himself, _organising._

   To the naked eye, Yukhei’s office might not look so different to how it had all those months ago when Jungwoo had first arrived for his interview. But if one looked closely, they’d start to notice the small indicators of ‘Jungwoo’ about the place. The mess was still ridiculous, for a corporate office, and the jumble of collectibles still bizarrely out of place, but there was a general air of _order_ , now.

   There were little labels, written in handwriting far too neat to be Yukhei’s, on all of his ring binders. There were no empty, company-logo-printed, stained coffee cups, anymore, but rather one large, clean, leafy-patterned mug that was still steaming from where Jungwoo had recently refilled it, on a cork coaster (because the mahogany was far too nice to mark any further). And everything was somewhat… _grouped_ together: on one filing cabinet there was a tray just of comic books, one shelf had been entirely cleared just for car models, and the desk was reserved purely for work.

   ‘Woo, I’ve been thinking.’

   Jungwoo turned around in surprise.

   ‘You know Jaehyun is coming home in three days, right?’

   Jungwoo nodded. The one good thing to happen all day had been Doyoung re-emerging from his office looking the happiest he’d ever seen him.

   Yukhei took something of a _deep_ breath. ‘Doyoung’s had that… that _thing_ , since boarding school.’

   ‘Separation anxiety?’ Jungwoo suggested, raising his eyebrows.

   ‘Oh, yeah. That. And Jae went away for the first time over three years ago. He’s spent probably _half_ of that time out of the country.’

   Jungwoo nodded slowly, not entirely sure why Yukhei was telling him this.

   ‘And Doyoung never told him. Not once. He just put this – this _face_ on, telling him that everything was fine. Jae believed all of it, because he loves him so damn much. And Doyoung’s spent all these months just… scared. Every day. _Months_ of his life that he’s never going to get back, ruined.’

   ‘Right. But everything’s going to be okay, now, right? Because Jaehyun is coming home early?’

   ‘Yes, yeah! But I’m not - ’ he inhaled deeply again, and this time there was a definite tremor in his breath, ‘I’m not thinking about Doyoung. I – I’m thinking about me.’

   ‘Oh,’ Jungwoo sighed softly. He walked over to the chair by Yukhei’s desk, taking his hand in his.

   ‘All I keep thinking about is how… how I’ve already spent all these years hiding, even from myself – how it fucking _ate away_ at me. And now Doyoung is gonna be happy and everything’s going to work out and I just… I just realised that secrets don’t help anyone.’

   ‘Right.’

   ‘I think I should come out.’

   Jungwoo’s lips parted, breath catching in surprise.

   ‘I’m not saying I’m ready to be on the front of the paper, but – but I need to tell my parents.’

   ‘Okay,’ Jungwoo nodded as he squeezed his hand.

   ‘Not tomorrow. Maybe not this _week_ , but I’m thinking about it. I’m… I’m planning. Maybe next time I see them - next time they deign to invite me somewhere. I mean, they hate me already, right? They’ve barely spoken to me for months. So it can’t possibly make things any _worse_.’

   ‘I’m not sure your parents hate you, Xuxi. They’re just…’ Jungwoo wondered whether he should dare to step into this territory.

   Yukhei met his eyes with a look that implored him to continue.

   ‘I think that your father is just… jealous. He’s resentful of what you’ve achieved, and even more so because you did it all yourself. It’s made him feel inadequate that you didn’t want to be like him, even after everything that he accomplished, that you wanted to make your own way even though you already had a future laid out on the table, when he just inherited his own father’s business. And your mom is just torn between supporting her son and supporting her husband.’

   Yukhei stared at him. ‘For real?’

   ‘I don’t know them, Yukhei, but from everything you’ve told me… that’s just my read on it.’

   ‘You’re so smart, Woo. You just _get_ people. I dunno how you do it.’

   ‘I like people,’ Jungwoo shrugged. ‘I like watching them, listening to them, thinking about what’s in their minds.’

   Yukhei looked like he was about to say something else when there was a knock on the door.

   Jungwoo quickly let go of his hand and sat back as he called out. ‘Yeah?’

   The door opened. It was Doyoung.

   ‘Oh, it’s you,’ Yukhei relaxed, fingers wandering back to search for Jungwoo’s hand.

   ‘Hey, I’m going to get going. I think I’m going to take Ten home, probably stay at his. I want to make sure he doesn’t do any _work_. Do you want to come?’

   Yukhei glanced at Jungwoo. ‘We were gonna - ’

   ‘It’s fine,’ Jungwoo said quickly. ‘You should go.’

   ‘I’ll meet you in the lobby,’ Doyoung said with a light wave.

   When he’d stepped back out, Yukhei frowned. ‘We were going to have dinner.’

   ‘It’s okay,’ Jungwoo said softly, running a hand through Yukhei’s hair, smiling at the way that his bangs flopped back over his forehead. ‘Just because we’re boyfriends, doesn’t mean we have to spend _every_ waking minute together. I can still fend for myself for one night.’

   ‘I’m not sure I can,’ Yukhei grinned.

   ‘Well, we spend half our nights together, and _every_ day at work. I reckon we’re not going to go crazy being apart for a few hours. You should spend some time with your friends after the day you all just had.’

   ‘Ten’s not in a good place,’ Yukhei sighed. ‘I wish I could find some way to help him. He’s helped _me_.’

   Jungwoo nodded, then pressed a kiss to his forehead. ‘I know, but you’re a good friend,’ he murmured, ‘and that’s a start.’

   Yukhei shook his head. ‘I don’t know how to do the whole caring thing. You’re really good at it.’

   ‘Yes, well, I don’t think Ten’s the type who’s going to want to be coddled. Just take him home, make sure he eats, talk to him about something other than work. Maybe make him sign up to a dating website,’ he added with a smile.

   ‘When pigs fly, perhaps,’ Yukhei yawned. ‘Alright, wish me luck.’

   ‘Good luck,’ Jungwoo smiled, before closing the small space between them for a long kiss. ‘I love you,’ he exhaled over his lips when he pulled back.

   ‘Love you, Woo.’

   ‘I’ll miss you.’

*

   Yukhei missed Jungwoo too, for all of about two days. He’d spent Friday night surprisingly drunk, for the first time in a while, mainly to cheer Ten up. Then he’d spent Saturday catching up on the small details of his life which didn’t involve his boyfriend, most of which now seemed boring, but he was determined not to follow him around like a puppy _all_ the time.    

   Still, he woke up on Sunday morning, filled with a need to see him that he couldn’t shift.

   So he got out of bed, dressed _down_ , because he really did think that Jungwoo didn’t get to see him in jeans enough, and then skipped out of his house with a plan. On the way, he dropped by the lovely florists on the corner of the street that housed their offices. Jungwoo’s apartment wasn’t far from here.

   He bought the biggest bouquet that the staff could assemble for him, then set back off on his mission.

   The elevator at Jungwoo’s block was out of order, but he was only on the fourth floor, so Yukhei bounded his way up the stairs two at a time, praying that his boyfriend would like the surprise. Jungwoo had told him already that he was welcome any time – he’d even offered to give him a key, but Yukhei had turned that down out of fear that he’d lose it.

   He knocked on his door enthusiastically as always, preparing his most beaming smile.

   ‘Surpr-’ he started as it opened, but then he stared, mouth falling a little open.

   The stranger at the door surveyed him curiously. He was smaller than him – smaller than Jungwoo, too – and he had an appealing, pleasant sort of face that made Yukhei want to share his life story with him within ten seconds of eye contact.

   For a moment, Yukhei wondered whether he’d gone a floor too far in his excitement.

   ‘Are you selling something?’ the man said, with a charming smile. ‘Or _delivering_?’ he nodded to the bouquet of flowers.

   ‘Oh… I – I think - ’

   Then, at last, he put him out of his misery. ‘Jungwoo, your prince has arrived!’ he called over his shoulder.

   Yukhei felt himself turning red. When Jungwoo appeared at the end of his hall, though, he relaxed slightly.

   ‘Xuxi!’ he greeted without a hint of awkwardness.

   ‘You – you said I could drop by some time, but you have company, I should - ’ he began.

   ‘Don’t be silly, come in!’ Jungwoo took his free hand, pulling him over the threshold.

   Yukhei jumped a little, not used to Jungwoo touching him in front of someone unfamiliar.

   ‘Yukhei, this is Kun. Kun, this is my boyfriend, Yukhei.’

   Yukhei couldn’t help but think that if he’d known he was going to meet Jungwoo’s best friend in the entire world, he probably wouldn’t have worn jeans after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	15. Chapter 15

   Seeing Yukhei and Kun in the same room felt to Jungwoo rather like his two worlds had collided before he’d even seen them coming. He’d talked about Yukhei with Kun, he’d talked about Kun with Yukhei, he’d even imagined them meeting each other for the first time, but now that they _were_ meeting, he realised just how very different they were – how very different the two worlds that he now occupied were.

   And yet… as he looked closely, they seemed so very similar all the same.

   Kun was a lot smaller, a lot more compact than Yukhei, and while Yukhei wore designer jeans and a blazer over his novelty shirt, Kun wore a giant homely sweater with a high neck that gave him a general air of warmth. Yukhei had a watch on his wrist that cost half of Jungwoo’s annual salary, while Kun had a small, weaved bracelet that he’d bought from a kid at a street-market. Yukhei, with bed hair that looked like it could have been styled to _seem_ tousled, looked every bit the off-duty CEO on the weekends, trying to look casual, while Kun, with neatly blow-dried hair swept in a careful style over his forehead, looked every bit the hair stylist making just enough effort to _look_ carefree.

   Opposites, and yet not dissimilar. Above all, they both _radiated_ positive energy.

   Jungwoo surrounded himself with positivity, that was his brand, and Kun and Yukhei were two sides of the same coin.

   ‘Wong Yukhei,’ he bowed very low to Kun, so low that Jungwoo found himself smiling. Kun was the last person to care about formality.

   ‘He’s cute,’ Kun smiled, glancing over at Jungwoo. ‘What a _gentleman_.’

   When Yukhei looked back up he was slightly pink.

   Jungwoo wanted to tell Kun to be _gentle_ with him, but he just rolled his eyes, taking Yukhei’s hand and pulling him close for a quick kiss.

   ‘For me?’ Kun held out his hands for the flowers that Yukhei was holding.

   ‘ _Behave_ ,’ Jungwoo said this time, nudging his best friend in the ribs. ‘Kun just popped over for coffee,’ he said to Yukhei, ‘he got some exciting news this morning. I’ve just been making some hotteok.’

   Yukhei followed the two of them as they set off back to the kitchen. He looked charmingly nervous.

   ‘Thank you for the flowers,’ Jungwoo murmured when Kun skipped ahead to give them a moment alone in the hall. ‘They’re beautiful.’

   ‘You sure you don’t want me to go? I can take a lap around the block and - ’

   Jungwoo silenced him with another kiss. This one was slower, longer, and more of a _thank you_ as he negotiated the bouquet from his hand while they were still locked at the lips.

   ‘I’ll take that as a no,’ Yukhei grinned sheepishly.

   It didn’t take long for Yukhei to relax into the morning, though. He was a people-person, after all. Once Kun _finally_ stopped prodding at him under the stern gaze of Jungwoo, they adopted an easier conversation, the sort that was appropriate for a first meeting.

   Yukhei, in his eagerness to give a good impression, clattered around the kitchen making coffee while they talked, even though Jungwoo and Kun already had half-finished cups.

   It was only when Jungwoo took pity on him and grabbed his arm, pulling him down to squish in beside him on the couch, that Yukhei settled fully into the small-talk. After a while, Jungwoo felt his body relax, and after a little while longer, Yukhei’s arm found its way around his shoulders automatically and Jungwoo was able to rest his head down against his shoulder.

   ‘So what’s the exciting news?’ Yukhei asked, fingers toying with the material of Jungwoo’s shirt-sleeve absentmindedly.

   ‘Just boring work stuff,’ Kun winked.

   ‘Actually, Kun just got a new job,’ Jungwoo beamed. ‘And it’s not _boring_ at all.’

   ‘Oh you did?’ Yukhei turned back to Kun. He’d been looking at Jungwoo for quite a while, getting lost looking in his eyes even as he was talking, their faces close together by their proximity, and Jungwoo knew that if Kun noticed his distraction, he’d tease him later.

   ‘I’m moving from film to music,’ Kun said happily. ‘I’ve always wanted to work with idols, and a friend of a friend linked me up with a company, and now here I am. You’re looking at the lead hair stylist and _part-time_ make-up artist for the next big thing.’

   ‘An idol group?’ Yukhei raised his eyebrows.

   ‘An upcoming boy-group,’ Kun nodded, ‘called Dream.’

   ‘No way?’ Yukhei sounded excited now. ‘What label? I know a bunch of people in music from back at college.’

   They talked about music, and about Kun’s new job, for a while – long enough, indeed, that Jungwoo could sit back for a while and just enjoy the moment. His best friend treated _everyone_ with a smile, but Jungwoo knew him well enough to spot when he _actually_ liked someone, and as far as he could tell thus far, Yukhei was passing his tests. Most of his tests.

   ‘So I heard that you’re going to be taking our Jungwoo away, soon?’

   ‘Huh?’ Yukhei looked at him in surprise.

   ‘On holiday.’

   ‘There’s no date, yet, Kun,’ Jungwoo said quietly.

   ‘Oh, _oh_ , the island?’ said Yukhei. ‘Yeah, we’ll… we’ll go soon. I just gotta get the time off work. It’s kind of hard because of - ’

   ‘Because of being the boss,’ Jungwoo smiled, glancing back at Kun. ‘We’ll go when Yukhei’s ready.’

   ‘You should set a date,’ said Kun, voice casual. ‘Jungwoo deserves plenty of stability in his life.’

   ‘Yeah, yeah I’ll set a date!’ Yukhei said quickly, apparently not noticing the look that Jungwoo shared with his best friend.

   Before Yukhei had shown up at his door, they’d been having a _very important conversation_ , one that Jungwoo couldn’t help thinking Kun had been planning more than the one about his own career news. Kun had, not for the first time, taken the initiative to properly _check up_ on him. Having a best friend who cared little for boundaries was a blessing and a curse, and Kun’s concern for the impact that the nature of their relationship was having on Jungwoo happened to be both.

   On the one hand, it was a relief. He was glad to have someone to vent to, occasionally, someone with whom he could share some of the anxiety he had about the harder parts of his relationship. He could talk to Kun, without vetting his words, about how _scared_ he was all the time – about his fears that he’d let something slip to the wrong person, that he’d accidentally touch Yukhei the wrong way somewhere in public, that they were being _watched_ everywhere that they turned. These weren’t fears he could share with Yukhei. He couldn’t stand to make him feel bad, not when Yukhei had only just managed to get properly to grips with who he was, let alone how to share it with the world.

   On the _other_ hand, it was a problem, because Kun was sweet and caring and almost always right, and he knew Jungwoo better than he knew himself. And he knew full well that Jungwoo’s vision of his future didn’t include hiding. And _he_ , unlike Jungwoo who was more worried about his boyfriend, placed Jungwoo as his _firm_ priority. Which meant that he was prone to speaking truths that Jungwoo didn’t always want to hear.

   ‘Good,’ Kun smiled. ‘So tell me more about NCT.’

   Jungwoo settled back against Yukhei, listening to them talk.

   Stability.

   They were working on it.

   They would get there.

*

   Once Kun left them, some time in the early afternoon, Jungwoo and Yukhei found themselves relaxing into a lazy Sunday. They _talked_ a lot, something that they didn’t always find an awful lot of time for. So much of their conversation was taken up by work, even on their days off, because Yukhei always had a last minute change of schedule, or Jungwoo always had something that he wanted to check with him. Today, though, they forgot all that, concentrating on a conversation in which NCT was _initially_ far away.

   ‘Can I ask you something?’ Jungwoo said after a slight silence. ‘You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.’

   ‘That never goes anywhere good,’ said Yukhei with a lopsided grin. ‘But sure.’

   ‘Did you ever like a guy before me?’

   ‘Why are you wondering?’ Yukhei asked in surprise.

   ‘Just… I don’t know, I was just thinking about it last night. About you and how far we’ve come since we met and I realised we’ve never sat down and talked about some of this stuff.’

   Yukhei looked up in thought, eyes on the ceiling. ‘I don’t think so. I never really thought about it until Ten mentioned a crush on a guy at school – before then I didn’t know you could _like_ boys. Maybe I looked at guys a bit differently after that, I don’t know. But I went to an all-boys boarding school, I figured that it was just because I never got to see any girls. I figured that once I went to college, I’d just be… that I wouldn’t be…’ he stopped himself, shaking his head. ‘I don’t want to say all the stuff that I thought back then. I don’t like the way I looked at myself. The way I thought about myself. I… I thought there was something wrong with me, whenever those kinds of thoughts crept in. And it was stupid, because I didn’t think there was something wrong with Ten, or with Doyoung, but when it was me it was like… I guess I just internalised so much of the shit my parents told me about who I was supposed to be that anything other than that felt wrong.’

   ‘But you’re okay with that now, right?’ Jungwoo murmured. ‘You’re okay with who you are?’

   Yukhei nodded. ‘Yeah, yeah I get it now. Once I started college, I forgot all about it really. I didn’t feel like I was _hiding_ something from myself, I didn’t feel like I was lying to myself, I just… I don’t know, I guess I shoved it in a box in my brain and locked it away and I didn’t even think about it. It wasn’t a possibility – it wasn’t something I could ever entertain doing – so I _didn’t_ entertain it. Not until you. The box couldn’t stay closed once you were around.’

   ‘I’m glad I showed up,’ Jungwoo smiled.

   ‘What about you? Any exes I have to contend with?’ Yukhei asked, with a cheeky grin.

   ‘Hmm… just two,’ said Jungwoo, mildly enjoying the way that Yukhei straightened up slightly on the couch. ‘One, when I was at college. We were very happy while we were studying, but then he moved out of the country when he graduated and neither of us really wanted a long-distance relationship and we made a mutual decision to separate. We stayed friends for a while, but I haven’t spoken to him for a couple of years, now. And then the _second_ guy was a bit more whirlwind, a bit more dysfunctional, and he cheated, and I ended it. Nothing to worry about there, I promise.’

   ‘He _what_?’ Yukhei gritted his teeth.

   ‘It’s fine, Yukhei. It was his problem, not mine. And then I’d been single for a while, when I met you. I sort of swore off love, _temporarily_ – I wanted to concentrate on my career, I was so desperate to move up the ladder, and things were going well for me at Arizon before that all went under and I just didn’t really have time to date. _Kun_ always wanted me to find a nice guy, but I told him I wasn’t looking. Then you appeared.’  

   ‘You were a proper career-boy?’ Yukhei raised his eyebrows. ‘I can’t imagine you wanting to tear your way up the ladder, you’re too kind.’

   ‘You don’t have to be unkind to move up the ladder,’ Jungwoo shrugged, ‘it just takes a little longer. You and Ten and Doyoung aren’t bad people, and look at all the success you’ve had.’

   ‘You know, Woo, if you want to go back to that kind of work, I could get you a new position? Believe it or not, I hold rather a lot of _sway_ over my company. I could get you a job in any department, anywhere you want to work – I know it wasn’t exactly your ambition to be a PA.’

   Jungwoo pulled a face of mock contemplation, but then he smiled. ‘No, I think I’m quite happy where I am, thank you.’

   ‘Oh thank God,’ Yukhei exhaled. ‘I can’t even imagine not having you by my side every day at work. You make even the tough days so much easier.’

   ‘Do you know, I actually really like this job? Even taking the _you_ part out of it. I’ve never particularly liked being the centre of attention, but I do like supporting people, taking care of things, and that’s what I get to do now. I like just showing up to work and organising things for you and taking that extra pressure off you, it makes me feel like I’m achieving something worthwhile, and it’s less stress for me than some of my old jobs. I like it. And besides, being the right-hand-man of the CEO of one of the biggest corporations in the world is _fairly_ high at the top of the ladder, I’d say.’

   ‘Okay good,’ Yukhei exhaled. ‘I just want you to be happy. I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay doing this forever just because of me. Even if you wanted to work somewhere else, some other company, I’d understand. Please don’t feel like you’re stuck with us for life.’

   ‘I like your company. I don’t think I realised how badly we were treated at Arizon until I joined NCT. Better pay, here, better benefits package, more job security. Your staff are treated well, supported – it’s a rare find, in the business world.’

   ‘I guess,’ Yukhei looked rather smug at the praise. ‘Like you said, we’re not bad people.’

   ‘You’re a rare find, too, by the way,’ Jungwoo added. ‘A _very_ rare find. Before I met you, I was scared about what the job would be like – young, billionaire, flashy, I was worried you’d be a nightmare to work with. But you’re not. You’re the opposite of everything I expected. I think the tabloids got you wrong.’

   ‘They get everything wrong,’ Yukhei muttered darkly.

   Jungwoo nodded. ‘Yes, well, at least all of us in your life know the real you. The real you is amazing, Xuxi.’

   For a moment, Yukhei did nothing but look at him. Then, he ran a hand into Jungwoo’s hair, thumb grazing his temple, fingers cupping the line of his ear before stroking down his neck to settle at the crook of his collarbone. ‘I want everything to be good for us, Woo. I want to get our lives together, _properly_.’

   ‘We’re getting there,’ said Jungwoo with a reassuring smile.

   ‘Yeah but like… I want it now.’

   A serious air settled over them without much warning – Jungwoo could see it in Yukhei’s eyes.

   ‘I’m going to call my parents,’ said Yukhei, with a shaky breath. ‘I can’t sit around waiting for them to contact me anymore – I can’t put my life on hold for them any longer. I’ve done enough of that already.’

   ‘Are you sure you’re ready?’ Jungwoo asked, taking his hand. ‘Everything will change, Xuxi. Not necessarily in a bad way, but _either_ way. It’s not a genie that can go back in the bottle, and I just… I want you to be _sure_ that you’re ready to deal with everything that might come with this.’

   ‘I am,’ Yukhei nodded. ‘Trust me, I lay awake most of the night last night going through every possible scenario; the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I’ve weighed them all up against what I want from my life now. _Us_ , Woo, that’s what I want, and I’m willing to do whatever I need to do in order to secure our future together.’

   ‘Okay,’ said Jungwoo, even though the thought of Yukhei having to go through things that he was certain were inevitable, made his stomach turn. ‘But just promise me that you’re doing this for _you_ , please? Not because you think it’s what I want you to do.’

   Yukhei inhaled slowly, then – ‘It’s for me.’ His voice was resolute. ‘I’m a grown man – a fucking _scarily_ grown one after my last birthday – and I’m not going to spend the rest of my life hiding from my parents, hiding _for_ my parents. I want to be able to walk down the street holding hands with my boyfriend. Fuck, I want to be able to bring my boyfriend _home_ to family dinners. Yeah, maybe that’s a fantasy, but… _God_ , at least I want to be past a stage where my parents think they can choose a life for me.’

   ‘Then let’s do it,’ Jungwoo leant in and gave him a quick, soft kiss. ‘Do they ever come to Korea?’

   ‘No,’ he shook his head. ‘No. My mother has been here twice – once for my high school graduation, and once for my college graduation – but that’s it. It will have to be in Hong Kong.’

   ‘They’ve never even seen NCT?’ Jungwoo asked, even though he knew that it was a silly question. He knew exactly what Yukhei’s parents thought of the company – his father especially – of everything that their son had worked for, but he’d at least thought that maybe his mother would have come to see it, even once. That skyscraper, imposing and beautifully striking on the Seoul skyline, was a symbol of everything that made Yukhei… _Yukhei_ : hard work, outrageous success, and a hint of flashiness to show it all off.

   ‘No they haven’t,’ Yukhei gave him a knowing smile. ‘Ten’s parents came to the opening when we moved into the new building, and his sister, and her then-boyfriend-now-husband. Doyoung’s parents, too – his father even signed off on the deal for our company to sponsor his baseball team. He’s a _very_ successful sports coach, these days, and he’d just taken on his first national ranking team around that time. Jaehyun’s grandmother even made us a seven-tier cake for the party – she’s the best cook in the world, by the way – and you know the sculpture down in the lobby?’

   Jungwoo nodded, remembering the monolithic piece of modern art that dominated the entrance to the building.

   ‘His mom made that for us. So _everyone_ was there. It was great. And my parents didn’t even send a card.’

   ‘Xuxi I’m sorry,’ Jungwoo said gently.

   ‘My mother called, that night. She - ’ he paused, as though the memory was painful. ‘She told me that she was proud of me. It was the one time she really said it, right to me, and I – I was so drunk that I barely remember it.’

   ‘But you _do_ remember it,’ Jungwoo squeezed his hand, ‘and that’s something.’

   ‘I guess,’ he looked down.

   As Jungwoo tried to imagine the scene that they would be met with in Hong Kong, he found that he had few hopes. Yukhei’s parents wouldn’t take it well – he knew that, and he knew that Yukhei knew it too. But he hoped that his mom, at least, would find the strength to reassure him. In the optimist side of his brain, he hoped that she would stand up to her husband – stand up for her son. In the realist part of his brain, he hoped that Yukhei would at least get another phone-call to say that she was _proud_ of him, for being himself.

   He made a mental note to prepare for _small_ victories. He told himself to make sure that he emphasised those to Yukhei, if they came, because he needed to come away from one of the most important changes in his life with _something_ positive – _anything._ That, at least, would be better than no victories at all. And he always did try to be optimistic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)
> 
>  
> 
> This fic is part of a trilogy: You can read the two other parts to find out the stories for [Doyoung](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931070/chapters/37144667) and [Ten](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14150934/chapters/32614455)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello! We’re back! I’m sorry that I didn’t update last week – I’ve been very busy finishing the last two chapters of Living Costs and I didn’t want to rush this chapter given it’s very important.  
> C/W: this chapter revolves around coming out in a pretty hostile environment, and there are some fairly heavily implied homophobic attitudes in the air.  
> For those of you who follow all the fics, I can’t wait to see you all for the final chapter of LC too <3 xx

   Jungwoo and Yukhei’s second visit to Hong Kong didn’t happen for a while – a little longer, in fact, than Jungwoo had been anticipating; hoping for. Yukhei’s father was, _apparently_ , travelling for work, and they had to wait until midsummer before Jungwoo could finally arrange their plane.

   They did things a little differently this time. They were more prepared.

   They booked into a hotel, for one thing, at Jungwoo’s recommendation. He wanted Yukhei to have somewhere to retreat to if things went badly. Yukhei agreed to this idea happily, because it also meant that he and Jungwoo could share a room, a luxury they wouldn’t be afforded at his parents’ home.

   That room was where they found themselves, a couple of hours before they were due at the mansion for dinner.

   It was less of a room, really, and more of a suite, although they were lying together in the bedroom. Every inch of furniture was fine and antique, the priciest suite in the priciest hotel, because Yukhei, _never_ a skinflint, didn’t see the point in getting less than the best when he had money to throw away.

   Yukhei was sprawled across Jungwoo as they lay, cheek against his chest, and Jungwoo was stroking steadily through his hair. When they’d first got to Hong Kong, a few hours earlier, Yukhei had been cracking jokes, but now he’d turned quiet. Jungwoo could imagine why. He felt sick himself, heart rate up already, an acidic taste in his mouth, but he knew that would be _nothing_ compared to how Yukhei must be feeling.

   So he kept his own voice steady, calm.

   ‘If that happens, then we’ll just leave,’ he said gently, in answer to another whisper of panic that had escaped Yukhei’s lips.

   Another silence.

   Then – ‘I’m going to tell them to speak in English,’ said Yukhei. ‘So you’re included.’

   Jungwoo nodded. Yukhei’s parents didn’t speak Korean, but they were fluent in English, and Jungwoo was pretty good too. Yukhei had actually already mentioned this, but Jungwoo knew that he was going back through every detail as though reiterating them all enough times would make things go more smoothly.

   ‘And I’m going to say… you know… _it_ … straight away. Not at midnight. Not tomorrow. I just… I want to get it out of the way.’

   Jungwoo nodded again. ‘I’m sure they’ll be wondering why you brought your PA to dinner anyway.’

   ‘Don’t worry,’ Yukhei sighed, ‘they won’t even question it. They always have people round from work, and my brother usually brings his interns so that he can _dictate_ during dinner.’

   Jungwoo actually laughed.

   ‘I’m so glad you’re here with me, Woo. I couldn’t do this without you.’

   ‘We’ll get through it together,’ he murmured. He hadn’t known, really, whether it was best for him to go with Yukhei – he’d thought maybe it would make things more awkward, him being a stranger. But Yukhei had made it very, abundantly, explicitly clear that he wanted him there with him, _needed_ him there with him.

   They went around and around in the same circles for the entirety of the time that they spent in the hotel, pausing only for one tangent when Yukhei attempted to change the subject, but they soon ended up back on it again. It went from something that was going to happen in the future to something that was happening very soon to something that was happening _right now_ in rapid succession.

   By the time that Yukhei was straightening his tie in the mirror, Jungwoo felt more nauseated than ever.

   ‘Is this okay? They _hate_ it when I look scruffy,’ Yukhei muttered, turning to face him.

   ‘You look lovely,’ Jungwoo smiled, but he obliged him by walking over and fiddling ever so slightly with the knot. Yukhei wasn’t known for precision when it came to that sort of thing. He smoothed out the front of his shirt, adjusted the collar, levelled the shoulders of his jacket, and then reached up to brush the floppy hair out of his eyes. He took the care to run the backs of his fingers gently down Yukhei’s cheek as he retreated, and Yukhei caught his hand, linking their fingers together.

   ‘I’m dreading this, Woo.’

   ‘I know. I know,’ he said softly. ‘But at least once it’s done, it’s done.’

   Jungwoo himself didn’t wear a tie – he very rarely did, unless his presence was required somewhere particularly fancy, and usually that was coupled with a dinner jacket. Instead he pulled a sweater over his shirt, warm and soft, and then one of Yukhei’s old blazers. He’d made quite a collection of his boyfriend’s clothes, recently – whenever he borrowed something, Yukhei always announced that it looked better on him anyway and refused to accept it back.

   They travelled to Yukhei’s parents’ house in almost total silence. Yukhei’s knee was jogging up and down so violently in the car that at one point Jungwoo actually settled his hand down on his thigh to keep it still. The sudden pressure seemed to bring Yukhei back to earth, and he turned to look at him as though he’d been pulled out of a trance.

   ‘It’s going to be okay.’

   Yukhei took a shaky breath, but he gave him a small nod.

   They were greeted, for the second time, by the Wong family’s butler. Evidently, Yukhei’s parents never made any effort to come to the door. Jungwoo felt a pang of loss when Yukhei pulled his hand away, unlinking their fingers, once it was time for them to step over that dreaded threshold.

   Jungwoo hated this house. He didn’t hate many things, but he _hated_ this place. He hated the way that Yukhei looked smaller in the overgrown space, and the way that it made him _feel_. He hated the memories from the last time they’d been here, which had ended in such an explosive row. Jungwoo couldn’t help but wonder whether it would end that way again. Or worse.

   All too soon, soon enough that he wished Yukhei could have had a few more seconds of breathing time, they were taken to a dining room.

   _Dining room_.

   It looked more to Jungwoo like a… _banquet hall_. The table was long, indulgently laid, and somewhat imposing. Not as imposing as the top people sat at its head, though.

   Yukhei’s parents looked like him. Or rather, perhaps, Yukhei looked like _them_. His father had clearly given him his height – he was made more threatening by that, an inch or two even above his son. Yukhei’s looks, though, Jungwoo was certain came from his mother. She was far smaller than her husband, with fine bone structure and a pretty face, if a little _drawn_.

   The introductions were awkward, but not as bad as they could have been. Yukhei seemed uncomfortable, and at first things were frosty, but that wasn’t a huge surprise – the last meeting between him and his parents hadn’t gone well, after all.

   Jungwoo managed to scrape out an introduction in Cantonese, even though his voice seemed to want to retreat into his throat, before Yukhei put him out of his misery.

   ‘Jungwoo - ’ he started, in English, words remarkably steady given that a moment ago, outside, Jungwoo had been able to feel his hand shaking in his. ‘Jungwoo is my – my personal assistant.’

   Jungwoo’s eyes flickered to his.

   ‘Can we stick to English? His Cantonese is still… he’s learning.’

   Though inside he knew that it was better to say the important stuff once they were at least a _little_ settled, he half wished that Yukhei could have just announced him as his boyfriend right off the bat. At least then the anticipation would be over.

   ‘Perhaps you should hire a PA who speaks Chinese, Yukhei?’ his father said drily.

   At that, Jungwoo straightened up slightly. Yukhei’s father was intimidating, yes, but above all, from everything that Yukhei had told him and what he was seeing in front of him right now, he just seemed _mean_. And Jungwoo wasn’t scared of people like that.

   Remarkably, just like Yukhei had said, neither of his parents seemed to question his presence. Maybe they really were used to having business colleagues around the house, employees of Mr Wong, or associates of Yukhei’s _brother_ , who, Yukhei told him, got through an intern a week.

   ‘Jungwoo,’ his mother smiled, and Jungwoo decided immediately that he liked her _far_ more than her husband, ‘I hope that you’re enjoying Hong Kong.’

   ‘Oh – oh yes,’ he smiled. ‘We only really saw the hotel earlier, but it was so exciting to see the city on the drive from the airport. You have the most beautiful skyline.’

   Jungwoo wondered whether Yukhei’s parents noticed the loving, almost _impressed_ , look that Yukhei shot his way. He wondered, too, whether Yukhei noticed himself how unsubtle his body language could be when they were together. He was drawn to Jungwoo like a magnet, moving when he moved, matching his mannerisms.

   The small-talk was uncomfortable but not unbearable, and the food and the wine so excellent that Jungwoo could almost have forgotten what was to come. _Almost_.

   Jungwoo wasn’t sure when Yukhei would broach the subject. He’d said that he’d go for it early, but Jungwoo knew that doing that was far harder in reality than it was in practice. And practised they _had_. They’d run through a hundred different versions of the conversation.

   In the end, though, the subject was not Yukhei’s to broach.

   His father got there first.

   ‘You know that I’ve been talking to Laiwa’s father again, recently?’

   Jungwoo didn’t really know who was in question, so he kept his eyes on his food, thinking through Mr Wong’s voice rather than his words. He was very gruff in speech, and coughed regularly, like he smoked a lot of cigarettes.

   ‘You er – you have?’ Yukhei paused on a mouthful.

   ‘They’re willing to arrange another dinner. I excused your absence last time by virtue of illness.’

   Yukhei swallowed so loudly that Jungwoo heard it, as though he hadn’t chewed his food _at all_. Then he looked down at his plate. ‘I – er – I don’t want to go for dinner.’

   ‘Yukhei, let’s not go through this again, we - ’

   ‘I’m seeing someone.’

   Jungwoo’s head snapped up.

   This was _not_ how he’d expected it to go. It wasn’t how they’d practised. In every practice run, Yukhei had prefixed the subject at the very least. A “ _mom, father, I have something to tell you-’_ or something equally formal. A calm explanation of his sexuality was supposed to come before the actual “ _I’m seeing someone_ ” part.

   But things very rarely went to plan.

   ‘Excuse me?’ Both of his parents were looking at him in complete astonishment.

   ‘I’m – I’m seeing someone.’

   ‘ _Who_?’ Mr Wong’s voice was not excited, like it should be to discover that his oldest son was in a relationship. In fact, it was wary, even cold. ‘ _Yukhei -_ ’

   ‘I’m - ’ Yukhei cleared his throat. ‘Jungwoo and I – we’re - ’ he looked at him for support, for some kind of shared strength in his eyes, which Jungwoo did his very best to convey. ‘Jungwoo and I are… partners.’

   If Mr Wong had been eating at that exact moment, Jungwoo was certain he would have choked. ‘Business partners?’

   ‘ _Partners_ , father,’ Yukhei said, louder. He seemed emboldened. Jungwoo wasn’t surprised – Yukhei was always better once he was on a roll, buoyed by momentum. ‘He’s my – my boyfriend.’ That was a word that, although less mature sounding, could not be misinterpreted, and as though for good measure, he said something after, another word, in Cantonese, and Jungwoo presumed he was stressing the definition.

   For a moment, there was an utterly stunned silence.

   Then Mr Wong laughed. ‘Oh very funny, Yukhei.’

   Yukhei’s mother, though, was not laughing. She was looking at Jungwoo with slightly widened eyes, but she didn’t look – well, she didn’t look that surprised. Not surprised enough for someone who was realising for the first time that her very adult son might be in love with another man. She looked interested, maybe a little resigned, more than anything. Jungwoo found himself, without much of a moment of realisation, wondering how long she’d known.

   ‘I’m not joking, father.’

   ‘You’d _better_ be joking, Yukhei.’

   Jungwoo was torn between two feelings. He wanted to sink into the ground, let it eat him up entirely, as Mr Wong turned his sight to him at last. But he also wanted to sit up straighter, stare him down, take Yukhei’s hand and support him and take the weight of this revelation half onto his back at least.

   Yukhei nudged his hand on the table, and Jungwoo knew without words that he was begging for him to take it. Without hesitation, he interlinked their fingers, only their ring and baby fingers, hands still independent from one another, but it was a shared lifeline, and it made the point.

   ‘I’m _not_ joking,’ Yukhei said again.

   There was a lingering risk of explosion in the air, but the whole scene seemed to teeter on the edge.

   ‘How long?’ Mrs Wong’s voice was quiet, but in many ways it spoke louder than her husband’s.

   ‘Almost a year.’

   She looked down, hand lifting to hover slightly in front of her mouth.

   ‘You brought him here the last time too? Without even telling us the truth?’ that was his father, and there was anger simmering in his words.

   ‘Yes, I did.’

   Still no explosion.

   Jungwoo wondered whether he should say something, but Yukhei was doing an extraordinarily admirable job by himself so far.

   ‘Yukhei, you’re not a teenager. You’re not at college. This isn’t the time to experiment.’ Mr Wong seemed to be working the hardest out of everyone to keep his voice steady, but he was starting to fail.

   ‘I’m not _experimenting_ ,’ Yukhei snapped, with surprising force. ‘We’re in love. This is who I am, and how my life is, and I - ’

   Mr Wong tried to speak, but Yukhei kept talking.

   ‘ – I know that this is a shock. And I know that you’re not going to accept it overnight, but I’d really like you to remember that I’m your _son_ , and I’d really like us to try to have a positive relationship because you’re my parents, and - ’

   Finally, Mr Wong lost his cool. He said something loud and harsh, but Jungwoo couldn’t understand it. He’d switched languages.

   There was a quick, increasingly loud back-and-forth between Yukhei and his father, during which Jungwoo could feel Mrs Wong’s eyes on him again, the two of them almost isolated, and then English brought him back into the conversation.

   ‘Fine,’ said Yukhei, shrugging. ‘You know what? _Fine_. When you’re ready to talk like a reasonable adult, you know where to contact me.’

   Jungwoo stared with his mouth falling automatically open.

   ‘Woo, let’s go.’

   ‘Okay,’ he said quietly, heart in his mouth, as Yukhei pulled on his hand to gesture for them to leave.

   Mr Wong slammed his glass down on the table before they’d even moved, and was the first to his feet. He stormed out of the room, with an air that for a split second reminded Jungwoo of Yukhei in its theatre, before he slammed the door behind him. _No_ , Jungwoo thought, _Yukhei wouldn’t have been that immature_.

   ‘Mom?’ Yukhei whispered. His face softened as he looked at her.

   ‘Just - ’ she closed her eyes. ‘Just go, Yukhei. I’ll – I’ll try to - ’

   ‘Please say something to _me_ , mom,’ he said, eyes pleading.

   She looked from him, to Jungwoo, then back again. ‘Thank you for being honest with us.’

   Yukhei nodded, clearly accepting that he wasn’t going to get anything more than that.

   ‘I’ll talk to him,’ she said earnestly.

   ‘Thank you.’

   Then he pulled Jungwoo the rest of the way to his feet, joining their hands tightly now, and walked with all the speed of one of his sports cars, to the door. He seemed to be in a race to get to the fresh air, to get out of this horrible place, to escape the atmosphere of that room.

   Jungwoo couldn’t say he blamed him.

   It was all the way out of the house and onto the shingled drive, when Yukhei half-staggered, as though his adrenaline had dropped in one fell swoop.

   ‘It’s okay,’ Jungwoo exhaled, catching his arm with his free hand and holding him steady. ‘It’s alright.’

   ‘I said it,’ Yukhei choked. ‘I can’t believe I just said it.’

   ‘Xuxi you were great in there,’ Jungwoo squeezed his arm, then freed his hand to cup at his jaw. ‘You did amazing. I’m so proud of you.’

   ‘I didn’t even have to get drunk.’

   ‘You did so well.’

   ‘Oh _fuck_ , Woo, what if they never talk to me again?’

   ‘Then – then we’ll deal with it like we deal with everything,’ said Jungwoo, holding his gaze. ‘Together. Okay? We’ll get through it. But maybe you just need to give them a little time. That could have gone worse.’

   Yukhei nodded, gulping air. ‘Yeah, yeah, you’re right. Nobody threw anything. Nobody cried. _Fuck_.’

   ‘Let’s go back to the hotel. You didn’t eat much, we should get something. And we can talk or not talk or whatever you want to do.’

   ‘Okay. Okay, yeah.’

*

   Yukhei felt like he’d just finished running the longest marathon of his life. It wasn’t just the end of the dinner, or the time since they’d arrived in Hong Kong, or even all of the months since he’d met Jungwoo. It was like he’d finally collapsed over the finish line of a race he’d been running for about a _decade_.

   He also kind of literally collapsed, falling face down on the bed as soon as he made it into the bedroom. ‘ _Fuck_ ,’ he groaned into the mattress. He’d said a lot of that, over the last hour.

   He felt a warmth flood from his shoulder through the rest of his body as Jungwoo rested his hand down there. ‘Do you want me to get you anything?’

   Yukhei rolled onto his side, only so that he could look at his boyfriend.

   _Jungwoo_.

   He looked at him for what could have been a minute, like he was relearning every detail of his face. _Shit_ , had he always been quite so handsome? _Yeah_ , yeah he had. But it was like there was a light shining on both of their faces now, the shutters pulled back properly for the first time.

   ‘Did I screw up, Woo?’ he whispered, forgetting altogether that Jungwoo had asked him a question. ‘I didn’t do the script. I got it all the wrong way round and - ’

   ‘You did fine, Xuxi.’

   ‘But it might have been different if - ’

   ‘I don’t think it would have gone any differently no matter what you said,’ Jungwoo said gently. ‘At the end of the day, you gave them the truth, and they reacted to it how they always would have. Now we just have to – have to wait. Just… see how things go. You never know, they might surprise you.’

   ‘I doubt it,’ he muttered. ‘I thought my father was going to properly lose it.’

   ‘Your mom seemed okay though?’ said Jungwoo. ‘I don’t think… I don’t think she seemed that shocked.’

   Yukhei narrowed his eyes in thought, flopping round onto his back and staring at the ceiling. ‘Nah, I didn’t think so either.’

   His eyes worked all around the coving of the room, but he wasn’t really looking at it. He was thinking.

   He felt _different_.

   It was as though all of the weight had been lifted from his chest – a weight that he hadn’t even realised was quite so heavy until now.

   He felt _anxious_ , nervous, stressed about what was to come, but it was _different_ to how he’d felt before. Even with the stress, he felt better. The ball was in their court, now, for the first time in many, _many_ years. For once, he wasn’t just waiting for an ace to smash into his side of the court and force his next move.

   His bit, at last, was done.

   ‘You want to… er… do the thing?’ he finally said, with what he hoped was a cocky smile, as he turned his head to look at Jungwoo again. He couldn’t bear one more moment of tension tonight.

   His boyfriend stared at him, but then his face broke into a smile.

   Jungwoo crossed to the bed quickly, Yukhei propping himself straight up on his elbows, and balanced with a bit of a wobble to press a kiss to his lips. Yukhei sat up better and found a grip on his hips, kissing him again. Again. Again. They were soft kisses, quick pecks, kisses of relief rather than passion.

   Their foreheads rested together, hearts and minds in connection for a moment.

   ‘We did it, Woo,’ Yukhei said shakily.

   ‘You did it.’

   ‘I can’t believe my life just… just fucking changed.’

   ‘For the better, Xuxi,’ Jungwoo smiled. ‘It’s going to have changed for the better.’

   ‘I should call Ten and Doyoung. They’re gonna want updates.’

   Jungwoo nodded. ‘You know you don’t have to do that tonight, though? They’ll understand if you want to just take a little time to breathe.’

   ‘I should text them,’ he said, fumbling for his phone. ‘Just so they know we survived.’

   A small laugh found its way from Jungwoo’s lips, and Yukhei was overwhelmed by the urge to kiss him again.

   Kiss him he did.

   ‘Really, Yukhei, is there anything you need?’ Jungwoo asked when they broke apart. ‘ _Anything_ I can - ’

   ‘Right now, I’d really just like to hold my boyfriend, fall asleep with him in my arms, for the first time where I don’t feel like I’m hiding.’

   ‘I love you,’ Jungwoo breathed.

   ‘Thanks for being there tonight,’ said Yukhei, undoing his own tie as he watched Jungwoo pull his sweater over his head. ‘I couldn’t have done it without you there.’

   By the time that Jungwoo was in his arms and the lights were dimmed, Yukhei was just about ready to sleep for a day.

   A week, maybe.

   But he _didn’t_ get to sleep for a day.

   He woke up early, in confusion, squinting around the room for the disturbance before realising it was his _phone_.

   He felt completely out of it, disrupted in the middle of his deepest slumber. He’d managed to fall into what had felt like a very _good_ sleep, not at all restless despite the lingering anxieties. Jungwoo seemed to be fast asleep, too, because Yukhei managed to snatch at his phone blindly and switch it to silent before he was roused.

   He exhaled in relief, wincing as he looked at the bright screen with his eyes not adjusted to the light.

   It was his mom.

   ‘ _Shit_ ,’ he whispered, extricating himself from the tangled embrace he’d been enjoying with Jungwoo. He hopped his way to the lounge space of their suite, unsteady because his brain was still clouded by residual sleep, before taking the call.

   It was still only 6am.

   ‘ _Yukhei_?’

   ‘Mom?’ he rubbed his eyes as he tried to find his centre.

   ‘ _Are you still in the city?’_

His brain was sluggish in processing, so he nodded before remembering to speak. ‘Yeah, yeah,’ he said sleepily. ‘Our hotel is like right in the middle of the CBD.’

   ‘ _Let’s meet for breakfast. I’ve been talking to your father._ ’

   ‘Is – is he gonna be there?’ Yukhei said nervously.

   ‘ _Just us, son_.’ Her voice was soft.

   ‘Okay – okay sure,’ he said quickly, heart somersaulting.

   When Jungwoo had said that he might have to wait a little time, he hadn’t realised that it might be _quite_ so little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	17. Chapter 17

   Yukhei met his mother at a small, artisan coffee shop, busy due to the commuting hour but not so busy as the big names on the main streets. He saw her immediately, stiff-backed and tired-looking at one of the tables in the very corner.

   ‘Mom,’ he murmured, dodging amongst the morning crowd and sliding down into the seat opposite.

   They didn’t hug – they’d never been that kind of family.

   ‘Yukhei,’ she nodded with a glance down at her coffee like she didn’t want to look at him.

   Yukhei shifted awkwardly. Swallowing didn’t seem to help his stress, so he started to fiddle with the spoon on the table in front of him instead. His mom had bought him a drink, a black coffee by the looks of it. ‘You… are you alright?’ he asked, wondering at what point she was going to mention why she’d invited him here.

   ‘I’m a little tired,’ she said, ‘I was… talking to your father, most of the night.’

   ‘Mom I’m sorry,’ he whispered, ‘I - ’

   She frowned. ‘What are you apologising for? Yukhei, don’t _apologise_.’

   ‘It just – it all came out wrong and I was going to say all this stuff and then it just fell out and I - ’

   ‘Yukhei, stop.’

   He gulped, looking down.

   ‘What you did was very brave.’

   ‘Mom did you know?’ he whispered, meeting her eyes. ‘Did you _know_?’

   ‘I…’ she looked away from him, interest returned to her coffee. ‘I’d had my suspicions. I thought… for a while I thought maybe one of your friends… you were always so _close_ with them...’

   Yukhei wanted to laugh at the thought of him having a secret relationship with Ten or Doyoung, but he couldn’t seem to make that kind of sound happen with any conviction. Instead, he found an ache creeping into his heart. ‘Why didn’t you talk to me? Why didn’t you try and – and talk to me about it? I was so scared and so alone, I couldn’t even tell my friends, I couldn’t even admit the truth to myself. And you’re my _mom_. Do you have any idea how much that could have helped?’

   ‘I’m sorry, Yukhei. I was… I was scared too. You know your father, what he’s like. I thought maybe you’d just move past it eventually. I was trying to do the best for our family.’

   Yukhei bit his lip. Hard. It was to hold back what he wanted to say, which was that putting him through years of confusion and pain and self-hatred wasn’t what was _good_ _for_ _their family_. ‘So what were you and father talking about?’ he asked instead.

   ‘I… He was very angry. I don’t know what made him angrier, the fear of what the press will do with this, or the fact that you kept it from us.’

   ‘What? Did he think it was _easy_ for me to come and say this to him? He’s never accepted a single millimetre of anything about me, let alone _this_.’

   ‘I know, Yukhei, I know.’

   ‘So what did he say last night? Am I officially disowned? Am I disgrace to the Wong family name? Am I never allowed to come home ever again?’

   ‘Don’t worry, I managed to talk him down from the disownment.’

   Another instance in which Yukhei might have laughed if his heart hadn’t been racing so fast.

   ‘He… Yukhei, we don’t care what you do behind closed doors. Who you choose to – to share your bed with, is really not our concern. What matters is what the world _sees_. And the world can’t see this.’

   Yukhei took a gulp of scalding coffee so fast that he coughed, throat burning.

   ‘You know how much your father cares about his reputation, Yukhei. If you want to keep seeing this boy, then keep seeing him. But just keep it private. _Please_. Tell the world you’re a lifelong bachelor – people love that kind of thing. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone has used the same story. And then you can keep your – your - ’

   ‘Jungwoo,’ Yukhei said softly. ‘His name is _Jungwoo_.’

   ‘Your father is willing to let this go, Yukhei, so long as it doesn’t get out. Just play the game, for the family’s sake, and everyone can be happy. You can have your Jungwoo and I won’t lose my son and the family can keep its reputation. Everyone wins. Please.’

   He met his mother’s pleading eyes.

   He’d always thought that he was the only one making an effort to keep his family together. But now… now his mother was holding out an olive branch. He and Jungwoo had managed to keep things on the down-low for months… maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible? Jungwoo would understand. He knew that he would understand. His boyfriend knew how much his family meant to him.

   ‘Okay,’ he whispered. ‘Okay.’

   He thought perhaps he should feel happy. This was progress, a sign that he could have _both_. But for some reason, his happiness felt horribly flat. He conjured a smile, the smile that he’d put on his face whenever he needed it throughout his entire life, because he knew he should be relieved. And he wanted to sound at least a little positive when he went back to the hotel, when he would get to share this with Jungwoo.

*

   Jungwoo stared at Yukhei.

   He tried, head clouded with confusion, to process exactly what he had just said to him. He’d only got out of bed an hour earlier, surprised and anxious to find that Yukhei was gone. ‘You’re… so you’re saying that we… that your parents will _allow_ us to be together, so long as nobody ever knows and we stay in secret forever?’

   ‘Yes – I mean _no_ – I - ’

   ‘That’s what you just said to me.’

   ‘Woo, this is good,’ said Yukhei with a weak smile. ‘I just… I just found a way for this to work. All of this.’

   Jungwoo closed his eyes, trying to steady the equilibrium that had dropped dramatically out of shape at the sound of his boyfriend’s words. ‘A way for this to _work_? Yukhei, all you’ve found is a way for your parents to push you back in the closet, and me right with you!’

   Yukhei already looked like this conversation was going exactly how he _hadn’t_ wanted it to. ‘That’s not fair.’

   ‘I can’t believe you just agreed to this without even _talking_ to me!’

   ‘It’s my life, she’s _my_ mother, of course I spoke to her by myself. Woo, why are you freaking out about this?’

   ‘Because you’re not the only person in this relationship, Yukhei, and that means you’re making decisions about _my_ life too without even thinking to consult me on them! I can’t – I can’t - ’ he turned away. His heart was pounding, trying to break all the way through his ribcage.

   He’d thought they were getting somewhere.

   He’d thought that after all the time they’d spent in limbo, this would be the turning point.

   Maybe it _was_ turning – turning right back around in the same direction as they’d already come.

   ‘Jungwoo, this is a _good_ thing. For fuck’s sake, this is the one chance I have at a relationship with you _and_ my parents. It’s a solution. It might be the best one we’re gonna get.’

   Jungwoo stared at him. Yukhei had never sworn at him like that, not with an angry voice and a set jaw. ‘A good thing? Maybe it’s a good thing for you, Yukhei, but it’s not for _me_. I’ve let you take every step of this at your pace because I know how hard this is for you, but that was… that was a _pace_. Any pace. Now you’re asking me to stop halfway down the road and live – what? – the rest of my life like this? I’m not okay with that. And you should have talked to me before saying to her that it was fine.’

   ‘Right, okay, sure, I should have just given my boyfriend a call in the middle of trying to make peace with my parents.’

   ‘Yes, you should have,’ Jungwoo straightened up angrily at the sarcasm. ‘That’s what people _do_. That’s what you do when you’re partners, you work through that kind of thing _together_.’

   ‘Seriously, Woo? You’re acting like you didn’t know what you fucking signed up for when you got with me! You _knew_ what I’m like, what my family is like, what my life is like!’

   ‘What I signed up for? Our relationship isn’t a _magazine_ subscription, Yukhei!’ he said in disbelief. ‘We’re not words printed on paper. We’re supposed to change, grow together, and you’re asking us to never do that again – to live our lives suspended in this moment… this _secrecy_. I’m not going to do that, Yukhei. I’m sorry. I’ll take time, I’ll take things slow, but I’m not going to hide away forever because of your parents. I’m not giving up on my life like that for them.’

   ‘Well then what do you want me to do, Jungwoo? Cut the last thread of a relationship I have with them? My _parents_?’

   Jungwoo lifted a hand to shove furiously away at the tear that had fallen down his cheek. ‘No. Keep your parents, Yukhei. It’s pretty clear what your priorities are.’

   ‘You told me you’d support me. You told me we’d get through this together.’

   ‘But you’re not asking me to get _through_ this. You’re not asking us to get through anything. You’re asking us to stop. I don’t understand what you want from me if it isn’t that!’

   ‘I don’t know, Woo, maybe just a little _time_?’ Yukhei snapped. ‘If that isn’t too much of a struggle for you?’

   ‘A little time? How much more time? What’s the deadline?’

   ‘You have no right to ask me to put a date on my family.’

   Jungwoo met his eyes, swallowing down the lump in his throat. ‘Yukhei, I love you. I love you more than anything. But I’m also at the age where I’m ready to settle down with someone. I’m an adult, there aren’t _that_ many years until I’m thirty, and I’m ready to have stability and security and you’re not offering me any. I get it, I get it if you’re willing to go through the rest of your life like this, and that’s your choice. But that’s _your_ life. And I have mine, which I have to think about because god knows no one else will, and at some point I’d really like to be able to move in with my boyfriend and maybe tell all my friends about him and – and you know what? That’s not _optional._ I need that. And if you’re not ever going to be willing to give it to me then - ’

   ‘What are you saying?’

   ‘I’m saying that maybe we’re at a stalemate. I don’t know what else there _is_ to say. I’m trying to be rational here. I’m not going to lie to you now and then let us get comfortable and _then_ drag all this back up again! So I’m saying it now. We have to resolve this, something has got to give. I’m not going to live my life in hiding.’

   Yukhei ran his hands into his hair, and then he finally yielded to his stress and his voice became a shout. ‘Are you – are you fucking serious, Jungwoo? Are you seriously putting this shit on me when I already just had the hardest weekend of my life? Jesus _Christ_ you pick your moments.’

   ‘You’re acting like this is the first time I’ve said any of this, Yukhei! I’ve told you a thousand times that I’m not going to hide forever, and you told me that was okay, that you had the same plan too. So _please_ don’t try to make me feel bad for it now!’ Jungwoo choked.

   ‘You know what? Don’t even talk to me right now,’ Yukhei shook his head. ‘Between you and my parents, you know what I really need? Some goddamn space.’

   ‘Okay,’ Jungwoo nodded, tears pricking his eyes again as Yukhei snatched at his phone, then at his bag. ‘You – you know where I am if you want to - ’

   ‘Don’t. I can’t believe you. I didn’t think you were like this. I didn’t think you were the kind of person to throw out fucking… _ultimatums_.’ He took his wallet from the side, his passport. ‘Keep the room. I’ll check in somewhere.’

   ‘Yukhei, _please_ don’t be silly, we can still - ’ Jungwoo started.

   ‘You can use my plane. I’ll book a commercial flight.’

   ‘I don’t want your plane, Xuxi, I can buy a ticket. It’s fine. Please.’

   The door slammed so loudly that one of the paintings shook on the wall.

   Jungwoo stood, in the middle of their hotel suite, utterly shell-shocked.

   Fifteen minutes earlier, Yukhei had bounded into the room looking _happy_. Genuinely happy. For a moment, a happy moment, Jungwoo had thought that everything was going to work out. For a moment, the weight of anxiety that had rested on his shoulders every day – the fear of hiding, the worries about the future – had faded. And then within a few minutes, his world had crashed down around him.

   He slid down onto the sofa, palming at his eyes.

   He knew that Yukhei wasn’t really angry with him, that the pressure of everything that had happened over the weekend had just reached a breaking point.

   But it didn’t stop the pain.

   Yukhei had shouted at him.

   They’d never had a big fight before. Not one that hadn’t ended in them snuggled back together in bed laughing about how much they’d overreacted. That wouldn’t happen tonight.

   Jungwoo took a shuddering breath.

   He picked up his phone. He wanted to phone Kun.

   No, he wanted to phone his _mom_.

   But he couldn’t do that because he hadn’t told his parents yet. Now he didn’t even know if there was anything to tell.

   So he didn’t call his mom. He did put in Kun’s number, instead. He needed _someone_ who would put him first.

   Mostly, he needed someone to cry to.

*

   It was in the week that followed his first real fight with Yukhei, that Jungwoo realised quite the burden of dating the man who also happened to be his boss. He’d had fights with his boyfriends before; he’d never been the _shouting_ type, but he’d certainly had arguments and confrontations and he was old enough to know that this sort of thing just happened sometimes. But this time it was different.

   Because Yukhei was… his work.

   He didn’t go in for the first week. He’d received an abrupt phone-call from _Ten_ saying that he hadn’t taken enough of his holiday time and that he should have some days off. He wished that, at the very least, Yukhei would have had the maturity to call him himself. But he hadn’t, so Jungwoo had crawled his way into his bed and barely left it for an entire week, wondering how he was going to piece his life back together if this was the end of everything.

   Losing Yukhei wouldn’t just mean losing his boyfriend, it would mean losing the job that had finally brought him comfort and stability in his working life.

   By the end of the _second_ week, worry had been replaced with panic. And, subsequently, complete denial, which was why _Kun_ was the one trying to make sure that he had a back-up plan.

   ‘How about content writing?’ Kun suggested. ‘This place only wants a lit degree and you could be writing for a living. That’s fun, right?’

   Jungwoo made a noncommittal sound.

   He was curled up under a huge pile of blankets, on his side, flicking through his phone. Kun thought he was looking through the jobs page too, but really he was reading back through all of his and Yukhei’s texts from before _that morning_ because apparently he wanted to suffer even more.

   ‘How about - ’

   Jungwoo looked up from his bundle of blankets at the sound of his door buzzer.

   ‘I’ll get it,’ Kun said quickly. He squeezed Jungwoo’s shoulder before standing up from the other side of his bed and walking to the door.

   Jungwoo rolled onto his back, praying that it wasn’t anyone who needed his attention.

   Then he sat bolt upright when he heard Kun answer. ‘Oh, it’s _you_.’

   ‘Ah – Kun. Is – is he in?’ Yukhei’s voice sounded strained.

   ‘ _Shit_ ,’ Jungwoo exhaled, diving sideways out of bed.

   ‘Jungwoo has been having a very tough time, recently.’ Kun had put on his _mom_ voice and Jungwoo knew that no matter how tall or broad you were, a stern look from Kun could make you cower. ‘I’m not sure you should be showing up here late at night unannounced.’

   ‘Please let me see him, Kun.’

   Jungwoo was flitting around his bedroom at lightning speed. He dragged a hoodie over his head because there was no _way_ he wanted Yukhei to see that he’d been wearing one of _his_ t-shirts. Then he had to curse his way through fixing his hair in the mirror because he subsequently looked very ruffled.

   He took a large gulp from Kun’s glass of wine, as it was distinctly bigger than his.

   Then, he looked up and saw Kun leant against the doorframe of his bedroom, keeping an eye over his shoulder. ‘ _He’s_ here,’ he said, pulling a face. ‘You want to see him? I’ll happily kick him out.’

   ‘It’s fine,’ he whispered. ‘I’ll be alright.’

   ‘Okay, well, I’m going to go home then – give you guys some space. But you text me if you need me.’

   Jungwoo nodded.

   He actually _saw_ the vaguely threatening look that Kun gave Yukhei when he turned to go, and then his position in the doorway was replaced by Yukhei himself and Jungwoo’s stomach turned over with butterflies.

   ‘I’m sorry it’s so late,’ said Yukhei. He was wringing his hands in front of him. ‘Can I - ’

   ‘Come in,’ Jungwoo nodded, sitting down cross-legged on the foot of his bed. Yukhei sat gingerly beside him, with enough distance that Jungwoo had to fight the urge to just pull him into his arms because god knows they’d had better moments than this one in this bed.

   There was a silence.

   ‘Kun’s been spending a lot of time here over the last couple of weeks,’ Jungwoo swallowed down his nerves, but his hands betrayed him as much as Yukhei’s. He picked at his nails as he spoke. ‘We… er… we usually split a bottle of wine and watch music shows together. He keeps me company.’

   ‘You’ve been lonely?’ Yukhei looked like his world was in pieces.

   Jungwoo shrugged, eyes on his hands. ‘Kind of got used to having someone around the place.’

   Yukhei looked down at his hands too. ‘I’ve been staying at Ten’s. He hates it,’ he added with a soft laugh. ‘I would have forced my company on Doyoung but he’s in this _third_ honeymoon phase with Jaehyun right now so… so I figured I’d intrude on Ten’s life instead. I… my house doesn’t really feel right without you in it anymore.’

   ‘I guess a year is a long time to spend in each other’s space.’

   Another silence.

   ‘Jungwoo I’m so sorry for yelling at you. I’m so fucking sorry. I hate myself. I was so stressed and so confused and I took it out on you. I was a dick. I feel fucking awful.’

   ‘It’s okay,’ Jungwoo murmured. ‘People yell sometimes.’

   ‘And about work. I’m – I’m _so_ sorry. I’ve been a mess and I didn’t… I just couldn’t… I thought maybe it would be easier for both of us to just take some time to breathe and - ’

   ‘It wasn’t.’

   ‘It was a really stupid and immature thing to do. It wasn’t fair for me to go back to work and leave you out in the cold.’

   ‘Yeah, well, you’re the CEO. And I’m just me. So if someone had to be there, it’s pretty obvious who it was going to be.’

   ‘I didn’t go in the first week, I’ve been a mess. And then these last few days… I’ve been thinking. I’ve been doing more thinking than I’ve ever done in my life. And I’ve been talking to my friends and then I’ve been thinking more and – and I’ve done some soul searching. A lot. I’ve been… learning to be honest with myself.’

   ‘Right,’ Jungwoo fiddled with his hands.

   ‘Jungwoo, the way I’ve treated you since the day we met has been… well it’s been a disgrace.’

   Jungwoo’s face softened. ‘Don’t say that. It’s not true.’

   ‘Yes, yes it is. First I was running away and burning hot and cold and putting you in a pretty fucking terrible position given I was supposed to be your _employer_ on top of everything. And then I promised you, I promised you in that restaurant, that I was going to change. I told you I’d be a proper boyfriend and that I’d put you first and that I wouldn’t… be a mess anymore. And then I turned right back around and did the same thing all over again.’

   ‘Yukhei - ’ Jungwoo had been the first to think some of these things, but hearing Yukhei say them? Unbearable.

   ‘I’ve never once treated this like a relationship. I’ve treated it like… like it’s just _me_. I’ve been so self-centred and it’s always been about me figuring my life out and I just - ’

   ‘But you _did_ need to figure your life out. I don’t begrudge you that, Yukhei. What you’ve been through the last few months… you had a _right_ to be self-centred.’

   ‘Yeah, maybe I did, but if that was the case then I shouldn’t have got into a relationship. Being self-centred worked for me for years, but it only works when you’re single. I absolutely should not have started a relationship with you if I couldn’t treat you like an equal participant – if I couldn’t even respect you enough to treat you like a person, instead of just an accessory to my fucking self-discovery. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was wrong of me and I might act like a kid sometimes but I’m an adult and I’m not stupid and I should have known better than that. There’s no excuse.’

   ‘Okay,’ Jungwoo said quietly.

   ‘I’ve never offered you a single day of stability. I’ve never offered you a real relationship, even when I said I was going to. Even when a few weeks ago I _promised_ you that once this thing with my parents was done, we wouldn’t have to hide anymore, I threw it back in your face and asked you to do just that. It was disgusting of me to assume you’d be okay with giving up a whole facet of your life for the sake of my parents. _I_ don’t owe them that, let alone you. I shouldn’t have gone to meet my mom without you. I shouldn’t have agreed with what she said to me without talking to you first. And I shouldn’t have agreed to what they want _at all._ ’

   ‘Right.’

   ‘Woo, I – I’m still a mess. I thought that coming out to my parents would fix everything, but it hasn’t, because it’s not just about them, it’s about me and about figuring out what I want from my life and what my priorities are and, honestly, the fact that I’m still scared as _fuck_ of going public with this. And I used my parents as an excuse to hide behind instead of facing the truth. I used what my mom said as a convenient way out of reality, _again_. And… and I think I need to take some time to… to work myself out.’

   Jungwoo blinked away the tears in his eyes. He’d known, really, where this was going from the moment Yukhei had started.

   ‘I’m hurting you, and I don’t think… I’m not in the place to be a good boyfriend to you. I never have been. And I should have admitted it to myself, to you, earlier. It’s nothing to do with you, it’s me, and - ’

   ‘Please don’t throw clichés at me,’ Jungwoo whispered.

   ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through, and what I’m still putting you through. I think… I think perhaps we should just… take a break, for a while?’

   Jungwoo lifted one hand to brush at his eyes. He wanted to say no. He wanted to scold Yukhei for even making such a suggestion. But deep down he knew that it made sense. He knew that Yukhei had never been ready for this, not yet. They’d been playing with fire since the day they’d met. ‘Okay,’ he nodded, a tear falling. He seemed to have spent an awful lot of time crying recently. ‘Yes I think you’re right.’

   ‘You are always going to be the person who taught me to love myself and be honest with myself and I am going to be so grateful to you until the day I die, and I’m always going to love you so much. More than anything.’

   Jungwoo made a sound rather than saying something because he thought any more words would probably make him sob properly.

   ‘And maybe once I’ve figured all this shit out – myself, my life, whatever shit is at the core of this issue with my parents – once I can be a good, supportive, strong partner to you, we can start again? Or not. I’d understand if you want to leave the company. If you don’t want to work with me, or even see me again. I’ll write you the best reference anyone has ever read, and I’ll give you the personal phone numbers of every CEO in the city. But I just… I know I haven’t earned the right to ask anything from you, but I really, really hope we can be friends and that we can still work together because… because I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Jungwoo.’

   Jungwoo took a shaky breath. ‘I don’t want to leave.’

   Yukhei met his gaze with wide, dark eyes that he loved so much.

   ‘I’ll… you know I’ll always be here to support you, Xuxi. We were friends before we were boyfriends and we can do that again. You’re right – our relationship has never been… it’s never been healthy. Maybe a little time to step back and just re-evaluate and work on ourselves and take that extra pressure away will be a good thing.’

   Yukhei nodded, with a look in those eyes that said he could hardly believe that he was hearing this response.  

   ‘And I’ll try to wait for you. If… if in a month, or a year, you’re ready to try again, then we can try again. It’s… it’s a break, right? Not a break-up.’

   ‘Yes,’ Yukhei squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Woo, thank you.’

   ‘And if not then we’ll always be best friends and we’ll be thick as thieves at work and we’ll have loads of great memories from this time that will be better than the bad ones.’

   Yukhei nodded. ‘Yeah, yes, we’ll always be together one way or another. So… so it’s okay.’

   Jungwoo pitched forwards and buried his face in Yukhei’s neck. For a moment, Yukhei seemed caught in total surprise, eyes flying open, and then he wrapped both of his arms around him so tightly that Jungwoo thought he might never let go. ‘I missed you so much these last two weeks.’

   ‘I know,’ Yukhei choked, ‘I know, I missed you too.’

   ‘Friends. We… we can do friends.’

   ‘Friends.’

*

   They _could_ do friends.

   After crying for an entire night, which became two nights, Jungwoo straightened his back and swallowed down his pain and suddenly everything became… well it became _alright._

In fact, nothing even _changed_ that much.

   Work was still work. He still spent his days with Yukhei and they still laughed about everything, and they still _talked_ non-stop. They talked about everything from what they were each going to cook for dinner, to the relationship that Yukhei was building back up with his mother, to the one that he had all but severed with his father. They hugged, and they stayed over at each other’s places sometimes to watch a movie, and on occasion they screwed up and they kissed and it was… it was fine. They laughed about it after, and they were still _friends_.

   They were friends the second time for about as long as they had been boyfriends.

   In fact, it wasn’t until ten months later, with a push from the most unlikely of sources, that friends became boyfriends again.

   Only this time, they were going to do it properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	18. Chapter 18

   Jungwoo took great care to make his fifth glance at his watch as surreptitious as possible. It was getting later and later, and this dinner had gone on for so many hours that he was worried he was going to start yawning if it went on much longer.

   ‘So how long have you been working with Mr Wong?’

   Jungwoo looked up when he realised that he was being addressed again. The man speaking was the youngest of the delegation who’d come from the small tech firm they were liaising with. He was handsome, very clean-cut, perhaps a little _too_ clean-cut for Jungwoo’s liking, and very confident. It wasn’t the pleasant sort of confident, either, and Jungwoo found himself edging his seat a little closer to Yukhei with every question that was asked from his other side. As the dinner had settled into less business and more personal with the addition of further bottles of wine, he’d certainly asked Jungwoo more than a _few_ questions.

   ‘Oh, nearly two years,’ Jungwoo said politely.

   Then he turned quickly back to Yukhei, who was talking about something to do with low-emission cars, and pretended to listen intently. He really just wanted this dinner to be over, and to his relief, it was only a few minutes later that Yukhei announced:

   ‘Well I think we should be going! It's getting very late, after all. It was really good to meet with you guys. I’ll pass on some of your plans to our head of development and see what he thinks.’

   ‘But Mr Wong, surely as the CEO - ’

   ‘Any tech goes through him, I’m afraid,’ said Yukhei, before they could protest. Jungwoo knew that they’d been angling for a contract signed there and then, which was likely why they’d started to get so friendly with the food and wine. That kind of thing didn’t work with Yukhei, though, not anymore. He never even drank when he was working, however casually – nothing apart from an iced glass of water.

   Yukhei was a different man at work these days.

   He was a different man in _most_ ways, these days.

   In the ten months that had passed since one horrible weekend in Hong Kong, Yukhei had kept his promise to Jungwoo, to himself, to rebuild his life on a more secure, weather-proof foundation.

   He was still loud, still excitable, still chaotic in all the fun ways. But he was also calmer, more in control in the ways that were serious. He still went out, got drunk at parties, but on the days that he didn’t, he went to bed early, sober, and usually sent over a round-up of his day’s work to Jungwoo. He spent half of the time that he wasn’t working or partying locked away in the hangar where he stored his beloved cars, and the other half with Jungwoo, Doyoung and Ten, Jiyong and all his closest college friends, even his mother. His relationships with his friends, his remaining family, came above all else.

   He was the most stable that Jungwoo had ever seen him, in recent weeks.

   It made his heart swell with pride.

   After the handshakes were done and they could finally be free of the dinner that had overrun by so many hours, Yukhei and Jungwoo stepped out onto the street together. It was warm, squarely in the middle of summer, and Yukhei immediately removed the jacket that he’d kept on for the sake of courtesy at the table.

   ‘I’m sorry, Woo,’ he said as he slung it over one arm. ‘If I’d known it was going to go on that long, I wouldn’t have asked you to come.’

   ‘It’s fine,’ Jungwoo smiled. ‘I don’t think they were too happy with the conclusion, though.’

   ‘Yeah, well, I don’t agree to anything without Doyoung and Ten’s signatures right next to mine. People should know that by now,’ Yukhei shrugged. Then, he added with faux-nonchalance: ‘that… guy was very interested in you.’

   ‘He was?’ Jungwoo mumbled.

   ‘I… er… I thought he was going to give you his number by the end of it,’ Yukhei said with a laugh that was too high to be convincing of any indifference. ‘He stared at you the whole dinner. I hope it didn’t make you uncomfortable.’

   ‘He wasn’t really my type,’ Jungwoo said quietly. He actually saw Yukhei’s shoulders settle an inch lower in relief. ‘I think I prefer my men a little more… rough and ready.’

   Yukhei’s face turned very pink. ‘Oh… oh cool. I mean not that it would have been not-cool if he _had_ been your type because you can… you know, obviously you can date who you want, and - ’

   ‘You can stop, Yukhei,’ Jungwoo gave him a smile, putting him out of his misery. ‘If I was going to date someone, it wouldn’t be that guy.’

   If he was going to date someone, there was really only one candidate, but he wasn’t going to make Yukhei flush any further by saying something like that. Jungwoo _had_ considered trying dating, over the last few months. He and Yukhei had discussed it, early on, told each other that it was fine if they wanted to see other people during their… _time apart_ … but it was quite clear that neither of them had much interest in that. There hadn’t been a single candidate that had caught Jungwoo’s attention in ten whole months.

   And that was fine.

   Before Yukhei, he’d been concentrating on his career anyway. He’d never seen the point in dating for the sake of dating, and he was content to continue to avoid it now.

   They walked together back to the NCT building, where they’d both left their cars. ‘I think I’ll swing by the office,’ said Yukhei, nodding up as though to indicate the top floor. ‘I’m going to leave these plans on Doyoung’s desk.’

   ‘I’ll come with you,’ Jungwoo said automatically. ‘I want to pick up some of your old client folders anyway so that I can catalogue them.’

   Yukhei frowned as they got into the elevator. ‘You’re not working at home, are you? You should tell me if you are, Woo, I need to be paying you overtime.’

   ‘It’s not a big deal,’ Jungwoo shrugged. ‘It’s something to do when the TV is on.’

   ‘You always used to knit when the TV was on,’ Yukhei pulled a face.

   ‘Oh I still knit too,’ he laughed. ‘In fact, I’m working on something new for you, since winter will be here soon.’

   ‘Can’t wait,’ Yukhei grinned. He already had a drawerful of Jungwoo’s creations in his closet, scarves of every colour.

   When they stepped out of the elevator, Yukhei went straight to Doyoung’s office, which was the first on the right, while Jungwoo wandered to Yukhei’s. With a sigh, though, he noticed before he’d even got to the door that Ten’s light was still on.

   ‘You ready?’ Yukhei asked when he re-emerged.

   ‘Ten’s still here,’ Jungwoo nodded at the thin strip of light under the closed door.

   Yukhei sighed too. ‘Right, of course he is.’

   The atmosphere in the office had been strained the last few weeks, mainly because of Ten’s mood, which, in an office of only six people, occupied far too much of the air-space. He’d been moving around with all the aura of a particularly aggressive storm cloud, snapping at anyone who asked him the simplest questions, yelling at anyone who brought bad news, and giving the entire world the silent treatment for the remainder of the time.

   _‘It’s like we can’t all be happy at once_ ,’ Yukhei had said to Jungwoo when they were out to lunch one afternoon. ‘ _Doyoung is finally happy, I’m getting everything together, and now Ten is the one in meltdown._ ’

   Jungwoo had assured him that they would get there – that the three of them deserved all of the happiness in the world and that one day everything would work out for them. However, he also knew Ten’s problem – they all knew Ten’s problem – but none of them dared voice it to him in case their heads were to end up bitten off in the subsequent row. It was a problem, though, that wasn’t going to go away by itself.

   ‘Alright,’ Yukhei said, straightening up. ‘I’m going to have it out with him.’

   ‘Be gentle with him, Yukhei,’ Jungwoo caught his arm, ‘he’s just sad.’

   ‘Yeah, well, if I can get my shit together, so can he,’ Yukhei said firmly. ‘He’s driving me crazy, and more importantly I can’t watch him suffer any more. He’s my brother, who I love, and sometimes loving someone means helping them even when they don’t want to be helped. So let’s go.’

   Jungwoo followed him nervously to Ten’s door.

   It was so late that the entire rest of the building was deserted. Jungwoo kind of wanted to fade into the darkness and let Yukhei face the wrath of his best friend alone, but he followed him nonetheless. He was always by his side, after all.

   When Yukhei pushed the door open, Jungwoo looked first at the empty desk in confusion, and then down in surprise. It wasn’t common to see Ten anywhere other than… well, his desk chair. Instead, he’d flopped back against a filing cabinet, an open bottle of bourbon teetering dangerously in a lazy hand, the other gripping a wad of paper. _Work_. Apparently, this now took place on the floor.

   Yukhei raised his eyebrows at Jungwoo. ‘Ten?’ he said loudly. ‘Mate, what are you still doing here?’

   Jungwoo sighed at his _predictable_ abruptness. Always happy to take the lead when it came to the caring side of things, he slipped past him and crouched down beside Ten. ‘Ten, it’s very late,’ he murmured. ‘We should get you home.’

   Ten’s voice was flat. ‘Work to do.’

   ‘I’m sure it can wait,’ Jungwoo said gently. ‘Why don’t we - ’

   ‘I’m busy. Leave me alone.’

   Yukhei dropped down next to them with his jaw set. ‘Alright. Ten, Tennie look at me,’ he said, being rather more rough with him than Jungwoo had as he shook his shoulder. ‘Don’t snap at Jungwoo for trying to help you.’

   ‘My printer isn’t working. I need to get these accounts done by morning. I was - ’

   ‘Nah, Ten, what you need is to get your fucking life together,’ Yukhei said firmly, ignoring every word.

   Jungwoo was about to rebuke the sudden directness of his approach, but to his surprise, Ten looked up at his best friend with wide, sad eyes. ‘How?’

   ‘I don’t know, mate. Go home every once in a while, chill out, fucking get laid… I don’t know, whatever it is you need. But you can’t go on like this. You’re gonna rot away in this office surrounded by expensive art and luxury pens.’

   ‘Go home? What’s the point?’ snapped Ten with definite disdain replacing the momentary sadness. ‘There’s nothing there. Nothing but more art. More fucking… pens. I’m alone. I’m going to die alone.’

   Yukhei took a steadying breath as though trying to resist shaking some sense into him. ‘Then stop _being_ alone.’

   ‘You need a boyfriend,’ said Jungwoo, resting a hand on his knee. ‘Someone to love you, and take care of you instead of _you_ taking care of everyone _else_ for a change.’

   ‘Should have known you’d come up with some _love is the answer_ shit,’ Ten groaned.  

   ‘He’s right, Ten,’ said Yukhei. ‘You need someone to convince you to leave this place every once in a while. I can’t bear watching you waste away like this.’

   ‘That’s rich coming from you,’ Ten muttered.

   ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Yukhei positively glared at him, all thoughts of helping his friend apparently forgotten for a moment.

   Ten met his eyes. ‘Like you aren’t lonely? Leaving him every night?’ he nodded in Jungwoo’s direction. Jungwoo’s mouth fell open for a moment as though searching for words, and he shifted awkwardly. ‘You think I don’t see the way you look at him? Like your entire world is walking out of the office at the end of each day and you’re searching desperately for some way to exist without it?’

   Yukhei didn’t show too much reaction, but Jungwoo did notice that the tips of his ears turned red. Out loud, though, Yukhei just sounded exasperated. ‘Trust you to be so fucking verbose when you’re drunk.’

   ‘I’m not drunk. I’m drinking. There’s a difference.’

   ‘Don’t try that one with me,’ said Yukhei, taking the bottle. ‘Been there, done that, remember?’

   Ten closed his eyes, shaking his head. ‘Don’t try to change the subject. You two need each other. Sort your own life out before you try and fix mine.’

   ‘Right,’ Yukhei said through gritted teeth. ‘Woo, can you go and get him some water?’

   Jungwoo nodded, halfway out of the room before he heard Yukhei continue.

   ‘Alright, Ten, I’m gonna make you suffer for that in the morning. But now, let’s get you home, yeah? And tomorrow we’re going to find you a boyfriend.’

   ‘Who’d want me?’ Ten snorted. ‘I’m a workaholic, I’m never around, I’m moody and - ’

   ‘You’re one of Korea’s richest men, Tennie, I really don’t think you’re going to struggle to find a date,’ Yukhei interrupted, just as Jungwoo closed the door with a small smile.

   He paused, for a moment, over by the water-cooler. Trying to settle the sudden spike in his heartrate, he took a deep breath. Strangely, he felt the urge to laugh. He was rather glad that Ten had pointed out Yukhei’s tendency to stare after him, rather than _Jungwoo’s_ tendency to stare after _Yukhei_.

   ‘Alright, I’m gonna drive him home,’ Yukhei said a moment later when he walked back out into the waiting room and took the water from him.

   ‘What did you say to him?’

   ‘I told him to pay someone to go on a date with him if he has to,’ Yukhei laughed, but the sound was hollow. Jungwoo knew how cruelly it cut to his core when his friends were suffering. ‘I… I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?’

   ‘Bright and early,’ Jungwoo nodded.

   Jungwoo didn’t look back over his shoulder as he left, but he knew that Yukhei would be watching him. Ten wasn’t the only one who had noticed.

*

   Yukhei stared at himself in the mirror.

   He was in one of his spare rooms, because Ten had slept in his bed for the entire weekend. It was something of a role reversal – usually Yukhei was the one crashing at his friends’ places when he felt lonely. The lighting was different in this room, slightly more exposing because it didn’t have such an elaborate lampshade, and he found his attention caught by the way he looked.

   Different.  

   Up until the last few months, Yukhei hadn’t thought that he had changed that much during his twenties. He still looked young enough, with a boyish charm in his smile that he knew made him appealing. He’d looked in the mirror a thousand times and seen the same Yukhei that he’d been at college – Lucas: party-loving, chaotic, endearingly dysfunctional Lucas. Now, though, he finally, _finally_ looked different.

   He’d cut his hair a little shorter, and it gave his face a mature sort of character that he’d never noticed before. His tie was knotted properly, and central. That hadn’t been a conscious change – over the last few weeks it seemed to have migrated of its own accord. He had a general air that he’d never possessed in the past of someone who… was _happy_ with the way that their life was looking. Not the false happiness that he’d married with a cocky smile for most of his adult life, but real happiness – contentedness that needed no outward indication. He could see it in his eyes.     

   He wasn’t happy in the sense of… _pure_ happiness. There were things he still had to figure out, on his own behalf _and_ his friends’. But he was happy with _himself_ in a way that he never had been before. There was no confusion in his mind anymore. He was settled, he was pleased with the direction that his life was taking, and he was excited for the future.

   Excited, not scared.

   His company was operating at an all-time high, the sort of success that had him on the front of newspapers discussing business, not falling out of his car drunk. Doyoung was happy, Ten was going to get there soon, he was certain, and that was as important to him as his own happiness. He was meeting every other month with his mom, well away from the house he’d grown up in, who, after a heart-to-heart that had left Yukhei in tears because of the sheer depth of it, had told her husband in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t going to lose a relationship with her son because of him anymore. He had even met up with his brother a couple of times.

   Things were good.

   Stable.

   Stable enough that he didn’t even sound nervous when he invited Jungwoo to come with him for morning coffee, at the nice place down the road rather than from the office coffee machine.    

   ‘I’ll get it,’ said Yukhei, even though Jungwoo usually fought with him about them paying halves. ‘Technically work hours have started,’ he added quickly, when sure enough Jungwoo opened his mouth to protest. Once Jungwoo was on the clock, Yukhei was strict about things like coffee coming under the category of work expenses, and they were therefore his responsibility. He hated Jungwoo paying for things. He hated _anyone_ else paying for things when he had more money than he could ever spend sat doing nothing in the bank.

   He ordered Jungwoo’s favourite for him, and a black coffee for himself. Then he took a deep breath as they sat down at a table in the corner. Now, despite all his composure recently, he felt nervous.

   ‘How’s Ten doing?’

   Yukhei made a non-committal noise, relieved to keep the topic of conversation easy for a moment longer. ‘I don’t think he’ll take our advice. But at least he’s hanging out with me, I guess. It’s better than being alone. And I think the hangover was sufficient to put him off taking the _Yukhei_ - _special-_ problem-avoidance route again. I reckon I should send him to Thailand for a few days to see his parents – a holiday could really do him some good.’

   ‘Definitely,’ Jungwoo nodded.

   Yukhei swallowed, looking down at his coffee, but then he forced himself to look back up and meet Jungwoo’s eyes. ‘I’ve been… I’ve been thinking about that stuff he said.’

   Jungwoo’s lips parted as though in surprise, but they set back in a line very quickly. ‘Mm,’ he hummed instead, ‘me too.’

   Yukhei’s heart gave a little skip. ‘About – about us?’ he checked quickly.

   Jungwoo let out a soft laugh as he nodded again.

   That sound made Yukhei’s heart flip back the other way. He would never tire of hearing Jungwoo laugh. ‘Woo, what he said about us needing each other… about how I’m trying to… _find a way_ to exist without loving you… It’s all true.’

   ‘I know,’ Jungwoo whispered, tapping his fingers against his cup. ‘I know.’

   There was a silence, then Jungwoo laughed gently again.

   ‘I never thought I’d be taking love advice from Ten. I didn’t think he _believed_ in love.’

   Yukhei laughed too. ‘Oh he believes in love. He’s just such a pessimist that he doesn’t think it will ever happen to _him_. But he’s soft on the inside, trust me. And he _always_ seems to know what’s best for his friends.’

   He took a moment before continuing, because his heart was starting to beat a little faster now.

   ‘Woo, I promised you that I was going to get my life together. I said that I was going to learn to be a good, strong, stable boyfriend. You said that maybe we could – we could try again, once I got there. And I’m there. Almost. Maybe there are a few tweaks left but… but I’m getting there. I’m really getting there. I’ve fixed things with my mom and we’re talking and I met with my brother three weeks ago and I think we’re cool too. My head’s screwed on straight and I know who I am now and I know who I am separate to _you_ which was the thing I was… the thing I was struggling with.’

   That part was very true. He’d gone over it a million times in his head, trying to figure out his identity separate to Jungwoo. So much of the person he’d become, and his entire understanding of his sexuality above all, had come from the bond he had with Jungwoo. During his worse nights, he’d even found himself wondering whether Jungwoo had just been the exception, not the rule, and whether outside of _him,_ he was still the person he’d thought he was before he’d met him.

   Luckily, over time, he’d talked himself out of that. Jungwoo or no Jungwoo, he was Wong Yukhei, increasingly functional Wong Yukhei, who liked boys too, who was _allowed_ to like who he wanted, who was growing in maturity but still played as hard as he worked, who loved his friends dearly and was rebuilding bridges that he’d thought were burned.

   And who still loved the man who’d helped him there more than anything else in the world.

   ‘I know, Yukhei,’ said Jungwoo, and Yukhei could _hear_ the warmth in his voice, the pride. ‘What you’ve done over the last few months, to get to where you are now, it’s incredible.’

   ‘I know there’s still work to do but I… Jungwoo, I don’t want to spend another ten months without you. With-you-without _-_ you. Because right now even when you’re right beside me it’s like we’re a mile apart because I can’t shift the memory of how it was when we were an inch, two inches closer. When I could take you into my arms whenever I wanted, when we could kiss without regretting it, when I could wake up in the morning and the first thing I’d see was _you_ , asleep and dreaming and so beautiful and _fuck_ you’re so beautiful Woo, and I feel like I haven’t told you that enough recently because I’m not supposed to be saying things like that but -’

   ‘Thank you,’ Jungwoo said softly.

   ‘Can we try again? Start over? Only this time I’ll keep all my promises instead of forgetting them and I’ll build a stable future for us and we won’t hide away. I’m ready for us to be everything we should have been from the start.’

   He looked into Jungwoo’s eyes for an agonisingly long time before he was met with a nod. ‘Okay,’ Jungwoo murmured, ‘okay, we’ll try again.’

   ‘We can take it slow. Or not slow.’

   ‘Does it count as slow if I’m still… _enduringly_ in love with you?’ Jungwoo whispered with the smile that could comfort Yukhei even if the world were ending right in front of him.

   If Yukhei’s heart had been fluttering until then, it was nothing compared to the somersault it did at those words. ‘So… not slow?’ he said, wondering if he’d ever come down from the clouds that he seemed to have shot up to with relief.

   Ten months of waiting would be over at last.

   ‘How about… slow in some ways?’ Jungwoo said shyly. ‘There are things we missed out on the first time round.’

   ‘Right, yes,’ Yukhei nodded. ‘Like real dates. And I think we should _re-_ introduce you to my mom, properly, as the man I love _proudly_ , and you can introduce me to _your_ parents at last because I feel like the worst person in the world for keeping us from doing that for a _year_ last time.’

   ‘I’d like that,’ Jungwoo smiled. His eyes looked a little glassy.

   ‘And… and I know I never gave you a date, so here goes: I think we should take our holiday.’

   Jungwoo’s eyes widened for a moment in confusion. ‘Our holiday?’

   ‘I promised you a holiday to an island just for ourselves. It was the first in a long chain of promises that I didn’t keep, so it’s the first that I want to put right. Let’s go.’

   ‘Are you – are you serious?’ Jungwoo beamed. ‘Yukhei, I don’t think the offer will still be open, but - ’

   ‘It’s open. Trust me, I checked.’

   Jungwoo looked so happy, so excited, that Yukhei felt a moment of pain from the regret that he’d taken so long to make this happen. He thought of the time that he’d lost, that they’d lost, when they could have done all this the first time.

   _No,_ he reminded himself. _You weren’t ready_.

   He reminded himself that whenever the guilt crept in, or whenever the regret got too much to bear. The way things had gone was a learning curve, the near- _year_ on a break a time to grow, not to regret, and they would come out of it all stronger. _It will have been a good thing_ , he told himself.

   ‘I reckon a beach could be a _really_ good place to reconnect.’

   ‘A beach sounds like a really good place for anything, Xuxi,’ said Jungwoo.

   Finally, after all its meandering, his heart settled at those words.

   It had been far too long since Jungwoo had last called him that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	19. Chapter 19

   Until the very moment that they stepped off the boat on the small, green-covered island, Jungwoo and Yukhei found themselves occupying a space of _sort-of-boyfriends_. It was only two weeks before they were able to come here, two weeks in which they toyed awkwardly around with how to restart their relationship, but now, mostly alone, unaffected by a world beyond sea on every side, they finally seemed to settle.

   The island, loaned to them for these precious couple of weeks by one of Yukhei’s billionaire acquaintances, was staffed by a few trusted employees. Jungwoo supposed that nowhere in the world was _truly_ private.

   It wasn’t a _secret_ anymore, per-se, but they’d agreed to take things somewhat slow initially, to see whether or not they were comfortable, committed to the reestablishment of their relationship, before they made it any sort of official. The last thing they wanted in the first few weeks of a “new” relationship was press attention. They wanted to meet with both of their parents, or at the very least Yukhei’s mom and Jungwoo’s parents, before they went public.

   ‘Beach or house first?’ Yukhei smiled, one hand on Jungwoo’s hip as a man loaded their cases onto the back of a ute. They might be staying _private_ for a little longer, but Yukhei wasn’t absolutely terrified of touching him in front of people anymore.

   ‘House,’ said Jungwoo. ‘I want to see our room.’

   _Our room_.

   Yukhei’s heart skipped with joy. If taking-it-sort-of-slow meant getting to sleep in a bed with the love of his life and hold him close at last after so many months, he was well-up for _slow_.

   There were several houses on the island, all owned by one man but split into smaller guest-houses probably for the sake of his parties. Jungwoo and Yukhei would be sharing one of the largest, a grand place with a sprawling footprint and a heated pool even though the beach was a two-minute walk away. When they walked up the winding pebbly steps to the front door, Yukhei had half a mind to sweep Jungwoo off his feet and carry him over the threshold. Then he remembered how that particular gesture held a specific meaning for most people, so he held back his excitement.

   ‘This is even better than I imagined it would be,’ Jungwoo breathed as they entered the house. ‘And I imagined it a lot.’

   ‘I’m sorry it took so long,’ said Yukhei, trying not to let his face crumple because he really _was_ so fucking sorry that it had taken them so long.

   Jungwoo looked at him in surprise. ‘It’s fine, Xuxi,’ he smiled. ‘I think we’ll enjoy it more now anyway.’

   Yukhei nodded. That was true. These last few months marked the first times in his life that he’d been able to enjoy things fully, deeply, without the aid of hard liquor and without a creeping anxiety at the back of his brain that he pushed down and down and down for so many years.

   ‘Look at all this!’ Jungwoo said excitedly, taking his hand and pulling him into the kitchen. The shelves were stocked high with food, the fridge overflowing with everything from champagne to caviar to freshly made cheesecake.

   ‘Damn, dude really went all out,’ Yukhei grinned. ‘I’m going to cook so many things for you.’

   ‘Champagne first, though?’ his boyfriend smiled.

   _His boyfriend_.

   Jungwoo, his boyfriend.

   Harmony was restored to the world.

   ‘Yeah I think so,’ he beamed. ‘But only a little. I want to remember every single detail of these two weeks for the rest of my life.’

   ‘Do you want to… do the thing?’ Jungwoo gave him a radiant smile. He stepped close to him, hands resting on his chest, over a shirt that he hoped not to have to wear much of over the next few days because they would be resident on the _beach_ , looking slightly up with wide, longing eyes.

   Yukhei wondered whether he could feel his heart beat faster under his hands. ‘God I’ve missed you,’ he exhaled.

   Jungwoo brushed a soft kiss to his lips, so soft that Yukhei wanted to pull him properly against him because Jungwoo had always been good at teasing him with curtailed little touches. He was such an enigma with that sort of thing, a fascination even for Yukhei who knew him so damn well – he was so quiet, so kind, but also flirtatious, charming, and well aware of all the little things that made Yukhei flush. Even now, Yukhei never quite knew what he would do next.

   It was their first kiss since being boyfriends again.

   Yukhei lifted a hand to stroke into Jungwoo’s hair, feeling himself fall into overwhelming relief at the sensation, so unforgettable even though it had been so long, and yet seeming completely new at the same time. He parted Jungwoo’s lips, bringing air between them but only enough so that his tongue could stroke lazily into his mouth, Jungwoo breathing a contented hum into the kiss.

   ‘I missed that,’ said Yukhei, when they broke apart.

   ‘I missed a lot of things.’

   ‘Shall we… go check out the other rooms?’ Yukhei suggested. ‘How about the bedroom?’

   Jungwoo smiled, then nodded. ‘Yes, and I really want to take a shower before we do anything else. I can never relax after travelling til I’ve had a nice, long, hot shower.’

   For a moment, a flicker of an image of Jungwoo in the shower glanced across Yukhei’s mind. He pushed it away quickly before it could betray him with a reddening of the face. Instead, he took his hand. Jungwoo was peering around the house as they went, but Yukhei couldn’t seem to manage to look at much except his face. It was such a relief, now, to be able to just _look_ at him without feeling like he was doing something wrong, like he was going to be caught out, or caught _staring_ when he was supposed to be just his _friend_.

   Every time he looked at his face it was like he was finding things he’d forgotten. He knew that it was silly, that he’d still spent the last ten months in Jungwoo’s company, but it was different now. He was his boyfriend again. He was allowed to bask in his beauty once more.

   He hadn’t found anyone since the day he’d met Jungwoo who could compare.

   He’d come across plenty of attractive people – half of his friends were in the music industry and he knew his fair share of idols, for one thing – but they weren’t… him. Jungwoo’s character shone through his every feature, his warmth evident in the colour of his cheeks, his kindness unmistakeable in welcoming, soft eyes.

   ‘You’re staring,’ said Jungwoo, without turning.

   ‘Yes, I am. And _no one_ can stop me,’ Yukhei grinned.

   Jungwoo laughed, slipping into what could only be the master bedroom and pulling him by the hand.

   Finally, Yukhei tore his eyes away to look around the room.

   Was it worth the fortune he’d paid for its use? Maybe not, but it was damn close. The bed was even bigger than the one he had back home, and draped with a sheer, white voile canopy. Opposite the bed, a picture window opened out on a view of the ocean, unadulterated and stunning, as though the house had been dropped straight into the last untouched place on earth.

   ‘Perfect.’ Jungwoo was looking round and round, eyes wide. ‘Oh Xuxi this is so perfect.’

   ‘You’re so perfect.’

   Jungwoo rolled his eyes, but it was an affectionate eye roll.

   ‘I guess the bathroom’s there, by the way, since you wanted to shower,’ Yukhei nodded at the door leading off the room.

   ‘Oh good,’ Jungwoo sighed. He put down his bag, stretching out his arms and cricking his neck as though to shake away the built up tension of travel. ‘I feel so wound up.’

   ‘I - ’ Yukhei didn’t know what to say. Jungwoo was keeping his eyes on him as he started to remove layers, very slowly. Was he hinting? Yukhei didn’t want to assume… _Fuck_ was he hinting?

   ‘You… want to come with?’ Jungwoo suggested with a small smile.

   Yukhei stared at him, the strap of his bag slipping from his hand and sending the case with a clunk to the stone floor. _Oh_ , he _was_ hinting. ‘With – with - ’

   ‘Saving water, you know?’

   Yukhei exhaled. Suddenly he felt very hot. ‘Yeah. Sounds good.’ He didn’t move for a minute, not until Jungwoo stepped over to him and ran his fingertips lightly down the buttons of his shirt.

   ‘Can I?’

   He nodded, heart a fucking drum against his chest. ‘I thought we were… er… supposed to be sort-of-taking-things-slow?’ he gulped, even though the last thing in the _world_ that he wanted to do was argue with Jungwoo undressing him. In _fact_ , why the _fuck_ did he say that? He would have rolled his eyes at himself, but he was preoccupied meeting Jungwoo’s eyes, with their special little glint that appeared in moments like this.

   ‘Slow in some ways, right?’

   A smile of relief broke across Yukhei’s face, a rush of warmth flooded to the pit of his navel, as Jungwoo angled his face up for another kiss, working open his shirt before trailing his hands down to his belt. ‘If you think about it… we did wait basically ten months…’ Yukhei breathed, managing the words in between the kisses that Jungwoo was stealing in quick succession.

   ‘I’d call that slow,’ Jungwoo nodded quickly.

   ‘ _Really_ slow,’ said Yukhei, and he caught a grip on Jungwoo’s hips, ready to pull him into a tighter embrace, but Jungwoo halted his indulgence, pressing one last, protracted kiss to his lips before pulling away.

   ‘Shower, remember?’ he said lightly.

   Yukhei watched him step back and pad with remarkable grace over to the bathroom. He loved watching Jungwoo walk. He was very… _elegant_. He wasn’t dainty, or delicate, but rather very _poised_. Each step was taken with precision, deliberation, with definite purpose. His head was held high, every line of his body accentuated from the smooth slope of his neck to the natural swing of his hips to the perfect posture that made him look so collected all the damn time.

   ‘Coming?’ He glanced back over his shoulder.

   ‘Probably.’ Yeah, _probably_.

   ‘Can you grab the nice towels?’ Jungwoo gave him a sweet smile, then disappeared.

   Yukhei took a moment, head feeling like it had taken an express train up into the clouds, and then crossed over to the huge, plush bed, collecting the neatly rolled towels into his arms. They were very soft, very fluffy. An image flashed into his mind of Jungwoo, wrapped up in one of them, tired out in the fucking beautiful _sexed out_ sort of way, settled against him.

   _Oh yeah._ This was better than _slow_.

   He followed after a moment, letting his shirt drop the rest of the way, starting to kick his way out of his jeans as well.

   Jungwoo had already turned on the stream of a giant, waterfall shower, a rush of steam fogging the glass, but Yukhei could see him, the outline of his body, a transfixing tan silhouette of the form that he was sure had been architected by some classical sculptor, and his stomach flipped over.

   By the time that he stepped around the glass panel, his heart felt as though it might break right through his chest.

   Jungwoo.

   Yukhei had thought he could do _friends_. They’d done a remarkable job of _friends_. But nothing could compare to this. The last ten months faded from his memory in one rush of recollection because seeing Jungwoo like this was so wonderfully familiar. _This_ was how they were meant to be, friends _and_ lovers and boyfriends.

   Jungwoo felt the same.

   He met Yukhei’s eyes, for as long as he could until Yukhei couldn’t seem to wait any longer and raked his gaze over his body instead. Jungwoo had always loved the way that Yukhei looked at him. He liked the way that he looked at him with love and with reverence and yet also with a very human desire. He looked at him not like something inanimate, something pristine, but like _someone_ attractive, someone who brought out passion and lust and all the things that made blood pump faster.

   ‘Fuck, Woo. I… _fuck_ …’ Yukhei swallowed.

   ‘Mm?’ Jungwoo smiled.

   ‘I… missed this too.’

   Jungwoo’s heart fluttered. He closed his eyes, turning his face back under the stream of water and pushing his wet hair back from his face. ‘You know, I really _am_ feeling wound up,’ he said. The gentle stream of hot water, very hot water, that trickled its way down his spine, was nothing compared to the feeling of Yukhei’s hands on him.

   It was like the last ten months had never happened.

   They picked up right where they had left off.

   Something cool pressed to his neck, but Jungwoo hardly noticed, so fixated on the feeling of Yukhei’s fingers on his skin. The strong, heady scent of rosehip, of something citrussy, that infused the shower steam meant that it must have been from one of the jars of gels and lotions and other things that had been lined up in the shower.

   ‘That okay?’ Yukhei asked, lathering the foam up around Jungwoo’s neck, and down over the knots of his spine.

   ‘Smells good.’    

   A self-indulgent smile crept its way to his lips as Yukhei pulled him flush against him, Jungwoo’s back against his chest. ‘I guess I _love_ taking it slow after all,’ Yukhei exhaled, his breath on his ear and his voice barely audible over the running water. His hands were all over Jungwoo’s front, smooth and fluid in movement as they stroked over his chest, around his waist.

   Jungwoo just hummed, enjoying the bliss of keeping his eyes nice and closed and feeling nothing but Yukhei loving him with his hands.

   Then his lips.

   Yukhei pressed a kiss to his neck, then his shoulder. His teeth nipped gently at the skin, tongue playing over each spot in his wake.

   ‘You can keep going,’ Jungwoo breathed. He laced his fingers together with Yukhei’s, flat on his stomach, rolling his head back against his shoulder. ‘No one is going to see us for a couple of weeks.’

   Yukhei didn’t need much more instruction than that, sucking his way to a pretty purple flush at the crook of Jungwoo’s neck. Jungwoo wanted to turn to return the favour, but Yukhei’s free hand had trailed down and was starting to work sweet circles promisingly close to the base of his cock. He let out a moan. He’d waited so long. _So_ long.

   He’d been imagining the moment when they’d next get to do this again for the last ten months.

   ‘Woo?’

   His eyes fluttered open, snapped out of the moment.

   ‘This ends in us fucking, right?’ Yukhei checked.

   Jungwoo nearly choked on love, not knowing whether to laugh or cry or just tell Yukhei how much he’d missed him. A long time ago, a _very_ long time now he supposed, Jungwoo had concluded never to ask Yukhei to try dirty talk. His boyfriend had never been very good at the sensual stuff. But he wouldn’t have him any other way. ‘Yes, Xuxi, this ends in us fucking.’

   Yukhei exhaled, probably in relief that he hadn’t misread Jungwoo inviting him into the shower and asking him to soap up his body and telling him to leave a trail of hickeys down his neck. He resumed his previous activity, only this time his kisses were wetter, loose with the water that was rushing not only from the shower but dripping from his hair down onto his skin.  

   ‘Can I?’ Yukhei kissed his cheek from behind, squeezing his hand.

   ‘Please,’ Jungwoo moaned as Yukhei wrapped his other hand around his cock at last, jerking him in slow, languid strokes until his knees felt a buzz at the joint and he had to flop properly back against Yukhei’s chest for fear of losing his grip on reality and on the floor in equal measure.

   Even _this_ seemed different now that Yukhei was different. It was less frenetic, more steady and tantalising and borderline frustrating because Jungwoo found his hips twitching forwards.

    It was so hot, _physically_ hot in the shower that he felt almost dizzy. When Yukhei started to thumb down his crease, cock hard against the small of his back, he felt _properly_ dizzy.

   ‘Bed,’ he panted, even though his hand was ignoring him and reaching back to knot into Yukhei’s wet hair, eager for more. ‘In the bed.’

   There was no way he wanted to ruin their first time, their second first time, their first time as the new version of boyfriends that they were now, by slipping over in the shower.

*

   ‘How’s slow going?’ Yukhei asked.

   ‘Better than I expected.’ Jungwoo’s breathing was still heavy as he came down from an unmatchable high.

   The view of the sea, straight ahead of them, was tinted by sunset, the sky a never-ending stretch of midnight blue cut across with the last glowing embers of orange.

   ‘I’m glad we got the important stuff out of the way first.’

   Jungwoo laughed. He rested his cheek down on Yukhei’s chest, shifting a little as Yukhei pulled the sheets up just past his waist. He could have fallen asleep right there, tired out by what had turned into two rounds with his boyfriend, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to wring every minute out of these couple of weeks that he could. ‘There’s more to come.’

   Yukhei sipped on the glass of champagne he’d poured. It had been the one thing that had dragged him out of bed – an ice bucket and a bottle were must-haves, even now, when settling into a warm twilight tangled together with a lover.

   With the condensation from the glass, he traced patterns down Jungwoo’s naked back, fingertips stroking impermanent art on his skin.

   ‘What are you writing?’ Jungwoo laughed softly.

   ‘I – love – you,’ Yukhei enunciated. ‘And I love this. Our spot of paradise.’

   ‘What are we going to do tomorrow?’

   ‘Sit on the beach. Drink champagne. Kiss, a lot. Ten months to catch up on.’

   ‘What more could you want from a holiday?’

   Yukhei wrapped his free arm around him and kissed his head. ‘Not much more.’

   ‘You left your phone in Korea, right?’

   ‘Don’t worry, my friends know that if they disturb us, I’ll make their lives hell forever.’

   This was one of Jungwoo’s favourite things about Yukhei. He had a remarkable ability to switch between his work life and his personal life. It fascinated Jungwoo constantly, because the strange little microcosm of the world that operated in the office each day was a study in the life-management of different people.

   Ten had no personal life at all, not that Jungwoo could see, and he fixated on work to a point of such self-destruction that Jungwoo knew it couldn’t last much longer. Doyoung could never keep his personal life _out_ of the office, which was better recently now that the unmistakeable red rims of freshly-cried eyes had been replaced by an aura of constant happiness, but between the flowers and the letters that couriers delivered to the front desk from Jaehyun, and the early finishes he took every other day to be with him, Jungwoo knew that deep down he favoured the world outside of the office drastically more than the one within it.

   With Yukhei, though, it was a _balance_. He switched out of work-mode with ease, but he could also slide straight back into it when duty called. He never let it play on his mind once the work day was over, no matter how stressful things might be.

   This skill was vital, far more than it would be for his friends, given that he and Jungwoo were colleagues _and_ lovers.

   They had to learn to navigate two separate spaces, two very different worlds, both together.

   Work stress could never come home.

   But their relationship, too, couldn’t creep too invasively into the office when there was real work to be done.

   Yukhei’s balancing act, especially now that he had a considerably better grasp on his life, was second to none.

   ‘Champagne?’ Yukhei murmured, interrupting his thoughts.

   ‘Mm,’ hummed Jungwoo, and he tilted his face up for a kiss.

   Champagne had always tasted sweeter on Yukhei’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	20. Chapter 20

   ‘I still can’t believe it’s raining while we’re on _holiday_!’

   ‘Woo… can you maybe not… talk about the weather while we’re - ’

   Jungwoo smiled down at him, hands splayed on his bare chest. ‘Oh yes. Sorry.’ He shifted his body and Yukhei let out a low groan. His fingers dug in to Jungwoo’s hips, hard enough that they’d probably leave a mark.

   Jungwoo didn’t really care about the weather. The one day of rain that had interrupted their two weeks of sun just meant that they could spend the entire day in bed together instead, listening to the patter of rain against the windows and on the balcony. But teasing Yukhei while he was riding him and could watch his face change was irresistible.

   Jungwoo sped his lazy, measured movements slightly, watching happily as Yukhei’s head rolled back, throat shining with sweat and eyes falling closed. He took Yukhei’s hands and laced their fingers together before leaning forwards, the change in angle making his own back arch because feeling Yukhei’s cock drag slowly out of him was intoxicating in its restrained pace.

   He caught Yukhei’s lips with his. He couldn’t help but smile indulgently into the kiss every time he pressed a little back and Yukhei broke his lips away in a moan.

   When he pulled away to sit up, he caught Yukhei’s lip between his teeth for a fraction of a second and Yukhei jerked up into him, like that alone was as erotic as having his boyfriend sat astride him for what felt like hours. A rainy day, to Jungwoo, meant a _languid_ day.

   ‘I love you,’ Yukhei choked, hips twitching up again in desperate search of friction.

   ‘I know,’ Jungwoo smiled. ‘I love you too.’

   He sped up after that. He was hard and leaking and aching to fuck too, after all.

   The sound was loud, a slap of skin on skin as he fucked himself down, almost too lewd for a relationship that in the outside world was characterised by sweetness, clumsiness, a charming awkwardness. But this wasn’t the outside world.

  This house, on this island, was theirs and theirs only, the goings-on inside to be shared with no one but each other’s memories.

   Yukhei gave out first, coming with a stuttering of the hips and a curse so loud that maybe their island wouldn’t stay private after all. Jungwoo didn’t let up though, biting his own lip as he continued his movements if only to make Yukhei swear his way into a haze at the overstimulation. Jungwoo jerked himself off, eyes fluttering closed, only halting when his muscles contracted with need, sparks in his tightly closed eyes, and he came across Yukhei’s stomach, panting hard.

   For a moment, he felt completely dizzy, the only force grounding him to earth Yukhei’s body rather than gravity.

  Then he regained enough sense to climb shakily off him and flop onto his side on the bed. His breathing was out of control, but that didn’t matter when their sounds mingled together in the shared space.

   ‘Fuck, Woo, did you… did you get better at that?’ Yukhei panted. He sounded like he’d run a marathon.

   ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder,’ Jungwoo breathed. Then he met Yukhei’s eyes and offered an explanation because his boyfriend looked somewhat out of it. ‘The sex is better because we forgot how good it was.’

   ‘Yeah. Yeah, I guess.’

   ‘What else shall we do today?’ Jungwoo mused when he got his heartrate to a manageable level.

   ‘Cook. Sleep. Talk.’

   Jungwoo smiled and tucked his head against Yukhei’s shoulder just for a moment of tenderness.

   Talk. That was the part Jungwoo looked forward to each day.

   They had come here to reconnect after all.

*

   Being on a _break_ was a strange experience, one that Yukhei would record in the messy files in his brain as one of the _strangest_ of his life. Having been so linked, so deeply connected, for so long, to then withdraw to a close distance had felt like being a million miles apart. He’d still seen Jungwoo every day, he’d still talked to him about his good days and his bad days, they’d still shared all of their news, but it had been at a distance that could not quite be explained in words.

   Like they were together, but apart.

   Talking now that they were a couple again felt so different to how they’d talked a month ago.

   They went over the same things, talked through the same days that had been so significant over the last year, but they did so in a way that exposed an awful lot more of the soul.

   ‘It was the worst day, I think,’ Yukhei said as he played around with the lunch Jungwoo had made. Fresh fish, delivered from some of the lovely staff that worked on the island, and rice and salad and very, very healthy. Jungwoo was good at cooking healthy food. Yukhei had been trying to do that too, though, during their time apart. Getting his life together had meant more than just sorting out his relationships.

   ‘I – Xuxi, you know I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you,’ Jungwoo whispered.

   Yukhei shook his head. ‘No, it was good. It was right that I did it by myself. Do you know, I really fucking hate that house? I hate it so much.’

   He was telling Jungwoo, for the second time, for the distinctly more impassioned second time, about his visit to Hong Kong shortly after their break… up. It had been the most emotionally draining day of his life, more draining he thought than the day he’d come out. He’d had to dig so deep into himself to find strength he’d been looking for his whole adult life to tell his parents that if they couldn’t tolerate him the way that he was, he was no longer going to be able to have a relationship with them.

   He’d told them that he wasn’t going to keep his truths a secret anymore.

   He’d worked so hard for so long to cling onto that thread. Letting go had left him exhausted.

   ‘My father yelled again. But it was different to the first time. I don’t think… I don’t think he knew what to say to me anymore, so he just… he wasn’t even _saying_ anything really, he was just ranting about nothing. I ignored him, mostly. I told my mom that she knew where to find me if she wanted to talk. My brother was there too so he drove me back to my hotel. He even stuck around for a few hours. We went to the hotel bar, racked up one hell of a tab, like seriously I actually had to explain it to my accountant. But it made me feel a lot better. That’s the last time I got really, _really_ drunk to be honest. I’ve been like… quite drunk, since then,’ he winked, ‘especially on Ten’s birthday this year. But not _that_ drunk.’

   ‘Is your brother similar to you?’ Jungwoo asked with a small smile. ‘I thought you always said he was the _perfect_ one?’

   ‘Oh yeah, pretty much,’ Yukhei laughed. ‘He’s like me, but he’s also not. He… hides certain things better, from our parents, _and_ from the press. Always has. He’s always been very _functional,_ a mess in the ways that my father accepts but quite well put together when he needs to give the right impression. I, on the other hand, never really gave much consideration to the _impression_. You know I’ve never cared much about what people think of me.’

   ‘That’s one of my favourite things about you,’ said Jungwoo. ‘You wear your heart on your sleeve and I never feel like I’m seeing a _fake_ you. You’re just Yukhei. My Xuxi.’

   ‘It’s been better since then, though. I’ve been spending occasional time with my mom. More than… I ever did before, to be honest.’

   ‘That’s good. Really good.’

   ‘Do you know, I _really_ want to take you to Hong Kong?’

   Jungwoo looked at him in surprise, and Yukhei hastened to continue. It stood out painfully in his conscience that just the words Hong Kong evoked only _bad_ memories, for both of them. ‘Like… not _there_. Not to that house of anything. But it’s a beautiful place and I’ve been working to replace all my bad memories with good ones – I’m… reassembling my schema. And I’d like to have some memories in Hong Kong that aren’t my parents being awful, or - ’ He stopped. He didn’t want to bring up the fight he’d had with Jungwoo in that hotel room. ‘I’d like to have memories of us walking around stalls eating street food and the night markets are _great_ and… we should go.’

   ‘We haven’t even finished one holiday and you’re inviting me on another one,’ Jungwoo laughed softly. ‘I might be the luckiest boyfriend in the world.’

   ‘Well, it means you can maybe meet my mom again, too. But properly. She’s asked a lot about you, or she did while we were – you know…’

   ‘Broken up?’

   ‘Yeah that.’

   ‘I was thinking about my parents, too,’ said Jungwoo. ‘About… letting them know that we’re together.’

   Yukhei nodded. His stomach didn’t turn over, his heart didn’t jolt, his hands didn’t sweat. People knowing didn’t frighten him anymore. _Especially_ not Jungwoo’s parents. And they should be the first to know, the first outside of the tiny existing bubble. ‘I can’t wait to meet them,’ he said, without a hint of false confidence.

   He’d heard quite a lot about Jungwoo’s parents in the time that they’d known each other. They still lived in the place they were born, Gunpo, and in the house that Jungwoo’s father grew up in. Jungwoo’s mom was a high school teacher, and his father had worked on construction sites until he’d fallen sick a few years previously and taken early retirement. He was fine now, though, which was what mattered. He knew, from what Jungwoo told him, that they remained very deeply, quietly in love, even after decades together, which gave Yukhei hope for the future because he’d never had the impression from his own family that such a thing was possible. It didn’t take a genius to know that his own parents had an arrangement more than a love story.

   He knew that life in the Kim household was very different from the house he’d grown up in. Jungwoo told stories about the times they’d made things together, the places they’d visited together. There were a thousand and one anecdotes just from their annual vacation to the mountains. Every meal that Jungwoo cooked had a story behind it, every object in his house was a gift from someone.

   ‘Maybe you could come with us for Christmas,’ said Jungwoo. ‘Can you ski?’

   ‘ _Can_ I ski?’ Yukhei laughed. ‘Of course I can ski.’

   ‘Good.’

   ‘Though I… prefer to snowboard.’

   ‘Ah,’ Jungwoo smiled. ‘Don’t tell my parents that if you want them to like you.’

   Yukhei clapped a hand over his heart. ‘I’ll find some other way to earn their support.’

   ‘Maybe tell them how much you love their son,’ Jungwoo said lightly. ‘I’ve heard that gets you in the good books.’

   Yukhei nodded, though his smile faltered slightly. He wasn’t nervous about meeting Jungwoo’s parents. He knew that they were kind, supportive, _good people_. But he was apprehensive about what direction the conversation might take when they started talking about how they’d met.

   As far as he knew, Jungwoo’s parents knew him, of course, as Jungwoo’s boss.

   And that was about it.

   He wondered how Jungwoo would want to go about telling the story of everything that had happened in nearly two years, or whether he would want to tell that story at all. Yukhei couldn’t bear to think of how Jungwoo’s parents might look at him if they found out how he’d treated him, the things he’d asked of him, in the first year of their relationship.

   ‘Woo, what _exactly_ do they know about us?’

   ‘They - ’ Jungwoo paused, meeting his eyes. His gaze was always so warm, so loving. One look could calm even wild horses crashing across Yukhei’s heart. ‘They know we’re fairly close, I guess. I mean, for one thing I do work with you pretty much every day of my life. Of course I’ve never said anything about us being a couple though. I’m quite a private person anyway and I’ve had Kun to talk to about us. They know that you’re a brilliant businessman with a penchant for vintage cars and good wine. I may have mentioned some time that you have a charming smile.’

   At that, Yukhei straightened up a little in his seat and straightened his proverbial tie.

   ‘They probably figure I have a bit of a crush on you,’ he said with a small, sweet laugh. ‘I talk about you quite a lot, after all. But they don’t pry. I never introduced my last boyfriend to them. They know that I’ll only bring someone home when I’m ready. I’m quite… my family are very important to me, and bringing someone into that space… I have to be sure they’re the right person.’

   ‘Am I the right person?’

   Jungwoo leant in and gave him a soft kiss to the lips, fingers stroking a tender line down his jaw. ‘I think so.’

*

   With one day of rain in the past, Jungwoo and Yukhei settled back happily into day after day of sun.

   The island had flourished with something of a tropical feeling after the rain. The greenery had taken on new life, and little mushrooms had cropped up on the occasional spot of soil. It only dried out properly after a couple of days, and that was when Yukhei and Jungwoo adopted a full-time position on a particular spot of hot sand and rarely moved for their remaining time on holiday.

   Yukhei did spend a fair amount of time crashing about in the sea, which Jungwoo preferred to watch than partake in. Yukhei looked good.

   He’d always looked good, of course, but he looked better than ever.

   He was incredibly fit, taking even more time over the gym than before because Jungwoo knew that he liked to work off stress that way these days, rather than concentrating on more unhealthy mechanisms. His shorter hair made him look altogether older, more mature, but there were new characteristics to his face, too. He looked fresher, always, eyes brighter. He just looked _happy_ all the time.

   ‘I can’t believe we have to work soon,’ he said as he flopped down beside Jungwoo and threw an arm around his shoulders. Jungwoo fought the urge to cringe away from the sudden cold water that dripped from Yukhei’s hair, but he managed to stay still because he’d suffer it for the kisses Yukhei grazed along his shoulder.

   ‘But not yet,’ Jungwoo exhaled, laughing as Yukhei moved his kisses along to any skin he could find.

   ‘It’s gonna be so busy,’ Yukhei groaned. ‘Ten’s been gone for three days already too and you know he does the work of five men.’

   _Oh yes_ , Jungwoo knew that. Ten was taking a whistle-stop tour to visit all of the company offices in Europe, and would be away for several days. With a backlog of work from Yukhei’s absence, combined with Ten being away, Jungwoo knew that their first week back at work would be chaotic. ‘I hope he’s enjoying Europe, though,’ said Jungwoo, ‘maybe he’ll just about consider it a holiday.’

   ‘Well he loves Europe. It’s his… _aesthetic_ ,’ Yukhei laughed. ‘And there are loads of art auctions he can drop in on. Maybe he’ll meet the love of his life in a street in Paris or something.’

   ‘What about Doyoung? How are things going?’

   Jungwoo had been meaning to ask this for a while. When he and Yukhei had been resolutely not-dating, he’d been less involved with the lives of his friends, not wanting to cross a boundary. He watched their moods, in the office, trying to get a read on where they were at. He wondered. He worried. He’d concluded a long time ago that the day the three of them were all happy would be the day NCT could finally say it had _really_ succeeded.

   Yukhei frowned slightly in contemplation. ‘Alright, I guess. Better than he’s been in a long time. He’s been getting some help, actually, for his anxiety. And I think it’s working. He and Jae are in a good place.’

   ‘See, everything is starting to work out,’ said Jungwoo with an honest, wide smile.

   ‘Thank fuck,’ grinned Yukhei, and then he pulled Jungwoo into his lap, making him gasp for a moment but he didn’t pull away.

   Yukhei laid back on the sand, eyes closed because the sun was high in the sky and punishingly bright. Jungwoo negotiated his limbs free and settled against his side instead, stroking over chest, his arm down prominent veins, then his face to turn it for a kiss.

   ‘We’ve also got the hospital benefit, the Saturday after Ten gets back.’

   ‘Kun’s group are having a showcase on the Sunday that I promised I’d go to, too.’

   ‘And the new company Shin-Da are coming in on Monday to start on the panels. The ones we had that dinner with.’

   ‘Oh yes,’ said Jungwoo, remembering that particular night rather well.

   ‘Busy week.’

   ‘Mm.’

   ‘I’m excited for the gala, though. You remember what’s happened the last two years, right?’

   Jungwoo laughed, thinking back to their previous two excursions to that particular event. ‘Well, I seem to remember that the first year we went together, we… ah… may have kissed, for the first time.’

   ‘ _That’s_ the one!’ Yukhei grinned. His fingers were carding steadily through Jungwoo’s hair, tapping little lines down his neck.

   ‘And then last year, we _also_ kissed. Which we weren’t supposed to do because we were in the non-kissing phase.’

   ‘It was good though.’

   ‘Yes it was,’ said Jungwoo. It had been very soon after their break had started – in fact, it was the first time that they slipped up. He closed his eyes to linger in the memories of all the kisses they’d shared in that office. Some drunk, some awkward, some stolen and secret. He wondered whether there would be another new first this time around.

   ‘But it’s not quite time yet,’ Yukhei smiled. ‘Just a _little_ more sun first.’

   Jungwoo detached himself from him and rolled onto his back too. The heat was almost stifling, but there was a small, airy breeze rolling in from the sea that made it bearable. Somewhere, unfamiliar birds were making a lot of noise. Yukhei’s breathing was audible, too, but it married with the gentle ebb of the tide so smoothly that Jungwoo could have been imagining it.

   For a moment in time that he’d store away forever in his memory, amongst every other special moment he was due to have with Wong Yukhei, there was nothing he would change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	21. Chapter 21

   Yukhei and Jungwoo’s holiday ended in the manner of all good holidays: far too fast.

   Returning to work was, as expected, horribly chaotic. It was so bad, in fact, that Yukhei actually had to push Jungwoo out of the office every evening to make sure that he got some sleep, even though he was probably going to stay half the night working himself. The load lightened slightly when Ten returned, looking pleasantly refreshed after his time away, but nowhere near enough for anyone to relax.

   Doyoung especially was drowning under plans for a prototype, due to be sent imminently to their electrical engineering team, of a new solar-cell, an alternative so cheap that it could bring power to a whole city if it worked out right. And it had better work out right, they all knew, because the money they’d thrown behind it, the money they’d placed as a tidy investment into the hands of the burgeoning company Shin-Da, was outrageous. It lacked a guaranteed return, which had Ten on edge. It lacked a ‘perfect’ prototype, which had Doyoung on edge. And it meant meeting regularly with the smarmy upstart who’d flirted his way through an entire dinner with Jungwoo, which had _Yukhei_ on edge.

   But it was an opportunity that couldn’t be wasted. The potential benefits were too important. The chance to bring the company back to its origin with this partnership, producing something that would really _help_ people, had seduced the three of them in equal measure.

   Even Yukhei had swallowed his pride.

   ‘Ten. _Ten_?’ Yukhei said a little louder, and finally Ten glanced up from his phone.

   ‘Huh?’

   Yukhei narrowed his eyes. He needed Ten’s signature on two separate documents, but his best friend had been distant all day. ‘What’s got you so distracted?’

   It was a grey sort of Friday, at the end of a long week, the windows of the office tarnished by grim, relentless rain. Yukhei and Jungwoo’s island seemed a million miles away now.

   Ten was leant against the front desk, nose inches from his phone screen. He raised his eyebrows. ‘It’s the benefit tomorrow. I’ve got lots of things to organise.’

   ‘Since when did your party-planner make you smile like that?’

   ‘Can’t you go and bother Doyoung instead?’ Ten said dryly, before turning on his heel and stalking back to his office.

   Yukhei stared after him, bemusement blending with suspicion. Ten was always a whirlwind when his charity benefit was coming up – it was the one day of the year that he put his heart and soul into – but he’d been acting _weird_ all week, ever since they’d got back from holiday. When he talked business, he was as dry as usual, and definitely stressed about their new deal.

  But when he _wasn’t_ talking about profit margins or cash flow, he seemed… strangely _chipper._

   His prowling had turned to a small spring in his step. He’d started saying “good morning!” with a radiant smile instead of barely concealed sarcasm. Even as he stalked back to his office, feigning his usual character, he didn’t quite sell it.

   Perhaps Europe really _had_ treated him well.

   ‘Doyoung - ’ Yukhei started, when his _other_ best friend cut in front of him, arms stacked with papers.

   ‘Can’t talk.’

   Yukhei watched him disappear into his office too, and then he huffed, turning to Jungwoo and leaning over the counter. ‘ _You’ll_ talk to me, won’t you?’

   ‘Always,’ smiled Jungwoo.

   ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said quietly. He glanced left and right, checking that the girls were busy. He and Jungwoo hadn’t told anyone at work yet, even though they were pretty sure that their holiday had sealed their relationship firmly back into the _committed_ category. Until they had met with Jungwoo’s parents, they were determined to keep it on the down-low.

   Until Yukhei could look Jungwoo’s mom and dad in the eye and tell them that he was in love with their son, no one else had the right to know.

   Ten and Doyoung, Kun, Yukhei’s parents and his brother. They remained the only people who knew the truth.

   Next, Jungwoo’s parents, and then the rest of both of their friends. Then everyone at work. _Then_ the outside world could have their say.

   ‘Thinking…?’

   ‘… about how much I love you.’

   Jungwoo exhaled, then swatted at his hand on the counter. He too glanced left and right, but no one was looking at them. Sumi was talking on the phone, and Chunja had just left her desk with another stack of papers for Doyoung. ‘I thought you were going to say something _serious_ , Xuxi!’

   Yukhei lifted one eyebrow cockily. ‘Are you saying my love for you isn’t serious?’

   ‘I don’t know if _half_ the things you say are serious,’ said Jungwoo, airily, looking at his computer. Yukhei knew he was pretending to be busy, fingers clacking on the keys just to make a point.

   ‘Have you done something different with your hair today? It looks cute.’

   ‘No flirting in the office,’ Jungwoo said in a reproachful tone.

   ‘How about in _my_ office?’ Yukhei nodded over his shoulder.

   ‘Your updated schedule is finished,’ Jungwoo stood up, taking the paper, still warm from the printer, and holding it out for him.

   ‘So cold,’ Yukhei sighed, but then he looked at the sheet.

   _Round to Jungwoo’s?_

   That had been bracketed in for _tonight_. He grinned as he met Jungwoo’s eyes again.

   Jungwoo gave him an innocent look. ‘Don’t forget your two o’clock.’

   ‘I’m more interested in my seven o’clock.’

*

   Yukhei and Jungwoo spent most of the morning on the day of Ten’s benefit in bed.

   It had been a busy week, after all.

   ‘Pancakes,’ said Yukhei, as he climbed back under the covers for the third or so time, placing the tray down in Jungwoo’s lap.

   A smile found its way to Jungwoo’s face. ‘You got better at pancakes,’ he remarked.

   That was the sort of thing that he couldn’t stop noticing. He noticed the way that Yukhei managed to get his pancakes into circles now instead of misshapen blobs, and the way that he buttoned the top button of his shirt before meetings these days. But he also noticed that he’d added an extra two action figures to the line tacked on his desk computer, and that he still lost at least three things a week.

   His Yukhei would always be _his_ Yukhei.

   They were at Jungwoo’s apartment, alternating between the two of their properties most days. Jungwoo’s place was the preferred option, though, even now – it was closer to the office, and had distinctly less _nosy_ neighbours. Yukhei’s house was very on-display, so huge as it was with its long windows and flash cars outside. Jungwoo’s apartment was more of a hidden sanctuary, nestled in its block, where they’d always felt just a little more comfortable.

   Jungwoo laughed as Yukhei squashed in as close as possible to his side and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He kissed his cheek, his temple, his hair, he even took Jungwoo’s hand and kissed that too. ‘What are you doing?’ Jungwoo asked, half-breathless because Yukhei had leant over and given him a long, protracted kiss to his lips, too.

   ‘It’s the anniversary of our first kiss, Woo. I gotta take advantage.’

   ‘I remember it well,’ smiled Jungwoo. ‘You were… _very_ drunk.’

   ‘Yeah, I was.’ Yukhei looked at the plate of pancakes, taking a bite just to occupy himself for a moment. ‘I wish I hadn’t… had to be drunk, just to kiss you. It was messy, too. Damn. You must have thought I was a _really_ bad kisser.’

   ‘Well when we kiss tonight, it’s going to be perfect,’ said Jungwoo. ‘We aren’t the people we were two years ago.’

   ‘Two years,’ Yukhei exhaled, flopping back against the pillows. ‘I still can’t believe it’s been two whole years since you walked into my life.’

   ‘I can’t believe it’s been two whole years since you _crashed_ into mine,’ he laughed.

   ‘I love you, Kim Jungwoo.’

   ‘I love you too, Wong Yukhei,’ said Jungwoo.

   They ate in shared silence for a while, but then Jungwoo started to fidget, glancing at his phone.

   ‘What is it?’

   ‘We should get to the office soon. Ten will want our help setting up.’

   ‘Oh yeah,’ Yukhei muttered, ‘and I’m the one who _always_ gets roped into doing the heavy lifting.’

   ‘Well, Xuxi, you do know that every time you make a joke about your superiority in height, Ten adds another box to your lifting quota?’

   ‘Oh yes I know his game,’ said Yukhei as he swung his legs out of the bed. ‘Trust me.’

   ‘I… I bought you something to wear,’ said Jungwoo.

   ‘Something to - ’ Yukhei started, looking at him in surprise.

   Jungwoo opened the drawer in his nightstand and pulled out the small box he’d left there. It had been there a long time.

   A very long time.

   He’d bought this gift before he and Yukhei had gone to Hong Kong, before they’d broken up, before almost a year had passed during which he couldn’t possibly give them to him knowing how in love he’d felt when he bought them. But Yukhei didn’t need to know all that.

   He took the box, mouth forming an _o._ ‘You got me a present?’

   ‘It’s just… I saw them and thought of you.’

   ‘Woo… thank you,’ he breathed, eyes lighting up when he flicked the box open. It seemed to take him a moment to smile, so distracted as he was, but soon his lips followed his eyes with happiness. His thumbs traced over the cufflinks with surprising lightness. Each was set with a tiny, silver, vintage car.

   ‘This way you know I’ll be on your arm tonight, even though I won’t be… on your arm tonight.’

   ‘Thank you,’ Yukhei whispered again. ‘ _Thank you_. You’re already the angel on my shoulder, Woo, the one who always reminds me to do the right thing for myself and for others. You know I carry you with me always, but now I can look down and remember that too.’

   ‘You know you’ll make me cry if you talk like that, right?’ Jungwoo said quietly.

   ‘It’s the truth,’ shrugged Yukhei. ‘You’re my angel.’

   ‘Alright, let’s go.’ He climbed out of bed and glanced around the room in search of the suit-bag he’d hung up somewhere last night. He really did need to change the subject, because he didn’t want red eyes for the fundraiser.

*

   Jungwoo couldn’t help but think that the gala would be more fun if he had Yukhei by his side. For now, _still_ , they kept their distance. Painstaking distance. Distance that stretched on for _time_ rather than space, because Jungwoo had already waited a lifetime to be able to walk into an event like this _together_. Soon. They had a plan, now, of which they were working through the steps.

   He wondered, for a moment, how their first event as a couple would go. They hadn’t really discussed the details of how they would come out publicly, whether they would one day show up arm in arm and expect the world to deal with it, or whether there’d have to be some sort of prior indication, some sort of build-up. He imagined, even as he tried to pay attention to the conversation going on around him, how this same night would feel with Yukhei’s fingers interlinked with his.

   The benefit filled up quickly, as it always did, with a remarkable crowd.

   Between Yukhei, Ten, and Doyoung, the NCT address book had the name and number of every significant person in the city. Yukhei knew everyone from the CEOs of other big corporations to the most popular musicians in Seoul; Doyoung’s acquaintances were the _smartest_ in the city - he knew everyone who was anyone in computing, and some of the biggest players in education too; and Ten knew anyone with _money_ – he’d always had a scent for it – whether it was art dealers or hedge-fund managers.

   And all of them were crammed into one building, once a year, for this night.

   Jungwoo had never asked Ten exactly how much money this benefit raised each year for the children’s hospital, but he knew that the answer would probably make his eyes pop.

   The money, though, wasn’t the only thing that would make his eyes pop that night.

   He was caught between two particularly monotonous businessmen, who were droning on about something of which he had little understanding, and he kept glancing over his shoulder in the hopes that Yukhei would come to rescue him, when he got the surprise of his _life_.

   Yukhei did approach him, hooking an arm around his waist surreptitiously and then turning him to face the other direction. ‘Woo, _Woo_ , look!’ he breathed against his ear, before jerking his head unsubtly over to where Ten was talking to Doyoung.

   It took a moment for him to process what he was seeing, and then - ‘Who…?’ he started in surprise.

   The boy wasn’t easy to miss.

   ‘ _That_ is Ten’s _date_ ,’ Yukhei grinned. The air was heavy with his smugness.

   ‘Where on earth did Ten meet someone like _that_?’ Jungwoo said in astonishment.

   Ten’s date was a sight to behold, which probably explained why half of the guests at the event all seemed to be looking their way. Perhaps Ten noticed, because his hand at the man’s waist was unmoving, and… was it protective? Jungwoo tilted his head to the side as he surveyed the two of them.

   ‘I’ve got a few ideas,’ Yukhei smirked. ‘His name is _Taeyong_.’

   _Taeyong_ was a little taller than Ten, but his posture reduced the difference. Whereas Ten usually walked bolt upright, stiff-backed, Taeyong was more languid in poise, fluid in the way that he walked and with softer lines than Ten as he curved in almost _instinctively_ against him. That made Jungwoo raise his eyebrows, because it wasn’t something that you could fake. For a first date, Taeyong sure seemed affectionately clingy.

   ‘I wonder how long they’ve been seeing each other?’ Jungwoo mused. Perhaps he and Yukhei hadn’t been the only ones to keep a relationship secret.

   Yukhei narrowed his eyes. ‘He hasn’t mentioned him. He _has_ been looking at his phone and smiling like an _idiot_ a lot though, recently. I knew something was up. _That’s_ why he’s been acting so weird.’

   ‘He’s beautiful,’ said Jungwoo. It was true. Taeyong was obviously younger than Ten, quite a bit younger which was a surprise to Jungwoo because he couldn’t imagine Ten ever spending time with someone who he deemed to be immature, and dazzling in a very _rare_ way. His face was perfect – there was no other word for it – utterly transfixing, and framed by very light hair dusted with pale pink. He was as far from Ten’s type as Jungwoo could ever have imagined.

   ‘Yeah, God knows what he sees in Ten,’ Yukhei shrugged, but he was smiling.

   ‘I wouldn’t have thought he’d be Ten’s type,’ Jungwoo voiced his thoughts aloud, curious.

   ‘Oh Ten _loves_ pretty things,’ said Yukhei, ‘he’s an art collector. Anything _beautiful_ and he’s head over heels. This one is _cute_ though, too. I just talked to him. Fucking adorable. Really funny. Sweet but sharp, smart. Ten’s punching above his weight.’

   ‘Don’t be mean,’ Jungwoo elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

   ‘He must be serious about him to bring him here.’ Yukhei’s brow was furrowed now. ‘This benefit means everything to him. He wouldn’t bring just anyone. But two months ago he was drunk on his office floor.’

   ‘Maybe he knew from the moment he saw him?’ Jungwoo said quietly.

   ‘Did you? When you saw me?’ Yukhei grinned.

   ‘Hmm. Well, I had a… small crush.’

   ‘Me too. I think mine was more confusing though,’ Yukhei added with a laugh.

   For a moment, they both watched. Jungwoo couldn’t help but smile at the way that Ten was looking at the boy for whom he’d broken the habit of a lifetime, wondering if Taeyong noticed. Ten’s eyes were moving over his face with glowing appraisal, never leaving it even when Doyoung spoke to him. Jungwoo recognised _that_ look, because it was the look that Yukhei always had in his eyes when he was looking at _him_.

   ‘Alright, I said I’d get them a drink,’ said Yukhei. ‘I gotta get back over there.’

   ‘Don’t tease Ten too much, my love,’ Jungwoo answered with another quick smile. ‘I get the feeling you’re supposed to be giving a good first impression.’

   ‘Would I _ever_ embarrass him in front of his date?’ said Yukhei, looking affronted.

   At that, Jungwoo just raised his eyebrows, and Yukhei winked before disappearing back amongst the crowd.

*

   The night ended, as it always did, in the top-floor office.

   They’d slipped away, ten minutes earlier, in search of a moment to themselves, a moment together.

   Jungwoo was looking out over the Seoul skyline, the two of them having snuck into Ten’s office, because his had the best view. Jungwoo hadn’t needed the warning from his boyfriend not to let Ten find out about that. But between his benefit and his new potential _boyfriend_ , Jungwoo doubted that Ten would find himself in a position to catch them.

   Yukhei wrapped his arms around Jungwoo’s waist, pressing a kiss to his neck.  

   The city sparkled, and Jungwoo thought for a second about how strange it had been to end up here. He hadn’t grown up in a huge city like this, but on the suburban outskirts of a much smaller one. His father had built offices, not worked in them – this world had always seemed very far away.

   Every once in a while, it struck him that he never would have imagined himself looking like this in a place like this with a man like this: on the top floor of a skyscraper, dressed in a very expensive suit, in the embrace of a CEO. That wasn’t _him_.

   But then again, Yukhei wasn’t just _any_ CEO. ‘I guess it’s time that we do the thing. You know, for old times’ sake?’ he said lightly.

   Jungwoo turned, meeting his eyes and enjoying for a moment the look of love there. ‘Well, it’s tradition after all.’

   Yukhei rested his hands gently on Jungwoo’s hips.

   This moment was important for Yukhei, especially, even though they kissed every day now. He wanted this one to be so much better than the one on this night last year, than the one on this night the year before. He wanted this kiss to reflect every day of progress that he’d taken since the day he’d met Jungwoo.

   Their first kiss on this occasion had ended in Yukhei running out of his office, flooded with terror at the realisation of what they’d done. He’d been confused and upset and scared at the seismic shift his reality had been struck by. A year later, their second kiss on this day had ended with Yukhei walking out of the office in a daze, slowly turning to _regret_ at the realisation of what they’d done. That time, they’d been on their break. They’d just _started_ their break. And yet somehow he’d ended up with his fingers laced into Jungwoo’s hair, Jungwoo’s hands knotted into the front of his shirt, the two of them tied together in a kiss that neither of them had ever wanted to end.

   But it had.

   This time, though, everything would be just right.

   Yukhei kissed him properly, pulling him close, without a hint of panic, without a hint of desperation. This time, for the first time, he knew that the night would end with them laying side by side, happy, _partners_. Finally, this kiss would mean nothing but good things.

   He deepened the embrace, lips parting, a hand moving to small of Jungwoo’s back, and Jungwoo cupped his jaw, drawing him impossibly closer, until it seemed they might never break apart.

   When they at last did, they rested their foreheads together. ‘Better than last year?’ Jungwoo whispered.

   ‘Better.’

   ‘Better than the year before?’

   ‘Better.’

   ‘Mine or yours, after?’ Jungwoo asked, mind already on the moment when they could get out of here.

   ‘Move in with me.’

   Silence. Jungwoo took a step back, staring at him with wide eyes. Sometimes, _sometimes_ it still struck him speechless how quickly his boyfriend could skip five stages of a conversation and fast-forward straight to an unexpected end.

   ‘Wow that slipped out,’ said Yukhei. ‘Forget I said - ’

   Jungwoo started to laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. He dropped his forehead to Yukhei’s shoulder, arms wrapping around him. ‘One day, Xuxi, _one day_ you’ll stop surprising me.’

   ‘That would be kind of boring though, right?’ he said shakily.

   ‘I don’t think you could ever be called boring, Wong Yukhei.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)
> 
> This fic is part of a trilogy! You can also check out the stories for [Dojae](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931070/chapters/37144667) and [Taeten](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14150934/chapters/32614455)


	22. Chapter 22

   If it was one thing that Yukhei hated, it was pretending that everything was fine when there was an undeniable weight of discomfort in the air. He didn’t like letting things fester, and he didn’t like it when he couldn’t figure out the right thing to say, because he’d rather just get it out in the open.

   ‘Woo, can we talk about the house thing?’

   Jungwoo looked up in surprise.

   They’d been walking for half an hour in quiet, across the western side of the business district where there were occasional tree-lined streets amongst the fading offices. Yukhei’s lunchtime meeting in that side of town had finished early, giving them some time to enjoy the fresh air that had become a valuable rarity with so much of their time spent in the office.

   ‘I just feel like I said the wrong thing and I’m sorry. It was at the party and you know what I’m like when there’s a party, I get overexcited and I forget myself a bit and I don’t want you to feel like I was pressuring you or anything if that’s not what you want to do. I just have this fantasy thing in my head where we’re living together and making pancakes together and I bring you breakfast in bed and your plants are in _our_ living room and – and I forget the real world and er… I just got ahead of myself.’

   Jungwoo smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Xuxi, it’s my fantasy too.’

   ‘Then did I… what did I say wrong?’ Yukhei asked anxiously.

   He was _sure_ he’d said something wrong. Certain. Because in the days since that night at the party, Jungwoo hadn’t bounded to his office and said yes and started planning their life together. In fact, he’d barely mentioned the fact that Yukhei had asked him to move into him, trailing into some other subject whenever it vaguely came up in conversation.

   ‘Nothing, _nothing_!’ Jungwoo said earnestly. ‘It’s not that.’

   ‘But it’s something?’

   ‘I’ve just been figuring some stuff out in my head. About… what it would mean.’

   ‘Like for us?’

   ‘And for me,’ said Jungwoo, voice quiet, maybe even hesitant.

   ‘Is it me? You can tell me. Don’t spare my feelings. Is it because you already have to see my face all day at work and you need your space in the evenings? Because I understand. I totally get it.’

   Jungwoo laughed. ‘No, I love seeing your face.’

   ‘It’s a nice face, right?’ Yukhei winked, but his heart wasn’t really in it.

   ‘Yes, it is. It’s not about you, it’s just about… well I like my apartment,’ Jungwoo admitted, holding his coffee between both of his hands.

   It was just starting to get cold outside, the couple of weeks that hovered around pre-winter when Jungwoo replaced his shirts with sweaters and cold drinks with lattes, but it wasn’t quite acceptable yet to layer up with scarves, which was a shame because he was always cold. He and Yukhei were opposite temperatures, all the time, and Yukhei wished they were at the stage already where he could just throw his arms around him in the middle of the street and walk him along like that to warm him up.

   They were getting there.

   ‘You do?’ said Yukhei, not expecting that to be the problem, then he added quickly, ‘I mean obviously you do, it’s amazing, but I mean you like it so much that you don’t… you don’t want…?’

   ‘Well it’s not about the apartment itself, not really,’ Jungwoo sighed. ‘It’s more like I like what it _means_. It was a really big deal for me moving in there, signing that lease. It was the first time I could afford somewhere that wasn’t basically one room. And it was the first time I felt like I was properly independent. No roommate. No sharing costs. _My_ place. And I fought really hard to keep it when Arizon went under.’

   Yukhei blinked at him.

   ‘And – and I know this might sound stupid but I’m worried about how I’ll feel about myself if I’m… _dependent_ on you.’

   ‘Dependent?’ Yukhei said in surprise. ‘Why would you be dependent on me?’

   ‘Xuxi, it’s not like… it’s not like I can afford half the rent on your place,’ he said awkwardly. ‘I couldn’t get close to a _quarter_. An _eighth._ ’

   ‘It’s cool,’ Yukhei shrugged quickly. ‘I already own my house, Woo, so there’s no rent to pay.’

   ‘Right, but I don’t know how I’d feel about myself not paying for anything, like going to work was pointless, like I’m not even contributing to _us_. You’re already my boss, and if you’re sort of _funding_ us too I’m not sure how I’d feel about it. It’s - ’ Jungwoo took a breath before finally confessing what he’d obviously been thinking the whole time. ‘It’s a power thing.’

   ‘Oh.’

   Yukhei wasn’t an idiot. Sometimes he sold an image that suggested he was, if only because it gave him the upper-hand in business when people didn’t expect the level of acumen he really kept under the surface. He was a joker, sometimes chaotic, but he’d also graduated with a tidy grade point average from a top charter school, and he’d even made it through college despite changing his course multiple times. And he was an accomplished businessman with an eye for people and how their minds worked.

   And he wasn’t completely naïve about the world. Growing up with Ten, he’d learned early about his own wealth privilege – about how growing up in a mansion, however much he might have resented it, meant there were certain things he just didn’t understand.    

   He’d watched his best friend struggle with borrowing money, and he’d propped him up in every area he could because money had _never_ been a struggle for Yukhei. He’d listened to Ten refuse his help even when he couldn’t really understand why. He’d listened to Ten insist every time he _did_ accept his help that he would pay him back with interest, even though Yukhei couldn’t really have cared less – he’d never thought of what he gave to Ten as a _loan_. But still, he’d taken the money back dutifully every time, because he knew it was important to Ten.

   He knew what money and work and self-sustainability meant to different people.

   So he wasn’t stupid. He knew that being Jungwoo’s boss, _and_ being so overwhelmingly rich that it seemed vulgar, _and_ being his boyfriend, was a cocktail that had to be very, _very_ carefully balanced if not to become poisonously potent.

   But that was why he’d spent ten months working on himself – so that he _could_ balance everything the right way with him.

   ‘Okay, I understand,’ he nodded.

   Jungwoo chewed his lip.

   ‘What about… what about if we looked for a new place together?’

   At that, Jungwoo raised his eyebrows. ‘What do you mean?’

   ‘Well I’m in a massive house and you’re in - ’

   ‘A tiny flat?’ his lips twitched to a smile.

   ‘Well yeah. Maybe we could look for something in the middle. A small house. That we can both… you know… that feels right for both of us.’

   ‘I’m not sure you’d be happy giving up your games room, my love.’

   Yukhei pulled a face. ‘I could survive.’

   Jungwoo shook his head. ‘Your house is amazing, Xuxi. You shouldn’t give it up.’

   ‘Well maybe - ’ Jungwoo could actually see Yukhei’s mind working. ‘Maybe we can figure out ways to make things more like – like less - ’

   ‘I’m open to suggestions,’ Jungwoo laughed.

   ‘I own that house. It’s already paid off. That part’s done. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have bills and stuff. We could open a joint account for like a _living_ fund. We could both contribute to the – to the house, and to living, but relative. A _relative_ chunk from your salary, and a… er… _relative_ chunk from my salary.’

   ‘The chunk from your salary would be rather more sizeable,’ Jungwoo laughed.

   ‘But it would be _relative_ ,’ Yukhei stressed again. ‘Right? You’d still have your money, and I’d still have mine, but then in the middle there’s _our_ money.’

   Jungwoo stared at him, and Yukhei could see his thoughts working. ‘A joint account? We’ll be practically married.’

   Yukhei gave a laugh that was slightly too high pitched because suddenly he’d imagined how Jungwoo would look at an altar with a white rose in his lapel and he’d almost forgotten how to breathe. ‘Oh yeah. Yeah.’

   He wondered, just for a moment, whether Jungwoo was okay with his idea, and then his boyfriend gave him a small smile. ‘What sort of things will we spend _our_ money on?’

   ‘Heating bill I guess…’ Yukhei pulled a face, ‘but also holidays.’

   ‘Really?’ Jungwoo grinned. ‘Where do you want to go next?’

   ‘Well we’re going skiing next, but after that we could look at another beach. I like the water. Where’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to go?’

   ‘I’m not sure,’ Jungwoo mused. ‘I’ll have to think about it.’

   ‘Doyoung and Jaehyun own this nice place that I reckon they’d let us borrow,’ Yukhei thought aloud. ‘And it’s basically one big library so you’d feel right at home, maybe I should ask…’

   ‘Car!’ Jungwoo caught Yukhei’s arm quickly before he walked straight out into the road, caught up in his thoughts.

   There was a wailing of a car horn, and Yukhei jumped quickly back onto the sidewalk.

   That was exactly why he needed Jungwoo by his side.

   ‘So,’ Yukhei said, unphased, when they’d darted to the nearest crossing instead and made it across the street there. ‘If we sort the money thing out, and we work out how we’re gonna deal with stuff together, does that mean… it’s a yes? To us moving in together?’

   Jungwoo smiled. ‘Yes. Okay. I’d love that.’

   Yukhei exhaled in relief. ‘Thank God, because I started ordering shelves for your library already.’

   ‘My library?’ Jungwoo almost choked on his coffee.

   ‘Well we gotta put all your books somewhere,’ Yukhei winked.

   He was excited for that. He wanted the house to be full of _Jungwoo_ , because it was the reason he’d always loved going to his apartment – how his signature was in every room, visible in the furniture and the trinkets and the colour of the walls.

   He wanted to have Jungwoo everywhere in his life.

*

   Thursday lunch had been the time-constrained version of family day for a very long time.

 _Family day_ didn’t mean blood family, of course. It meant friends. It meant Yukhei and Doyoung and Ten and absolutely _strictly_ no one else. The tradition had begun thanks to Jaehyun, the first man to make a dent in their time together as a trio, because especially once he’d put a ring on Doyoung’s finger, they had been forced to accept that they might all have to work a little harder to make time for each other. That sort of thing hadn’t exactly been a problem when they’d all shared a dorm at boarding school, or when they’d hovered between two rooms at college. But suddenly the end of the work day had meant that Doyoung went home to his husband and Ten shut himself away in his office and it all felt… wrong.

   So Thursday lunch had become family time.

   Thursdays had become even _more_ important once Jungwoo had started at NCT, because at last Yukhei couldn’t blame Doyoung anymore – now _he_ was the one who was always occupied with his boyfriend.

   ‘So…’ Yukhei said, prodding at his noodles happily because he’d been waiting to tell them and eating wasn’t the first thing on his mind. ‘Jungwoo is moving in with me.’

   ‘He is?’ Doyoung looked up first, face breaking into a smile. ‘Xuxi that’s _great_.’

   ‘Did he lose a bet?’ Ten said dryly.

   ‘Shut it, you,’ Yukhei shoved his shoulder. ‘Just because _you_ couldn’t ever live with someone.’

   ‘Incorrect,’ said Ten, ‘I used to live with Doyoung at college. And I lived with _both_ of you at school.’

   ‘Doyoung doesn’t count. He’s so quiet you wouldn’t even realise he was there. _And_ clean, and his routine is more strict than yours!’

   Doyoung looked at first like he’d protest, but then he shrugged in agreement. ‘It’s true.’

   ‘Anyway, this is what happens when you fall in _love_ , Ten,’ Yukhei sighed theatrically. ‘You want to share _everything_ together.’

   ‘What _have_ you become?’ Ten said in mock disgust.

   ‘Maybe one day you’ll understand,’ Yukhei said smugly. ‘Speaking of, how’s Taeyongie?’

   At that, Ten looked far less sardonic. ‘Oh. He’s fine.’

   ‘So things are going…?’

   ‘Fine.’

   _For fuck’s sake._ Getting information out of Ten was like trying to get blood from a stone.

   But then -

   ‘He’s perfect.’

   Yukhei exchanged a glance with Doyoung.

   ‘I meant to ask you, actually,’ Ten continued as though quickly trying to cover up his lapse in character. ‘Is it okay for me to tell him about you and Jungwoo? It’s just that the more events he comes to, the more he’s going to get to know Jungwoo, and…’

   ‘Sure,’ Yukhei answered, without missing a beat. He’d rehearsed this kind of thing so many times in his head that he was prepared. ‘I mean it’s not a secret.’

   ‘He won’t tell anyone,’ Ten said gently, as though aware that Yukhei’s words might still be just a little forced. ‘Trust me.’

   Yukhei nodded gratefully. He’d trust Ten’s judgment to rescue him from near-certain death, let alone the exposure of his relationship. ‘But I’ll be telling everyone soon anyway. I’m gonna meet Jungwoo’s parents next weekend.’

   ‘ _Really_?’ Ten and Doyoung said in equal interest.

   ‘Yep,’ he nodded, wondering if it was betrayed in his voice that he was nervous. ‘Woo really wants me to go skiing with them and it might fly with my family to bring someone from work to the house with no explanation, but I don’t reckon it’d work with Jungwoo’s. So we’re gonna talk to them. And they’re visiting Seoul this weekend so it seemed like the perfect time.’

   ‘Wow,’ Doyoung exhaled. ‘Big step.’

   ‘I’m scared they’re gonna hate me.’

   ‘Hey! Don’t you say that!’ Ten said loudly, dropping his façade. ‘Don’t you dare. They’ll love you!’

   ‘They’ll ask how long we’ve been seeing each other and I’m gonna have to say all this time that they didn’t know, that I made Jungwoo keep it from them. If they find out I made him wait for me for months and months, how’s that gonna look?’

   Doyoung frowned. ‘Have you talked to Jungwoo about what he wants to tell them? He might not even want them to know all that. Have you talked to him about what you’re comfortable with them knowing? Communication, remember?’

   Yukhei thought that was rich coming from Doyoung who’d spent a decade of poor communication struggling with _his_ relationship, but of course he didn’t say that. Especially not when his best friend had been working so hard on it over the last few months.

   ‘I dunno. I just assumed he’d want to tell them everything.’

   ‘Jungwoo is quite a private person, I think,’ said Doyoung, ‘he might surprise you.’

   ‘I’ve never met-the-parents before. I’ve never had a real proper relationship before. I hope I don’t fuck it up. What do I _do_?’

   ‘Dress well. Smart, shirt but no tie because I really doubt they’re the sort of people who are going to want that,’ said Doyoung. ‘But be yourself, Yukhei, don’t try to be someone you’re not. Jungwoo loves you just how you are, and I’m sure his parents will too.’

   ‘What was it like? When you met Jaehyun’s family?’

   Doyoung hummed in thought for a second. ‘I was very nervous, but you know me, I get nervous about most things. But it was lovely. That’s one of the best things about finding the one, you get this second family to be a part of. Meeting Jaehyun’s family was like a whole new insight into his world, into who he is.’

   ‘Poor Woo,’ said Yukhei, ‘he got _my_ family. Imagine your second family being my parents.’

   ‘Nah,’ said Ten, ‘he got _us_.’

   Yukhei grinned, nodding at his lunch. ‘Yeah, I guess he did.’

   It was true. Doyoung and Ten were the people that he’d considered his real family for a very long time. His brothers.

   Which was why he always looked forward to family time.

*

   ‘Don’t be nervous.’

   ‘Right. Sure.’

  ‘Really, Xuxi,’ Jungwoo said, taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. ‘Please don’t be nervous.’

   Their joined hands jiggled, though, on Yukhei’s knee as it bounced up and down with worry. He’d already got changed three times, tried every outfit that he had stored in his designated drawer in Jungwoo’s bedroom, from a proper white work shirt to a thick-knit sweater. In the end, he’d gone with something in the middle, a pale blue shirt with a grey sweater, under Jungwoo’s instruction, or rather his _assurance_.

   He took several deep breaths, and then concentrated on settling down his heart-rate.

   Before Jungwoo had come into his life, he couldn’t remember ever really feeling nervous before.

   He’d never been nervous at school, before exams, because grades and scores just didn’t matter to him. He supposed that he had been nervous before some of their bigger business deals, but he’d always talked over any worry with confidence and positivity, always trying to buoy Doyoung and Ten who were less flagrantly optimistic. He’d _certainly_ never been nervous about asking girls out, or making friends, or anything else to do with his social life.

   He hadn’t even been nervous about things involving his family. Stressed? Of course. Disinterested? Regularly. Disgusted? Yes. But he couldn’t remember being _nervous_ whenever he’d pulled up outside that house in the past.

   Then he’d met Jungwoo, and he’d learned what it was like to have a stomach full of butterflies. Quite often. Which he loved, because it _meant_ something.

   _Don’t be nervous. Don’t be nervous_. How could he not be, though, when he was going to meet Jungwoo’s _parents_?

   Over the last few days, Yukhei had told Jungwoo everything he _was_ nervous about, and Jungwoo had done his best to settle his anxieties. He had let his parents know in advance that he’d be bringing someone to meet them, because Yukhei had been scared about launching his presence upon them unannounced. Jungwoo had assured him, too, that he was going to attribute their relationship to a steadily deepening office romance, and not something that had cost them two years of confusion and hurt in amongst all the good parts.

   And so a Saturday afternoon found Yukhei and Jungwoo seated in the same restaurant booth in which Yukhei had first promised to be a real boyfriend.

   ‘You okay?’ Jungwoo checked, lifting their interlinked fingers to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to Yukhei’s knuckles.

   ‘I’m good,’ Yukhei swallowed. He took a large gulp of sparkling water though, because his mouth was starting to get very dry.

   ‘They’ll love you, I promise,’ Jungwoo whispered. ‘ _I_ love you.’

   Yukhei leant in and kissed him, hovering close even once they parted just to breathe in his space for a moment. ‘I love you too.’

   Yukhei stood up so abruptly when the sliding door started to shift that he knocked over a glass on the table and had to catch it with a panicked hand, the water slopping over his fingers.

   For just a second, he got to enjoy Jungwoo’s soft laugh, but then he remembered why he’d leapt to his feet and he almost choked on air.

   ‘Mom, dad,’ Jungwoo beamed, edging around the table and skipping to embrace his parents.

   Somewhere, in the depths of Yukhei’s brain beneath the panic, there was a moment of… peace? This felt right. They’d waited long enough.

   Jungwoo took a breath and looked back over his shoulder. ‘This is - ’

   ‘Wong Yukhei.’

   Yukhei half wanted to cringe at the words, hearing them from Jungwoo’s _mother_ , like they held so much more meaning than just his name. Why? Because one of the things that had kept him up at night recently was a slow-motion action-replay of every tasteless, crude thing he’d ever done that had ended up in the tabloids and would be easily linked with his name in a quick _google_ search.

   The last thing he wanted was for Jungwoo’s parents to have his face associated with pictures of him passed out in a club bathroom before Ten had come and found him; or climbing out of a red _Ferrari_ with a scantily clad girl on each arm; or unabashedly flaunting way too much wealth on a borrowed party yacht during a raucous weekend that every single person had known would be more than accessible to a long-lens camera.

   ‘Jungwoo has told us so much about working with you.’

   Yukhei exhaled as steadily as he could, praying upon praying that the things Jungwoo had shared with them would muffle the din from the past.

   He bowed, low, twice, then twice more, eyes flitting from Jungwoo’s mom to his dad and back again.

   Jungwoo stepped back to his side then and met his eyes with a warm, reassuring smile. Then he took his hand and laced their fingers back together. ‘This is the man I wanted to introduce you guys to,’ he said, before turning his attention back their way. ‘Yukhei, my – boyfriend.’

   The pause could only have been a couple of seconds but to Yukhei it felt like an hour, which was probably why he squeaked: ‘ _anyone-for-a-drink_?’ in one quick burst and let go of Jungwoo’s hand again to clatter back around the table.

   To Yukhei’s relief, Jungwoo’s father was a talker, and saved them from a horribly awkward consequence.

   ‘Well when Jungwoo said was bringing a guy along, I didn’t think it would be his boss. If he’d told me this was a work lunch, I would have dressed better!’

   Yukhei turned pink, but Jungwoo rested a hand at his waist and took the bottle in his hand before he spilled water again. ‘No talking about work, dad,’ laughed Jungwoo, ‘ _please_.’

   ‘Right. Right. Of course. He’s here on boyfriend duties.’

   The word, aloud, from someone other than the two of them, struck some kind of chord in the universe that made Yukhei’s back straighten in response and his chest puff out with pride.

   Steadily, he felt a proper feeling of calm settle over him.

   _This_ meeting wasn’t going to turn into a fight. This meeting wasn’t going to end with the two of them walking out.

   Calm and pride.

   Yes. Jungwoo. His _boyfriend_. 

   When they sat down, Yukhei’s mind scanned quickly through an appraisal. He took in the fact that Jungwoo’s mother hadn’t seemed surprised _at all_ to see him, like she’d known full well who Jungwoo would bring along when he’d mentioned it, and it evoked an alarming memory of his own mother’s face of resignation when he’d been the one introducing Jungwoo, as though she hadn’t been shocked in the slightest.

   _Mothers_.

   ‘Tall _and_ handsome. I guess that explains why you’ve been smiling so much during our last few video calls,’ she raised her eyebrows at Jungwoo, who made a noise of complaint as Yukhei flushed even redder.

   ‘Well he’s always been tall and handsome,’ Jungwoo sighed. ‘He just hasn’t always been my boyfriend.’

   ‘Either way, it’s nice to finally meet you.’

   Yukhei nodded in a daze, then half bowed again even though he was seated. ‘It’s an honour,’ he said, ‘really. _Really._ Finally,’ Yukhei swallowed the lump in his throat. They didn’t know how _finally_ it really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	23. Chapter 23

   It was an especially cold winter.

   The weather was bad enough, but the winter also brought with it several painful realities that made the temperature in the office drop and the chill remain in everyone’s bones no matter how high they turned the heat. A frosty atmosphere, one could call it. Icy, even.

   Things had been somewhat muted, somewhat tense, over the holidays. Jungwoo and Yukhei had already been a little down, because a particularly bad bout of weather meant that their ski trip had been delayed. _Everyone_ was stressed because work had taken a turn for the worse in a blizzard of its own, with the already shaky Shin-Da deal turning into a problem none of them had adequately anticipated. Christmas was looming and it looked like nobody was going to get to enjoy it and maybe all of that combined was the reason for the explosion.

   In one moment, the office went from muted and tense to… unbearable.

   For the first time, in all of the months, the two _years_ that Jungwoo had known the three of the most influential men in Korea, two of the team were not speaking.

   ‘They’ll get over it,’ Yukhei told Jungwoo a few days later when he dared to bring it up again, one eye on the screen and the other on his boyfriend, who was going through his filing cabinet. ‘It’s not the first time we’ve had fallings out - we’ve been friends a _very_ long time.’

   ‘It’s awful, Xuxi,’ said Jungwoo, ‘I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around _both_ of them.’

   Doyoung and Ten’s argument had arisen over lunch on a particularly rough day, when a slip of the tongue from Doyoung about Jaehyun had resulted in Ten giving… _blunt_ relationship advice. Yukhei had done his best to save the situation, but it had deteriorated rapidly. Somewhere between Ten calling Jaehyun a _‘selfish, self-centred child_ ’ and Doyoung snapping back that Ten could hardly know a thing about making a marriage work because he had ‘ _never let himself love anyone’_ , something had broken.

   The sound of the door slamming still seemed to be resonating around the office three days later.

   ‘I wish they’d just make up. I can’t stand it.’

   Yukhei shook his head. ‘They both touched a nerve. Doyoung is… he’s one of the most self-critical people I’ve ever met, but he doesn’t take criticism of his husband well; in his mind… Jae’s perfect. And he’s stubborn as hell – he might not be confrontational but that doesn’t mean he’s a pushover. Getting Doyoung to change his mind about something is a nightmare.’

   ‘Right.’

   ‘And Ten? Well I’m not saying that he was right to say what he said, and he’s always been an interfering asshole, but that’s why I love him. He’s always looked out for us, tried to take care of things, however misguided his methods might be. And Doyoung telling him that he’s never loved anyone? It was a pretty low blow given that everything Ten has ever said and done is _because_ he loves us.’

   ‘So who’ll say sorry first?’

   Yukhei pulled a contemplative expression for a moment. ‘Out of the two most pig-headed people I know? Fuck knows. History would suggest that Ten will make one of those round-about apologies where he doesn’t _actually_ admit any fault, and Doyoung will half-accept it to get his best friend back. And then gradually they’ll forget it happened and it’ll all be good again.’

   ‘Well they’d better hurry up because we’re going away in three days and I’ve spent a lot of time organising this office, I don’t want to come back and find that the place has been burned down.’

   ‘Yeah. I’m gonna tell them to get their shit together,’ Yukhei muttered. ‘This really isn’t what the company needs right now.’

   Though their trip had been delayed, and though work had been a horribly hostile environment, Jungwoo was still excited. ‘At least we have some fun to look forward to.’

   ‘Woo I’m so sorry that I’m going to have to come home early.’

   ‘It’s fine,’ Jungwoo smiled. ‘Honestly. My family know how busy you are.’

   With the ski trip being delayed, and Ten leaving the country for a trip to New York very soon, and all of the cashflow problems with their current project, Yukhei wasn’t going to be able to disappear for two weeks like they’d planned. The demands of the business meant that it just wasn’t possible.

   ‘I don’t want them to think I’m flaky.’

   ‘The blizzard in the mountains wasn’t your fault,’ Jungwoo said gently. ‘I promise, they don’t mind. My mom was surprised they could even get five days of your time – they see you in the papers, you know. They know how busy the company is. They’d be happy if you showed up just for another dinner.’

   To his relief, his parents seemed to have taken to Yukhei quite well.

   His mother had been, he could tell, ever so slightly more dubious despite the radiant smile she’d given Yukhei at their first lunch. She had, after all, been the one to see Yukhei in the papers. She’d done her research as soon as Jungwoo had started working with him. Jungwoo had assured her that Yukhei was a different guy, now, and he was confident that his lack of appearance in the press recently was a good impression.

   He did also, though, have the suspicion that his mom wasn’t so taken in by his story about how after two years of working together they’d one day _miraculously_ woken up and realised they were destined to be together, in some sort of water-cooler romance moment of epiphany. She wasn’t stupid, and Jungwoo knew that she probably didn’t buy it. He hoped that in her calculation of Yukhei, she hadn’t tracked back as far as the _bad_ months.

   When the two of them had been broken up, Jungwoo had done his very best not to betray his emotions to his family.

   He’d tried.

   Kun had been the one to endure the worst of his pain – who’d dropped everything to come around at the drop of a hat when Jungwoo just couldn’t bear to be alone any longer. He’d been the one to hold him when he cried, and to hide away any trace of Yukhei into the lower drawers of his apartment, ready to bring back out if they reunited but left not on show as some sort of scar from their time as lovers.

   But Jungwoo was sure that it had shown to his family, too. He had always been an incredibly positive person, but in the first few weeks after Hong Kong, he’d struggled to put any _body_ into his voice, even down the phone.

   Jungwoo hoped that his mother wouldn’t connect that to her suspicions about him and Yukhei.

*

   ‘Fix it,’ said Yukhei. He was already pulling on his jacket, and the scarf that Jungwoo had made him. It was the day that they were due to go and he wasn’t leaving this problem unsolved – there was no way he was spending his time off worrying about his friends. He’d delayed it, though, because the prospect of confronting his friends never filled him with excitement. Of the two, he’d chosen Ten as the mildly weaker target, if only because he seemed to be mellowing a little in the spirit of his newfound romance. ‘I mean it, Ten, _fix it._ I’m gonna be back next Wednesday, and I want it done.’

   ‘I have nothing to fix,’ said Ten, not looking up from his desk.

   ‘With this deal on the brink, we have to present a united front. And I’m _not_ putting up with you two standing five foot apart from each other all the time. Just apologise.’

   ‘I didn’t say anything that wasn’t the truth.’

   ‘It doesn’t matter, Ten. I don’t care. Either way, it wasn’t your place to say it.’

   ‘Are you leaving or…?’

   Perhaps he hadn’t _mellowed_ after all.

   Yukhei gritted his teeth. ‘ _Fix it_. I’m not asking.’

   ‘I don’t care what pretty title you have on your name plaque, Yukhei. You’re not my boss, and I don’t appreciate being spoken to like you are.’

   Yukhei looked down. He was used to Ten’s mood swings. There was no one in the world with whom Ten was universally gentle. And he’d been victim to the blade of his words in far worse circumstances than this. ‘Please, Ten. I’m not going to relax while I’m away if I know you’re still fighting.’ It wasn’t a card that he’d wanted to pull, but he knew it would make Ten falter.

   Ten glared at him, but then he put down his pen. ‘Fine. I’ll apologise. But I was right. I’m sick of him living this _lie_ in the name of love.’

   ‘Not your place,’ Yukhei reminded him gently. ‘You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. You and I can’t begin to imagine the demands of a relationship like that. I’m in the honeymoon phase with Jungwoo and you’re… well I don’t even know where you are with Taeyong. But Doyoung and Jaehyun have been together a decade. It’s different. And we only hear one side of it.’

   ‘If you’re in the honeymoon phase, does that make this trip your honeymoon?’ Ten asked lightly.

   ‘Well if Woo and I ever marry, I don’t _plan_ on having his parents there during the honeymoon.’

   ‘Sort of ruins the point, right?’

   ‘Sort of.’

   ‘Enjoy the slopes.’

   Yukhei knotted his tie. ‘Oh I will. It’s been _ages_ since I’ve been on a board.’

*

   ‘Do you like to ski?’

   Yukhei plastered a beaming smile across his face and nodded. ‘Of course. I _love_ it.’

   Inside, he was thinking wistfully about the hours of fun he’d had on a snowboard, but he wasn’t going to enter _that_ debate with Jungwoo’s parents, so he put on his best cheesy grin. He could ski, too – his parents, remarkably, had dragged him and the household staff to the mountains when he was a kid, in several different countries. It had been their only time together as a _family_ , he supposed. Perhaps it would have had more effect if his father hadn’t brought his mistress with him every year under the guise of business, and if he hadn’t been able to hear his parents shouting at each other through the walls of the chalet.

   But the part on the slopes had been good.

   He’d always found it freeing.

   More than that this time, though, he was looking forward to time in his room.

   There would be no shouting here, no animosity, no awkward dinners in which his family would pretend to have some kind of meaningful relationship.

   This time, he’d have Jungwoo there instead. He’d be able to enjoy the fire and the hot drinks and the view from the windows with his arms wrapped around the waist of his boyfriend.

   His _boyfriend_.

   The last time he’d been on the slopes, it would never have crossed his mind that he might one day be here with another man.

   ‘I’m going to show Yukhei around,’ said Jungwoo, taking his hand.

   Yukhei let him guide him around the small, rented house, buried half in the snow but fortified with thick walls and glazing that kept out even the whistling wind of the mountains.

   ‘We’ve come to this same place every year since I was little,’ said Jungwoo. ‘I know it like the back of my hand. On one of the walls in the closet, my mom used to take measurements of my height. You can still see the scratch marks from her keys in the wood.’

   ‘Can we add mine?’

   ‘You might hit your head on the clothes rail.’

   ‘True.’

   Jungwoo took Yukhei to the bedroom they’d be sharing, which had stunned Yukhei because he couldn’t imagine his parents ever allowing him to share a bed with his partner no matter how much of a grown man he was. He peered around curiously, and headed straight to the closet because he wanted to admire the height marks.

   Sure enough, there they were: a small column of little scratches in the wood.

   They were only tiny – unnoticeable unless you were looking for them.

   Yukhei crouched down and ran his fingertips over them, wondering whether Jungwoo could ever _really_ have been so small.

   ‘I was thinking, Woo,’ he turned. ‘We gotta make space in my closet for your clothes.’ He shifted to sit cross legged on the floor in the closet, looking up at him.

   ‘Well your closet is the size of my apartment so I’m sure we’ll manage,’ Jungwoo laughed, with that smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle slightly.

   For a moment, Yukhei lost his train of thought.

   ‘Perhaps I’ll wear more of your clothes once we’re living together,’ Jungwoo mused. ‘I’ve always liked your blazers. And you said yourself once that they hang well on me.’

   ‘Like they were made to fit you,’ Yukhei exhaled.

   ‘Once we’re… public,’ Jungwoo started, with the air that he was a little nervous to broach this subject even now, ‘I’ll be able to wear your clothes all the time and _no one_ will be able to question it.’

   Yukhei grinned. There was something deeply appealing to the idea of Jungwoo walking around the office wearing something that said _Yukhei_ loud and clear. ‘I’d like that _a lot_.’

   ‘Do you think I can fit in there, too?’ Jungwoo asked, nodding down to the closet.

   ‘It’s a little on-the-nose, don’t you think? _Us_ climbing into a closet?’ Yukhei raised his eyebrows, but he was smiling. ‘Talk about _metaphors_.’

   ‘We’ll leave the door open.’

   Yukhei tucked his legs up further so that Jungwoo could fit in beside him.

   ‘When I was a little kid, some of our family friends’ kids who came to the same resort would come to play in the house too, and we’d sometimes do hide and seek,’ said Jungwoo. ‘I always hid in this closet. It was stupid, I guess, because they always knew where to find me. But it got to the point where they wouldn’t even look for me because they knew where I’d be and it was no fun, so I’d sit here for twenty minutes. I’d get my reading light and my book and get through another couple of chapters.’

   ‘I can imagine you, sneaking away with a book.’

   ‘What games did you used to play?’

   ‘When we came to the mountains?’ Yukhei smiled. ‘None. I mean not with other kids. We didn’t really… hang out with other children. It was just me and my brother. And my brother was usually busy with some thing or another.’

   ‘What did you do? To pass the time? Once you were done on the slopes?’

   ‘I… I drew, a bit. Not well. And I played a lot of video games. I… phoned Ten and Doyoung when the line was good. They were… _everything_ , Jungwoo. I think I might have crawled away to start some new life on the mountain with the wolves if I hadn’t had them there to keep me functioning all those years.’

   ‘What did you talk about on the phone?’

   ‘Well when we were little, Doyoung would talk non-stop about whatever he was into. It was cool. I liked to listen. People think I’m loud and I only like to talk but I can listen for _hours_ too. Then when I was a bit older and we knew Ten, he’d call. Not when he was home, usually, because it was way too expensive from Thailand. But if it was holidays when he was still at the dorm he’d call me. Ten only talked about business though. Even then.’

   Yukhei rested against the wood back of the closet and looked up, eyes running with intent over the imperfections. There were dents, splits, everything that suggested age, like wrinkles on a face. Jungwoo shifted his position so that he could rest his head on his shoulder and follow his gaze.

   ‘Why choose the closet?’ Yukhei asked after a moment. ‘Why not under the bed? Or behind the curtains?’

   ‘I liked the way that all the clothes fell, this brush of soft material all around me like it would keep me safe and warm. And the dark. Do you know I like the dark? Most people don’t, but there’s comfort in darkness. You can’t see the things that might scare you.’

   Yukhei thought about that. It flipped on its head everything he’d thought about the dark. ‘I used to be quite scared of the dark.’

   ‘You did?’ Jungwoo turned to him in surprise.

   ‘Quite badly. But when we were at school, Doyoung and I hid in this bike store once because the teachers were going to catch us sneaking into places we shouldn’t have been. It was so dark, and I was so scared, and then Doyoung said to me: _don’t be afraid of the dark, Xuxi. Darkness is only the absence of light._ ’

   Slowly, he hooked a hand around one door and pulled it closed, sending them into half-darkness. The remaining light glanced across Jungwoo’s face and cast him into low silhouette.

   ‘That really… it struck me, you know?’

   Jungwoo nodded, changing the angle of the light with his motion.

   ‘I’d never thought of it that way. There’s nothing… _mystical_ about the dark. It’s just… what is left when you turn the light out.’

   He wondered why he was getting so involved in something that Doyoung had said to him years ago, but he couldn’t seem to shake it.

   ‘And I guess…’ he took a shaky breath. ‘I always thought there was something wrong with me. You should have heard the way me and Ten used to talk – like nothing good would _ever_ come our way. I talked like I was cursed. But one day I realised darkness wasn’t this momentous force, just like my life wasn’t this… endless black hole of _awful_ and _chaos_. It was just an absence of light.’

   Jungwoo nodded again.

   Then, Yukhei stretched out and pulled the other door closed until they were seated in almost total darkness, the thin strip of light between the doors the only illumination.

   ‘What I’m trying to say, Jungwoo, is that… you’re the light.’

   He took Jungwoo’s hand and laced their fingers together.  

   ‘You’re… you’re the light.’

   How they found each other in the dark was a matter of magnetism. Yukhei took Jungwoo’s face into his hands and kissed him, his fingers making it to the soft threads of his hair as his thumbs grazed over his cheekbones. He didn’t need to see Jungwoo’s face, because he knew every detail better than he knew his own. The mirror was so much less interesting than looking at Jungwoo these days.

   He kissed him with the sort of passion that would usually be reserved for a first kiss, in the rain, loaded with meaning. Yukhei held him with reverence, and Jungwoo kissed him back with fervour, open mouthed and caught together with breath that both of them seemed so desperately eager to consume.

   They hadn’t had the luxury of that perfect first kiss. Things hadn’t been so easy back then.

   Now, though, everything seemed easier, as though the path ahead was illuminated with bright, targeted lights.

   Jungwoo.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	24. Chapter 24

   ‘No, no, _careful!_ ’ Jungwoo was already halfway to the ground when Yukhei registered his warning and grabbed him under the arms to haul him back to safety, a second before he would have found himself face first in the snow. Sometimes when he nudged Jungwoo in the shoulder playfully, it could send him flying – Yukhei had never been very good at measuring his own strength.

   ‘Fuck, sorry!’ he laughed, and he sounded utterly breathless.

   It wasn’t that he was physically tired, although they had been playing in the snow outside the chalet all morning so it would have been justified, but more so that the very sight of Jungwoo like this was enough to leave him in a constant state of euphoric breathlessness, as though he’d been laughing for five hours straight.

   There were moments, in amongst all of the rest of the time in which Yukhei felt hopelessly in love, when he looked at Jungwoo and wondered whether he’d ever noticed before quite how beautiful he was. Had he _really_ paid attention? Had he given every single detail the ardent analysis that it deserved?

   For the whole time that they had been here, he’d looked _special_. Maybe it was the way that he bundled up in sweaters inside, and huge puffy coats outside. Maybe it was the way that his nose turned pink when they were out and he sniffed every few seconds because the cold made his nose run. Maybe it was the way that his eyes were lit up with freedom, light, happiness; up here, the _real world_ seemed a long way away.

   Yukhei had never seen his angel look so carefree.

   He pulled Jungwoo to him to hold him safe, though he’d been pelting him with snowballs earlier without mercy for quite some time until he’d suddenly realised that his boyfriend wasn’t as robust as him, and had subsequently decided that they should construct a snowman instead. During the time that they weren’t on skis, Yukhei felt like he was living out every childhood memory that he’d previously had to construct a fictional version of in his mind, because his parents had never taken him and his brother out to just _play_ in the snow. Sometimes he wondered whether this was a conscious effort from Jungwoo, or whether it was just a by-product of his infectious positivity.

   With his arms secure around his waist to stop him from slipping again, Yukhei peppered kisses to his neck. It was hard to find exposed pieces of skin in between all the layers, but he did his best, finding a spot just under his jaw, and one below his ear where his hat didn’t quite reach.

   ‘Even your lips are cold!’ gasped Jungwoo.

   ‘The human-space-heater is no more,’ lamented Yukhei. The occasions on which he felt cold were _very_ rare, and he knew that Jungwoo liked the fact that he could be relied upon as a source of heat at any time, but up here in the mountains his body had at last given in.

   The complaint didn’t stop him nuzzling at the gap between Jungwoo’s coat and scarf through. He wanted to kiss every inch of him, as though that could be its own assurance of the refuge of his arms.

   ‘C-can we get warm?’ said Jungwoo, and immediately Yukhei pulled back. He could tell in Jungwoo’s voice when he was _really_ cold. Not the fun kind of cold, but the _please-can-we-go-inside-for-a-while_ kind of cold.

   ‘Yeah, yeah of course,’ he murmured. He kept his arms in a vice around him as he walked them both back up the narrow path to the house. Once they were back inside, Yukhei went straight to the small living room and set to work lighting the fire. ‘Shall I make us some lunch? Something nice and hot? Or do you want a drink? Coffee or cocoa or you _know_ I can make a killer hot cocktail right?’

   ‘Cocoa is good,’ said Jungwoo, and his teeth were chattering.

   The two of them had decided to stay close to home for the day, because Yukhei was leaving in the morning and despite the thrill of skiing, both of them knew that they’d really rather just spend the time alone together.

   Yukhei sat behind Jungwoo on the couch and wrapped his arms all the way around him until he was actually holding Jungwoo’s hands on the mug. He was warming up quickly, already halfway out of his layers, and Yukhei was back to his usual capabilities as a living hot water bottle.

   ‘What do you want to do this afternoon?’ he asked, with a kiss to the back of Jungwoo’s neck.

   ‘I don’t know,’ sighed Jungwoo, ‘all I know is that I wish it could go on forever.’

   At that, Yukhei looked down. He buried his face in Jungwoo’s shoulder.

   He felt guilty. Really guilty. Usually, he was good at leaving work behind when they went away. This time, though, it had proven impossible. With everything that was going on, he just couldn’t abandon the office for that long. He was leaving in the morning and leaving meant not just leaving the snow and Jungwoo’s family and the miracle of a vacation, but leaving Jungwoo too. It was his own strict orders which dictated that Jungwoo not follow him until his entire two weeks were up. Yukhei could survive without him alone for a while. Or he could try.

   ‘God I wish I didn’t have to leave,’ he whispered, ‘I’m sorry Woo.’

   ‘It’s not your fault,’ shrugged Jungwoo, shaking his head. ‘I understand. I just wish the world would stop trying to get between us.’

   Yukhei looked up and rested his chin down on Jungwoo’s shoulder. ‘I just want to stay here and fall about in the snow and enjoy your mom’s cooking and spend the nights holding you and - ’

   Jungwoo laughed softly. ‘You’re making it more painful.’

   ‘Right. Yeah. Sorry.’

   There was a silence.

   Then Jungwoo turned so that he could face Yukhei, their legs tangled together, and he smiled. ‘My lease runs out two months tomorrow.’

   ‘I know it does.’ A creeping smile found its way to Yukhei’s face too. The date on Jungwoo’s rental contract was practically seared onto his brain.

   They had decided, together, to let it run its course. With the company in a difficult time, and their relationship still only edging towards semi-public, and especially because they hadn’t even been back _together_ for all that long, there seemed no reason to rush. Logically. In Yukhei’s own mind, of course, he wanted Jungwoo in his house _yesterday_ , but he was getting a lot better at separating the excitable part of his brain from the rational part.

   ‘I was thinking, we need to pool our possessions. I mean it’s not like we need two couches.’

   ‘You’d be surprised. My house is _very_ big.’

   Jungwoo laughed.

   ‘Our house, I mean,’ he added. ‘But anyway, we’ll just keep all your stuff. Chuck mine.’

   ‘But I like your stuff too,’ said Jungwoo, looking affronted.

   ‘I like yours more.’

   He and Jungwoo had _contrasting_ styles of interior design. Jungwoo’s apartment was like something out of a home magazine. It could have come from a showroom, but not the cold, sales type, but rather the type used in adverts for cosy getaway cabins and farmhouse homes. The furniture was all nice woods and covered with homemade throws and runners and photo-frames and books.

   Yukhei’s house was much like his office once had been: chaos.

   His office wasn’t like that anymore, though. Anyone who walked into his office who knew the two of them would see _Jungwoo_. All the same bric-a-brac was still there, but it was organised neatly on shelves or in special little sections. There were no papers strewn around, because Jungwoo had organised them into coloured folders. On the window ledge, there was a small potted plant. The office was “Yukhei” but it was also “Jungwoo.”

   His heart skipped at the thought of how his house would look once it became their shared space too.

   ‘Woo?’

   ‘Mhmm?’

   ‘When you move in with me, can we… er…’

   Jungwoo raised his eyebrows.

   ‘Never mind.’

   ‘Tell me,’ Jungwoo laughed.

   ‘No, no, that’s for another day,’ Yukhei said quickly. ‘Just house stuff.’

   ‘Well, speaking of house stuff, what colour will we paint the bedroom?’ smiled Jungwoo. As he spoke, he took Yukhei’s hands and held them in his lap, thumbs grazing over the skin. 

   ‘Whatever colours you want. I can’t wait to get all your plants into the house. I’m gonna clear spaces for them in the light. Do they all like light? If not I’ll clear spaces for them in the shade. Can I get you new plants too? Or would that be insulting to the old plants? I just want lots of plants.’

   He looked at Jungwoo expectantly for an answer, but Jungwoo was just… looking at him. ‘I love you.’

   Yukhei gave him a sheepish grin. ‘Yeah, I… I love you too.’

*

   Spending time away without his boyfriend didn’t feel much like a holiday to Jungwoo. He understood why Yukhei always forced him to take his allocated holiday time, and he understood why he was adamant that Jungwoo shouldn’t _suffer_ (his words) just because the company was going through a busy time. However a part of him wished that Yukhei understood that being away from him still felt an awful lot like suffering.

   A few days perhaps shouldn’t feel like such a terribly long time, but Jungwoo was so used to spending almost all of his waking hours with him that it felt like a lifetime.

   Yukhei had left so early in the morning on the day of his return to the city that he’d already said his goodbyes to everyone else the previous night. Jungwoo had been half asleep when Yukhei kissed his forehead, pulled the blankets further up over his shoulders, and ordered him to have enough fun for the both of them over the rest of his holiday.

   After that, though, Jungwoo seemed to sleepwalk through his days.

   He could pull all the right faces, smile at the right times, laugh at the right things, but inside all he could think about was Yukhei stuck in the office, stuck _without_ him. It made his heart ache. Yukhei needed him. Not just as his boyfriend, but as his colleague – Jungwoo was the one who took care of him at home _and_ at work.

   His first day back couldn’t come soon enough.

   When he finally bounded out of the elevator at 8:30am, _that_ was when he felt invigorated. He supposed that it was supposed to be the other way around, but he was excited to be back at work.

   _Find a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life_. That was what people always said.

   Well Yukhei was Jungwoo’s _work_ , and Jungwoo loved Yukhei more than anything.

   Going into the office never felt like a chore.

   The office itself, though, did not seem invigorated at all.

   It was very quiet, with a hint of tension in the air. Immediately, Jungwoo was reminded of the argument between Doyoung and Ten and he prayed that there hadn’t been some other falling out while he’d been away.

   He slid his bag off his shoulder and slotted it quietly onto his desk, turning to Sumi, who was on the phone. She gave him a small wave.

   ‘ _What happened?_ ’ he whispered.

   ‘ _Don’t ask_ ,’ she mouthed back.

   Well that didn’t bode well.

   He took a deep breath, and crossed to Yukhei’s office, cup-holder in hand. Sensing the disquiet, he thought it best to knock, even though he wouldn’t usually think twice about walking in on his boyfriend.

   ‘Yeah?’

   Yukhei’s voice sounded irritable, an unfamiliar tone. Still, as soon as Jungwoo opened the door, his face broke into a broad smile so wide that the voice could have come from someone else.

   ‘I’m here,’ said Jungwoo, with a smaller smile of his own.

   Doyoung was stood beside Yukhei. They were both leant over his desk, looking at something. Yukhei abandoned it instantly and crossed the room to haul Jungwoo into a crushing hug.

   ‘Watch the drinks!’ he said hurriedly.

   ‘God I missed you,’ Yukhei groaned, and there was a hint of anxiety creeping back into his voice. He pressed a kiss to Jungwoo’s temple, lingering there for so long that Jungwoo thought he wasn’t going to let him go.

   ‘What did I miss? Why is everyone…?’ Jungwoo allowed the question to trail off because he didn’t know how to phrase _why is everyone acting like someone died?_ in a less blunt way.

   Yukhei grimaced. ‘It’s been… a tough week.’

   ‘Tough? Xuxi you should have _called_ me! I could have come back.’

   He shook his head. ‘It wasn’t anything you could have helped with. And I’d rather you not have to deal with this shit.’

   ‘What _happened_?’ he asked in earnest.

   ‘Just this fucking deal,’ Yukhei muttered, ‘same as always. We got another call from the engineers and the second prototype isn’t working. But then this came out this morning,’ he added, and at last he picked up the newspaper from his desk, which he and Doyoung had been studying so intently. ‘Hot off the press.’

   With no idea what to expect, Jungwoo narrowed his eyes as they flitted around the page. They focussed in on the column headline quickly.

   _Neo Culture Technology_ _Turns Stale_.

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Not their best headline,’ he said lightly, but neither of the two of them seemed to find it worthy of _lightness_.

‘Read it,’ said Doyoung, and he was speaking through gritted teeth.

   ‘“ _As NCT announces its fourth partnership of the year, this time with major consumer technology supplier Nos Corp., questions must be asked: how much longer can the company call itself “Neo Culture” while continuing to shake the hands of antediluvian polluters and - ”_ ’ he stopped reading aloud for a second. ‘Antediluvian, really?’

‘They’re saying that we’re _grossly_ outdated,’ said Doyoung, ‘that we’re out of touch – and that we’ve gone off message.’

‘Are Nos that bad?’

‘They’re hardly environmentalists, but they’re no worse than anyone else,’ he said dryly. ‘And they offered us an extremely lucrative deal, a deal with stipulations from us that promise we can turn the partnership _into_ something positive, create someonething worth creating. Not that this hack knows or cares,’ he jerked his head at the paper.

   ‘That’s not all,’ sighed Yukhei.

   Jungwoo looked down further, scanning, until he came across the section about their current deal.

_At their end of year conference, NCT promised the introduction of technology that could change the way we obtain and utilise solar power forever. Any evidence of this, however, appears to be taking longer to materialise than the government’s manifesto policies. Perhaps the people should have a say on which of the two are breaking more promises_.

He didn’t read it aloud. He just put down the paper and looked up at Yukhei.

‘It’s just tabloid… _bullshit_ ,’ announced Jungwoo. ‘Ignore it.’

   For a second, Yukhei looked rather proud of his choice of word, but Doyoung spoke first.

   ‘It’s not a tabloid, and it’s not written by some nameless intern somewhere. It’s on the second page of the business section in a major broadsheet newspaper. It can hardly be ignored.’

   ‘Don’t snap at him,’ Yukhei said sharply.

   ‘I’m not snapping, I’m stating a fact.’

   ‘What does Ten think about this?’ asked Jungwoo tentatively. Out of all of them, he could imagine Ten taking this sort of the thing worst. He didn’t care to imagine the hellfire that he’d probably rain down upon the journalist who’d written it.

   ‘He doesn’t know.’

   ‘I – you’re kidding?’ he frowned.

   ‘He hasn’t called which means he doesn’t know. He took the day off today.’

   ‘Should I call him?’ he asked, thinking of this as an innocent question, but they both rounded on him.

   ‘No!’ Yukhei said in a voice bordering on panic, as if he’d already keyed in Ten’s number. ‘Do _not_ call him.’

   ‘It’s the evening in New York and if he’s had one perfect day with Taeyong away from work then there’s no way we’re going to ruin it. Do _not_ call him,’ reiterated Doyoung.

   ‘You know he’ll be absolutely _furious_ when he finds out that you kept it from him, right?’

   ‘Yeah, well, the two of us have dealt with his wrath before,’ said Yukhei, ‘and it’s for his own good.’

   There was a moment of quiet before Jungwoo sighed. ‘I… I brought drinks,’ he said softly, and he held up the cup holder with a sad smile.

   ‘Thanks babe,’ Yukhei exhaled.

   ‘I got one for you too, Doyoung,’ he said.

   Doyoung glanced at the cup. ‘It’s not caffeinated, is it?’

   ‘Of course not. Peppermint hot chocolate.’

   Doyoung, alone, in an office of caffeine-powered-androids, did not drink coffee. He gave the cup a look of approval before taking it. ‘Thank you, Jungwoo.’

   ‘You should have called me,’ Jungwoo whispered again to Yukhei. ‘I should have been here with you all week.’

   ‘I’m sorry you had to come back to this,’ said Yukhei, shaking his head. ‘I hope you had a fun few days without me, though? A glimmer of freedom?’ he winked, but his heart obviously wasn’t in it.

   ‘I – yes, yeah I did,’ he said. ‘It was great. Not because you weren’t there, of course, but I spent some more time skiing and it was great to be with my family and it was – yeah, it was great.’

   If, at the very least, he could leave Yukhei thinking he’d had a good time, that would be something.

   ‘Good,’ he beamed. ‘I’m glad you had a proper break.’

   ‘So who do I need to be phoning?’

   ‘I’m going to go down to the PR department, and Doyoung you need to get onto those fucking engineers again. Woo, you can just… you can just _be here_ and you’re already saving my day,’ he sighed.

   With the threat of cheesy romance in the air, Doyoung quickly took his leave and scooted past them.

   ‘I missed you so much,’ said Yukhei once they were alone. ‘How can a few days feel so long?’

   ‘I missed you too. Every second.’

   Jungwoo allowed Yukhei to pull him into another hug. He wrapped both of his arms around Yukhei’s neck, though he had to stand a little on his toes to do it, and buried his face into his shoulder. Yukhei held him so tight that he actually lifted him off the floor.

   ‘You can come back to mine later,’ said Jungwoo. ‘I’ll make us a nice dinner and we’ll have a bottle of wine and we can watch everything that we missed while we were in the mountains.’

   ‘I don’t know if I’ll be able to get away until late.’

   ‘Then I’ll wait,’ he murmured. ‘I’ll give you a shoulder massage, too, get rid of that computer neck.’

   ‘Well _now_ you’re tempting me away early!’

   ‘Here to help,’ Jungwoo whispered. He laced his fingers into the hair at the nape of Yukhei’s neck. It had grown out, recently, regained a little of the boyish style that he’d had when Jungwoo had first met him. Then he kissed him. It was a special kind of kiss, one that he hoped would transfer a message. He cupped Yukhei’s face in his hands, drew him down to him, pressed quick, chaste kisses to his lip between longer, more indulgent ones.

   And just in case the message hadn’t come across, he said it aloud anyway.

   ‘We’ll get through this. One bad deal, one sad journalist, they’re not going to stand in the way of this company.’

   ‘Mm,’ Yukhei rested his forehead against Jungwoo’s.

   ‘And I’m here now. You and I can get through anything.’

   ‘Anything,’ Yukhei exhaled in agreement. ‘It’s just work. If you’re here, then I’m happy. You already rescued the day.’

   Jungwoo hoped that he wasn’t just saying it to be romantic. He hoped that when he was there, a small part of Yukhei’s heart and mind did… settle. ‘We’ll get through it,’ he repeated, just once more, for good measure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello CK family <3 I’m back with another chapter. This fic is in such later stages right now that I’m very soft about it and I wanted to say thank you so much to those of you who have stuck it out this far and who are still leaving all your kindness in the comments, you know I love you ^-^

   Yukhei thought that Ten had taken the news rather well, all things considered. A little _too_ well. His best friend, his most intimidating friend, had called him the day after the release of The Article, having heard about it himself one way or another. To Yukhei’s surprise, he hadn’t shouted at him, he hadn’t raged, he’d just… commented, in passing, like it wasn’t even a big deal. At first, Yukhei was relieved. Then, though, he became suspicious. Perhaps Ten in his new loved-up state had mellowed a little, but there was no way that he’d mellowed _that_ much.

   No.

   There was an explosion coming.

   Yukhei could sense it on the air.

   ‘What if he’s just been saving up the rage to unleash it in person?’ he whispered to Jungwoo, tense.

   ‘Xuxi, it’s fine. He didn’t care.’

   ‘Oh he cared. Trust me. He’s probably just been plotting how to make my death look like an accident.’

   It had been two days since Ten had returned from New York, and to everyone’s astonishment, he hadn’t come into the office yet. When they’d spoken on the phone, he’d sounded tired, horribly tired, maybe a little wired, too. Stress and coffee, Yukhei suspected. But he’d agreed with minimal pushback to spend the weekend at home. With his boyfriend. Cuddling and snuggling, Yukhei hoped.

   Still, suspicious.

   Yukhei tried to think back to when he’d first fallen for Jungwoo. How much had it changed him? Had it been so obvious to the others around him, just like Ten’s transformation _now_?

   His route to love had been more confusing, he supposed. There wasn’t a moment that he could pinpoint in his mind when he’d really… fallen in love. The first time he’d said it, out loud, had been at his birthday party, when Jungwoo had snuck up to the balcony to meet him. But that surely wasn’t the first time he’d thought it?

   He couldn’t remember.

   His mind had been so filled with everything _else_ that clarity on Jungwoo hadn’t come until much later. That was why everything was so much better now. Now, no matter what was going on outside, _inside_ it was all clear. He loved Jungwoo, Jungwoo loved him, and the future was simple.

   He sat up, pulled from his thoughts when he heard Ten’s voice in the lobby. ‘Oh shit,’ he muttered.

   ‘He’s not going to kill you,’ said Jungwoo, with a reassuring tone to his voice. ‘At least I don’t think he is.’

   As suspected, Ten swung by Yukhei’s office on the way to his own, and Yukhei plastered a fake smile across his face in the hopes of feigning some joviality. ‘Morning!’

   ‘Good morning,’ said Ten, ‘you’re here early, for you.’

   ‘Busy times. How – how was New York?’

   Ten shrugged. ‘Fine. I think I really made some headway with the Kim brothers, they’ve promised a return visit to their Seoul base and I’d like to host a reception for them. You’re better at that sort of thing, so - ’

   ‘Ten?’ Jungwoo interrupted, and Yukhei’s head snapped around to look at him. _Don’t prod at the sleeping tiger_! was the message that he tried to convey with his eyes, but Jungwoo ignored it. ‘Ten, how was _New York_?’

   For a moment, his friend faltered, but then his lips twitched to a small smile. ‘It was lovely.’

   ‘Did Taeyong like it?’

   Yukhei studied Ten’s face for meaning. He’d always been the most inscrutable of their family, frequently pokerfaced. But there was a flicker of something, across his eyes, a momentary lapse in composure. ‘He loved it,’ Ten said quietly. ‘It was his first time out of Korea.’

   Yukhei jumped to latch onto that, in the hopes that such a conversation couldn’t possibly lead into a bad direction, but before he could open his mouth, Ten spoke again.

   ‘Jungwoo, would you mind giving me a minute alone with Yukhei?’

   A stone dropped in his stomach.

   There it was.

   He braced himself, ready to have his head ripped off. Jungwoo gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze before leaving.

   ‘Now look,’ he started, ‘I _really_ think that Doyoung should be here for this because he was just as - ’ he stopped. It seemed a little petty to drag his oldest friend down with him.

   ‘Guilty conscience?’ Ten said dryly.

   ‘I’m _sorry_ I didn’t call you on the day, Ten,’ he said in a rush, ‘I swear. I just - ’

   ‘Don’t apologise to me, Yukhei, it’s a waste of both our time. You know I don’t do _sorrys_. What happens, happens, and what follows, follows. There’s no point talking about the past.’

   ‘Er - ’ Did that mean he was going to get his head torn off or not? He couldn’t tell.

   ‘I’m meeting with Mr Song at eleven o’clock,’ he said.

   ‘Mr Song? As in… as in journalist Mr Song? Oh _Ten_ I knew you were planning something _don’t do it_.’

   Ten shrugged. Now that Yukhei looked at him, he realised that he should have seen this coming. Ten was wearing his battle-armour: a jet black suit cut so finely that the hems looked like they might leave papercuts, slicked back hair and contacts in place of his glasses, a narrow grey tie with _that_ tie-pin. Yes, Yukhei had seen that before. It was so thin, and tapered, to a vicious point; it looked more like a blade than an accessory.

   It made Ten look rather like an assassin, who chose to slit the throats of his victims.

   Which in fairness was, euphemistically, his reputation in the business world.

   ‘I’m going to make him print a retraction.’

   ‘Ten, journalists are like infectious diseases: the more you interact with them, the more it spreads. Let him spew his shit until people get bored. Don’t waste your time on him.’

   ‘I don’t tolerate slander, Yukhei. You know that about me.’

   He sighed. ‘I know, I _know_. But please be careful, one day one of these guys is going to bite back.’

   ‘Mr Song is eleven months behind on his child support payments,’ smiled Ten, ‘and he has an offshore bank account that he doesn’t declare on his tax returns. He won’t be biting anyone if he wants to keep his life from disintegrating.’

   Yukhei exhaled. He still, to this day, didn’t know how Ten found out this sort of stuff. ‘You know what, Tennie? Sometimes I’m really glad you’re my friend and not my enemy.’

   ‘Mm,’ Ten looked away, glancing at the copy of the paper that was folded on his desk – it contained the second article of the week, courtesy of the same man who’d chosen the wrong person to mess with. ‘Since we _are_ friends, I’d really like to make something clear.’ He looked back up and met his eyes. ‘Don’t you _ever_ keep something like that from me again, Yukhei.’

   He gulped. ‘I won’t.’

   ‘I mean it. _Never_ again.’

   Yukhei nodded. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Ten wouldn’t let it slide a second time.

   ‘Good. Can we go for lunch after I’m done? I have so much to tell you and Doyoung,’ his voice turned relaxed again. Ten’s mood swings were the stuff of legend.

   Yukhei’s shoulders slumped in relief. ‘You really did have a good week, then?’

   ‘Yongie took me to the ballet, Yukhei,’ he sighed, ‘I had the _best_ week.’

   ‘Okay, you have to tell me _everything_. I’ll book us a table at that American steakhouse.’ He knew that Ten always enjoyed red meat after administering a corporate execution.

   ‘How have _you_ been, while I was away?’

   ‘Oh, you know,’ he made an indecisive noise, ‘it’s been rough here. But I’m okay. Jungwoo has been taking care of me.’

   ‘When’s the big day?’

   ‘Like… like move-in?’

   ‘No, the other big day,’ Ten rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, move-in.’

   ‘Not long now,’ grinned Yukhei. ‘Still too long though. Fuck, I can’t wait. Can you imagine? I’m gonna get to wake up _every single day_ and Jungwoo is just going to… be there. No more _yours-or-mine_. No more saying goodbye. No more searching my entire house for my good jacket before remembering I left it at his place!’

   ‘I’m happy for you, Xuxi,’ he smiled. ‘Really. So happy.’

   ‘It’s weird, isn’t it? All this stuff is happening with the company, these waters are murkier than they have been in a long time, and yet you and I, we’re actually getting… happy. _Us_. The two biggest messes around. Who would have thought it?’

   ‘I don’t know if I know how to be _happy_ ,’ Ten said quietly. ‘With business it’s like I always need the next deal. I can count my money, I can look at our prices, but I always want more. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied. But then there’s this corner of my life where… he’s already perfect. There’s nothing for me to work on. Except myself, I suppose. I want to… be better for him.’

   ‘I understand,’ Yukhei nodded. And he meant it. God knows he meant it. He’d taken ten months away from his _life_ just to work on making himself better for Jungwoo.

   ‘I’m confused,’ Ten sighed. ‘I… I’ve never - ’

   ‘I know, Tennie, I know. Trust me, I’ve been there. But you’re gonna do great. You’ve never opened up like this but… but I promise it’s good. You’re gonna find out all this new stuff about yourself and you’re gonna learn to open up all these doors you’ve kept locked and - ’

   ‘Perhaps I wouldn’t go that far, Xuxi.’

   Yukhei looked down, if only to hide his smile. _Bless_ _him_ , he really didn’t realise it yet. ‘Have fun with Mr Song.’

   Ten straightened up, and he turned thin-lipped again. ‘Oh I will. You know how much I like to win.’

   ‘And thanks for not… you know… ripping my head off.’

   ‘You’re lucky,’ said Ten. ‘You can thank Taeyong for making me a lunch-box this morning. I was planning to be harsher, but he put little faces on the rice-balls. It’s hard to stay angry when… when they’re smiling at you.’

   Yukhei smirked. ‘You called me _soft_ when I started seeing Jungwoo. _“What have you become”_? you’ve said to me a hundred times. And now look at you. You’re like a marshmallow.’

   ‘Don’t push your luck, Yukhei.’

   ‘Right, yeah.’ He stopped, then.

   ‘I got you this in New York, by the way.’ Ten reached into his bag and pulled out a parcel in plain brown wrapping paper. ‘House-warming, for the two of you. Mainly Jungwoo.’

   ‘Thanks, bro. What is it?’ Yukhei beamed.

   ‘Earmuffs, so that he can drown out your incessant noise.’ He delivered it quite deadpan in tone, but he was smiling.

*

   Across every evening that they spent at his apartment, Jungwoo started to wonder whether he would miss it.

   With the company in such a difficult time, they were staying later and later in the office at night, and that meant that more often and not, they preferred to take the short journey to his apartment afterwards rather than the longer one to Yukhei’s house.

   ‘I’ve never given you a piggy-back ride,’ remarked Yukhei.

   He was lying on his side, his head in Jungwoo’s lap, intently watching the drama on TV. Jungwoo was playing with his hair, quite distracted, but he glanced up long enough to frown at the scene. The girl was on the boy’s back. ‘I’m not sure I’d trust you to carry me,’ he mused, ‘you’d probably drop me.’

   Yukhei sat up, and Jungwoo’s hands fell to his side. ‘I wouldn’t. I would _not_ drop you.’ Yukhei looked _hurt_.

   ‘Xuxi, baby, I was joking,’ Jungwoo laughed softly. He took Yukhei’s hands and gripped them tightly. ‘I was _joking_. Of course I know you wouldn’t drop me.’

   ‘I just… you know I’m not… you know I’d never… you know I wouldn’t drop you? Ever?’

   Jungwoo frowned, trying to figure out exactly what he was getting at. ‘Yes. Of course.’

   There was a silence. Jungwoo squeezed Yukhei’s hands and ran his thumbs up and down the lines from his knuckles to his wrist.

   ‘Woo am I… am I doing enough?’

   He looked at him in surprise. ‘What do you mean?’

   ‘Well we’ve been back together a while now and I promised I was going to be a good boyfriend to you and I’ve been working on it and… but I don’t know… am I doing enough? With work being so busy and everything else I feel like… I haven’t _checked in_ with you. About the serious stuff.’

   Jungwoo cocked his head to the side. He hadn’t really thought about it. He’d slipped so quickly back into being fervently in love that everything else had become secondary. It really felt like a second honeymoon phase. But he understood, when he thought about it, where Yukhei was coming from. As the weeks stretched on, they would edge closer to the time scale of their first… attempt, and it was obvious that neither of them wanted to end up in the same place they’d been _that time_. ‘Right?’

   ‘Woo, I know you… I know you don’t want to wait.’

   ‘Wait for what?’

   ‘You know… me… coming out. I know you hate hiding.’

   Jungwoo turned slowly to face him properly, brows knitted up in that warm look of consideration that he wore whenever he wanted to show his full attention. ‘Yukhei - ’

   ‘And I’ve been _avoiding it_ again. Like… not even talking about it.’

   ‘Hey, hey,’ murmured Jungwoo. He stroked a hand down Yukhei’s chest, settling his palm over his heart. The steady thud was just traceable under the thick red sweater than he was wearing. ‘Xuxi you know that when we… when we broke up… I said that I wouldn’t hide forever just because your parents wanted us to. And I meant that. I wasn’t going to live my life for your parents. But that doesn’t mean I won’t _wait_ , for _you_ , because _you_ need me to. If you need time then I’ll be right here with you. I’ve always said that. We’re working towards a goal and we’ll go step-by-step, day-by-day, to get there.’

   Yukhei nodded. His eyes fell closed and Jungwoo knew that it was because it was easier to think like that; he’d always been vulnerable to outside distraction. ‘I don’t know why I haven’t done it yet. I dealt with my parents. We’ve been _holidaying_ with your parents. The important people know and we’re stable and… and I still…’

   ‘You’re scared?’

   They hadn’t had this conversation, or at least a version of it, for a long time. Jungwoo avoided it as much as Yukhei, even though he thought about it. He didn’t want to push him.

   Yukhei squeezed his eyes tighter shut. ‘Aren’t you?’ When Jungwoo took a moment to respond, he went on. ‘Aren’t you scared of what they’ll say about us? About _you_?’

   This was perhaps the first time that this crux, this _centre_ of the whole issue, had been voiced aloud. For so long, all Yukhei’s talk about his sexuality had been through the lens of _family_ – his fears about his parents, his desire to share his relationship with Jungwoo’s first, his worries about the impact his reputation would have on the tenuous grasp he held on his own family.

   But family wasn’t the problem anymore. Jungwoo was relieved, really, that Yukhei was finally voicing this truth out loud.

   He looked down. ‘Honestly? Of course I am. I’m not exactly looking forward to it. I know what they’ll have to say about me - the PA dating the CEO? It would make enough headlines even if we weren’t both guys. But you know what? I don’t _care_ what they think about me, Xuxi, about us. Let them talk. We know us. We know how in love we are, how happy we are.’

   ‘But - ’

   ‘My love, when have you ever worried about what people think of you?’

   Yukhei laughed but he sounded pained. ‘It’s just… this one thing. I’ve never cared about anything else.’

   ‘Dealing with the things that scare you isn’t easy,’ Jungwoo said quietly, ‘but I promise you, I _promise_ you it’s better once you do. You know what I was scared of? Dating you. I thought what the _hell_ am I getting myself in for? Dating my boss? Dating a guy who’s so confused about his identity that I might end up getting hurt? Getting back together with you after breaking up for a reason? It all scared me. But now I get to be with you and I get to be the happiest guy in the world and I am so, _so_ glad that I dealt with that fear.’

   Yukhei kept nodding as he listened.

   ‘Look at Doyoung. You know what he was scared of? Telling Jaehyun the truth. He lived for so long in pain because he couldn’t bear to be honest with him, with _himself_. Look at _Ten_ who’s spent his entire adult life _terrified_ to admit that he might just need someone. Look at what that did to him, and then compare it to how he is now. He came into the office the other day humming a _love_ _song_. I know it’s hard, _trust_ me I know it’s hard. But it gets better. It gets easier.’

   Yukhei folded his legs up until he could rest his chin on his knees and finally opened his eyes again. ‘You weren’t there when Ten got outed. It was _horrible_. You weren’t there when the press got hold of Doyoung’s _wedding_.’

   ‘And now Ten presents Taeyong like the world’s most precious trophy everywhere that he goes. Doyoung and Jaehyun are practically the nation’s favourite couple. You weather the storm, and at the end of it you get this peace where the waves settle and you just get to enjoy the water.’

   Yukhei nodded, but he was fiddling with his hands.

   ‘I’m not saying that to push you, Xuxi, I’m just saying it because God knows I don’t want you to be scared.’

   ‘Ten and Doyoung, they’ve been… they were young, Jungwoo. The world hadn’t even got to know them, yet. People were shocked but they got over it pretty fast. But me? I’m not young, anymore. I’m not… Woo, the whole of Korea has watched me make-out with girls on the front cover of magazines, for _years_. They _know_ me. Or what they think is me. When I come out, it’s not going to be one headline that everyone forgets after a couple of days, it’s going to be… there’s going to be questions and… and everyone’s gonna have something to say. They’ll say I kept it secret, that I was lying, that I was… Woo they’re gonna say all sorts of stuff.’

   Jungwoo wanted to say _let-them-talk_ again _._ He wanted to reassure Yukhei that it didn’t _matter_ what the world thought. But he wasn’t stupid, he knew it wasn’t that easy. He knew there was no point in throwing platitudes at him. ‘I – Xuxi, it might be horrible. At first. Maybe for a while. But you know I’m going to be right there with you? They’ll be putting my name in the headline too,’ he laughed gently to try to make him smile.

   ‘I know.’

   ‘And the difference is, this time we won’t be hiding. I’ll be right at your side, holding your hand, and there’s nothing _anyone_ can do about it.’

   Yukhei did just about smile at that.

   ‘And you know who else is going to be right there with you? Doyoung. Ten. I mean god, imagine what Ten will do to any journalist who doesn’t know when to shut up.’

   At last, Yukhei laughed. ‘Yeah. Yeah, they’ll be there.’

   ‘We don’t have to do it tomorrow. But just… if the worries are keeping you up at night, try to remember all that.’

   ‘Thanks, Woo.’

   Jungwoo stroked a hand down his cheek. ‘But to answer your original question? Yes. You’re doing enough. More than enough. I’m very happy, right now, Xuxi. I’m so excited for when we move in together, and I’m so glad that we can skype with my parents when we want to now.’

   He’d known from the moment he started _officially_ seeing Yukhei that it would be a long road. He’d never been under any illusions – from day one, he’d known it would be complicated. But they were getting there.

*

   It was a few days later, when Ten arrived in the office brandishing a copy of the morning edition business section, _smugly_ eager to show off his hard-earned retraction, that Yukhei felt a wave of confidence.

   ‘We should go out later,’ he said.

   It had been a while since they’d been out as an _office._ Yukhei was blessed with extraordinary friends in every corner of his life, but this little unit meant a lot to him too. Not just Jungwoo, and Doyoung and Ten, but Sumi and Chunja, too. The six of them spent more time together than perhaps with anyone else. This top floor space, so hidden away from the hubbub of business chaos in the floors below, was a haven for Yukhei, another home.

   ‘Office party?’ Chunja smiled. ‘We should send Ten to slaughter our enemies more often.’

   Ten cracked his neck. ‘I’m going to cut this page out and put it with the rest of them.’

   ‘You have an 8am meeting tomorrow,’ Jungwoo said quickly to Yukhei, ‘so when I drag you out at 2, _latest_ , don’t complain.’

   ‘Yeah, yeah,’ he shrugged. Then he looked back to the rest of them. ‘I just want to celebrate a piece of good news for once. With my colleagues. And you know… with… with my boyfriend.’

   There was a moment in which Jungwoo took a moment to compute his words, then he looked back to his friends from the front desk.

   ‘You and Ten are _dating_?’ gasped Chunja with admirable theatre.

   With that, the tension broke. Yukhei wrapped an arm around Jungwoo’s waist and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, as Jungwoo laughed.

   Ten pulled a face that bordered on revulsion and muttered a derisive: 'hardly!' before stalking away back to his office.

   ‘I guess that makes us office-official,’ Jungwoo smiled, relief in his veins at the thought of being able to talk to the girls about Yukhei during their morning gossip sessions.

   ‘Took you long enough to tell us,’ Sumi said lightly as she turned back to the desk. ‘We thought you might never get around to it.’

   ‘We’re still… on the down-low,’ said Jungwoo as he followed.

   ‘Well at least there’ll be no more pretending you have something _very_ important to tell him every time you want to sneak off to his office,’ Chunja mused.

   ‘Were we that obvious?’

   ‘Fairly obvious.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	26. Chapter 26

   Unpacking Jungwoo’s apartment into Yukhei’s house took a little longer than expected; even though Jungwoo’s place was small, relatively, he’d managed to fit a remarkable amount of _stuff_ between its walls and Yukhei was starting to wish he’d paid more attention to the way that his boyfriend had crammed a book into every single available nook. In retrospect, he was surprised that the apartment below hadn’t had their ceiling cave in from all the weight.

   Jungwoo had recruited Kun to help with the boxing at the apartment, and Yukhei had recruited Doyoung to help with the preparations of his house (he hadn’t even bothered to ask Ten, who would have given him a look of such disgust that it wasn’t worth the aggravation – Ten didn’t move furniture). Once the two of them had left, though, it all seemed very daunting.

   Yukhei, though, beamed anyway. ‘I cleared half the closet for all your clothes and I put up the shelves in your library so we can start putting the books there and – well, lie, Doyoung put up the bookshelves because he was the only one who could make sense of the instructions, but I provided moral support.’

   Jungwoo sat down on his couch. _His_ couch. From home. Which now occupied the living room because Yukhei had moved his to his bedroom, heavily favouring Jungwoo’s interior design for the social areas of the house. ‘You really got all this ready for me,’ Jungwoo gave him a small smile, ‘I feel like it’s my home already.’

   ‘Well I’ve been waiting for you for months,’ Yukhei grinned.

   ‘I bought something for you. For us,’ said Jungwoo. He took one of the bags that he’d left in the hallway and lifted the pot inside out delicately, careful not to disrupt any leaves. ‘A new plant. Our first baby _together_.’

   Yukhei took the plant with reverence, never holding anything with such care as he did this pot. He turned it slowly and looked over every leaf. It really was a baby, small and delicate and surrounded by fresh, neat soil. The pot was smooth, dark grey, with pale pink stars painted around in a ring. ‘We can put it in our bedroom,’ said Yukhei with a radiant smile. ‘Oh Woo this is the _best_.’

   Numerous books. Around ten potted plants. Three baskets of wool. That was the sort of thing that travelled with Jungwoo when moving home.

   ‘I love you,’ Yukhei added, in case he hadn’t made that clear enough over the rest of the day so far. ‘I love you love you love you. I can’t believe you’re gonna be here with me every day now.’

   Jungwoo glanced around at the semi-chaos and then looked back to meet his eyes. ‘What do you say we leave all this for a minute? I sort of want to try out my new bed.’

   Yukhei grinned at the lack of effort to come up with a better excuse; they’d shared his bed enough times before, after all. But he wasn’t going to argue. No fucking way was he going to argue. He put the plant down and allowed Jungwoo to pull him through the house, but then he used his slight advantage in stride to skip past him and take the lead instead.

   ‘In there is the kitchen,’ he said, putting on his best realtor voice. ‘And down those stairs is the games room.’

   ‘You have a games room?’ responded Jungwoo with equal theatre. ‘I _am_ lucky.’

   ‘ _And_ a second living room,’ Yukhei winked.

   He wondered how Jungwoo would settle in to his place. It was certainly a lot _bigger_ than his apartment, and there was a lot further to walk between rooms. Would Jungwoo suffer from _his_ problem of not wanting to get out of bed to go all the way downstairs to find food?

   Yukhei was good at getting out of bed on weekdays; he was never late for work and he didn’t even complain really. The weekends, however, were reserved for sleeping in, and he could easily make it into the afternoon without moving from his bed. Jungwoo, on the other hand, was the opposite. On weekdays, when they slept in the same bed together, Yukhei found him harder to rouse. He’d yawn his way through the first hour, and even get irritable every once in a while, which he _never_ did any other time. At the weekends, though, they switched, and it was Jungwoo who seemed to have all the energy in the mornings. He suggested things for them to do for the day, and could always be found making a magnificent breakfast.

   This was why they would do just perfectly living together, Yukhei was sure.

   ‘Is this the bedroom?’ Jungwoo asked innocently, nodding to their direction of travel.

   Yukhei rolled his eyes. ‘Like you don’t already know your way.’

   For a second, Jungwoo looked like he was going to say something in mock protest, but Yukhei stole away the words by wrapping his arms around him and lifting him easily. Jungwoo always felt light to him, even though he was actually pretty well built. Yukhei found strength in a combination of regular work-outs and sheer enthusiasm.

   ‘In case it’s not clear,’ he said as he carried him into the bedroom, ‘this is me carrying you over the threshold.’

   ‘Does this make us married?’ Jungwoo laughed.

   ‘Close enough.’

   Every time Jungwoo mentioned that word it made Yukhei’s heart palpitate slightly. Before he had met Jungwoo, he’d never thought about that kind of thing being a potential feature in his future. _Lifelong bachelor_. That had been the plan. And yet here he was, moving in with a partner for the very first time. They even had a plant baby together.

   Yukhei placed him down gently on the bed and took his hands as he kissed him. ‘Lifelong bachelor my ass,’ he said, forgetting to use his inside-voice, and Jungwoo pulled back and raised his eyebrows.

   ‘I’m sorry?’

   ‘Nothing. Just thinking aloud.’

*

   There were several things that Jungwoo considered vital for a relationship. He knew that his preferences would differ from someone else’s, but they were the three or so that mattered to him.

   Firstly, his partner had to be dependable. That was really the crux of what had ended his relationships before Yukhei, and it was the thing that he’d grappled with hardest early on in this one. The first time that he had told Kun about Yukhei, Kun had warned him about dating someone else _unreliable_. But Jungwoo had assured him that Yukhei _was_ reliable, he was just also… whimsical. When the chips were down, though, he knew now that he could depend on Yukhei for anything. He’d trust him with his life.

   Secondly, he wanted his partner to be both physically and emotionally available. He wasn’t built for a long-distance relationship; he wanted to be able to kiss every day and wake his boyfriend up in the middle of the night to whisper suddenly exciting thoughts in his ear and Yukhei… life with Yukhei was just _perfect_ for that. He was with him all day. Every day. Maybe some people would find that stifling, but Jungwoo liked it. And emotional availability? Well that had taken a little longer. Jungwoo was quite an open person, emotionally confident, and Yukhei had been the _very_ opposite to that when they’d first met. They’d worked on it, though. There were things that Yukhei found hard to talk about, feelings that he still struggled to share, but these days he _checked in_ on the regular; he opened up about the things that were worrying him; and he listened with notable commitment to Jungwoo when _he_ was the one sharing.

   Thirdly, there was a simple matter: sexual compatibility. He supposed he was a sexual guy, though maybe people wouldn’t think it to look at him. But it was one of his favourite parts of a relationship, _especially_ when he was in love. Getting to share that moment? That physical connection? Living that one second in time when there was nothing going on in the world except two people in love bringing each other a feeling of ecstasy? He loved it.

   The _last_ guy was a disaster, the one that he tried his best not to think about very often. _His_ idea of sexual technique had been sticking it in, blowing his load, and rolling over to snore himself to sleep. Miserably dissatisfied, that had been how Jungwoo had felt in that relationship. He had only stuck around so long because the guy was _almost_ good-looking enough to make up for it, and there’d been a certain charm to his unpredictability. Yes, if there was one thing to be said about him (and there weren’t many) it was that he’d been horribly attractive. Until he’d cheated. Then, overnight, he had grown to look extraordinarily ugly and Jungwoo had wondered how he’d ever been attracted to him. Now, he couldn’t think of anything worse than falling for another ‘bad boy.’ The reality had been far more unpleasant than the fantasy.

   Besides, even at his best he’d been nowhere near as gorgeous as Yukhei.

   And with Yukhei… _that_ was compatibility.

   From their first night together, Jungwoo had never once had to worry about whether or not he’d _get anything out of it_. Yukhei was a giver. That was the truth. He cared more about Jungwoo than he did about himself and that translated to the bedroom. He revelled in knowing the effect he could have on him, how he could make him feel; that was what got Yukhei off, he knew, getting to indulge Jungwoo.

   Today would be no different.

   Yukhei touched kisses all over Jungwoo’s neck. The brush of his lips against his skin was the most familiar sensation in the world. Jungwoo laced his fingers into his hair and massaged against the nape of his neck, guiding his head as much as he needed, but Yukhei rarely required much indication of what to do. He knew Jungwoo so well.

   His hands went to Jungwoo’s shirt, and he broke his lips away long enough only to curse. ‘Can you do the fucking buttons?’ he groaned.

   Jungwoo laughed and rested his head back against the pillow as he undid the buttons. Yukhei’s hands were bigger than his, and he always fumbled when he was excited. Jungwoo pulled his shirt open and then laughed again when Yukhei resumed his kissing and murmured, ‘teamwork makes the dream work,’ happily against his skin.

   ‘Did you really just say that?’

   Yukhei looked up with a cheesy grin. ‘You bet I did.’

   He kissed a line down Jungwoo’s chest and held his waist in his hands, pausing just long enough to sit up and meet Jungwoo’s eyes. His thumbs grazed over the soft skin between his waist and his stomach.

   ‘What?’ Jungwoo whispered.

   ‘Sometimes I just can’t believe you’re mine,’ said Yukhei. ‘I don’t… when did I get so lucky?’

   ‘Well you made all your luck,’ he smiled. ‘You built a business and a life and you made me fall in love with you.’

   ‘And now I get to wake up with you _every_ day.’

   ‘Lucky you,’ said Jungwoo, with a very sweet smile.

   ‘Wanna do the thing?’

   ‘Yeah alright,’ he laughed.

   Yukhei leant over him and planted both hands either side of his shoulders as he lowered his face to kiss him again. It was long, slow, romantic. Yukhei was all haste usually but he could kiss with passion. He darted his tongue into his mouth only for tentative little touches before paying more attention to his lips, sucking softly on his lower lip until Jungwoo knew it would swell red by the time he was done.

   He’d always thought Yukhei was a good kisser.

   The kissing only stopped because Jungwoo knew Yukhei was impatient to get his mouth somewhere else, so he held his hair gently again as he kissed back to his belt buckle and worked that open with more success than the buttons.

   He knotted his fingers a little tighter when Yukhei pulled away the layers of clothing and took his cock into his mouth for a teasing second, and then retreated to press kisses down his length as he held him in his hand instead. The longer they were together, it seemed, the more Yukhei learned to take his time, to take more care, to draw these scenes out. Jungwoo was glad for that, even if in the actual _moment_ he groaned and wanted to snap at him not to tease.

   Yukhei paused to encourage him to kick his jeans off properly, and seemed happy with the better access that offered him because he kissed at his thighs, too. For a man that had once been too scared to kiss him at all, they’d sure come a long way.

   When he finally took him back into his mouth and stopped messing around Jungwoo pressed his head back into the pillow with a low moan. With work being busy and home being busy with all the _packing_ it had been a while since they’d really done this, in a way that wasn’t either tired or rushed.

   Yukhei worked his tongue around his cock with purpose, flat along the underside but angled with precision when he toyed around the head. Jungwoo felt his hips kick up as a tremor ran through his body and the vibration as Yukhei hummed a laugh around him only made it worse. Sparks, it felt like sparks, little bolts of excitement that ran from his navel all out through his veins. And warmth. Whether that was arousal or love, he never knew.

   Yukhei bobbed his head slowly, then faster, then slower again in a rhythm that made Jungwoo want to buck up into his mouth before it drove him crazy. But he didn’t, he let Yukhei do what he wanted because he knew this kind of fun was Yukhei’s favourite. When he strolled his tongue too quickly down his crease, though, Jungwoo squeezed his eyes shut and gasped aloud. He stroked through Yukhei’s hair, anything to express the buzzing in his body through motion.

   ‘Xuxi – Xuxi – I’m gonna come,’ he whined, because this was usually the moment that Yukhei would pull off and fuck him instead so that they could get there together, but today he seemed to have no thoughts of letting up.

   On the contrary, he worked harder. He took him to his throat for a second, then pulled far enough back to lick just at his head as he jerked him off with his hand instead. Jungwoo came hard, hips twisting, and Yukhei smiled as he licked his lips, letting him spill half over there and half over his hand.

   ‘Yukhei, _ah_ ,’ Jungwoo groaned until he let go. Then he rolled onto his side and squashed his face against the pillow as he let the little waves of pleasure work themselves out in the aftermath.

   ‘Not bad, huh?’ Yukhei said happily. He crawled up the bed to spoon around Jungwoo’s back, and the button of his jeans seemed very rough against his sensitive skin. Every nerve felt alight.

   Jungwoo panted, reaching around for Yukhei’s arm and grabbing it to wrap around him. ‘Gimme a minute.’

   ‘Moving-in present,’ Yukhei smirked behind his ear before kissing the tender bone there, ‘from me.’

*

   After the first couple of days, Yukhei’s house started to feel very much like home to Jungwoo. He’d wondered how long it would take before it would feel like _his_ too, but even by the end of the week at work he’d stopped saying, ‘back to yours’ by default and started saying ‘back to ours.’

   The moment that it felt most like Jungwoo’s home was when he had Kun round properly for the first time.

   Kun had set up shop and was picking out sections of Jungwoo’s hair to highlight, but these kinds of sessions were mainly dedicated to gossip. ‘I can’t believe you’re living in a place like this. Are any of Yukhei’s friends single?’

   ‘Well, Doyoung has been married for as long as anyone can remember, and Ten is utterly besotted with Taeyong, so I don’t think I can help,’ laughed Jungwoo. ‘Besides, you’re doing pretty well by yourself.’

   ‘Yes, I am,’ Kun said smugly. He’d recently moved into a swanky new apartment, courtesy of his styling contract with the music label. ‘Alright, come on, couch,’ he indicated when he he’d finished his foils. ‘So how is it? Being here all the time?’

   Jungwoo tucked his legs up on the couch and glanced around the living room. It was a nice blend of him and Yukhei; plants, knitted throws, but a _giant_ TV and a shelf of collectible car models on the opposite wall. ‘It’s great. It’s like… this weight off my shoulders, you know? I’m never thinking about where I’m going anymore or when I’m going to see him or which place we should go to. And he’s always here, there for me.’

   ‘Except right now,’ Kun said brightly. ‘Wine?’

   ‘Yes, yes to wine.’

   Yukhei was away on a trip for the weekend to Japan, with important business to attend to with some of their offices there, but he’d insisted Jungwoo stay home because there wasn’t a need for him to fly from country to country when Yukhei could survive by himself for a weekend. So Jungwoo had invited Kun round to stay with him because he preferred that to being alone and it meant they could watch all the music shows he’d recorded that week together.

   ‘Can I ask you something?’ Kun said as he returned and placed the wine glass into Jungwoo’s hand.

   ‘Mmhm?’

   ‘I mean you guys still aren’t public, right? But if you’re both coming back here every night, eventually someone will probably start to notice.’

   Jungwoo nodded, playing with the stem of his glass. ‘It’s not unlikely, although I used to come back here a lot even when we were on a break, for work, and no one really noticed before. Or they did and they just haven’t mentioned it. But sometimes I do think that a journalist or someone is going to start photographing us. Our parking lot is underground though, and this estate is gated, so privacy isn’t too hard to come by.’

   ‘Have you talked any more about… you know… being _public_ public?’ Kun asked. He always raised this sort of thing casually, but Jungwoo knew it was something that played on his mind.

   ‘We told the girls at work, recently,’ he smiled. ‘And Xuxi is inviting his other friends down to Seoul in a couple of weeks and we’re going to tell them too.’

   ‘Wow, you guys are really doing it,’ Kun grinned. ‘I guess I’m proud of him.’

   Jungwoo nodded, his heart bursting with affection for both his boyfriend _and_ his best friend. ‘He wants me to meet his _brother_ too.’

   ‘Oh _really_?’ Kun said with interest.

   ‘Him and his mom are coming over to Korea soon. I’m kind of nervous, I haven’t seen Mrs Wong since… y’know…’

   ‘Not the best dinner,’ remarked Kun.

   ‘No. Not the best. Yukhei’s a bit nervous too but nothing like he used to be. He’s been getting along pretty well with them over the last few months.’

   ‘What about his dad?’

   Jungwoo made a non-committal noise. ‘Less good news. To be honest I’m not sure he’ll ever really have any kind relationship with him. They haven’t spoken since Yukhei last went to Hong Kong and that was a while ago. I think… he’s less sad about it now. He spent a long time trying to figure out how to get his approval but these days I think he doesn’t _need_ it so much. Like if they were to have some sort of connection going forward then he’d be happy, but he’s not going to be devastated if there’s nothing, either.’

   Kun nodded his way through, sipping his wine. ‘You know, Jungwoo, when you started dating him I was worried. I used to lie awake at night praying this relationship wasn’t going to turn out like the _last_ one.’

   Jungwoo glared at him as though gravely insulted.

   ‘But I was wrong. I didn’t need to be so worried. And I’m so glad you _proved_ me wrong, both of you. Yukhei is a good guy, a really good guy. The two of you deserve each other – deserve to be happy.’   

   ‘He makes me feel like the most special guy alive, Kun,’ he said softly. ‘It’s like… he puts me at the centre of his world now and everything else just moves around us.’

   ‘Good. I’d tolerate nothing less from the man who gets to be with my best friend.’

   ‘Being here… it’s like everything is coming together,’ said Jungwoo. ‘Like we’re still sort of in the tunnel but we can see the light at the end and we’re through the worst of the complicated times. Almost there.’

   ‘Well, like I said when you first starting dating,’ Kun began, before draining his glass, ‘you never have liked the easy option, Kim Jungwoo.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ck crowd <3 Last week this fic hit 3000 kudos and I am so honoured thank you!! I only have five chapters left to write now but I hope we can enjoy the last few parts together!! ^-^ x

   ‘I’m organising a party.’

   Jungwoo raised his eyebrows. This was the first that he had heard about this. ‘What sort of party?’

   Yukhei pulled a very smug face. ‘A _masquerade_.’

   Throughout the span of their relationship, Yukhei had organised _many_ parties. He had organised birthday parties, anniversary parties, promotion parties for his friends, costume parties, drinking parties, matchday parties, and, on one occasion, a party that he planned in six hours for which he managed to summon over a hundred people. For a man that had no free time, Jungwoo still wasn’t exactly sure how he was able to pull it off every other week.

   If he ever got tired of business, he’d have a place in the events industry, Jungwoo was certain.

   ‘Like… with masks?’ asked Jungwoo.

   ‘With masks.’

   Jungwoo smiled. Sometimes, he found the constant stream of parties tiring, even though Yukhei told him all the time that he didn’t have to go to all of them if he didn’t want to. A masquerade, though? That was something that he could get behind. The theatre was appealing. ‘When?’

   ‘Not yet,’ said Yukhei. He was sprawled back in his desk chair, a large plastic take-out box in one hand. ‘Jaehyun gets back from Cambridge in a few weeks and Taeyong will be done with his exams by then. I want the whole family together.’

   ‘Maybe we can invite your mom and brother,’ suggested Jungwoo with a small smile, somewhere between seriousness and a joke.

   Yukhei answered quickly, ‘yeah, when I say the whole family, what I mean is _this_ family.’ He jerked his head around the office to indicate.

   They were seeing Yukhei’s _blood_ relations in a few days, and Jungwoo wasn’t looking forward to it. He said that he was because he wanted to keep Yukhei in a positive mood but the truth was there were already nervous butterflies in his stomach whenever he thought about it. He was going to have to face one of Yukhei’s parents for the first time since he’d walked out of their house many months ago, and meet someone else that Yukhei spoke about with… a sort of non-committal assessment.  

   He wasn’t sure what to expect of Yukhei’s brother. He knew that he was like him in some ways, and different in others. He knew that he was the favoured son, though Yukhei always said that it was just his ability to conceal things better that contributed to that. He knew from pictures that Yukhei’s brother looked quite a lot like him, though he was a little shorter and stockier, and by Yukhei’s own declaration: “ _not as good-looking as me_ ”.

   And as for his mother? Well, Jungwoo had already met her. But not _since_.

   Since everything had changed.

   Luckily, work was so horribly, messily busy that he didn’t have much time to think about it. These moments, when they ordered lunch, were the only time they seemed to spend alone together in the office. Every other moment of the day was occupied by the company’s much maligned, honestly _doomed_ , solar project.

   Jungwoo wanted to tell Yukhei to let it go. He wanted to tell him to start over with something new, forget this mess, go back to the drawing board. But Jungwoo wasn’t a businessman, and he wasn’t comfortable with saying that kind of thing. Those sorts of decisions belonged to the CEO.

*

   If it was one thing that Yukhei had learned in the last couple of years, it was the art of letting go. He had learned to let go of the dream version of his family that he could never have, and instead had grown to accept the one that he managed to keep hold of, a mother and a brother who were at the very least trying. He had learned to let go of the version of _himself_ that he’d carried around with him for the entirety of his youth, the one that didn’t allow for the sorts of feelings that he’d discovered upon meeting Jungwoo, and now he loved the part of himself that finally related to the romantic lead in movies instead of the cocky asshole who ended up alone.

   There was one thing left to let go of, though, and that one was proving… difficult.

   When Yukhei and Doyoung and Ten had sat down in a school cafeteria and played around with the initialism NCT on a scrap of paper, they had set out goals. “ _Change the world_ ”, had been the first one, but then again, they _were_ twelve years old. “ _Change something_ ”, that had been the policy they had adjusted to as they got older.

   For every dead-end contract that kept the company afloat and financed everything else, there had to be an equal and opposite one that meant something good. Maybe they’d all been a little blinded to reality, signing on to fund a vast project, in its infancy, with no hard evidence that it had any hope of working.

   But they’d tried. And soon they would try again, with a different idea, one that wasn’t already six feet under with a stamp of failure across its gravestone.

   Letting go of this one, though? It hurt.

   He’d wanted it so much. So fucking much. He’d wanted that moment when he could stand up and say that NCT had built something that could provide cheap, sustainable power, to everyone who needed it. It was a fucking dream. It was the thing that had kept him going when he was stuck, awake at night, terrified that the company would turn into some horrible soulless void.

   Well, one of two things that kept him going. The other was Jungwoo, who assured him over and over that he and Doyoung and Ten would never let such a thing happen.

   For months though, Yukhei had considered the company’s positive future and the Shin-Da project to be synonymous in all but name. So splitting the two apart and heading back to the drawing board all over again? He couldn’t bear to be the one to concede. No one could.

   The days sped forwards, as though the very clock itself were rushing to get home and watch the evening television. NCT struggled, and they fought, and they grasped onto failed prototypes with increasing numbers of digits like their very last lifeline to earth. There never seemed to be enough hours to catch up with anything. Doyoung had missed three days sick in the last two weeks and Ten was back to working late into the night, even past the point at which Jungwoo dragged Yukhei home.

   Every day they seemed to complete ten tasks but gain another twenty. Everything was one huge snowball. And at some point, the snowball was going to hit them with all the force of heavily compacted ice.

   And Yukhei would have to let go.

   It hit at 4pm in the afternoon, on a Thursday.

   Ten breathed in slowly, and Yukhei flickered his eyes over his face. There were few things in the world that could make Ten hesitate. He looked tired, drawn, worse than Yukhei had seen him since he’d started seeing Taeyong.

   Doyoung was sat beside him, picking at a dent in his desk. Yukhei wanted to ask him to stop, but he couldn’t wait any longer.

   ‘Alright, just say it.’

   Ten held out a folder of papers which Yukhei took with a wavering hand. ‘We need to end the Shin-Da project.’

   ‘Okay _rewind_ and don’t say it!’ Yukhei groaned, and he was on the verge of covering his ears with his hands.

   ‘Ten, _Ten_ , I just put six months of my _life_ into this,’ said Doyoung with a look of abject horror.

   ‘We all did,’ started Yukhei, but Doyoung looked like he’d been punched in the gut.

   ‘You said that the money would be fine, that it was a two year plan and that - ’

   ‘I was wrong,’ said Ten, three words that rarely came out of his mouth, ‘I based my projection on a piece of technology that worked. And it doesn’t. We’re haemorrhaging cash and our partners won’t stand for it. Everything’s in that file. I’ve drawn up seven… ah… exit strategies, you can choose one but I’d favour option C. You trust me to manage our money, right? Well trust me on this. It’s time to let go.’

   Yukhei felt like the floor had been pulled out from under him finally hearing the words out loud. Six months of hell had gone into trying to rescue this.

   ‘Ten you haven’t made a mistake in a decade,’ said Doyoung with an air of desperation, ‘come on. You _don’t_ make mistakes.’

   ‘He’s right,’ Yukhei sighed. His stomach felt empty, like it was twisting with acid. Even his throat seemed to burn.

   ‘I should have known better. I’ll take the blame,’ Ten said flatly. ‘I… got my sums wrong.’

   Doyoung seemed to deflate. Then he sighed. ‘It isn’t your fault that we still haven’t produced a suitable prototype, Ten. If anything it’s _mine_. I sign off on the tech, don’t I?’

    Yukhei looked from one friend to the other, and his shoulders slumped too. He took a deep, grounding breath. ‘Yeah, well, my name’s the one with CEO printed under it so it might as well be my fault for signing off on the whole stupid thing,’ he muttered, ‘we never should have taken such a huge gamble. It was… naïve.’

   A silence stretched.

   Yukhei closed his eyes and searched around inside his mind and body for energy. Since that day in the cafeteria, he’d been the one who smiled, no matter what. That was his job. Ten managed money and Doyoung managed tech and Yukhei… well he managed _people_. Including the two of them. He wasn’t their boss, but when one or _both_ of them were in meltdown, they were his responsibility. Since day one he’d beamed his way through every crisis, personal and professional. He’d assured everyone that it would always be fine and no matter how rough it got, he could even make them laugh.

   So he straightened his back, and he smiled even though he really wanted to cry, and he did his job. ‘Actually, you know who I blame? That Shin-Da slime-ball. I never liked him. You know he wouldn’t leave Jungwoo alone the first time we had dinner, right?’

   ‘I remember,’ said Ten with an almost smile. ‘I thought you were going to ram your chopsticks down his throat if he didn’t watch himself.’

   Yukhei stood up and turned Ten’s file over in his hands. ‘Oh he was lucky. I hadn’t finished my bulgogi.’

   Ten just about laughed. Doyoung didn’t, but he’d always been harder to entertain with humour.

   There was another moment of quiet, afterwards.

   ‘We started with nothing,’ said Yukhei, ‘and built all this. I think we can recover from one failed project.’ He held up the file. ‘I’m going to get onto legal and then PR about this. Doyoung, how’s your opus coming along?’

   Doyoung looked at him in surprise. ‘M-my baby?’

   For the last two years, Doyoung had been working on what he called the culmination of his life’s work: a collection of energy-saving phone chips that he’d dedicated himself to since selling his _last_ “life’s-work-that-I’ll-never-top” a couple of years earlier. That one had begun a few days after the completion of his _other_ “one-and-only-brainchild” which had followed the one _before_. The cycle would go on forever because Doyoung’s intellect was one limitless thing that Yukhei would never be able to get a grasp on.

   His projects seemed to run on a two-year cycle, and Yukhei could always sense when one was reaching completion because Doyoung became more tired, more reserved, and he muttered to himself while he was walking around the office.

   ‘It’s pretty much done,’ he said. ‘I’ve been working with a couple of specialists on my team to iron out the creases.’

   ‘Do you think maybe it’s time to…’ Yukhei coaxed, ‘… share it with the world?’

   Doyoung gulped. ‘I… maybe…’

   ‘Get to work on that,’ said Yukhei. ‘Fuck Shin-Da.’ Doyoung wasn’t a businessman, not in the traditional sense; he didn’t need to be involved in the messiness that would result from scrapping this project. A PR disaster, no doubt, and their own partners out for blood. _No_ , Doyoung would be more happy in front of his computer or in his studio.

   ‘Okay,’ he nodded. Maybe sensing that Yukhei was going to say something to Ten, he took his leave quickly.

   ‘And me?’ Ten raised his eyebrows. ‘What’s my homework?’

   Yukhei stared at him.

   ‘I know what you’re doing. You like to keep me and Doyoung busy when we’re stressed,’ he smiled.

   ‘Oh yeah. Yeah, I do. I’m the people-person, remember?’

   ‘So I’ve heard.’

   ‘Could you… get onto some of your contacts? Start the charm offensive?’

   ‘You want me to sniff out a new contract?’ There was a glint of interest in his eyes.

   ‘Something with _big_ money,’ sighed Yukhei, ‘keep corporate happy.’

   Ten nodded. That was _his_ area of expertise.

   ‘We’ll announce Doyoung’s project at the summer company conference, and everyone will have forgotten about Shin-Da in no time.’

   ‘The press will have a field day on Monday, though,’ Ten sighed.

   ‘Yep,’ Yukhei nodded. ‘So that’s _my_ job. I’ll deal with the shitstorm. I’m the public face of the company. Don’t worry, I can take it.’

   Ten nodded as he turned away. At the door, he stopped. ‘We tried,’ he said, ‘and just because this one didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean the next one won’t. This company’s still young, Xuxi, it’s got all sorts of good things to do yet.’

   ‘Yeah, I know,’ he exhaled. ‘Change _something_ , right?’

   ‘We’ll get there.’

   The second the door was closed, though, Yukhei turned and kicked the bottom drawer of his filing cabinet so hard that pain shot through his foot into his ankle and the room echoed with a _clunk_. ‘Fuck. _Fuck_.’ He ran both of his hands through his hair. Just a moment, he could take just a moment to be furious or hurt or to feel completely useless.

   He collapsed into his desk-chair.

   _Idiot_. He never should have signed off on that deal in the first place.

   Then -

   Time to stop. His moment was up.

   One breath. Five breaths. Ten breaths.

   Then the door opened again and he looked up and he found his smile.

   Jungwoo slipped inside and closed the door behind him. ‘You alright? Ten told me. He said that you took care of him and Doyoung so now I have to take care of _you_.’

   Yukhei laughed, but the sound came out more hollow than usual. ‘Yeah. I’m fine,’ he said, even though his foot was hurting almost as badly as his heart.

   ‘You know that you’re allowed to feel really, really rubbish about this, right?’ Jungwoo said gently. ‘You don’t have to smile when you’re with me.’

   Yukhei pitched forwards and let his forehead flop against the table. ‘ _Fuck_ ,’ he groaned again. ‘I wanted it so bad, Woo.’

   Jungwoo crossed the room with a sigh and stroked his fingers into Yukhei’s hair. He massaged at the nape of his neck. ‘You’ll find something else, Xuxi,’ he murmured. ‘I’m going to start looking _myself_. I’m going to find you a personal project.’

   ‘How?’ he said, but he was close to a laugh.

   ‘I’m going to google _green projects_ and find something that needs a big wealthy investor and then I’m going to check with Ten whether it’s legit and then I’m gonna sign you up.’

   Yukhei did laugh at that. He finally sat back up and Jungwoo instead wrapped both around his shoulders and kissed his neck. After a second, though, when his laugh ran out, Yukhei raised his hand to hold Jungwoo’s at his shoulder and he closed his eyes. ‘What if all I’m good for is planning parties?’

   ‘That’s not all you’re good for,’ said Jungwoo, and there wasn’t a hint of humour in his voice. ‘Don’t you ever, _ever_ say that.’

   Yukhei sighed. ‘I can’t believe we have to see my family on Saturday. Perfect fucking timing.’

   ‘One day at a time, Xuxi. We’ll survive today, then we’ll survive tomorrow, and on Saturday we’re going to have a good time with your family. Then we’ll get through Sunday and Monday and we’ll keep going.’

   He nodded miserably. ‘Yeah. Yeah, we will.’

*

   ‘You’re taller than I expected!’

   Jungwoo blinked in surprise, unsure whether that was a compliment or a negative or just a casual observation. For the first time, he was stood in a room with Yukhei’s brother, and he was taken aback by how much he… _was Yukhei_.

   He’d seen the similarities in the photos, but it was less about the way he looked and more about the way he moved. He was a couple of inches shorter than his brother, pretty much exactly Jungwoo’s height, but his mannerisms were so similar that it unnerved Jungwoo slightly.

   The way he talked, the way he laughed, the way he rolled his eyes, or clapped his hands, or threw his head back when he laughed. It was all Yukhei.

   And he joked a lot. For the whole time that they’d stood and talked so far in the hotel bar, he’d been finding something to point out and laugh about, to the extent that Mrs Wong gave him a disapproving glance. Luckily, she was occupied talking to Yukhei, so he escaped relatively unscathed.

   Yukhei’s brother was easy to talk to, though not quite as easy as Yukhei. There was an air of… _something_ about him that was different. Maybe a smugness? A bit of self-importance that Yukhei didn’t carry with him? With Yukhei, there was an openness, and even if he said something that was inadvertently hurtful it was always from a place on unfiltered honesty. With his brother, it was harder to tell when he was joking and when he was implying something else.

   They went to a private room to eat, something that Jungwoo was very accustomed to. That made things harder, because there was less background noise, less action and distraction, and all of a sudden Jungwoo felt rather like he’d been put under a microscope.

   ‘So, what are your aspirations?’

   ‘Bro he’s not here for a job interview,’ Yukhei said quickly, but he wasn’t deterred.

   ‘Oh come on, he can’t enjoy spending every waking hour with _you_. Can you, Jungwoo?’

   Jungwoo laughed and played with his wine glass. ‘I really like the job. I was an administrative co-ordinator before, but I think I like doing this more. Not just because it’s Yukhei, but because I never know what I’m going to be doing each day; I never get bored. Yukhei’s offered me all sorts of roles in the business but I’m happy where I am.’

   ‘Admin? Which company?’

   ‘Er – Arizon,’ he said.

   ‘The embezzlers?’

   Jungwoo sighed. ‘Yeah, them.’

   ‘I wouldn’t put that on your résumé if I were you.’

   ‘That’s actually how I ended up working for your brother,’ he said. ‘No one else would hire me with a company name like that on my record. Yukhei didn’t care, though.’

   ‘Course he didn’t,’ his brother laughed, ‘bet he had his eye on you from the second you walked into the room.’

   ‘Shut up, idiot,’ Yukhei muttered, throwing a piece of bread at him. ‘Ignore him, Woo.’

   ‘How is business going?’ interrupted Mrs Wong, and Jungwoo looked down in relief at the let-up. Not only was it tiring being investigated, but he also still found it more draining to speak in English for long periods of time. ‘How are your solar cells?’

   Yukhei played nervously with his bowl and plates, rearranging them. ‘Um… well as a matter of fact we’re terminating the program.’

   ‘You are?’ Both of them looked interested at that.

   ‘I thought that was your big flagship project?’

   He nodded. ‘It was meant to be. But the technology didn’t work like it was meant to and we’ve dragged it out as long as we could but they weren’t giving us anything functional. We can’t throw money down the drain for any longer or people will start asking questions.’

   ‘I’m… sorry it didn’t work out,’ said Mrs Wong, ‘I know that the prospect meant a lot to you.’

   ‘Yeah. It did. But there will be something else,’ Yukhei sighed.

   ‘You talked big about this at the start of the year, the press will tear you apart when they find out,’ said his brother.

   Yukhei shrugged. ‘Our reputation has taken bigger hits.’

   ‘Just wait til they find out about your boyfriend,’ he laughed.

   At that, Yukhei’s mother snapped something at him in Cantonese. Yukhei sat back like he’d been winded and shook his head. He said something too, which Jungwoo recognised as a very rude insult, and he felt himself turning red. The last thing he wanted Yukhei reminded of in an already difficult week was the way the media would react when he came out.

   ‘Jungwoo, Yukhei told me that the two of you have moved in together?’ said Mrs Wong, clearly as eager as he was to change the subject. She gave a final glare to _both_ of her sons.

   Jungwoo sat up. Under the table, he took Yukhei’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘Yes, we have.’

   ‘How’s that been… working out?’ There was a sort of strain in the way she asked questions, like she still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the reality she found herself in, but there was also effort, which was a plus.

   ‘It’s the best thing in the world,’ announced Yukhei. ‘I’ve – I’m the happiest guy in the world,’ he added, quieter this time.

   ‘I’m… really glad that you’re happy.’ She spoke with a softness that didn’t suit her usually severe face. ‘That you… found someone.’

   ‘I did,’ Yukhei leant in and pressed a kiss to Jungwoo’s cheek. That made Jungwoo look down shyly – he wasn’t used to public displays of affection in front of anyone except his own parents and Doyoung and Ten. ‘And I’m glad that I could finally introduce Jungwoo to you properly… y’know… in – in better circumstances.’

   Once that one sober moment was over, Yukhei smiled and laughed his way through most of the rest of dinner. He even seemed to be _enjoying_ himself, so much so that when they were outside waiting for a car, night having well fallen, Jungwoo turned and kissed him quickly with a whisper of: ‘told you that you’d survive the week!’

   ‘One day at a time,’ yawned Yukhei. ‘Now we can count down the days until my party.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)
> 
> This fic is part of a trilogy. If you are interested, there are also stories for [Dojae](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931070/chapters/37144667) and [Taeten](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14150934/chapters/32614455)! <3 
> 
> x


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I’m so sorry it has been such a long time. Those of you who follow me on social media know I had the worst writer’s block in march and I sort of took a break but I’m back now. I hope you enjoy our first day back with the boys <3

   ‘I’m not ready!’

   Yukhei flopped against the doorframe with a groan. He couldn’t wait any longer. This had already been the longest hour of his _life_. He and Jungwoo had prepared for his masquerade separately. They had found their own masks, their own tuxes, and they’d even been getting ready in separate rooms. Jungwoo had insisted on it, having taken a surprising interest in this party even though he’d never seemed that invested in the events that Yukhei had thrown before. Apparently, he liked the theatre, and this? Part of the theatre.

   ‘Come on, Woo,’ he whined. ‘I wanna see you.’

   ‘Be patient!’

   Yukhei huffed and pulled out his phone. He’d ordered Doyoung and Ten to get there early but at this rate he was going to be the one who was late. He opened the chat and pinged an apology just in case, which Doyoung replied to with a smiley face. It was difficult to ruin his mood at the minute, because Jaehyun was home and according to Doyoung, everything was dreadfully perfect in his life. Ten didn’t seem to be online at all. It was getting harder and harder to make contact with him, these days, which was frustrating because he’d always been the one glued to his phone, but he’d taken even to switching it off in recent weeks.

   ‘Okay. Okay I’m ready,’ Jungwoo exhaled from the other side of the door.

   Yukhei beamed and straightened up. He ran a hand through his hair and made sure to arrange the loose strands at the front into place. It was growing out again, back into the longer style he’d had for years. He took care, too, to make sure that his tie was neat and tidy.

   Every single day, he worked to impress Jungwoo.

   Sometimes, he still found it hard to believe that he had stuck with him for all this time.

   Through his very worst months of confusion, through a break-up, through a grim few months at work. Jungwoo had stayed by his side when he was a _mess_ , and now he deserved to have him at his very best. Always.

   ‘Alright, three – two – one –’ Jungwoo began, but Yukhei didn’t hold out for the word _go_ before he pulled the door open, unable to wait any longer.

   ‘Oh _shit_ ,’ he exhaled.

   ‘In a good way?’ Jungwoo gave him a shy smile, then he gave him a reproachful look. ‘You didn’t wait for _go_.’

   Yukhei looked him up and down and sighed with love. Every time he laid eyes upon him, he still couldn’t believe what he got to see.

   Jungwoo looked so beautiful that his heart got caught somewhere tight. His mask was pale pink, embroidered with tiny gold stars visible if you got close, but only Yukhei would have the luxury of getting that close. And he did. He leant in and tilted his chin slightly up for a long, languid kiss. His fingers found their way into the freshly blond hair, knotting at the nape of his neck and holding him so close that they might never have parted.

   ‘We’ll be late,’ whispered Jungwoo, though, when there was a second of breath.

   ‘Nah,’ he smiled, ‘the party doesn’t start without me.’

*

   The party did, in fact, start without them.

   But that was okay.

   Yukhei quite enjoyed stepping in once people had already started drinking, and once the ambience had already taken hold. It allowed him to slip into the scene without it feeling artificial, like this was everyday rather than an event.

   He’d always liked parties.

   His inclination had begun when he was at high school. He’d found that organising a dorm party every week provoked trouble from his housemasters, but more importantly it brought him new friends – not friends like Doyoung and Ten, his real friends, but acquaintances in abundance and back then… well back then he’d needed them. Ten had told him once, albeit as an adult, that it had been a desperate search for validation after years of rejection from his parents.

   Ten had never been any good at keeping his thoughts to himself.

   Yukhei supposed there was an inkling of truth to it. The parties provided him with something that he was _best_ at, and something that people _loved_ him for, and so in turn he’d fallen in love with them.

   He didn’t depend on them anymore, but the love remained.

   He loved the way that at a party, he could forget everything else and live in one special moment. The world outside the venue didn’t matter, work didn’t matter, _life_ didn’t matter. It was like a movie, or a story, a scene that he could play out where he could imagine himself as a mysterious suitor or an illustrious lord or even a sneaky gate-crasher.

   In his head, he kept an imaginary story behind every party.

   And this one?

   This one was the one where he was an esteemed aristocrat hosting a huge event, to which he would sneak in his secret lover. The lover was _secret_ because people wouldn’t understand.

   Well.

   Maybe the story was a little too close to the truth for comfort.

   The night began with his friends, with his _family_ as they now were, in full beautiful harmony.

   Yukhei, Jungwoo, Doyoung, Jaehyun, Ten, Taeyong.

   That was how he felt it needed to be now, always. That was how it was always _meant_ to be. If one of their number was missing, then it felt wrong. Yukhei could hardly remember how it had felt before they’d had this unit to rely on.

   They all looked magnificent, but Yukhei thought that Jungwoo looked the best.

   ‘What’s the first item on the agenda?’ asked Jungwoo when Ten pulled Taeyong in the direction of the nearest bar and Doyoung fled the scene with Jaehyun in tow, far, far away from any potential dancefloor.

   ‘I want to find Jiyong and Youngbae,’ murmured Yukhei.

   Yukhei had rehearsed his plans for the night several hundred times in the mirror. He had met up with his closest friend from college, Jiyong, the previous week, but his courage had abandoned him. He needed Jungwoo at his side for these moments. One day, he hoped, he’d be able to do it by himself, but right now it was so much easier with his boyfriend next to him.

   Tonight, _two_ of his oldest friends were here, and it was such a _full-circle_ moment that Yukhei almost forgot his anxiety.

   Yukhei subtly took Jungwoo by the elbow to steer him in the direction that he sensed would be right. He knew where to find them because Jiyong hated crowds, and there was a small bar on the upper floor.

   The venue was dressed as well as the guests, swathed in crimsons and scarlets and plenty of secret rooms and heavy curtains behind which trysts could occur. It was, Yukhei had to admit, one of his finest creations.

   Sure enough, when Yukhei showed Jungwoo into the narrow room, there were only around five or six people, and two of them were his friends, at the bar, where Youngbae was gesticulating loudly to Jiyong in what seemed to be a summons downstairs.

   ‘Never mind,’ Youngbae grinned when he saw Yukhei, ‘he came to us.’

   ‘Hey, guys,’ Yukhei smiled before he pulled both of them into familiar bear hugs. Jiyong extricated himself rather quickly, but it wasn’t unkind. He just wasn’t such a touchy person.

   ‘And you brought your shadow,’ commented Youngbae, but then he smiled to Jungwoo. ‘I’m just kidding. How are you? It’s been a while.’

   Jungwoo looked to Yukhei, who cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

   He could do this.

   ‘Actually I…’ he glanced around the room as if to check that no one was listening. ‘I wanted to reintroduce Jungwoo to you guys.’

   ‘Reintroduce?’ Jiyong raised his eyebrows and spared a glance from his drink.

   ‘As… Well, as my partner,’ he said, the last few syllables spilling out in a bit of a rush. ‘Like my boyfriend.’

   He’d rehearsed better than that, but it was easier to get it over and done with.

   Jiyong, who would not be fazed if an earthquake hit, just shrugged and nodded in Jungwoo’s direction. ‘Cool.’

   It was Youngbae’s reaction that Yukhei was slightly more nervous for, if only because they’d spent half their lives chatting about girls and the last thing he wanted was for him to feel like he’d been keeping something from him all that time. After a split second in which his face formed towards comprehension, though, he smiled. ‘Well you’ve always known how to keep us on our toes.’

   ‘How long?’ asked Jiyong.

   ‘A while.’

   He smiled. ‘Wong Yukhei, off the market. I never thought I’d see the day.’

   Yukhei exhaled and put his arm around Jungwoo’s shoulders, not even caring who else might see. ‘It was really important for me to tell you guys tonight. You were actually pretty much the first people to meet Woo except for Ten and Doyoung.’

   ‘We were?’ Youngbae grinned.

   ‘Your birthday was the first day he worked for me,’ said Yukhei. He squeezed Jungwoo’s shoulders and pulled him in closer. ‘His very own baptism of fire.’

   ‘It was fun,’ said Jungwoo. ‘Even if I was nervous about getting a crush on my boss.’

   Youngbae clapped a hand down on his shoulder, or tried to though he had to negotiate around Yukhei’s arm. ‘Don’t worry about it. Everyone falls in love with Lucas. It couldn’t be helped.’

   Yukhei beamed. He beamed at the fact that he could finally stand around with his friends like this, _with_ Jungwoo. ‘Well, you know,’ he turned to his boyfriend and murmured close to his ear, ‘that was actually the first time we slept in a bed together, too.’

   ‘Alright enough of that,’ Youngbae said quickly. ‘But I’m happy for you, bro.’

   Jiyong, already onto the next thing in what Yukhei knew was quite a chaotic mind, drained his glass and stood up. ‘Where’s this prodigy, then?’

   Yukhei stared at him for a moment, and then, ‘ _oh_! Downstairs.’

   _This prodigy_ meant Taeyong, for whom Yukhei was pulling just a _few_ strings. He’d sent three of Taeyong’s songs to Jiyong a couple of weeks earlier, and was relieved to find that his friend was interested. Given everything that Ten had done for him over the years, Yukhei felt it was the least he could do to ensure his music student boyfriend got the internship he deserved.

   ‘You’re gonna love him. Everyone loves him. Will you be okay, Woo?’

   ‘By myself? I’ll live,’ Jungwoo smiled.

   Little did Yukhei know, of course, that Jungwoo had something of a mission of his own.

*

   While Yukhei went to extract Taeyong from Ten’s grasp – _never_ easy – downstairs, Jungwoo wandered around the second floor in search of his invited guest. It took him a while to find the man he was looking for, but find him he did, caught up in a deep conversation with Doyoung in a far corner. Jungwoo promised to bring him back, because the discussion had apparently become quite technical, but for now he really needed him.

   He chatted casually, but on the inside he was nervous.

   This was something that he had arranged by himself, with only minor counsel from Ten, and he really hoped that Yukhei didn’t think that it was a stupid idea. Business wasn’t exactly his area of expertise. His area of expertise was _Yukhei_ , though, and he hoped that the knowledge he had from that would be enough to ensure that he was, at the very least, interested.

   It took a long time to navigate back _across_ the party, and to find Yukhei. No one seemed to have seen him. They reunited _finally_ on one side of the ballroom, where Yukhei immediately held out an entire platter of champagne glasses that he had obtained from somewhere or other.

   ‘Woo, Jiyong is - ’ Yukhei started, but then he paused, hitching his mask up his nose. It was a grand mask, vintage Venetian, in bold golds and primary colours. ‘Who’s this?’

   Jungwoo tried not to sound too nervous, even though this was something that he’d worked so _hard_ to make happen. ‘This is Wong Kunhang.’

   Yukhei bowed politely and introduced himself, but then he looked at Jungwoo with questioning eyes.

   ‘Kunhang is one of the founders of a new project called Vision,’ he said, finally ready to share his big plan with the world. Well, _his_ world, anyway. Yukhei. ‘I should… well I should leave you two to talk.’

   He stepped away, his work done.

   It was up to the two of them, now.

   Yukhei stared at the stranger. He was considerably younger than him, with that fresh-faced just-out-of-college kind of look, and had an air that he was transitioning from boyish to classically handsome. It was difficult to tell though, with half of his face hidden by a silver, metallic effect mask.

   ‘Hello,’ said Kunhang, a little awkwardly. ‘Jungwoo invited me along. I hope you don’t mind.’

   Yukhei shrugged, though his mind was clouded with confusion. ‘It’s cool. The more the merrier.’

   ‘My friends and I have started a business,’ Kunhang blurted out with no more small talk than that. He was drinking at quite a place between talking, like he needed to settle his nerves. ‘Back in China. It’s just starting out but Jungwoo got in contact with me. You can imagine how excited I was when the PA of one of my… you know…’ he flushed, looking down at his drink, ‘one of my _idols_ , called me up.’

   Yukhei still wasn’t following, but that made him grin.

   ‘Sorry. I promised the others I wouldn’t act like a star-struck idiot. _Okay._ ’ Kunhang cleared his throat like he was ready to give his sales pitch. ‘We’re going to build vertical forests, all across China.’

   That piqued Yukhei’s interest. He paused over his own glass, lowering it from his lips. He knew all about vertical forests and green rooftops, of course, but he was yet to come across anyone who was making the project physically and commercially viable.

   ‘We’re running out of space to build _out_ and plants are the first to go but if we build _up_ , then we can create a forest, right in the middle of a city. Think about it. Offices, high rise apartment blocks, even shopping malls, covered in green. Our plans show that one office block alone could become home to one _thousand_ trees and even more small plants and shrubs. The equivalent area on land would require 20,000 square metres of forest.’

   ‘Keep talking,’ said Yukhei with a generous smile, because Kunhang looked like he was about to stutter.

   ‘Our buildings will provide habitats for birds, they’ll absorb pollutants, and they’ll retain rainwater. They’ll provide 60kg of oxygen _per day_. They’ll create an urban ecosystem and - ’

   Yukhei looked into his eyes and saw that spark, that flair, that look that he’d seen reflected back at him from Doyoung and Ten a million times when they were younger.

   _Passion_.

   ‘The truth is that we have it all ready to go. I’m fresh out of school for architecture and one of my colleagues is the youngest candidate in the _country_ for a PhD in Biodiversity and Conservation. The other is the heir to a property development _empire_. We have the science and the plans and even some of the funds. But we need someone who knows what they’re doing.’

   ‘Jungwoo got in contact with you?’ asked Yukhei.

   ‘He said that maybe… he said that maybe you could help us,’ he said, and he visibly gulped. ‘NCT is all we ever talk about. You’re like our idols. And Jungwoo said that maybe, just maybe, we’d be the kind of project that you might want to invest in. And I don’t mean money, I mean – I mean _time_ and _thought_ and – we’d die to have someone like you looking over our shoulder.’

   Yukhei felt strangely dizzy.

   _Jungwoo_.

   _Jungwoo_ had done this for him.

   ‘W-what do you think?’

   Yukhei downed the rest of his champagne. ‘I think that I’m way too many glasses in to talk business, but – but you should come by the offices. Next week. I think… God knows I’d be interested.’

   Kunhang beamed. ‘You would?’

   ‘You have no idea how much I’ve been waiting for a good idea to walk into my life,’ he exhaled.

   That was the truth.

   He didn’t want to use the word _moping_ , because Wong Yukhei did not mope, but he’d certainly been _down_ ever since the collapse of the Shin-Da project. He’d found himself, more than once, burying himself in the damning newspaper articles that Jungwoo tried to sneak out of the paper before he could find them. He found himself standing in the lobby of his own offices chewing his lip in anxiety as he worried whether the company had turned into just another corporate black hole.

   Clearly, Jungwoo had picked up on all of this.

   Yukhei had thought that he was joking when he’d said he’d find him a project.

   But he’d done it, he’d really done it.

   ‘Do you mind if I leave you with Doyoung again?’ Yukhei asked, already looking around the room. ‘I need to talk to my boyfriend.’

   It vaguely crossed his mind that it was the first time he’d casually referred to Jungwoo as his boyfriend to a stranger, but that didn’t feel important right now. All the secrecy and all of the worries that had haunted him for years felt insignificant.

   ‘Of course!’ Kunhang beamed. ‘We were just talking about filtering dust particles and - ’

   Yukhei was already three feet away, dodging his way back amongst the crowd to collect Jungwoo from where he was giggling about something with Taeyong.

   ‘Hey, best boyfriend ever,’ he said abruptly, ‘we gotta go outside.’

   Jungwoo turned with a smile that bordered on _smug_ , and followed Yukhei to a side door that he thought was a fire exit.

   It wasn’t, but it led them into a deserted service corridor, so Yukhei figured that would do.

   ‘Did you like the id-’ Jungwoo started but Yukhei had already caught him in a kiss.

   He would have picked him up and shoved him back against the wall like a real romantic lead but he was always more careful than that with Jungwoo so he nudged him there gently instead, framing him in with his arms as he kissed him like it was their very first time. This was the sort of kiss that Jungwoo had deserved back then, after all, that Yukhei had been too scared to give him.

   ‘Someone could walk in,’ Jungwoo exhaled as Yukhei started to push the jacket from his shoulders.

   He paused, breathing heavily, then stood back. ‘Sorry. Got carried away.’

   ‘If I’d known you’d get _this_ excited about plants, I’d have bought even more,’ said Jungwoo with a smile that made his legs turn weak.

   Yukhei looked at him. And looked at him. And looked at him, and then –

   ‘Thank you,’ he whispered.

   ‘It was nothing,’ said Jungwoo. ‘You needed something. You know I’ll always be here to get you what you need. I’m your PA, after all.’

   ‘I love you.’

   Jungwoo took his hands. ‘I love you too.’

   ‘Woo, I’m ready for our lives to change,’ he said. ‘I want… I want us to have all the normal things now.’

   ‘What sort of things?’ he laughed, maybe taken aback by his sudden haste though Yukhei really thought his boyfriend should be used to it by now.

   ‘The _things_. Walking down the street holding hands. Going to events together, as _boyfriends_. Taking our dog out to the park.’

   ‘There’s a dog in the equation?’

   ‘Of course there is, Woo!’ he said earnestly. ‘Because everything is going to be picture perfect. I’m ready to tell everyone. I’m ready to fight anyone who talks shit about us. I’m ready for us to be Yukhei and Jungwoo, not Yukhei and _his Personal Assistant_. I’m ready to expand on Vision’s project and build a vertical forest right here in Seoul and make all the journalists choke on the stuff they said about NCT.’

   ‘You thought of all of this right now?’ Jungwoo squeezed his hands with a laugh of disbelief.

   ‘Yes. Right now. New chapter.’ He freed one hand and reached up to pull of his mask, tossing it aside. ‘I’m tired of hiding. This whole night, it was like one more chance to hide behind the mask, to pretend that all this being secret was okay, but I don’t need to wait til the party’s over to realise that’s not what I _want_ anymore.’

   ‘Okay,’ Jungwoo pushed his own mask up onto the top of his head and stood a little taller to press a soft kiss to his cheek. ‘No more masks?’

   Yukhei exhaled a shaky breath, adrenaline pounding. ‘Well actually we need to keep them on for the rest of the night because you know how strict I am about my dress-codes. But not tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next one.’

   He bent down and picked up his discarded mask with a sheepish smile.

   Now, though, it felt like what it was: just a mask.  

   The whole scene didn’t feel too close to home anymore.

   ‘Good,’ said Jungwoo, ‘because you do look good in this and I’d like to enjoy it just a couple of hours longer. But I’m… I’d have to say that I’m looking forward to tomorrow.’

   ‘Me too,’ said Yukhei, ‘me too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your comments on the last chapter it has truly meant the world to me <3 I think it was one of the most popular chapters and getting to read everything you thought it special. This chapter is one we’ve been working towards for a very long time. A VERY long time. <3

   ‘How are you feeling?’

   Yukhei looked up at the sky, and he had to squint because the sun was already starting to move up and overhead. He and Jungwoo had been walking for most of the morning, since it had been only tingeing the horizon. They had traversed most of the estate, past the blocks of flats and around the perimeter and down past Ten and Taeyong’s apartment too, and then over to the west side where they wandered now.

   ‘I’m okay,’ he said.

   It had taken them this entire journey to get to that question. Most of the time, they had kept quiet, and when they had talked it had been about the good weather or the passing cars or the pretty leaves of the trees.

   ‘Really?’ asked Jungwoo. ‘Because you can tell me if you’re not.’

   Yukhei smiled.

   It wasn’t technically _tomorrow_ , the day after the masquerade, that Yukhei got to take off his mask. In fact, it was a couple of weeks, weeks that crawled by, but now that he was awake on the day that he had made his choice, it felt rushed rather than slow. The masquerade _felt_ like yesterday.

   ‘I’m good,’ he said. ‘I feel really good.’

   That was half true. He did feel good. He felt like he’d waited a lifetime for this day. And everything was coming together perfectly.

   They were hosting a small celebration, something of a birthday party that they held once a year for the company, at the NCT offices. It had taken Yukhei a lot of internal dialogue to argue the case for how he should come out publicly. Jungwoo had assured him that he didn’t need to make some grand statement if he didn’t want to, that they could simply walk down the street hand in hand until a journalist picked it up. But Yukhei had made a non-committal noise at that; he didn’t want it to seem like he was being… _pointedly_ unaware of the public interest in his life. Neither, though, did he _want_ to make any huge gesture.     

   A sense of symmetry had suggested that maybe he make it evident at Ten’s next hospital benefit, because that was where everything else important in his and Jungwoo’s lives seemed to have happened, but he didn’t want to draw the attention away from a _charity_. So that was not an option.

   He had settled, at last, on NCT’s own event. It would be big enough to have selected press and photographers, but small enough that he would know most of the people there at least by face if not by name. Doyoung and Ten would be by his side as well as Jungwoo, in case he needed extra back-up.

   He felt good. By the end of today, everyone would know, and it didn’t terrify him. On the contrary, he could taste freedom on the air that he wasn’t sure he’d ever sensed in his future before.

   He also felt a bit sick.

   He hadn’t told Jungwoo, because he didn’t want him to worry, but he’d texted Doyoung and Ten when he’d very first woken up to seek their reassurance.

   They’d assured him that it was natural to feel that way. And that they would be there with him, every second that he needed them.

   ‘Good,’ said Jungwoo, though Yukhei could see in his eyes that he wasn’t one-hundred-percent convinced.

   He could recognise everything that Jungwoo thought just by looking at his face these days. Jungwoo could be difficult to read for others, sometimes, and was good at keeping his emotions quite close to his chest. To Yukhei, though, all of the miniscule signs stood out, things that he had learned over a long time together now. He knew little traits, secrets of his body language, and the way that his eyes sparkled when he was happy and shone when he was sad.

   There was a _difference_.

   ‘What are you thinking about?’ asked Jungwoo.

   ‘Hmm,’ Yukhei hummed, squinting to the sky again. ‘I’m thinking about how I’m going to be on the front cover of the morning papers.’

   ‘I’ll be there too,’ Jungwoo laughed softly, as he gave his shoulder a nudge.

   ‘Of course. We do _everything_ together, after all.’

   ‘We must look our very best, since the pictures will probably be immortalised forever.’

   ‘I’ll wear the tie you got me for my birthday.’

   ‘Oh _yes_ ,’ grinned Jungwoo, ‘that’s a good one.’

   Yukhei reached down and took Jungwoo’s hand in his. His boyfriend looked to him in surprise, and Yukhei just shrugged. ‘Well everyone’s gonna know by the end of the day anyway, right?’

   He lifted their joined hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to Jungwoo’s skin.

   ‘I’m really proud of you, you know that right?’ said Jungwoo. ‘For you to get here. It’s not like I understand, I know I say I do but my life has been so entirely different from yours. I never did… _this_. And I know from all of this time just how hard this journey has been for you and I’m just… I’m proud, really.’

   Yukhei looked down at their joined hands as they walked. It was not very often that someone told him they were proud of him. He’d never heard those things from his family, be it while growing up or while taking the world by storm, and to be honest he’d never really heard those things from his friends, either. Ten would pull a face of disgust at such maudlin dialogue, and Doyoung tended to duck away from the sharing of emotion.

   But Jungwoo?

   Jungwoo was _proud_ of him.

   Yukhei stood up a bit taller.

   ‘Good morning, Mrs Sang!’ he called out brightly when they passed one of their more austere neighbours. He lifted their hands in a sort of team wave, and she surveyed them with narrowed eyes.

   As they walked on, Jungwoo shook his head and laughed. ‘It’s so weird. I’ve gotten so used to hiding in our house that I almost stopped even thinking about us walking around like this.’

   ‘I didn’t,’ said Yukhei, quietly. ‘I didn’t stop thinking about it.’

   He turned and took Jungwoo’s face in his hands. For a moment he just looked. Then he brushed the blond bangs from his eyes and leant close to kiss him. He did this now with such calm, such care, that he could hardly remember the man that he had been when they had first met.

   Jungwoo broke away with another soft laugh, breath tickling Yukhei’s lips. ‘No, I didn’t really stop thinking about it either.’

*

   ‘Fuck, _fuck_ , fuck fuck,’ Yukhei groaned.

   He was sinking deeper and deeper into back seat of the car, so low that Jungwoo almost had to grab his hand to stop him falling into the footwell. His calm equilibrium from the morning seemed to have been lost, and had been replaced by a constant stream of expletives combined with panic for the entire car ride.

   ‘What if my father calls me, later? I bet he’ll call when he sees it to yell at me.’

   ‘We’ll turn your phone off,’ said Jungwoo.

   ‘But then Ten and Doyoung will be worried about me.’

   ‘They have my number.’

   ‘What if the press say I’m - ’

   ‘Try not to think about them, _please_.’

   ‘I’m not ready. What the hell am I doing? I’m - ’

   ‘Xuxi? Please don’t let all this overwhelm you right now. I know it’s hitting you like a train but you’ve got this. You’ve spent weeks figuring this all out, getting yourself ready, and you _are_ ready. Your brain is just second-guessing you. You’re okay. You hear me, love? _You’re okay_.’

   Yukhei took a deep, shuddering breath, and then nodded. ‘Okay,’ he exhaled. ‘Yes, I’m okay.’

   This day had been hard on Jungwoo in a way that he hadn’t quite anticipated. It was harder for Yukhei, and that was what _made_ it hard. From the moment he had woken up, Jungwoo had been in hyperdrive. It was a calm, collected hyperdrive, but on the inside his mind was whirring. He wanted to keep Yukhei happy, to keep him relaxed, to keep him feeling all of the positivity that he needed to take this one, last, huge step in his life.

   Boiling point, at least, he hoped would last only for these final couple of minutes in the car.

   ‘You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,’ Jungwoo said gently. ‘But if you _do_ want to, then you should remember that. Do what’s going to make you happy. Not for today, not for tomorrow, but for the rest of your life.’

   Yukhei nodded and squeezed his hands, _very_ tightly. His knees were jiggling with nerves. ‘I know what I want.’

   ‘If you need me to, I can text Ten and Doyoung and ask them to meet us outside.’

   Yukhei shook his head. ‘It’s alright. I’ve got you. And I need them to have the champagne ready on tap once I get in there.’

   The car pulled to a stop, and Yukhei sank even lower into his seat, but Jungwoo actually sat up straighter. He thanked their driver while Yukhei mumbled something inaudible, and then he looked to his boyfriend. ‘Xuxi?’ he murmured, and Yukhei propped his elbows against the back of the seat to negotiate himself into a slightly more professional position.

   ‘I’m alright,’ Yukhei repeated.

   Then, he went through a process that Jungwoo had watched a thousand times. He’d watched it whenever they were all having a terrible day at work and Yukhei took it upon himself to cheer everyone up. He’d watched it when Yukhei met his parents, or even less-favoured acquaintances, when his face was more important than his feelings. He’d seen it when Yukhei was upset and forgot everything he’d learned about opening up to share his pain and instead returned to type.

   This was _type_ , but if it helped, then Jungwoo would take it.

   Yukhei shifted all of his facial features in one go, into a smile, and then he pushed back his shoulders and puffed out his chest and tilted his jaw up enough to give an air of grandeur to his poise. He showed every tooth in his beaming smile and his eyes even crinkled just at the corners in a way that always amazed Jungwoo, because he’d never seen anyone fake a smile with such skill that it could make it all the way to their eyes.

   Yukhei was an expert.

   ‘I’ll get the door,’ he said, and his voice didn’t shake at all.

   Jungwoo nodded, but before Yukhei could climb out of the car, he took his hand to halt him and brushed a quick kiss to his cheek. ‘I love you,’ he said.

   Yukhei exhaled a breath that was less stable than his voice. ‘I love you too.’

   Then, he climbed from the car and skipped jauntily around to Jungwoo’s side in order to open the door for him. No one in the world, except for Jungwoo and maybe Doyoung or Ten, would ever notice that he was nervous.

   ‘May I?’ said Yukhei, as he held his door open and extended a hand.

   He looked every bit a prince.

   Jungwoo’s prince.

   One hand reaching out like he was ready to carry him into this whole new life.

   And it _felt_ that way.

   He was dressed in a patchwork suit, one that had been given to him by a designer friend straight off the runway, and a tie that Jungwoo had bought him embroidered with tiny white steering wheels, which from a distance looked only like a tessellating pattern. His hair was flopping over his forehead because he didn’t commit to cutting it so much anymore. And he was still smiling.

   Jungwoo felt his heart burst with what could have been love or could have been pride, but the two merged into one.

   ‘You may,’ he said with a small laugh as he slipped his hand into Yukhei’s.

   Yukhei pulled him with him quite enthusiastically, such that Jungwoo was lucky to keep his balance getting out of the car, but he managed to stay upright and his eyes flitted around instantly in search of knowledge:

   Knowledge of what they now faced.

   The media in attendance were invited, and they were not those of the tabloids who had spent so much time trying to spread stories about Yukhei in the past. That didn’t mean that they were ignorant to a good story, though, whatever the subject, and sure enough it was not long before people started to look in their direction.

   Jungwoo straightened as tall as he could stand and held Yukhei’s hand like he’d never let it go ever again.

   It seemed to take people a few moments to _spot the difference_.

   This wasn’t unusual, after all. Jungwoo arrived with Yukhei at all sorts of events. They were boss and PA, they were colleagues, and most people knew them to be friends. So maybe they looked the same as ever, maybe from certain angles you wouldn’t even see their clasped hands, and maybe that was why there was a light, delicate moment caught on the air during which nobody seemed to care.

   Then people, just a couple, started to double-take, and then people _looked_.

   There was only a small crowed outside of the building – three or so journalists who were covering the event and the official photographer, as well as a few guests, some of which Jungwoo recognised quite well. They were people who had either just arrived, or who had slipped out for cigarettes.

   Such was the nature of the crowd, of the event, that no one said anything. There was no fanfare. They didn’t even stare, but they _looked_. Jungwoo could feel their eyes on him even though they flickered away quickly whenever he turned.

   Jungwoo jumped as Yukhei let go of his hand but it was only to wrap an arm around his waist instead, like they were more secure closer together.

   ‘Yukhei,’ smiled a guy that Jungwoo recognised as one of their US investors. He was the first to approach them. ‘And… oh _God_ I’m sorry, I always forget.’

   ‘Jungwoo,’ he answered politely. It was fine. No one usually took the time to remember the PA’s name. He supposed they would now.

   ‘So you two are…?’

   It was nice, in a way, to have just one person who didn’t care about boundaries and came straight out with it.

   ‘Yes,’ said Yukhei, holding Jungwoo tight. ‘Jungwoo’s my partner.’

   ‘Right,’ the guy nodded with a smile. ‘You know, my brother is gay. It’s totally cool.’

   Yukhei glanced sideways at Jungwoo, who gave him a weak smile in return.

   It took a minute or two to escape _that_ conversation, before Yukhei could turn to him and mutter, ‘ _really_?’

   ‘Oh yes,’ said Jungwoo. ‘Trust me, everyone you meet now will tell you all about their gay brother, gay uncle, gay cousin twice removed… how their roommate at college was bisexual. It’s a reflex, you’ll get used to it. People have a tendency to want to make a point of how _not-bothered_ they are by it.’

   Yukhei grumbled something, but he didn’t look unhappy.

   ‘Jungwoo-hyung!’

   Jungwoo turned with a smile, happy to spot a familiar face. Yukhei looked bemused – he was still unused to hearing his boyfriend referred to in such a way – and then gave a wave to Taeyong who was skipping his way past anyone in his way to get to them.

   Jungwoo was pulled into a hug, so that for a few seconds his world became nothing except for a cloud of peach hair, and then he was released.

   ‘You two look so good,’ said Taeyong with a dazzling smile. He was always smiling. Jungwoo had never seen him unhappy, though from Yukhei’s most private conversations with Ten, which became Yukhei’s most private conversations with Jungwoo because he always had to share with _someone_ , he knew that there were moments when that was painfully misleading. That was something Yukhei could relate to, and therefore Jungwoo understood it too. ‘You should get some photos. Me and Ten were with the photographer for _five minutes_!’

   ‘I bet you were,’ Yukhei shook his head.

   Jungwoo had the impression that his boyfriend would probably rather not stand in front of a photographer like a zoo exhibit for any longer than he needed to.  

   ‘Come on then,’ Yukhei took Jungwoo’s waist, ‘our first _official_ photographs as boyfriends.’

   ‘No more _Mr Wong plus Guest_ ,’ winked Jungwoo.

   He was looking forward to that – to not being _guest_.

*

   Yukhei leant over bar, or rather what was their lobby reception desk but had _become_ the bar, and grabbed himself another drink. He didn’t _enjoy_ the fact that he was snatching at glasses like he had back when he had first met Jungwoo, but he would take it, for today.

   ‘So… Wong Yukhei likes boys, now?’

   He turned and raised his eyebrows. It was the first time, during the night, that he had left Jungwoo’s side, and a part of him wished that he had him still with him now. ‘Actually, I like anyone,’ he said quietly, before taking an unnecessarily large gulp of the whiskey he’d poured. ‘I don’t really care about the… you know… boy or girl thing.’

   Min Jaeho shrugged, and leant over to grab at a near-empty bottle too. He was an old sort-of-ally of the company, the youngest son of the Min conglomerate who, once upon a time, had been to as many parties as Yukhei. They’d bonded, he guessed, over drink and girls, but they’d never been friends. ‘Right.’

   ‘Mainly I like Jungwoo.’

   Jaeho laughed and leant back on the counter. ‘You know they’re gonna slaughter you in the press tomorrow, right?’

   Yukhei’s stomach turned over. He’d already had two bordering-on-unpleasant encounters with journalists during the night. Outwardly, though, he shrugged too. ‘Ten got outed, Doyoung got married, I’ll live. The press haven’t torn NCT down yet and they won’t.’

   The bitter laugh that followed in response was evident of the family name that had been dragged through the press in recent months. Yukhei liked the Min family, whatever people said about them. Jaeho was a decent guy, if a little misguided. ‘They always find a way.’

   ‘Let them try,’ Yukhei said flatly.

   He could see Jungwoo across the room, huddled in a corner with Taeyong laughing about something. He loved to watch Jungwoo with his friends; with Kun, with Taeyong, because they were the people that Jungwoo could share the secret things with that he couldn’t talk to his boyfriend about.

   Yukhei often found himself wondering what gossip they knew. What serious things.

   He frowned when he saw someone making their way over to them that he had already encountered once tonight, in hawkish search of a by-line. ‘Would you excuse me?’ he said, but he’d already put his drink down.

   Before he could even get to Jungwoo, though, he had been intercepted himself, by Ten.

   ‘You, me, bathroom, now,’ Ten snapped.

   ‘Is this how I die in a mafia movie?’ Yukhei whispered as Ten dragged him across the lobby. ‘Do you have a gun in the cistern?’

   ‘I wish,’ Ten sighed, pulling him with him.

   It was only when he’d succeeded in pushing him behind closed doors and promptly locked said doors behind him, that he rounded upon him and exhaled a sigh.

   ‘ _Right_.’

   ‘What did I do?’ said Yukhei with gritted teeth. He never knew quite what he was going to be guillotined for with Ten.

   Ten looked him in the eye with focused precision. That always unnerved Yukhei. He had been friends with Doyoung for longer, and Doyoung avoided eye contact with anyone at all costs, except for his husband. When he’d met Ten, though, he’d had to grow used to being looked in the eye with intent.

   ‘A lot,’ Ten sighed. He looked smart, and not in the way that Yukhei was used to. It was like he’d spent time making himself look handsome rather than intimidating. _Love_ looked good on him. ‘I’m -  we’ll I’m - ’

   ‘Just say it!’

   Ten slapped a hand against his chest in a gesture of feigned casual brotherhood but there was a deeper look in his eyes. ‘I’m – I’m proud of you.’

   ‘You dragged me here to say that?’ Yukhei groaned, but on the inside his heart was pounding. Two people had said that to him tonight, one of whom he would not have expected it from.

   ‘Well I was hardly going to say it in public,’ Ten sniffed.

   ‘You’ve turned soft.’

   ‘Have not,’ he snapped, like a petulant child.

   Yukhei smirked.

   There was a sense on the air that everything had come together.

   ‘You told me that you always sort of knew,’ he said. ‘What would you have done if Jungwoo hadn’t shown up?’

   Ten shrugged his shoulders. ‘I knew Jungwoo would show up. You always told me I wouldn’t be sad and lonely for the rest of my life, and I turned out okay, so you should understand.’

   Well _that_ was true.

   ‘Tennie, they’re gonna _end_ me in the papers tomorrow,’ he whispered.

   Ten pulled him into a close hug. Yukhei really had always loved his hugs. ‘You know I’ll be there to end any hacks’ careers than you want, right?’

   ‘I knew I could depend on you,’ Yukhei mumbled into his shoulder.

   ‘I’m so proud of you,’ repeated Ten. ‘And I love you. Doyoung loves you. _Jungwoo_ loves you. We’re all going to be here tomorrow and the day after and the day after no matter how good or bad things might be.’

   ‘Doyoung’s super busy right now,’ said Yukhei, his voice muffled because he was still hunched over into Ten’s shoulder. ‘What with… you know…’

   ‘Yes, well, he has a phone,’ said Ten. ‘And you know we’ll always be here with you.’

   ‘Like family,’ Yukhei exhaled shakily as he stood back and patted down the lapels of Ten’s jacket.

   ‘There’s no _like_ about it,’ Ten said dryly.

   ‘Family.’

*

   It felt to Yukhei rather like waking up on his first day of freedom following a long period of incarceration. His head hurt, because his sleep had been fitful, and there was a taste of acid at the back of his throat from where his stomach had churned so much in anxiety, but at the same time he felt… good.

   ‘You’re looking,’ he whispered as he rolled over and kissed the nape of Jungwoo’s neck. ‘You’re looking at the news.’

   ‘I am not,’ said Jungwoo. He was lying on his side, facing away from him, with his face buried in his phone. ‘I’m looking at the weather.’

   ‘You’re _looking_ ,’ Yukhei repeated with a groan. ‘Don’t tell me. Wait, do tell me.’

   Jungwoo turned onto his back and quickly locked his phone. ‘That one said I seduced you.’

   ‘ _Seduced_ me, huh?’ Yukhei grinned, propping up one arm so that he could claim Jungwoo’s lips in a long kiss. ‘They got that right.’

   ‘One of them called us the scandal of the year.’

   ‘Well we’re only a little over halfway through, there’ll be plenty of opportunities for someone to steal our crown.’

   There was a moment of quiet. Yukhei had promised himself that he wouldn’t look at the headlines, and that the ones that he heard about, he would merely laugh at. However much he _wanted_ to laugh and he _did_ laugh, though, there was a pain in his upper abdomen that he knew full well was stress.

   ‘We made it,’ Jungwoo murmured. ‘This is the first day of the rest of our lives, now.’

   Yukhei sat back and nodded.

   He would deal with everything else tomorrow. He’d deal with what people said about him, with what questions people would ask of him, with what the hundred or so messages on his phone said, but for now he had just one day to exist solely with Jungwoo.

   He needed to cherish those private moments, especially now that he shared their truth with the rest of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/taemayy)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mayviolet)


	30. Chapter 30

   Jungwoo watched Yukhei sleep for quite a while. He didn’t want to move, in case he disturbed him. The early morning, in which they had joked like this day was no big deal at all, had become the mid-morning, and Yukhei had been dozing on and off after a night during which Jungwoo knew he had barely slept at all. Every five minutes, he had been woken from his own sleep by Yukhei turning over, or sitting up to check his phone, or at one point standing up to pace across the room. So he was more than content to let him sleep now, even if it meant being confined to the bed for a little longer.

   He kept checking his phone, even though he knew that he shouldn’t. It was a morbid fascination, this deep desire to know exactly what people were saying about him. Every time that he looked, he sort of wished that he hadn’t, but a few minutes later he would look again.

   When he could tolerate the cycle no longer, he knew that he had to move.

   He dragged himself up and out of bed as quietly as he could, anxious not to wake his boyfriend, and dived out of the bedroom into the hall. Once there, he closed the door behind him, careful not to make a sound, and settled back against it.

   He took a deep breath.

   _Day One._

   He had been through some difficult times before, and he’d developed a coping strategy. He’d been through a bad break-up with his ex, and losing his job at Arizon, and his father getting sick, and taking his break with Yukhei. He was experienced.

   In his experience, it always went in stages:

   Day One was the worst, the day when everything felt all-consuming, when the pain was so bad that he thought it would last the rest of his life. The first step was surviving that day. It didn’t matter how, he just had to survive.

   Then there was Week One. Week One followed Day One. Week One was still bad. It was dealing with the fallout, and the emotional crash, and the horrible reality of trying to figure out what to do next. Surviving Week One was hard too, but it was easier than surviving Day One, so he knew he could do it.

   Then, Month One. In Month One, the pain lingered still, but it became… less. Perspective started to settle. It was easier to get through because nothing would ever be as bad as that first week, that first _day_.

   Then, by the end of the second month, and the third and the fourth, and the _year_ , it all seemed like a distant memory.

   He’d done it before, and this would be the same.

   This was Day One. He was allowed to feel stress, to feel pain, to feel anxiety. He was allowed to need support.

   He wanted to call Kun.

   Jungwoo padded downstairs as quietly as possible, and he wandered to the kitchen to nose in the fridge for something to eat first. It was a little early for lunch but a little late for breakfast. There was a tub of leftovers from yesterday, so he took those out and put some rice on to cook with then. He would make enough for Yukhei too, then it would be ready for him when he eventually decided to get out of bed.

   Then, while he was waiting, he pulled out his dreaded phone again and tapped in Kun’s number.

   It only rang once, which meant that Kun had probably been waiting all morning for him to call. ‘ _Jungwoo,_ ’ he exhaled immediately, ‘ _I wondered when you would call. How are you? What’s going on?_ ’

   ‘Good morning.’ He leant back against the counter and picked at one of the dishes he’d taken out. ‘I’m sorry, I only just got out of bed.’

   ‘ _Are you okay_?’ asked Kun, in a soft voice.

   ‘I’m good,’ he said, though he wasn’t sure that his voice sounded very convincing. ‘I’m a bit nervous about everything that’s going to happen this week. When we first woke up we were laughing about it all but now… I don’t know, it’s like it has settled in my stomach and it doesn’t feel good.’

   ‘ _You looked at the news then_?’

   ‘Yes,’ he sighed, feeling guilty. Kun had told him not to look too. ‘Some of it is pretty funny, right?’ His voice didn’t sound like it was funny at all, not anymore.

   ‘ _Funny isn’t the word I’d use for it. Maybe some of it. Some of it is pretty messed up. You know I’m here if you need to talk, don’t you?_ ’

   Jungwoo nodded, though of course Kun could not see him. ‘Yes. I’m – I’m alright, I think. I don’t care what they say about me.’

   ‘ _Well you say that_ ,’ said Kun gently, ‘ _but I know you, Kim Jungwoo. I know you only want to worry about Yukhei but_ I’m _always here to worry about_ you.’

   Jungwoo smiled and picked at his food. ‘Do you know one of them called me an _incubus_?’

   ‘ _Oh yes, I saw that one_ ,’ laughed Kun, but the laugh wasn’t really a credible one.

   ‘They’re all saying I seduced him. The _PA_ seducing the _CEO_. A tale as old as time.’

   ‘ _Don’t look at them love,_ ’ sighed Kun, and this time the humour was gone entirely. ‘ _They’re vultures. They just want to sell papers._ ’

   ‘They all think I signed up for the job just so that I could snare him and manipulate him and -’

   ‘ _Jungwoo_?’

   ‘Mm?’

   ‘ _When you said you don’t care what they say about you…_ ’

   Jungwoo sighed. ‘Maybe I care a little. A lot. I thought I was thicker-skinned than this. A lot of them are saying far worse stuff about _him_. I shouldn’t feel so… I’m meant to be happy,’ he adjusted his voice back to as bright as he could muster. ‘First day of the rest of our lives. I have to be strong to support him.’

   He heard Kun turn a sigh into a sort of long exhale, like he suddenly remembered Jungwoo could hear him. ‘ _That’s not how relationships go, Jungwoo. You two have to support each_ other. _I’m sure Yukhei will want to be strong for you too. You don’t have to be the strong one all the time_.’

   Jungwoo nodded to himself. He knew Kun was right. ‘I didn’t think it would feel this bad. I didn’t think it would be this hard. Yukhei went back to sleep, I don’t think he’s ready to face the outside world. In bed it all feels… not real.’

   ‘ _Well, right now the two of you need to do whatever you need to do to feel okay. No one expects the two of you to be skipping around on day one._ ’

   Day One.

   ‘Yeah,’ Jungwoo nodded again, ‘yeah, it’s day one. I should go back upstairs to be with him. This is going to be really hard on him, these next few days.’

   ‘ _And you_ ,’ said Kun, ‘ _hard on you too, remember_?’

   ‘Yes,’ he whispered. ‘Thank you Kun.’

   ‘ _Take care of yourselves. Call me the second you need me_.’

   ‘Thanks, Kun. I’ll text you later.’

   For a while, Jungwoo did not move from the kitchen. He was thinking. Thinking and thinking and thinking. He’d planned this day in his head a hundred times but the reality was never anything like plans. He looked up only when he heard the buzzer of the door, and he summoned the energy to go out and see who it was. At first, he assumed it was a delivery, because Yukhei especially was always ordering one thing or another, but as soon as he opened the door he saw that there was no parcel.

   ‘Hi?’ he said weakly, not in the mood to entertain anyone else when his boyfriend was upstairs about to face a _very_ hard day.

   ‘Cha Dongwoo. I’m from the Tribune.’

   Jungwoo blinked at him.

   He was a short, slightly haphazard looking man – his tie didn’t match his shirt and he had the air of someone who was very hastily put together. In one hand, he held a notepad.

   ‘I’m not interested,’ said Jungwoo, voice on autopilot, as he went to close the door.

   The man got his foot in the gap first. ‘Give us a statement. I’m sure you’d like the world to hear the story in your own words.’

   ‘Please move your foot.’

   ‘Just a line. Give me a line.’

   Jungwoo looked over his shoulder at the sound of Yukhei on the stairs, and he couldn’t help himself exhaling in relief. Yukhei was pulling on a tee as he went, and his face looked _furious_. Jungwoo rarely saw him look that way. In contrast with his expression, though, his hand was quite gentle as he gave Jungwoo a nudge aside and took his place without a word.

   ‘Mr Wong! I’m from - ’

   ‘ _Go_ ,’ said Yukhei, voice hard. ‘Or I’ll call the police.’

   ‘Can I quote you on that?’

   Yukhei closed his eyes, like he was trying to resist shoving the guy out of the doorway. ‘Now. I won’t ask again. I’m denying you right of access and I _will_ have you arrested for harassment.’

   The man cocked one eyebrow, then he shrugged. ‘Thank you for your time.’

   By the time that Yukhei slammed the door, Jungwoo couldn’t find his intended smile-of-the-day. He wrapped one arm protectively across his stomach and looked back at the closed door like there was an entire army waiting behind it. ‘Shit,’ he said, though he didn’t swear much.

   Yukhei was glaring at the door with more vehemence then him. He didn’t say anything.

   ‘Where did you learn that thing? The right of access thing?’

   ‘Ten says it to door-to-door salesmen that he can’t get rid of,’ answered Yukhei, and it seemed to snap him out of his stupor. ‘Fucking assholes. I bet there’ll be more of them. What’s the point in living on a gated complex if any idiot like him manages to make it inside?’

   ‘Let’s not answer the door again,’ Jungwoo said quietly.

   Yukhei nodded, then pulled him tightly into a hug. He kissed his temple. Jungwoo buried his head into his neck and wrapped his arms around his waist; he wanted to be as close to him as possible.

   ‘Laughing this morning seems like a long time ago,’ he mumbled, somewhere into his shoulder.

   ‘I know,’ sighed Yukhei. ‘I know. Do you want to go back upstairs?’

   ‘Yes,’ Jungwoo nodded, ‘it feels better up there. I made us some breakfast, though.’

   They returned upstairs, this time with sustenance, and a part of Jungwoo knew that maybe going back to the bedroom to hide from reality was bad, but his own thoughts rang around his head. The first day. That was the terrible day. And they just needed to do whatever they had to in order to get through it, even if that meant bed.

   ‘I read some more stuff, while you were downstairs.’

   ‘I thought you were asleep,’ Jungwoo murmured as Yukhei climbed into the bed and lifted the blankets for him to join him.

   ‘I was. Then I wasn’t. Then I was again. Then I wasn’t.’

   ‘Don’t read it all.’

   ‘You were reading it.’

   ‘I know,’ Jungwoo huffed. ‘We’re both as bad as each other.’

   For what was probably ten minutes but could have been an hour, Jungwoo just curled up beside him and rested his head against his chest. He listened and he concentrated on the beat of Yukhei’s heart, the steady rise and fall that was the only thing that _really_ mattered. No matter what was going on outside, he was happy, so long as he had Yukhei breathing beside him.

   ‘Don’t look,’ he reminded Yukhei when he spied him picking up his phone out of the corner of his eye.

   ‘I’m just going to reply to Ten and Doyoung, let them know I’m okay.’

   ‘Do it quickly,’ said Jungwoo.

   Yukhei nodded, but he was glaring at his phone. ‘God, my messages have blown up. I can barely touch the screen.’

   ‘Use my phone,’ said Jungwoo, because he really didn’t want Yukhei to start clicking on other messages.

   ‘Fuck, I even have a call from my father,’ he muttered, and Jungwoo cursed internally. That was exactly _why_ he hadn’t wanted him looking. ‘I should call him. Oh _crap_ I should call.’

   ‘Hey, hey,’ whispered Jungwoo. He sat up and ran his fingers into Yukhei’s hair. ‘He hasn’t spoken to you in months. You don’t owe him anything. Especially not today.’

   Yukhei closed his eyes and nodded. ‘Right. Yeah. I don’t – I don’t even _want_ to talk to him.’

   ‘So don’t. First day of the rest of our lives, remember? We’re going to do everything that makes us happy, now. I mean if you want closure, then of course - ’

   ‘I don’t,’ said Yukhei, and he switched his phone to _do not disturb_. ‘I got enough closure the last time we spoke. I’m done.’

   Jungwoo felt relief at that. It was a chapter of Yukhei’s life that he didn’t want reopened any more than anyone else. They’d got to a good point with his family, the point at which he was friendly with the ones who mattered, and out of contact with the ones who didn’t.

   ‘Once we get out of bed…’ Yukhei started, ‘like _tomorrow_ , what shall we do? We can go shopping together, go to events together, hold hands _everywhere_ together. We can go on double dates with Ten and Taeyong or Jaehyun and Doyoung. The world is open to us.’

   ‘Let’s think about that tomorrow,’ Jungwoo yawned, thinking that he would quite enjoy another sleep. It seemed easier than facing everything else.

*

   They did not make it until tomorrow before getting out of bed. They made it to somewhere in the mid to late afternoon, when Ten’s tone broke through the _do not disturb_ barrier and woke Jungwoo from what had been quite a decent nap.

   ‘I’ll let it go to voicemail,’ said Yukhei, a little bleary-eyed too.

   Jungwoo shook his head and sat up slightly, thinking about how much better he’d felt just sharing things with Kun. ‘Answer it. You’ll feel better talking to your friends.’

   Yukhei did as he was told, but he kept one tight arm around Jungwoo’s shoulders.

   ‘ _We’re coming round_.’

   Jungwoo could hear Ten’s voice.

   ‘No you’re not,’ Yukhei groaned. ‘Ten I’m half asleep. And who’s _we_?’

   ‘ _Doyoung and me. Put some clothes on. It’s the middle of the afternoon, you shouldn’t be sleeping._ ’

   ‘Well you’re usually _working_ in the afternoon,’ he retorted.

   ‘ _Yongie hates me working weekends. You need your friends, Xuxi. We’re coming round._ ’

   Yukhei spluttered and then covered the phone half-heartedly with his hand. He turned to Jungwoo with a pained expression. ‘Do you mind?’

   Jungwoo smiled. ‘Of course not.’

   In fact, the thought filled him with relief. He knew it probably wasn’t healthy to spend the _entire_ day in bed, hidden away from the world, especially not for Yukhei who needed company to _live_. His boyfriend was always better off with his friends, with noise and action and things to distract him.

   ‘Are you bringing the cute one with you at least?’ Yukhei sighed.

   ‘ _He’s at the studio still._ ’

   ‘Oh damn,’ he rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, ‘you’re so much more pleasant to talk to when he’s around.’  

   ‘ _I’ll let myself in_ ,’ said Ten, and the dry voice was so recognisable even down the phone, before he cut the line.

   Yukhei raised his eyebrows at his phone. ‘Well that’s the end of our day alone.’

   Jungwoo sat up fully at last and pecked a quick kiss to his cheek. ‘You know what? I think this is better.’ After a moment of quiet, he cleared his throat and swallowed. ‘May I invite Kun, too?’

   Yukhei looked at him in surprise. ‘Of course. Of _course_. Always. Woo, this isn’t all about me. Whoever you need, whatever support you need, we’re doing it together.’

   ‘Cool,’ Jungwoo exhaled.

   He knew that he would feel better with his best friend beside him. And that Yukhei would feel better too, with his.

*

   Yukhei watched his friends pile into his house in sequence, and he couldn’t help the creeping smile. The stabbing pain below his ribs from anxiety became less frequent. The dull ache of stress or tiredness behind his eyes faded.

   Ten arrived first, because he lived only a couple of minutes away on the same estate. Kun arrived next, with a large bottle of red wine and the promise of lots of gossip from work. Doyoung arrived last of the three, because he lived a little out of the city. Then, later, after his time at work, there was Taeyong, who brought with him several bags of takeout, and then Jaehyun, who was travelling back from a two-day historical conference and didn’t make it until the evening.

   ‘Feeling better?’ asked Ten.

   Yukhei was out in the kitchen with only him and Doyoung. The others seemed content to make an event of it in the living room, knowing that he might want the company of his closest friends for a while. ‘Who says I wasn’t feeling good?’

   ‘We know you,’ said Doyoung, ‘why do you think we came around?’

   ‘Your texts were less colourful than usual,’ shrugged Ten.

   ‘I was trying to be quick. I want to keep my phone off. It’s _blowing_ up.’ As if on cue, he glanced down and saw that the screen had once again lit up. It was silent, but seemed to goad him nonetheless, as it rang from an unfamiliar number. ‘That’ll be another journalist. I don’t even know how they find my number.’

   ‘Oh really?’ Ten grinned. ‘May I?’

   Yukhei held out the phone. ‘Knock yourself out.’

   Ten smirked, clearly pleased at the thought of getting to beat down a reporter. He disappeared into the hallway, already halfway into his first sentence.

   ‘How did you get through it all? Stuff they’ve said about you?’ Yukhei asked Doyoung, voice quiet.

   Doyoung sipped at a glass of soda, and frowned in thought. ‘I’ve never really cared. They said a lot of things when Jae and I got married, and they’ll say even more once we adopt our son. But it’s just… talk. I don’t know them, they don’t know me really. I prefer to concentrate on my friends, my family, the ones who know us and love us and support us.’

   ‘Right,’ he nodded.

   ‘You’ve never cared either,’ said Doyoung, ‘remember? They’ve said a _lot_ about you over the years. There was a time when I couldn’t pass a magazine stall without seeing your face on every single cover.’

   ‘I know, but I was kind of a dick then. I deserved it. Now I’m happy and I’m doing good things with my life! And I don’t like what they’re saying about Jungwoo. _He_ doesn’t deserve it.’

   ‘Concentrate on him,’ said Doyoung, ‘that’s what I do. I have Jaehyun, he has me, and what people say… it doesn’t matter. They’ll have moved onto something else by next week.’

   He knew that was true. As Doyoung said, he’d been through enough with the press in the past. They always moved on, they always found someone else to hound.

   After a few minutes, Ten returned, looking very smug. He handed Yukhei back his phone. ‘You won’t have to worry about _that_ one again. Sometimes I think they’re getting stupider. It’s nowhere near as fun a challenge as it used to be.’

   ‘Thanks Tennie. And you, Doyoung.’

   They both smiled. ‘Here to help,’ said Ten, tone as abrupt as ever.

   ‘Well, there’s one thing that we all get out of this,’ said Yukhei, and for the first time that day, he felt real happiness in his navel, something that was close to a laugh. ‘The company Christmas card can be symmetrical, this year. Three couples. Six of us. You’ll be happy, Doyoung.’

   ‘Incorrect,’ sniffed Doyoung, ‘we might be seven, by then.’

   Yukhei exhaled and his heart gave a skip at the thought that his first nephew might be in the family that soon. ‘Well, then it’s a prime number. So it’s still good, right?’

   Doyoung smiled. ‘Yes. Still good.’

   ‘Doesn’t it feel better?’ asked Ten, ‘knowing that you can tell _everyone,_ now? Knowing that you can introduce Jungwoo everywhere as your boyfriend?’

   Yukhei nodded. ‘Yeah, yeah it does. _Speaking of_ -’

   He picked up his drink and started to make his way back to the living room because he really was missing Jungwoo. Even minutes apart felt like lifetimes now. He found his boyfriend tucked up on the couch with Kun, talking so intently that at first he didn’t look up when Yukhei entered the room.

   Taeyong and Jaehyun were sat on the floor, playing Yukhei’s video games, because apparently no distance in age was a barrier to that particular indulgence.

   Yukhei held back for a moment, wondering whether to leave Jungwoo rather than interrupt what was probably an important conversation. Jungwoo and Kun was always… _Jungwoo and Kun_. A unit. Yukhei got along well enough with his boyfriend’s best friend, but Jungwoo had a tendency to keep the worlds separate, and he knew that sometimes he sought space to talk to Kun away from anyone else.

   After a moment, though, Kun looked up and met his eyes, and he gave him a smile. ‘Make room,’ he said to Jungwoo, who looked over his shoulder and beamed. He shuffled back on the couch so that there was space for Yukhei too.

   Yukhei sighed in relief and crossed over. He sat down, and wrapped an arm around Jungwoo’s shoulders. ‘Miss me?’ he asked.

   ‘Every second you were gone.’

   Yukhei grinned. He’d spent too much of this day worrying about the bad stuff, but now the good stuff stood out stronger. With this final hurdle jumped, they were so close to the finish line. There was nothing in their way now.

   He looked around at his family, and wondered how on earth he’d thought that he would get through day one alone.

   Everything felt better surrounded by love.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe we are so close to the end of this fic? Thank you so much for those of you who are still here supporting me and the story, it means the world to me <3


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